Right One for Me

*don't own Naruto*

"That's it I can't deal with you two anymore, I'm out" two loud blonds screamed in frustration as they stormed out of their hotels, heading straight for the bar nearby.

"…" four beings in two different places said as they continued to glare at each other, not stopping their staring contest to go see about their blondes.

*Club Demon*

Naruto entered his favorite club to see it empty, except for the bartender who was experimenting with alcohol before she greeted the familiar blonde.

"Sup Naruto"

"Sup, Hyou, filling in for Shu today?"

"Yep he called in last minute, so want the usual?" Hyou asked as she held up a bottle of sake and a cup, sitting it next to Naruto who had said yeah. "What's bothering you now?" Hyou asked as she heard the door open and looked up to see an unfamiliar face that made his way to the bar.

"What is it with emotionless redheads and over-arrogant brunettes?" Naruto grumbled as he swirled his drink around in his cup before draining it just as another blonde sat beside him, having overheard what he said.

"I got the same problem, un" Deidara sighed before he and Naruto turned to look at each other before freezing, realizing who was next to them.

"…eh, misery loves company besides I don't feel like trying to capture you" Deidara said as he ordered himself a drink while Naruto agreed.

"Yeah, I don't feel like having to battle the Akatsuki now, this will be our secret" Naruto said as he ordered a plate of onigirl before he and Deidara started to dig in. "So what's your problem?" Naruto asked as he grabbed an umeboshi onigirl while Deidara finished his drink, pouring himself another before answering.

"Lover problem"

"Me too" Naruto said shaking his head at the thought of it all.

"What's your problem?" Deidara asked, grabbing an onigirl for himself while Naruto huffed, saying competition.

"Sasuke and Gaara, all they do is fight about me or who can have me. Now they want me to choose between the two, I can't choose between two of my best friends."

"That sucks what they look like anyway?" Deidara as he felt lightheaded from the sake he was drinking while Naruto pulled out a picture of the three of them, he the only one smiling for the camera.

"The redhead is Gaara, the other is Sasuke" Naruto said as he handed over the picture to Deidara who took it with one hand, the other with his drink. Deidara was taking a sip of sake when he looked at the picture and almost spit it out, surprised at what he saw.

"Well if art isn't a bang, they look similar to my problem, Itachi and Sasori" Deidara said as he handed back the picture, put his drink down, and pulled out a picture of the two of them which he showed to Naruto who was staring at it, Naruto blinked before he started laughing, making Deidara frown as he put the picture away.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh it's ironic how you and I both have the same problem-a redhead Suna nin and a raven-haired Uchiha trying to get into our pants" Naruto said still laughing before Deidara started laughing too, seeing what Naruto meant. By now the alcohol was getting to the both of them and they finally managed to calm down long enough to look at each other.

"What should we do now?"

"Hm, I know we should make a list and find new people to date, that way those four will have to stop fighting over us" Deidara suggested while Naruto agreed, Kurama in his cage mentally snorting as he thought about those four killing whoever they decided to date.

"Alright, let's get started…do you have a pencil and paper?" Naruto asked slightly intoxicated while Deidara looked at his pockets and said no. Hyou, having overheard them, handed them one in which they said thanks before getting started on their list.

"Maybe we can help each other find the right one for us" Naruto said as he drank a bit more sake while Deidara agreed.

"Alright, here is my list: Lee, Neji, Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Shikamaru, Chouji, Sasuke, Gaara, Sai, dattebayo"

"My list contains: Pain, Konan, Kakuzu, Hidan, Tobi, Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Sasori, Orochimaru, un"

"Let's start with yours" Naruto suggest as Deidara said yeah before looking down.

"Pain-sama would be better but I think he's straight and I see Konan more as a motherly figure, un" Deidara grumbled as he scratched out their names before looking at the next one.

"Kakuzu would charge me to be his lover so no"

Naruto and Deidara started laughing again, fully drunk now as they continued with the list while Hyou took away the empty bottles.

"Hidan, maybe good in bed but he would make me worship his god so he's out."

Scratch.

"Tobi or Zetsu…HELL NO, UN" Deidara yelled as he repeatedly slashed through their names making Naruto fall out of his chair in laughter, find Deidara's reaction to be hilarious. Deidara, using the table as support, leaned down and helped Naruto up, asking if he was okay before helping him back in his seat.

"Yeah, I'm fine but why did you respond like that to those two?" Naruto asked as he ordered another bottle of alcohol, this time the club's special of demon rum.

'Oh you getting so wasted tonight but the sex will be good' Kurama snickered in his head, knowing that Naruto didn't realize what he just ordered as the giant bottle arrived, filled with a dark colored rum.

"Crap, I thought I ordered sake, oh well this will do" Naruto said with a giggle as he opened up the large bottle of dark rum before he took a sip, eyes going wide as he looked at the bottle.

"This is awesome man you got to try this, oh yea, what was wrong with Tobi and Zetsu?"

Deidara handed over his paper as he took a sip of fox rum smacking his lips as he said it was good before pouring himself some more rum.

"Who now, oh yea, Tobi is an annoying twit who I think is hiding something and Zetsu…cannibal."

Naruto and Deidara shuddered at the one word before Naruto looked down at the next person, groaning as he scratched out the name.

"What was that for?"

"Next is Kisame, that's just creepy"

"Yeah you right" Deidara agreed as he took the paper back and looked at the last three before sighing.

"And the last 3 hate each other so I can't date any of them"

Deidara scratched out the last three names before he looked at the list and realized he had run out of choices.

"I'm forever doom to be single" Deidara groaned as he banged his head on the bar, grumbling about going straight before he sighed, grabbed the bottle of rum, and drank straight from the top, coughing when the alcohol burned his throat.

"Hey before you get stone-cold drunk, help me with my list" Naruto said, taking a drink of rum himself before he looked at his list of choices.

"Fine, what you got?"

"Well, there's Lee but he's like your Tobi, just plan annoying."

Cross.

"Neji…same as Pain he's straight"

Naruto snorted as he thought about the Hyuuga prodigy.

"Also Tenten will turn me into a pin cushion with sharp pointy weapons if I tried to do anything anyway."

Cross.

"Hinata…hmm" Naruto said as he circled her name, placing a question mark above her name. "I'm bi so maybe…but I see her more as sisterly" Naruto sighed as he scratched through her name before moving on.

"Shino or Kiba…"

Naruto stared a long time at those two names before he crossed them out, drinking from the bottle just as Deidara asked what was wrong with them. Handing over the bottle, he looked at the names, shuddering a bit.

"I think that's consider bestiality"

Deidara started coughing as he was drinking the rum when Naruto said that, before he took in a deep breath before looking at Naruto.

"How and now you said that, Kisame is definitely off my list" Deidara said as he scribbled through his name, too drunk to remember that Naruto already crossed his name off.

"Kiba acts more like a dog than a human and Shino has bugs all over his body and I really don't one crawling up my ass during sex" Naruto grumbled while Deidara snickered and said he had a good point.

Cross.

"Shikamaru…same as Neji, straight, plus that would open up a large can of worms with Temari. She's already going to try and kill me for not dating Gaara, I don't want to give her a reason to succeed in killing me by dating Shikamaru."

Cross.

"Chouji…not really a chubby chaser" Naruto said as he crossed Chouji's name off the list before he thought of something.

"Besides he might crush me under his weight"

Naruto and Deidara were laughing loudly, falling out of their seats again before Hyou went over and left them some dangos.

"You boys better put something else in your stomach before you be sick in the morning, also you will need your energy for later" Hyou said, muttering that last part under her breath as she set the plate down before going back to wiping down the bar.

"Thanks" they said sitting back in their seats before they started to dig in to the dangos before Naruto looked at the last 3 people on his list before sighing.

"And I have the same problem as you with the last 3, they all dislike each other"

Deidara shook his head as he sucked on the dango that was in his mouth.

"Especially Sai, all he talks about is my penis all the time"

Deidara started laughing, forgetting the dango was in his mouth which he soon started to choke on, unable to get it dislodged from his throat.

"Whoa, you're choking" Naruto said turning toward Deidara before he breathe air into his lungs, the only thing he remembered in CPR which made Kurama laugh, saying that was supposed to be done when someone drowned.

'Well it stilled worked' Naruto shot back as Deidara took in deep breaths, the dango going down his throat.

"Okay it worked, but you're supposed to leave your tongue out of it"

'I thought it was called the kiss of life, aren't you supposed to use your tongue?' Naruto asked confused while Kurama face-pawed as he mutter about Naruto defining dumb blondes.

"Thanks, you saved my life…and that was a hot kiss too" Deidara said blushing, not sure if it was from the alcohol or the kiss. Naruto looked at Deidara, cheeks red also, as he asked if he wanted to do it again. "…yes" Deidara said as he lightly touched Naruto's cheek before covering his mouth with his, making Naruto moan, deepening the kiss while the bartender cursed and looked for a napkin to cover her sudden nosebleed.

'Damn that's hot'

The two blondes broke apart, gasping for air before they grew quiet, a smile on their faces as they took each other's hands.

"Funny, the right one for me has been beside me all this time" Deidara said with Naruto agreeing, a grin on his face.

"I know it's the first day but I can't go back to the hotel just yet and I'm sure you don't want to too so want to head to the back and…"

"Unusual pick-up line but sure" Naruto said swaying a bit as he stood up before looking at bottle of demon rum that was half full before he grabbed it and headed to the backroom for privacy. Hyou giggled as she landed them a key before going back to her drink experiments.

'Note to self: I owe Shu a big bottle of sake for not coming today'

Hyou smiled as she thought about the two blondes, thinking how cute they looked together and giggled at what she knew they were going to do with the bottle of demon rum.

"Are you sure now Naruto, I mean I don't want do if not want do" Deidara said in a slurred way while Naruto nodded and said he was sure as they entered one of the bed rooms that was usually reserved for people who was too drunk to go home safely. Naruto and Deidara saw the king size bed in which Naruto lay down, snuggling into the blankets while Deidara took the bottle from his hand and placed it on the dresser.

"Have any lube?"

"They usually keep some petroleum jelly around for cuts and stuff" Naruto grumbled as he looked in the drawer and found some in which Deidara asked who would top. "I recover faster so I guess you" Naruto said as Deidara nodded before slowly stripping, Naruto staring as each piece of clothing came off.

'He has a nice body, not to slim, firm in all the right places, even a small six-pack with is good with his frame' Naruto thought as Deidara stripped down to his boxers, a slight bulge in his pants that had Naruto licking his lips as he went over to grasp. Deidara gasped at the contact before moaning, rubbing against Naruto's hand before he started to take down his hair.

"No, I want to do it" Naruto said, curious as to how soft and silky if flowed compared to Gaara and Sasuke to which Deidara let him, removing the scope from his eye. Naruto slowly undid the band holding up Deidara's hair before he lightly combed through it with his fingers, enjoying the slight shiver from Deidara at the gentle touch.

"Dei-kun, can you strip me?"

"Sure my lil Naru-chan" Deidara replied as he grabbed the bottle, taking a sip, before he went to undress Naruto slowly, licking the skin with his hand mouths that had Naruto squirming as he said he was ticklish.

"Oh really"

Deidara then began to tickle Naruto in his ribs, making the blonde laugh uncontrollably as he begged for mercy in which Deidara let up, giving Naruto a quick kiss before he continued to strip him to his boxers, feeling the bulge hiding underneath.

"Last chance Naru-chan"

"Take my Dei-kun" Naruto said cheeks red with alcohol while Deidara groaned at the sight before he stripped himself and Naruto of their boxers before getting on the bed. Deidara grabbed the bottle before taking a deep gulp of it before offering the last to Naruto. Naruto opened his mouth in which Deidara poured the rest in his before delivering the rum to Naruto through a searing kiss that had rubbing against each other before coming up for air.

"We got to order more of this stuff later" Naruto gasped as Deidara nodded his head in agreement.

"Now, let's get to something more fun" Deidara said as he started to lick Naruto all over his body while the blonde squirmed, not used to so many mouths on him before he looked down and noticed the string attached to Deidara's chest.

"What is that?" Naruto asked lightly, Deidara not hearing him so in his drunken mind he decided to pull it and watched as Deidara's 4th mouth on his chest appeared before it too joined in licking Naruto at his surprise. "You're just full of surprises aren't you" Naruto gasped as one of the hand mouths went down to his sack and lightly licked it, making him twitch while Deidara chuckled and said yeah before he removed his hand, making Naruto whimper.

"Don't worry, the fun part is about to begin" Deidara said as he grabbed the petroleum jelly off of the dresser and coated three of his fingers on it before going down to Naruto's ass, his other hand around Naruto's cock.

"Is this your first time?"

"Yeah, but I practiced with clones so I understand it will hurt a bit" Naruto said, eyes rolling in the back of his head as Deidara's hand tongue was licking his cock, making it jump with every lick.

"Okay, just try and relax" Deidara said as he slowly pushed one finger inside of Naruto who was still focused on the sensations on his cock not to notice. Seeing this, Deidara quickly shoved his 2nd finger in and start to spread Naruto open, finally getting his attention as he started to grunt, saying it hurt a bit.

"It's almost over" Deidara said, giving Naruto's mouth a kiss before they deepened it his chest mouth playing with Naruto's nipples as to distract him from his third finger entering and stretching him more before he removed his fingers. "Are you ready?" Deidara asked as he positioned himself over Naruto's hole, looking at Naruto who eyes, although glowing, showed signs of understanding as he nodded and said he was before Deidara slowly pushed in, making them both cry out.

"Damn, you tight, un" Deidara growled as he slowly entered as not to hurt Naruto who was groaning at the sensation of being filled, Deidara much bigger than his clones.

"I know, thanks to the fox, I will always be this tight 'ttebayo" Naruto chuckled while Deidara groaned, saying that made him harder if possible in which he stopped looking at Naruto who nodded.

"Go ahead and thrust in, I will be fine in the morning"

Deidara whispered a thanks as he lifted Naruto's hips slightly before ramming into the blonde, biting his cheek as to stop from coming right then at how tight Naruto was.

"Oh Kami" Deidara gasped as he got a good grip on Naruto's hips before thrusting hard and fast, letting his instinct to guide him as his brain seemed to have shut down as to only feel. Naruto was withering and moaning at being filled as he urged deeper to go harder, the blonde complying.

"Oh yes there" Naruto cried as Deidara managed to hit his prostate and was attacking it mercilessly, making Naruto cry out as he felt his balls tighten, head heavy with lust and alcohol.

"Dei, I'm, going-"

"Yeah, me too"

"…let's come together" Naruto said as he pushed against Deidara's thrust, hitting his prostate hard making him cry out and clench around Deidara which forced him to lose control and they came together, body spasm with their orgasms before Deidara collapsed on Naruto, breathing heavily. Naruto snuggled up closer to Deidara who yawned before falling asleep, still in Naruto who smiled, happy to have found the one for him before he too fell asleep.

*next morning*

"BAM, BAM, BAM, you two in there, open the door" a group of people yelled, waking Deidara up from his slumber.

'Who's that, oh what's this massive headache, un' Deidara thought clutching his head as he looked around, seeing the empty bottle of demon rum on the dresser along with an open container of petroleum jelly before he frowned. 'What is clenching my penis?' he thought before he looked under the covers before he froze, seeing he was naked before he looked to the side to see Naruto next to him, still sleep.

'KUSO'

Deidara slowly slid out of Naruto, trying not to moan at the sensation of sliding inside him before he sat up and looked at his clothes on the ground. Picking up his and Naruto's, he watched as the list from last night fell, making him remember what happened to him ending up in bed with Naruto.

"BAMBAMBAMBAM" someone pounded on the door before there was the sound of arguing, Naruto groaning and waking up, asking what was going on. Deidara looked into Naruto's blue eyes which he noticed was clear before Deidara said they had company. Naruto looked at the door than at Deidara with a sad look on his face.

"Do you regret what we did?"

Deidara thought about the night they spent and realized that he didn't, having enjoyed every second of it.

"No and I never will" Deidara said with a smile before he went down and kissed Naruto before he flinched, clutching his head. Naruto raised a brow at the reaction in which Deidara chuckled softly before explaining his reaction.

"Headache"

"Ah, the fox fixes my hangovers" Naruto said before he mentally went inside to see Kurama sleep, drunk from the demon rum last night. "And looks like he's sleeping off his own" Naruto said kiddingly which made them laugh before they heard four familiar voices from the other end of the door.

"Naruto/dobe/Deidara/brat"

Naruto and Deidara almost groaned at hearing their Uchiha and Suna redhead problem as they got out of bed, stretching to loosen their muscles, not responding back.

"We know you two in there" they heard say before more pounding followed by cracking sounds.

"I think the door is giving way, un" Deidara said as they looked at the door which they could tell was getting weaker. Glancing at each other, they both nodded before they grabbed their clothes and put them own, the sounds of cracking getting louder.

"There's a window, we can't escape out there ttebayo" Naruto said as he grabbed his things before looking at the list from last night. "You know it would be rude to leave without a goodbye" Naruto said with a smirk as he took the pencil from yesterday and wrote a quick note on his and Deidara's sheet before they made a two finger salute to the door before jumping out the window, thinking life was grand.

"Crack…CRACK…BAM" went the door as Tsunade knocked it down with one hit, Hyou yelling they would have to pay for that just as the Konoha, Suna, and Akatsuki nin filed into the room to find it empty.

"Where is Naruto, what has your nin did with Naruto?" Tsunade yelled angrily looking at Sasori and Itachi who were staring at the bed, a frown on their faces. The rest of the group noticed and turned to see it unmade, dried semen stains on it, with the imprints of two bodies, along with the bottle of demon rum and jelly on the dresser.

"He took Naruto's virginity that was to be mind" Sasuke growled while Gaara got into an argument with him about Naruto being his before they were both hit by Temari saying that was the reason he left in the first place.

"Honestly, he deserves better than both of you and since it seems like he was having the same problem as Deidara, I don't blame them for hightailing it out of here" Konan said while Itachi and Sasori growled, grumbling about their blondes. Konan, ignoring their mumbles, went over to the bed to see a two pieces of paper with scratch marks on it in which she looked at, snorting about how right she was.

"They even made a list to find new lovers" she said showing the group before looking at the back.

"There's a message here?"

"What's it say?"

"I found the right person all along in a bar stool next to me. Now that I have my lover we're going to live together so don't even bother to look for us because you will not find us. Good luck you four from your favorite, unappreciated blondes. P.S. as the old saying goes, blondes have all the fun, un/dattebayo."