Hi everyone! This is my first multi-chapter Tiva fic :) I've already written the first four chapters so far and I'll soon write the other ones :D

I don't own NCIS.

A reflection

He looked at his reflection in the mirror, studying the details of his face, realizing that he hadn't observed it for years. His eyes followed with his finger the path lined by the wrinkles on his forehead, watching the years passing on his skin.

I'm getting older… I'm old.

He put on his jacket and his tie, staring at his eyes and then at his body. That body, that face that had always been considered handsome and attractive… that body and that face that were now losing all their glory as years passed. He was just an old man living a younger man's life. He was just a stupid child unable to grow up. He was stuck in his carefree past, living a never-ending childhood decorated with jokes and fun, but completely empty on the inside.

And now? What did he have now? A home full of silence, nothing else to smell than his own scent, no one else to see in the morning except for his reflection. And the spirit of a forty-year-old man fighting inside his veins, screaming at him, forcing him to do something, to move on with his life, to get out of the prison of his empty past and go find something else to live for.

Do you ever regret not having a wife and kids?

Her words had been lying in his mind for those two years, waiting for the right time to come out and hurt. And now, they did hurt. Because yes, yes, he regretted it. He regretted having missed the chance to have a life, a real life, a life full of love and happiness, a life made of something more than waking up, going to work, going to bed.

He had been missing chances. He had been missing chances for all those years. He had been watching them flying by in front of his eyes, but he had missed them all. And now, now there was this big chance in front of his eyes, every day and he could see it, he could see her, but something was still stopping him. Something was still stopping his burning need to do what he wanted to do. He was stuck in his fears and his worry. He knew that it was his last chance, that she was his last chance, and he didn't want to miss it. She was his last buoy to cling on to. If he missed the chance, he would be lost in the sea of his empty life forever.

It was not as easy as to cling on a buoy though. There was a different kind of instinct that encouraged him to cling on her. He didn't need to save himself from sinking. Or maybe he did, actually. Because, after all, he was trying to save his life, trying not to sink in the deep sea of the emptiness of the daily routine.

She was the one who could save him. She was the one who could grab him by the arm and put him in a safe place. She was the one, he knew it.

He stared at the doors of the elevator for a few moments, trying to find the strength to move and get into the bullpen. It was getting harder and harder to go to work. Every morning, the sight of her face slammed against his eyes the consciousness of all his mistakes and regrets and the only thing he could do was hide the bitterness behind a cheerful "hi".

He was quite sure that nobody was aware of the stormy thoughts flowing around his head. Nobody but her, of course. She was aware, he knew. Sometimes he gave her a look and he caught her staring at him. He couldn't help smiling when he saw her doing that, even if he didn't want her to be worried about him. Somehow, anyways, the fact that she was aware of the wars that had been fought inside of Tony flattered him. She was there, caring about him, unaware of the fact that she was sort of responsible for the wars inside of him. Actually, she was not the cause of those wars. She was the peace that he had been looking for. He just needed to find a way to let her know this.

He kept thinking about the words she had told him only a few weeks before. They really touched him. He didn't expect her to do something like that. Of course, he did expect her to confront him, but the things that she had said… they weren't the kind of words that he thought he would hear.

She had told him that they loved him. She had told him that he needed to find balance and he needed to be himself. But the words that most marked him were "You are just growing up." Her words had definitely found their mark. She could really understand what was happening inside of him. She knew that, two years before, when she asked him if he didn't regret not having a family, and she knew that now.

He felt naked in front of her. She was able to read the pages about him written on his face and she could understand them like everything about him was written in her mother tongue. She didn't even have to try very hard. She just saw him, saw everything of him, inside and outside of him, and there were no walls that could be built to stop her.

Yet, she still hadn't noticed the most important part of him, the hope resting in his chest, the hope that was the only chance he had to move on. She didn't notice how important she was to him, how much she was bound to that hope, how much that hope was about her. She couldn't see that. Or maybe she could and he didn't know.

"Are you done staring at me?" Ziva asked him with an amused smirk on her face.

Suddenly, Tony woke up from the flow of his thoughts. He looked around for a few moments, then he gave a quick look to Ziva and he lowered his head, starting to stare at some sheets of paper on his desk. He got back to work, trying to hush the angry voice that was telling him off in his mind.

He got distracted more and more often at work. His thoughts were haunting his mind and he often found himself doing nothing, just staring and thinking. But until then, nobody had noticed it.

All of a sudden, Gibbs showed up in the bullpen and said, "Grab your gear." Tony mentally thanked him for giving some other work rather than paperwork. When he was on the field, he couldn't let himself be distracted and it was easier for him to focus on the work he had to do when Ziva wasn't sitting right in front of him.

They were at the crime scene half an hour later. The dead marine was lying on the ground, covered in blood. He was about forty and probably he was considered an attractive man by women.

"Lance Corporal Jason Colber, forty two," McGee said, looking at the screen of his cell. "No…"

"Not married, no kids," a man continued, joining Gibbs' team near the body. "It's sad."

Tony froze where he stood. He raised his gaze just for a moment and he didn't miss the quick glance that Ziva gave him. He immediately looked back down at the body.

"And you are…?" Gibbs asked the man, looking at him for a quick moment.

The man reached out his hand, but Gibbs didn't do the same. He just raised his own hand with the glove covered by blood, waving it in the air. The man smiled. "I'm Caporal Panson."

Gibbs nodded, then turned to face his team and ordered them to bag and tag everything and to question the neighbors. The day proceeded slowly.

It was already afternoon when Colber's superior officer arrived at the Navy Yard. Tony, Ziva and Gibbs joined her in the conference room. The Lance Corporal, a rather attractive thirty-year-old woman, was sitting on the chair at the bottom of the room, trying not to burst into tears. Tony and Ziva shared a quick look then they sat.

"Have long have you known Colber, Miss Bath?" Gibbs asked the woman, looking at her with sympathy.

She bit her lips and turned her face to her right, looking at nothing in particular. "For… almost six years." She nodded and she closed her eyes for a second.

"Did you know him well?"

The woman smiled sadly. "Yes, better than anyone else, I think."

Tony frowned, surprised by her answer. "You… had a relationship?" he asked, hoping not to bother her too much with his question.

Emily Bath looked right into Tony's eyes. "No," she said calmly, without irritation.

"But…?"

"But we were… close," Emily said, nodding again, with her eyes getting redder and redder. "I mean, we had each other's backs, we always had. He was the one who always cheered me up when I needed it. I don't think that…" her eyes started to look at the ceiling, "I don't think that he knew how much he did for me, I… I don't think that…" she bit her lip once again.

Gibbs put his hand on the woman's shoulder. Tony felt freezing inside. He couldn't help but feel like she was talking about them. He turned to look at Ziva, but she was staring at Emily, still like ice, and he didn't see anything on her face that could suggest him what she was thinking. Somehow, anyways, he was sure that she was feeling the same as him.

Tony walked towards the vending machine, right where Ziva was standing. Of course it wasn't by chance that he had decided to have a break at the same moment she had made the same choice.

"Can I offer you a coffee?" he asked her, smiling at her.

Ziva turned to face Tony, not even trying to hide her surprise. "Why?"

He frowned. "Wh… what?"

"Why are you offering me a coffee?" she narrowed her eyes at him. "You've broken something that belongs to me." Tony opened his eyes widely. "And now you're trying to soften me up by offering me a coffee," she concluded, smiling with satisfaction.

"Wait… what? No, no," he denied, shaking his head, looking at her with shock.

"Really?" Ziva wasn't convinced.

"Really," Tony said, offended that she thought so little of him.

Ziva looked at him carefully, trying to figure out whether he was lying or not. "Okay… but you have to admit that it was a possible option."

Tony gave a faint smile. "Maybe."

She smiled back, then she turned again, picking her money from her pocket.

"Hey, I told you that I was going to offer you a coffee," he protested.

Ziva smiled, even if Tony couldn't see her. "No… you told me that you wanted to offer me a coffee, but I did not say yes."

"What if I said I insist?"

"Do you?"

Tony laughed. Ziva inserted her coins in the vending machine and waited for her coffee to be ready. In the meantime, Tony leaned on the vending machine, looking at her intensely. When she took her coffee, Tony moved his gaze to the back of the room, looking at nothing in particular.

"How do you think it would be… losing a partner you've known for that many years?" he asked, still staring at the walls in front of him.

Ziva bit her lip, trying to hide the shock that that question had caused to her. She looked at her coffee intensely, like it was the most interesting thing in the world. She didn't speak until she felt Tony's eyes casting a glance at her.

"It must be… devastating."

Tony kept quiet for a moment. "Devastating," he repeated.

"Yes." She paused. "I mean, it must… depend on the kind of relationship you had with your partner, … I guess."

"What if it's the same kind of relationship that Bath and Colber had?" he asked, turning to look at her. Ziva was still staring at her paper cup, which was still full of coffee. She raised her head a little, facing the vending machine. She hesitated before speaking.

"I do not know, maybe… maybe you do not even… realize what happened at the first moment." She paused for a few seconds, slowly bending her head. "And when you do… it must be devastating, yes." Ziva nodded and took a deep breath. "Losing the person who has always had your back and… the person who made your job easier and better… I… I don't know."

Tony was now looking at her intensely. "You don't know…?"

Ziva looked at him for just one moment. "I have never lost a partner I had that kind of relationship with."

"And… have you ever had that kind of relationship with anyone? I mean… with a coworker…" he asked her, without sounding teasing for once.

Ziva immediately looked at Tony, staring intensely at his eyes.

"We better go back to work," she murmured and drank her all coffee at once. She threw the paper cup into the wastepaper basket, she glanced at him one more time and she left.

Tony sighed, then he followed her.

Reviews please? *-* I'd love to know what you think abou this! :)