A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first try at anything not seriouse so be nice.
It's just a bit of silliness really. You're not even supposed to like it but do comment on it.
It's basically what would happen if there was ever a "Pirates Award"!! So enjoy the madness and randomness and don't kill me if ye don't like it. I'm not sure if I will continue this...this part is the black carpet and the next is supposed to be the ceremony but I dunno if I'll write it...
Here's your dictionary to understand this fic:
Red carpet Black carpet
Best ship Best picture
Best male captainBest actor Best female captain Best actress and so on...
I don't own POTC or any of the brands I've included so don't sue me...BTW this wasn't meant as an offence to anyone.
The song "SexyBack" plays as the sunlight flashes brightly against a young girl's hair as she moves her head sending her hair flying around. Her hair is a light shiny blond color, her skin is fair but not pale, her complexion is flawless. She has blue eyes that look as if they're a bit green as the sun touches them. Her lips are rosy and plump and she is gorgeouse in every way. She is thin but she has curves in all the right places and she's tall but not too tall. She's perfect and flawless but...she has a small tattoo of a dragon on her arm. Her face is so sugary sweet that no one who looks at her can help but fall in love with her.
She's wearing a sexy yet elegant silk blue gown and and what's that?! Beside her is yet another young girl who looks just as beautiful and yet different.
She is so exotic she puts Ashwaria Rai to shame. Her skin is olive colored and so flawless that is glows in the sun (like, better than J.Lo's skin) and she is curvy yet toned and fit. She's just a bit taller than the first girl. She has dark (almost black but with natural highlights) shiny hair that looks like a sunsilk shampoo commercial as she shakes her head. She has lips like Angelina Jolie's and her hazel eyes sparkle with mischeif. She wears a little black dress that shows her super model legs and just the right amount of diamonds. She has a sexy scar on her shoulder.
Music stops and they stop shaking their heads and beautiful bodies.
The blond holds up a microphone and flashes her pearly whites...you must wear your sunglasses when you look at her teeth. The brunette too holds up a mic and smiles a sexy naughty smile, showing her white teeth.
"Hi!! I'm Mary." the blond says in her deep sweet soft voice.
"And I'm Sue." the brunette says in a sexy husky voice.
"Together we are MarySue and we welcome you to the 63rd annual Golden Cutlass awards." they both chirp together cheerfully.
"Where the best..."
"And worst!"
"Of the pirating business are decided..."
"By the Academy of Motion Pirating and Ships."
"Stay tuned to see who goes home with a Golden Cutlass tonight."
They both smile again.
"Oh look!" Mary says.
"I think the pirates are here to walk the black carpet."
They step aside revealing a black carpet and Norrington is the first to arrive. He's just stepping out of his carriage.
Mary is alone on the screen now. "Oh! It's Admiral James Norrington and oh my gawwwwd! His date is Anamria. What an unlikely match. Who would've though?! Sue can you ask her what she's wearing?"
Anamria is in her pirate clothes with a few rock 'n role touches as she holds on to Norrington's arm. Sue is beside her in seconds.
"Ana is that a Boss creation you're wearing?!"
"Why yes! It's Cutlass Throat Boss. Thank you for noticing."
"You look extremely piraty tonight and you're also nominated for best female pirate in a supporting role. James! You're nominated for a 'best wig award' I see no competitions there. Have a plunderin' night...both of you." Sue says."Back to you Mary!"
"Thank you Sue. Here is the pirating worlds most famous couple...the golden couple. Captain William Turner and his lovely wife Captain Elizabeth Swann Turner. They are without doubt dominating the black carpet and she looks absolutely pillagin'."
Elizabeth is wearing the black dress she was wearing on the beach and she's hanging on Will's arm.
Sue is there in the blink of an eye (don't ask me how she does it...she just does) to get the report.
"Mrs. Turner you're looking ravishing. What are you wearing?"
"It's a D&G dress."
"Oh yes! I thought it looked like a Dollie belles and Gutts number! And you're nominated for best female pirate in a captaining role."
Elizabeth smiles. "Yes! And Will's nominated for best male pirate in a captaining role."
Sue smiles. "Of course! And do you think you'll win?"
Will tries to be diplomatic. "I'm just honored to be nominated! A few years ago I was just a blacksmith and now here I am."
"Yes here you are indeed. One of the most desired Captains in the caribbean...tough luck wenches cause this pirate's taken. Good luck to both of you. Back to you Mary."
Camera turns to Mary again. "Well Sue! We're getting lots of pirates now. Cotton and his parrot arrived and so did Barbossa and Jack the monkey. Now, Barbossa is nominated both for best male pirate in a captaining role and best villain even though he's hardly a villain anymore. And I'm afraid the biggest star of them all hasn't arrived yet."
Camera turns to Sue. "Yes indeed. Captain Jack Sparrow is nowhere to be seen! Of course he's famous for being 'fashionably late'. Last year he arrived half an hour after the ceremony started at the very moment they announced that Blackbeard had won the Golden Cutlass instead of him. Shame! I wanted him to win. "
"Oh look it's Davy Jones and surprise surprise he brought Tia Dalma. This on again, off again couple have had us wondering for centuries wether or not they're going to stay together." Mary says.
"You said it Mary! Tia Dalma is nominated for best female pirate in supporting role whilst Davy is nominated for both best villain.." Sue says as as she approaches Tia. "Tia Dalma! What are you wearing?"
"Why am I even here?! When I can be on me ship...collectin' souls." Davy naggs as he looks down at his feet which are strapped in two buckets of water. But Tia ignores him.
"Dis dress eez from a clothing line dat I started myself. It's called CF!"
"Erm...CF?"
"Calypso's Furry."
"Well you heard it folks! CF is the new fashion line. Good luck to both of you! You're both looking mighty...fishy. Back to you!"
"Thanks Sue. Lots of commotion going on. Scarlet and Giselle have both arrived now and they are nominated for best supporting pirate too..along with Tia and Ana. Even though three of the nominees are not actually pirates but they're still worthy. But the person I really want to see is Captain Jack Sparrow!"
"Doesn't every girl?" Sue agrees.
"Indeed. Oh that sleezy Beckett and Mercer are here who are both nominated for best villains. I wonder when they're going to go public with being gay?! There's nothing wrong with it! We all know anyway and-" Mary stops as her beautiful eyes widen with shock.
Sue is surprised too. She gasps. "Is that...?!"
"I think it is! Wenches and mates...it's Captain Jack Sparrow." Mary announces.
Jack stumbles over as he talkes on a cell phone.
"Although he's currently chatting on his iPirate and... he doesn't have a date either! I guess the Pearl was too big to bring. Although the Pearl is nominated for best ship."
Jack is still talking on his cell. "I don't bloody care if bloody Nike is willing to play one thousand bloody doubloons for a contract! I will not wear sneakers...but if there's a possibility... can we sign a contract with a rum company? Rum's good. A rum named after me is even better! Make it happen." he snaps his phone shut and walks down the black carpet with wobbly legs. Sue is of course there instantly.
"Ah Sue!" Jack forces a smile as he widens his arms, he obviousely has painful memories of the last time he met "MarySue". Mary appears there in a second as well. "And Mary." Jack forces another smile."How lovely to see you both."
"Hi Jack." Mary and Sue coo in a suggestive tone.
"Jack! Do you think you'll win tonight?!"
"Who cares luv?! I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."
Mary 'n Sue giggle.
"I know it's a wierd question to ask a guy but what are you wearing?"
Jack blinks in confussion. "Ummm...clothes luv!"
Mary 'n Sue laugh. "He's hot and funny."
"It was better if I said...who are you wearing?"
Jack looks down at the shrunken head of his mother hanging on his belt. "Me mum I guess?!" he answers in confussion as he marches off.
"Oh look! Captain Sparrow is walking over to Elizabeth. Wonder what will happen."
"Ever since their little fling when Elizabeth kissed him and chained him to his own ship things haven't been the same between the two..."
Jack and Elizabeth greet eachother with warmth and kiss eachother on the cheek. Will and Jack do the whole 'hand shake and then pull eachother into a semi hug' thing.
"Well seems like they're ok now!"
"Though one might suspect it to be a publicity stunt."
All the 'stars' have walked the black carpet now and they are getting settled in the main hall.
"There you have it folks! Let's recap and go through our list of nominees." Mary says.
"Best ship: The Flying Dutchman(belongs to Captain Turner), The Empress(belongs to Captain Swann), The Endeavor(belongs to Lord Beckett) and The Black Pearl (there are debates wether this ship belongs to Captain Sparrow or Captain Barbossa)." Sue declares.
"Best female captain: Captain Swann, Mistress Ching, Mary Reed, Anne Bonny."
"Best male captain: Captain Hector Barbossa, Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain William Turner, Captain Sao Feng."
"Best coupling: Norribeth, Willabeth, Sparrabeth, Sparringabeth."
"Best supporting female pirate: Anamaria, Tia Dalma, Scarlet, Giselle."
"Best supporting male pirate: Tai Huang, Gibbs, Marty, Cotton."
"Best villain: Davy Jones, Beckett, Mercer, Barbossa."
"And many more categories."
"You'll see the report here first...live!"
"With Mary!"
"And Sue!"
"MarySue." they yell together.
Ok!! Silly! I know...I just wrote it and my friend insisted I post it. So here we go. Thanks to those who read!! Fire is welcome...though I'm scared of it but if it's really needed you can send blazing fires my way. I can take it :D