Title: Conquering Bete Noire
Author: Jenn Ukeritis (JennUkes)
Summary: Abby and Kate begin to deal with their bete noires
Comments: either post them here, or send to jennukes@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13 due to some language & inferred subject matter
Pairing: None
Spoilers: thru Bete Noir
Archive: yes, just ask me first
Warnings: none that I can think of
Disclaimer: You know the drill.... I don't own the characters or the show (as if I could be that lucky!) And never will own them. No copyright infringement intended, this is for fun and for me... Blah, Blah, more legalese....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Although Abby was happy she had finally conquered her autopsy nightmare, it wasn't long before she sat up on the autopsy table. Her latest bete noire was quickly taking hold
Frowning, she stood up and left autopsy, heading to her lab to grab her things before heading home. Her progress was slow as she trudged from her lab to the investigations floor, wanting to see if anyone was still here and trying to avoid remembering events of the day.
Once she reached the bullpen, she noticed most of the lights off. Even Gibbs, the workaholic who was always the last to leave, was gone, having been forced to the hospital because of the bullet in his shoulder.
There was one light still on at a desk, though. Kate, who was in the running to become a second Gibbs in terms of her work habits, was still there. Yet, as far as Abby could tell, she wasn't working on anything.
Abby strolled over to Kate's desk, if only to avoid returning home to her cats and thinking about the events of the day. The look on Kate's face, though, told her she wasn't the only one who was suffering.
"Kate, are you okay?" Abby asked softly.
Kate looked up and met Abby's eyes. She wasn't okay, even though she had said it enough times that Tony had finally left her alone with her thoughts. But, she couldn't explain what she was feeling to him, or even to Gibbs when he had asked before being forced to go to the hospital. They would never understand, no matter how hard they tried to. It simply wasn't something a man could understand. But Abby could understand, Kate realized and finally answered. "Honestly? No, I'm not. I found my bete noire today." Her voice was quiet in the end, as if she were afraid to state it out loud.
"I found a new one myself. Do you want to talk about it?" Abby questioned, deciding to talk to her, even if Kate had laughed at her phobia of autopsy. Abby understood that her fear of autopsy was funny coming from herself, and even she found it funny now that she had conquered it. She also knew how most people who worked here thought nothing could scare her because of how she portrayed herself.
Kate hesitated and then whispered, "It's really two things." She looked around the office and then stood up. "How about we take this conversation to my place? We can grab some ice cream and talk more comfortably there. Or do you need to get home to feed the cats?" It was obvious the both of them needed at least a sounding board for their fears and Kate owed Abby for how she had laughed at her autopsy fear earlier.
Abby was slightly surprised at Kate's offer, but readily accepted. "The cats are fine. I know the perfect place to stop and get ice cream, that will still be open this late AND has every flavor of Ben & Jerry's ever made!" Abby added enthusiastically.
After stopping for their favorite flavors of ice cream, Abby followed Kate to her apartment.
It was only after Kate had eaten almost half of her pint of Ben & Jerry's that she started to speak again. "He walked over to the doors leaving Ducky and myself to care for Gerald. There was a scalpel on the table, so I picked it up. Ducky told me the terrorist was testing me. So when the terrorist returned seconds later, I called him on it. I told him he was just looking for another reason to shoot Gerald or to shoot me. I hesitated and he grabbed me and pulled me close. He said he wouldn't shoot me. His eyes told me exactly what he would do." Kate spoke softly. "I'm a trained agent. I should never have hesitated; I should have just attacked!" Kate berated herself, skipping over her true fear.
"Kate you and I both know that a scalpel wouldn't do enough damage fast enough. You need a three inch blade to fatally stab someone. If you had attacked and managed to cut his throat, which I'd say doing on a Hamas agent is next to impossible, he still would have had time to shoot you all. No matter what you did with that scalpel, he still would have had time to shoot Gerald, Ducky and you." Abby told her flat out. "But that isn't what is really bothering you, is it?"
"Tony kept asking me if I was okay, even after I told him that the Terrorist had been wearing a bullet proof vest because I had felt it. I said it enough times that he finally stopped asking me and went home. Gibbs asked too, before they carted him away to get his shoulder taken care of. But I couldn't explain it to them. They might say that they understand, but they could never truly understand my greatest fear, most women's greatest fear. I told Tony I had never had a nightmare, and that wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the entire truth. I may not have had nightmares, but I am afraid of things. My greatest fear has always been being raped." Kate sighed. "What I saw in his eyes, it still makes me shiver. I have never seen that in another's eyes before. It frightened me to the bone. The feeling of complete and utter helplessness, of being completely at a man's mercy. That is something I never want to feel again. And I want to kill him for making me feel like this, for making me fear what a man can do."
Abby was silent for a long moment. "What you need to remember is that not all men want that power, or even realize they have that power. Take Tony. He thinks he is god's gift to women, and that's part of his charm. But he would never in a million years even think of forcing himself on a woman. Gibbs, he'd kill himself before he even thought of doing such a thing, as would Ducky. It isn't in them. They are too honorable and strong to do it. It's the monsters of this world, regardless of how they became monsters, that can think it, that can use that evil power. You need to remember that. If you paint all men with that same brush, then you are allowing the monster to win." Abby paused then and smiled predatorily. "And we could never allow that. We can't let the bastard have any hold over us or he wins."
Kate matched Abby's smile. "That's right. We can't let that bastard win." She agreed. "Gibbs may call himself a bastard, but he isn't. He's just a stubborn male who can't help the way he acts at times because he, like all men, has that mutated X chromosome."
"You're telling me! One small mutation from an X to a Y and it corrupts the whole being!" Abby laughed, agreeing.
The two looked at each other and dissolved into a fit of giggles.
"Thanks, Abby," Kate spoke once they both caught their breaths and calmed down again. "I'm glad you're here to listen to me, but, you don't get off that easy. First, I am sorry I laughed at your nightmare about autopsy. Just because it's weird coming from you, doesn't make it any less real or any less of a nightmare for you. But you have a new bete noire now. Tell me about your new fear." Kate didn't forget that Abby herself was troubled over the events of the day.
"It should have been me, Kate. If I had gone instead of you, then Gerald wouldn't have gotten shot." Abby stated softly.
Kate watched Abby, seeing the fear in the younger woman's eyes and the anger at herself. It transformed the usually confident and fun lab rat into another person, who doubted herself and her actions.
"Abby, if you had gone, who would have worked the computers? Who would have found the infectious disease? Who would have done all the lab work and dazzled Gibbs and Tony with her skills on a PDA?" Kate asked. "And don't tell me I could have run the computers like you. I am nowhere near as fast and good as you on them. And I sure couldn't have done the lab work. Besides, what did you just tell me about letting the terrorist bastard make you second guess yourself? You doubting your actions allows him to win." Kate smiled then. "Although, I would have loved to have seen the look on Gibbs' face with the PDA." Her smile disappeared. "As for Gerald getting shot, the terrorist would have shot him for something else anyway. You couldn't control him anymore than I or Ducky could."
Abby gave Kate a small smile. "I know that here." She pointed to her head. "But, here, it's harder to accept that I can be helpless at times." She pointed to her heart. "Gibbs told me the same thing earlier."
Kate nodded in agreement with Abby and smiled softly at the mention of Gibbs. "I know."
It was late when Kate and Abby finally stopped talking. Kate checked her watch and sighed. "Abby, why don't you take my spare room. It's after two in the morning. Tomorrow, rather today, is Saturday, so you can head home after some sleep. We're both way too tired to be driving." Kate suggested, yawning.
Abby answered her with a yawn. "Works for me. Thanks, Kate."
The end.
Author: Jenn Ukeritis (JennUkes)
Summary: Abby and Kate begin to deal with their bete noires
Comments: either post them here, or send to jennukes@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13 due to some language & inferred subject matter
Pairing: None
Spoilers: thru Bete Noir
Archive: yes, just ask me first
Warnings: none that I can think of
Disclaimer: You know the drill.... I don't own the characters or the show (as if I could be that lucky!) And never will own them. No copyright infringement intended, this is for fun and for me... Blah, Blah, more legalese....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Although Abby was happy she had finally conquered her autopsy nightmare, it wasn't long before she sat up on the autopsy table. Her latest bete noire was quickly taking hold
Frowning, she stood up and left autopsy, heading to her lab to grab her things before heading home. Her progress was slow as she trudged from her lab to the investigations floor, wanting to see if anyone was still here and trying to avoid remembering events of the day.
Once she reached the bullpen, she noticed most of the lights off. Even Gibbs, the workaholic who was always the last to leave, was gone, having been forced to the hospital because of the bullet in his shoulder.
There was one light still on at a desk, though. Kate, who was in the running to become a second Gibbs in terms of her work habits, was still there. Yet, as far as Abby could tell, she wasn't working on anything.
Abby strolled over to Kate's desk, if only to avoid returning home to her cats and thinking about the events of the day. The look on Kate's face, though, told her she wasn't the only one who was suffering.
"Kate, are you okay?" Abby asked softly.
Kate looked up and met Abby's eyes. She wasn't okay, even though she had said it enough times that Tony had finally left her alone with her thoughts. But, she couldn't explain what she was feeling to him, or even to Gibbs when he had asked before being forced to go to the hospital. They would never understand, no matter how hard they tried to. It simply wasn't something a man could understand. But Abby could understand, Kate realized and finally answered. "Honestly? No, I'm not. I found my bete noire today." Her voice was quiet in the end, as if she were afraid to state it out loud.
"I found a new one myself. Do you want to talk about it?" Abby questioned, deciding to talk to her, even if Kate had laughed at her phobia of autopsy. Abby understood that her fear of autopsy was funny coming from herself, and even she found it funny now that she had conquered it. She also knew how most people who worked here thought nothing could scare her because of how she portrayed herself.
Kate hesitated and then whispered, "It's really two things." She looked around the office and then stood up. "How about we take this conversation to my place? We can grab some ice cream and talk more comfortably there. Or do you need to get home to feed the cats?" It was obvious the both of them needed at least a sounding board for their fears and Kate owed Abby for how she had laughed at her autopsy fear earlier.
Abby was slightly surprised at Kate's offer, but readily accepted. "The cats are fine. I know the perfect place to stop and get ice cream, that will still be open this late AND has every flavor of Ben & Jerry's ever made!" Abby added enthusiastically.
After stopping for their favorite flavors of ice cream, Abby followed Kate to her apartment.
It was only after Kate had eaten almost half of her pint of Ben & Jerry's that she started to speak again. "He walked over to the doors leaving Ducky and myself to care for Gerald. There was a scalpel on the table, so I picked it up. Ducky told me the terrorist was testing me. So when the terrorist returned seconds later, I called him on it. I told him he was just looking for another reason to shoot Gerald or to shoot me. I hesitated and he grabbed me and pulled me close. He said he wouldn't shoot me. His eyes told me exactly what he would do." Kate spoke softly. "I'm a trained agent. I should never have hesitated; I should have just attacked!" Kate berated herself, skipping over her true fear.
"Kate you and I both know that a scalpel wouldn't do enough damage fast enough. You need a three inch blade to fatally stab someone. If you had attacked and managed to cut his throat, which I'd say doing on a Hamas agent is next to impossible, he still would have had time to shoot you all. No matter what you did with that scalpel, he still would have had time to shoot Gerald, Ducky and you." Abby told her flat out. "But that isn't what is really bothering you, is it?"
"Tony kept asking me if I was okay, even after I told him that the Terrorist had been wearing a bullet proof vest because I had felt it. I said it enough times that he finally stopped asking me and went home. Gibbs asked too, before they carted him away to get his shoulder taken care of. But I couldn't explain it to them. They might say that they understand, but they could never truly understand my greatest fear, most women's greatest fear. I told Tony I had never had a nightmare, and that wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the entire truth. I may not have had nightmares, but I am afraid of things. My greatest fear has always been being raped." Kate sighed. "What I saw in his eyes, it still makes me shiver. I have never seen that in another's eyes before. It frightened me to the bone. The feeling of complete and utter helplessness, of being completely at a man's mercy. That is something I never want to feel again. And I want to kill him for making me feel like this, for making me fear what a man can do."
Abby was silent for a long moment. "What you need to remember is that not all men want that power, or even realize they have that power. Take Tony. He thinks he is god's gift to women, and that's part of his charm. But he would never in a million years even think of forcing himself on a woman. Gibbs, he'd kill himself before he even thought of doing such a thing, as would Ducky. It isn't in them. They are too honorable and strong to do it. It's the monsters of this world, regardless of how they became monsters, that can think it, that can use that evil power. You need to remember that. If you paint all men with that same brush, then you are allowing the monster to win." Abby paused then and smiled predatorily. "And we could never allow that. We can't let the bastard have any hold over us or he wins."
Kate matched Abby's smile. "That's right. We can't let that bastard win." She agreed. "Gibbs may call himself a bastard, but he isn't. He's just a stubborn male who can't help the way he acts at times because he, like all men, has that mutated X chromosome."
"You're telling me! One small mutation from an X to a Y and it corrupts the whole being!" Abby laughed, agreeing.
The two looked at each other and dissolved into a fit of giggles.
"Thanks, Abby," Kate spoke once they both caught their breaths and calmed down again. "I'm glad you're here to listen to me, but, you don't get off that easy. First, I am sorry I laughed at your nightmare about autopsy. Just because it's weird coming from you, doesn't make it any less real or any less of a nightmare for you. But you have a new bete noire now. Tell me about your new fear." Kate didn't forget that Abby herself was troubled over the events of the day.
"It should have been me, Kate. If I had gone instead of you, then Gerald wouldn't have gotten shot." Abby stated softly.
Kate watched Abby, seeing the fear in the younger woman's eyes and the anger at herself. It transformed the usually confident and fun lab rat into another person, who doubted herself and her actions.
"Abby, if you had gone, who would have worked the computers? Who would have found the infectious disease? Who would have done all the lab work and dazzled Gibbs and Tony with her skills on a PDA?" Kate asked. "And don't tell me I could have run the computers like you. I am nowhere near as fast and good as you on them. And I sure couldn't have done the lab work. Besides, what did you just tell me about letting the terrorist bastard make you second guess yourself? You doubting your actions allows him to win." Kate smiled then. "Although, I would have loved to have seen the look on Gibbs' face with the PDA." Her smile disappeared. "As for Gerald getting shot, the terrorist would have shot him for something else anyway. You couldn't control him anymore than I or Ducky could."
Abby gave Kate a small smile. "I know that here." She pointed to her head. "But, here, it's harder to accept that I can be helpless at times." She pointed to her heart. "Gibbs told me the same thing earlier."
Kate nodded in agreement with Abby and smiled softly at the mention of Gibbs. "I know."
It was late when Kate and Abby finally stopped talking. Kate checked her watch and sighed. "Abby, why don't you take my spare room. It's after two in the morning. Tomorrow, rather today, is Saturday, so you can head home after some sleep. We're both way too tired to be driving." Kate suggested, yawning.
Abby answered her with a yawn. "Works for me. Thanks, Kate."
The end.