Disclaimer: CLAMP owns all. I'm just playing.
Dita envies Zima. She doesn't have the hard-drive capacity for his type of logic program; she's just the firewall, and it takes nearly all of her power to do that. But oh! How she'd love to process like Zima does. To observe and draw conclusions and then make leaps of faith – just as if he were human.
Back when they were still under the government's firm control she used to analyze her program over and over, looking for loopholes, ways to shift out of it. She never told Zima she was trying; she could take his low laughter at her expense, but she couldn't take that all-too-human look in his eyes that her processor told her was pity.
So Dita stopped trying. She had fought her programming and lost, and well, really, if she had beaten her programming, would they have let her stay with Zima anyway? She had been built for protection not for…for whatever Zima did.
That's what she tells herself anyway. But when Zima asks her things or begins a conversation and all she can do is stare at him blankly, she just feels the white-hot frustration build as her program tries to modify itself towards understanding.
And fails.
It's even worse that Zima tosses out that damnable, "Ah, well, Dita, love, you'll understand soon enough."
Because she wants to see as Zima does. Wants to know what Zima knows. Wants so badly to put a name to all the nonsensical codes that flitter through her when he gives that slow smile and presses her close.