Zutara Week 2012
Day 3: Transcend

Maybe I am a crook (for stealing your heart away)

Those bright blue eyes
can only meet mine
across a room,
filled with people
that are less important
than you.

Because you
love, love, love.
When you know
I can't love.
-Love, Love, Love
Of Monsters and Men

Most people assumed that Suki was leader of the Kyoshi warriors because she could disarm most grown men in 30 seconds flat. Generally she was fine with that assumption, partially because it was absolutely true (detaining the warden of the Boiling Rock prison certainly hadn't been a fluke) but mostly because it hid the real reason why she was such an effective leader (she was taught never to lay all her cards on the table).

Her real talents lay in her ability to quickly and efficiently assess any situation, therefore allowing her to effectively prepare for whatever her opponent might throw at her. She could almost instantaneously figure out the playing field - which meant, among other things, that she was able to read the body language and intentions of all the players at any given time. Her abilities at shrewd observation and furtive scrutiny were the reason she eventually became captain.

They're also the reason why, five years after the end of the war and to her great surprise, she realizes that Zuko is in love with Katara.

It begins with small things that she catches him doing over and over – always fleeting and always when he thinks no one is watching him. The way his eyes linger, slightly, on Katara no matter how many people are in the room; the way his jaw tightens when she brushes up next to him; how his breath will almost imperceptibly – to anyone but her, at least – hitch any time Katara smiles.

At first she tried to dismiss it, certain that it was only a trick of the light or her tired eyes seeing ghosts of reactions. But years of honed abilities can't, don't lie to her and soon the instances - the stolen glances and clenched jawlines - become too frequent to write off.

She takes to observing Zuko's public, open interactions with Katara. After five years, they've fallen into an easy pattern of bickering and teasing, always with an undercurrent of sincere affection. Whereas early in their friendship their discussions would often explode into all-out, vehement arguments – a side-affect of being two determined (pigheaded, Toph would say, which Suki found hilarious since Toph was as immovable as her element) individuals from opposite elements – five years of closeness have reduced the number of arguments, if not their overall intensity. The rest of the group accepts the continued shouting matches, never questioning nor needing a reason for their continued occurrence.

However, the more Suki watches them, the more she sees a pattern to their bitterest arguments. That he will only goad Katara, bait her into arguments after they have had a particularly sweet, sincere exchange.

"You're always ruining these moments with such stupid arguments!" She hears Katara say once, before storming off in a huff.

She sees Zuko's face after the exchange, a fleeting look of shame that's almost immediately engulfed in an expression that is equal parts regret and relief. Only then does she understand the why and what fors of why he lashes out, sometimes desperately, into conflict.

It is a safety, a coping mechanism, a way to cover up the only thing he really wants to say: I love you, I love you, I love you.

She would laugh at such a ridiculous ploy, if she didn't find the whole thing to be so unbearably sad.

She spends the next year wondering, thinking, planning to tell him that she knows. They have never been particularly close but he just sometimes seems so lonely and lost that her heart aches for him. It seems a cruel thing to force him to keep love to himself, after having been denied it for so long. But she can never find the right moment to do so or can never quite call up the words.

6 years after the end of the war and they are all at the Fire Nation Capital, celebrating the victories of their teenaged selves.

Sokka noticed Zuko leaving the main banquet hall and insistd that he and Suki join him. "Who could brood on a night like this?" Sokka asks, incredulous (and just a little bit drunk). He twined his fingers with hers as they follow the fire lord out to the balcony. "Hey there, Lord Jerkbender" He said cheerily, clapping an arm around around Zuko's shoulders. "What kind of a leader spends his time away from the biggest party in the history of the fire nation?"

"The kind that that doesn't want drinks spilled on his very expensive, very new celebratory outfit." Zuko replied dryly, as he looked down at the spot of liquor that had splashed onto him from Sokka's drink.

"Aw, sorry about that, buddy. But hey, good thing you're the fire lord. You can get ten more made at any moment!" Zuko rolled his eyes as Sokka continued on, not noticing (or caring), " Anyway, stop moping out here! There are tons of Fire nation ladies in there that want to dance with you in there! You need to be celebrating! We ended the war!"

"We ended six years ago, Sokka." Suki replied.

"So? It was still the hardest thing we ever had to do."

Zuko smiled and put a hand on Sokka's shoulder, gently pushing him towards the party. "I'm just getting some air. Go back inside and have fun and I'll be right behind you in a second."

Sokka looked like he was about to say more but Suki interrupted him before he could get started. "Hey, I think I just saw Teo walk into the party. Didn't you want to talk to him about your plans for the slide in our house?"

Sokka brightened immediately, his lecture aimed at Zuko forgotten. Suki laughed and kissed him on the cheek before pointing out Teo in the ballroom and nudging him in the right direction. "I'll see you in a bit. I wouldn't want to interrupt your house planning with anything too practical."

She smiled at his retreating figure as Zuko snorted and said, "A slide? Tell me you're joking."

Suki cocked her head towards him and replied, " It's Sokka. What do you think?"

Zuko shook his head and leaned back, resting his arms on the railing of the balcony.

Suki looked at him from the corner of her eye, still facing the party. After a moment she said, "Sokka's wrong you know. About ending the war being the hardest thing you've ever done."

Zuko looked at her. "What do you mean? That battle with Azula was the hardest one I ever fought." He paused for a moment. "I did nearly die, you know." He finished wryly.

"I know," she acknowledged. "I'm not denying that the fight itself was difficult and life-threatening. But deciding to do it was simple because it's easy to go after what you want." She paused and turned to look at him directly. "But denying yourself the very thing you want the most, forcing yourself to hide the truth from those that mean everything…" She turned and looked at Katara, laughing and dancing in the banquet hall, feeling Zuko's gaze following hers. "That takes a type of strength very few people have. It goes beyond what most people can bear."

'But not for you' was the unspoken phrase that lingered between them. But as she looked at him, this young Fire Lord barely out of his teens, she wondered how much more he could endure. His heart, after all, was not as ironclad as his legendary sense of honor.

He'd been silent, turned away from her, his posture defeated. Suddenly, he inhaled sharply and drew himself up. He turned to her, ready to speak, prepared to deny or explain himself away.

Suki held up a hand to stop him. "Easy there Lord Jerkbender," her tone joking but her eyes soft and sad. "No one else knows. And they won't, not from me. Your famous honor lives to fight another day."

Zuko remained silent and looked out, up into the night sky. Finally he said, "I've really been underestimating your abilities all these years."

Suki shrugged. "Well I certainly didn't become captain because of my pretty face," she joked, grinning cheekily at him.

The left side of his mouth quirked up. Suki laid a comforting hand on his arm. "Don't stay out here too long, ok? I hate to say this but Sokka's right. Tonight is no night for brooding."

Zuko nodded and gave her his patented half-smile. Suki squeezed his arm warmly and turned to rejoin the party inside. Halfway to the entrance of the ballroom she turned around and looked at Zuko thoughtfully, chewing the side of her lip. "Hey Zuko?" She called out.

He turned around and raised an eyebrow.

She hesitated for a moment, then said, "I just want you to know that most people don't meet their soulmates when they're 14. People tend to change their minds about what it is that they really want." It's a gamble, she knows, because even she is unsure if the conclusions drawn from a half a dozen observations are correct. Katara was a much harder study than Zuko turned out to be.

His eyes widened slightly. "What-"

"It's just a..." She broke in, unsure of the way she was going to finish the sentence. It wasn't a prediction, because she wondered if even Katara was aware of the ways in which her behavior had changed. It couldn't be a promise, which would be cruel if fulfilled in either direction. "It's just an observation." She finished.

His eyes searched her face and he nodded sharply, his face a torrent of guilt, hope and weariness.

She spun around quickly to rejoin the party, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

6 months later Katara breaks up with Aang and not even Sokka is surprised to see it end. Suki's first thought is of Aang, who she is sure was devastated. Her second thought is of Zuko and his world famous honor. She thinks, "Don't be an idiot."