Disclaimers: I don't own shit all.

Summary:Yohji muses late at night about his life.Songfic.

Lyrics:Bottom of a Bottle-Smile Empty Soul.

/lyrics/ "Speech" ~Thoughts~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /Been scared and lonely,I've asked myself

Is something wrong with you,My girlfriend told me

I need some time alone to deal with issues/

Yohji put down the bottle."Why do I even bother.....?" He knew the answer,although he didn't want to admit it. ~I haven't had a date in weeks. None of the women are like Asuka anyway..They just aren't enough~ The women had stopped seeing him because they thought he needed "help".

/Something makes me carry on

It's difficult to understand

What I always wanna find/

He puts the bottle to his lips,finishing it. ~Nothing's ever enough.....~

/I do it for the drugs,I do it just to feel alive

I do it for the love,That I get from the bottom

Of a bottle/

He digs out another bottle,opening it.~I guess this is what i've resorted to.... ..Pathetic.~

/You always call me,And ask me how I make it throught the day

I'm always fallin,I guess it's just god's way of

Making me big/

~Omi's been coming up to my door lately.The chibi's pretty worried...He comes and leaves food by my door....And a few hours later to pick it back up.~ He sighs leaning against the window frame,not really caring about the cold draft. ~Thank god there haven't been any missions.....I'm in no shape for them....~

/Something makes me carry on

It's difficult to understand

What I always wanna find/ ~I need SOMETHING to give me a reason to live....anything...~

He leans his head back to blink away the tears.

~I need a focus...no one cares............I need someone........~

/I do it for the drugs

I do it just to feel alive

I do it for the love

That I get from the bottom

Of a bottle

I do it for the drugs

I do it just to feel alive

I do it for the love

That I get from the bottom

Of a bottle/ He quickly chugs back half the bottle,letting the tears fall.

~No one cares...Not even me..........~ /And I,I wonder why I try

And I,Wonder why I bother

And I,I wonder why I cry

Why I,I go through all this trouble I do it for the drugs

I do it just to feel alive

I do it for the love

That I get from the bottom

Of a bottle./

He turns ,dropping the bottle and faces the open window.As the bottle hits the floor and shatters, Yohji feels something inside himself give way. ~Is it really worth it?........~ A wall of emotion hits him hard as he realizes the implications of what he just thought. /I do it for the drugs

I do it just to feel alive

I do it for the love

That I get from the bottom

Of a bottle./ He crumples to the floor,in tears and whispers to himself."Even if it isn't worth it....I'll hang on..." ".....For now......"