Part IV of the series By watchfires and thrones of crowned kings. Un-betaed for now; please point out any mistakes!
First published with the tags: Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Angst, Redemption, Psychological Exhaustion, Thunderfrost, Thorki, Hopeful Ending, Flash Fic, Translation. Hope you like it!
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The simple passing of time
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As long as you have breath, keep pushing forward. One does not deserve the forgiveness for which they haven't suffered.
"I won't stop until I have made amends."
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But the road of redemption is long and, meanwhile, the worlds keep on moving.
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Loki feels cold. He's come so long a way he could retch, and now he will stop.
"It's over, then." He sees dust and fissures, earth cracked beneath his feet. Arid. "Isn't it? No more prize at the finishing line."
Thor lowers his head. He's tired – exhausted. He's not the only one.
"Loki, it wasn't a contest..."
He'd like to shout in his face that he should obtain something independently from the results, then, not find himself empty-handed after a success. He'd like to throw him down and say he (loves) hates him. He's come so far, he's done it, let the cynics and disbelievers burn in Hel. Everything for nothing? Thor doesn't know who gave Loki the necessary determination to–no, of course not. When has Thor ever looked beyond the kind veil of appearances? He'll never learn. Or he will when it will be too late.
And Loki has gotten his own self back, he's not really left empty-handed. He just won't obtain what he desires the most, as usual.
"Take me to Asgard" he asks, because he can't help humiliating himself. Humility and love, right? An old spark of rage awakens in his belly, contorted coils which he doesn't know against whom to turn.
Thor doesn't look up.
"Brother, I will always be here for you" he says. Brother. "It is not your fault. Just that... without my notice... too many things have changed."
They both have changed; and if time is known to heal, it is also known to destroy. While it beveled Thor's loyalty and passions without Thor desiring it, something got irreparably lost; just so, with the simple alternating of the seasons.
"I've loved you above everything else, Loki. But I was always afraid of the grudges you bear."
And to protect myself, I ended up forgetting you. This, he doesn't say. He needs not to.
There are many kinds of Ragnarok, Loki thinks, accepting his parting embrace: deaths, oblivion, separations. And the line is constantly drawn between the two of them.
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As long as you have breath–
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At the break of day, Loki gets up and sets off to Asgard.
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