Then There Were Four

by Hapax Legomenon

Ever wonder why Leo's so overprotective, or why Raph's so hard on him, or why Don's always in his lab? Maybe there's a reason. Maybe it wasn't always that way, not until something awful happened when they were young. R&R, rated for mention of death.

Then There Were Four

A/N: This popped into my head while I was in the shower (random place for inspiration, but I'll take it) and I thought it was interesting. I can't be the only one who's wondered why Leo is so over-protective, or why Raph is so hard on him. This is the solution that presented itself to me: maybe once there were five turtles.

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own the turtles or Splinter. I only own Lorry and my awesome TMNT sweater, complete with shell and sais in the pockets (seriously, it rocks :D)

-x-

"Raphael, how can you be so utterly irresponsible? You have absolutely no regard for anyone but yourself. It's selfish and dangerous it has to stop. Can't you-"

"Look, Leo, you ain't the boss of me! Nobody said you had to go and follow me. If you just minded your own business, none of this woulda happened in the first place! I don't need you babysittin' me, Fearless Leader. Get the shell outta my face!"

Leo and Raph stood several feet apart, both tense and screaming for all they were worth. Moments before they had been battling hordes of Foot ninja; they were now fighting each other. The fight hadn't yet come to blows – though that was unlikely to last. Mikey and Don stood watching on the sidelines.

"Ten bucks says Raph'll pull his sais before Leo goes for his katana."

Don thought for a moment, then nodded. "Fine, I'll take that. But Leo will get the last word in."

"Deal." The orange and purple-clad turtles shook hands. Then Mikey gave a resigned sigh and slumped back against a chimney. "Man, they never used to fight this much. It gets kinda old." He yawned.

"I know," Don agreed.

Raph's voice rose again. "-think you're so great, don'tcha? You ain't such a hotshot, Leo. You ain't any better than the rest of us, and don't forget it! It's not like you haven't screwed up before."

Suddenly there was quiet. Mikey looked up in horror, his mouth hanging open in astonishment. Leo froze. For a moment, nobody moved; then with a strange choking sound, Leo turned and fled. He was three rooftops over before any of the others could react.

Raph blinked and took a hesitant step towards where Leo had been standing. "Leo…"

"Way to go, Raph." Don's voice was cold. Mikey dropped his eyes, biting his lower lip and fiddling with the ends of his belt.

Raph turned to them bewilderedly. "I…I didn't mean…"

"It doesn't matter what you meant, Raph," Don snapped. "C'mon, Mikey, let's go." He turned and left without looking to see if anyone was following. After a confused look to Raph, Mikey went after Don.

"Aw, shell," Raph muttered, before turning and violently punching a wall. "I didn't mean it… it was an accident."

Those words echoed in his head.

It was an accident.

I didn't mean it.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Leonardo, where is your brother?"

A young Leo was staring at his feet, twisting them against the slight curve of the sewer tunnel. He didn't answer. Three other turtle tots were peeking from behind a pillar, trying to hear what was going on. Mikey squeaked indignantly when Raph stepped on his hand and was promptly shushed by both Raph and Don. He stuck his tongue out.

Splinter tapped his walking stick. He had that look in his eye, the one that meant someone was going to get into trouble. "Leonardo," he said again, "where is Lorenzo?"

Leo bit his bottom lip. "I…I don't know, Master." It was little more than a whisper.

"What'd he say?" Mikey asked. Raph hissed at him to shut up.

"And do you have any idea where he might have gone?" Splinter's voice was hard.

Close to tears, Leo only shook his head.

In the shadows, Raph, Don, and Mikey looked at each other nervously. Where was Lorry?

"I am very disappointed, Leonardo."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, it was an accident!" Leo's cry echoed around the Lair as Splinter turned and walked away.

Leo pushed himself to go as fast as he could, leaping from rooftop to rooftop without any regard to direction. He felt his breath growing harsh and ragged and fought to choke back the sobs he could feel pushing out.

"I just wanted to – Raph doesn't understand, I – I try so hard. Why isn't it ever good enough?" he screamed, stopping and doubling over, wrapping his arms around his plastron.

Leo stood there shaking, trying to control himself. He stared into the puddle around his feet, a remnant of the rain that had fallen that morning. He watched a ripple spread around his toes when he moved his feet. He remembered a proverb Master Splinter had told him once before; "Spilt water will not return to the tray."

Leo shook his head. When he was a child, many of Splinter's old sayings were too vague for him to understand. This one, unfortunately, he understood as well as he understood himself. There's no going back on what has happened, he thought. No matter how hard you try, you can't change the past.

"Splinter always said that like it was a good thing," Leo muttered to himself. "He always said to accept the past and move on. But I can't, and Raph clearly can't either. There are some things that can't be forgotten." He closed his eyes. "Sometimes I wish I could forget."

But he couldn't. Even when he wasn't thinking about it, it was still there. It was the little voice that told him he was a failure, the same voice that screamed in fear for his brothers, the same voice that whispered, it's your fault, it's all your fault, everything is always your fault.

He clenched his fists.

"I'm a failure."

Back at the Lair, Mikey followed Don into his lab. The purple-clad turtle hadn't said a word all the way home, and not only did this bore Mikey, it also had him a little worried. Don was usually the most talkative turtle – next to himself, of course. And even if most of what Don talked about was science-y and boring, at least Mikey had someone to chat with when Leo was meditating and Raph was off doing – well, whatever it was that Raph was always doing.

Mikey frowned at Don, who, sitting down at his desk, didn't notice. Don leaned forward and rested his forehead on his hand.

"Donny?"

Don sighed. "It's been over ten years, Mikey," he said quietly. "Ten years, eight months, and twenty-two days, to be exact. That's how long this has been going on."

Mikey shoved some papers off Don's desk and sat on it, ignoring the protest from his brother. "I know that, Don. What're we gonna do?"

Don looked up at him. "What can we do? I can't bring back the dead, Mikey," he said, harsher than he meant to. Mikey winced.

"No one's expecting that, bro."

"I wish there was something I could do. I feel like – I feel like I failed somehow. Like I let everyone down."

Mikey looked at him quickly. "Woah, Donny, don't go pulling a Leo on me. This isn't your fault. I mean, if anyone was to blame, it'd be Leo, but, I mean… stuff happens, right? Right, Donny?" he prodded

"I guess."

Mikey put a hand on Don's shoulder. "Hey, Donny, there's nothing we can do about what happened then, okay? I'm more worried about what's happening now."

Don's brow furrowed. "What do you mean, exactly?"

"C'mon, Don, I know you've noticed it too. Raph still isn't over it, and neither is Leo, but… they're not dealing. They're just not."

Don laughed humourlessly. "Mikey, I don't think this is something you can just get over. If it was, we'd be over it by now. Besides, I'm not sure if I want to get over it. It feels like we're forgetting him."

"I know." Mikey's reply was sad. "Don't get me wrong, Donny, I still miss him. A lot." His voice cracked slightly. "But the way Raph's been baiting Leo and – did you see his face? He's hurting and – I mean, we all still are, but I think – Raph just lost it and Leo…"

Don held up his hands to cut Mikey off. "Woah, Mikey, you're rambling. Enough."

"Sorry."

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"The worst part," Don said suddenly, "is that we had so much time. We should have been able to help him. It should never have ended this way."

Don peeked into the dojo, a little nervous. They weren't allowed in there without Master Splinter. Mikey got caught last week and had to do thirty flips. Don didn't want to do flips, but he really wanted to talk to Master Splinter.

It had been three days. The four young turtles were forbidden to leave the lair, and mostly sat around listlessly, worrying and straining their ears in the hopes of hearing Master Splinter coming home. They had barely seen him; he spent all of each day searching the sewers, and all of the night searching the city above. When they did catch him between coming and going, he said only, "None of you are to leave the lair," and went on his way.

Leo spent a lot of time alone.

That night, when Don heard Master Splinter come in after hours of searching, he had disentangled himself from his three brothers and tried to step lightly as he made his way over to the dojo. When he hesitantly opened the door, he caught sight of Master Splinter meditating in the light of a half-dozen candles. Without changing position, Splinter spoke in a low voice. "Enter, my son."

Don walked over and knelt in front of his sensei, looking shyly at the ground.

Splinter opened his eyes. He waited for Don to speak first.

Eventually, Don looked up. Splinter saw the fear in the small green face and the sight tugged at his heart.

"Master Splinter?" Don's voice was high and unsure. "You're gonna find him, right? Lorry's gonna be okay – isn't he? He's gonna come home?"

Splinter let out a long sigh. "Come here, Donatello," he requested, holding out his arms. Don crawled into his lap and rested his head on Splinter's shoulder.

"In answer to your questions, I am afraid that I do not know. Your brother has been missing for several days, Donatello, and I have yet to find a trace of him anywhere. We must be patient."

Don buried his face into Splinter's robe. "I'm scared, Sensei," he whimpered. "I want Lorry to come home."

"As do I, my son. As do I."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Raph paced back and forth on a crumbling rooftop, muttering to himself. "You just had to go and throw that in his face, didn't ya? Stupid!"

The image of Leo's hurt expression before he fled floated in front of Raph's eyes. He shook his head and growled angrily. He'd never made it a secret that he thought Leo was responsible for what had happened to Lorry, but he realized that Leo recognized his own guilt and Raph didn't usually want to remember what had happened, so he rarely mentioned it.

It was because of something today that it had just slipped out while he was yelling at Leo. It was because of one of those damn Foot ninja. He'd been using tonfas, Lorry's preferred weapon. It was something that affected them all, though they never said it. They didn't like to see anyone else wielding the wooden weapons. It hurt to see the familiar movements.

The corner of Raph's lip lifted for a moment at the memory of a small sea-green turtle trying to do a handstand on his tonfas, still smiling and giggling when he fell over. The smile faded when remembered how that particular condition had ended. He gagged and spat on the roof.

"Shell, what do I do now?" He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw.

"I gotta go home."

Mikey lay on the floor in the dojo, propping himself up on his elbows. His gaze was focused on a wooden weapon – a tonfa. He absentmindedly traced the shape on the dojo floor; it was like a "T", with one side elongated.

"It's just you and me right now, bro. Donny's doing something in his lab, and who knows where Leo and Raph are…

"I miss you, Lorry. It's still weird without you, y'know? I mean, sometimes I still expect to see you playing with those old blocks, remember those? We all liked them, but man, you really loved those things. You were always coming up with shapes and buildings… Master Splinter always said you made your own little world.

"Huh, how did I get on to that? Oh, yeah… I miss you so much, Lorry, I still miss you. Don's afraid of forgetting you. I'm afraid I already have. I mean, I'll be out with the guys and sometimes I don't even remember until I come home… and then it hits again. Shell, I said they weren't over it… I'm not over it, Lorry. It's hard to just move on, like Donny said.

"I still have that toy robot you made when we were really little. I bet Leo and Raph and Donny don't even remember it. I do, though. You made it for me for Christmas that one year, 'member? With some pipe cleaners and some of your favourite blocks. Shell, Lorry…

"I don't know what to do now, Lorry. Raph and Leo have been getting worse. Though I guess you don't really remember that, they never really started fighting until you… left. They always took it really hard. Shell, we all did. They're getting really bad, though, and I don't know what to do about it. I need your help, bro, just… just give me an idea on how to fix this. I'm not gonna forget you, I promise. But I think we all need to, you know… move on. And that's hard enough without Raph sulking around and Leo feeling guilty and Don burying himself in his work. I feel like I'm the only one who wants to get past this, you know?

"I wish you were here, Lorry. I want you here, home, where you belong. I hope you're happy, wherever you are, but I really miss you Lorry. I really, really miss you."

Mikey bowed his head.

He stiffened suddenly when he heard someone breathing lightly behind him. Wiping his eyes hurriedly, Mikey flipped over and crouched defensively. When he saw who it was, he relaxed.

"Oh. Hey Raph."

Raph, leaning in the dojo doorway, nodded in answer, raising his eye ridges questioningly.

Mikey winced. "You, uh, heard that, huh?"

"Yeah."

Mikey nodded, inhaling deeply. He felt his chin wobble and turned his back to Raph, embarrassed.

"Hey," Raph's voice was soft and unnaturally gentle. "You ain't the only one, Mike." He walked over and put an arm around Mikey's shoulders. Mikey leaned into him, and they stood together in silence.

Four anxious turtle tots knelt silently in front of their master. There wasn't one of them who hadn't noticed Splinter's haggard appearance. The rat hadn't slept or eaten in days, and it showed.

"My sons," his voice was grave, "I am afraid I have not seen any sign of your brother."

He was met with a chorus of fearful cries.

"Sensei, why didn't he come home?"

"Why haven't you found anything?"

"Where is he?"

"Why can't we look too?"

Splinter held up one paw to stop the flood of questions. When there was silence, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"My sons, I did not want you to leave our home until Lorenzo had been found, but I fear that I no longer have a choice. Beginning tomorrow, you will come with me and help me search the sewers for your brother. However," he added, cutting off the voices that had risen again, "you must all listen to me very carefully. You will stay in my sight at all times and shall stay with your partner. Michelangelo and Donatello, you will be partners, and Leonardo, you will partner with Raphael. Is that clear?"

"But Sensei," Raph protested, getting to his feet. I don't wanna be Leo's partner. This is all his fault,
he –"

"Enough, Raphael!" Splinter reprimanded sharply. "You will do as I say."

"Yes Master Splinter."

"Very well. Rest, my sons. We will begin early in the morning."

Don leaned back in his desk chair, stretching and rubbing his eyes tiredly. He glanced at the clock on the wall and groaned. 2:37 am. He'd been working for six hours straight, no wonder he was sore. Massaging his shoulder, he wandered into the kitchen for a glass of water, nearly tripping over the cat on the way in.

He noticed that the TV was still on and, slightly exasperated, went to turn it off.

"Hey," came the quiet protest. "I was watchin' that."

Don raised his eye ridges. Raph and Mikey were sitting together on the couch. Or, rather, Raph was sitting and was pinned under a very heavy, very asleep Mikey. Raph's expression was unreadable, but he met Don's look with a stare of his own.

Don looked away first, flicking his gaze to Mikey. "Want help moving him?"

Raph shook his head. "Nah, leave him. He was kinda upset earlier." Raph rubbed Mikey's arm absentmindedly, but stopped when he realized what he was doing.

"Has Leo come in yet?"

Raph shook his head. "I ain't seen him. You think he's okay?"

Don gave him a reproachful look. "I doubt it, he didn't look okay. If he was okay, don't you think he'd be back by now?" His voice came out sharper than he meant it to.

"Aw, shell, Donny, don't be like that. I never meant nothin'."

Don exhaled loudly and plopped down in the recliner. "I know, I know. Ah… sorry."

"Whatever."

They sat like that, in silence. After a moment, Don said, "Do you think we should go look for him, Raph? He could be in trouble."

Raph sighed heavily. "Sure. I got an idea of where he might be."

"Leo, wanna play with us? Where's Lorry?"

Leo sat in the corner, arms crossed, pouting. "I don't care where he is! I don't wanna see him ever again!"

Don looked at him curiously. "Are you mad?"

Leo simply said "Humph!" and refused to say anything else.

Don walked over to where Raph and Mikey were wrestling in front of the TV. "Leo's mad," he announced. "He's not gonna play with us. And I don't know where Lorry is. Leo's mad at him."

Mikey sat up suddenly, giggling. "Do you think Lorry left the lair? He's gonna be in soo much trouble!" He giggled again at the idea of his brother getting in trouble.

Raph nodded. "Lorry's gone, I sawed it myself."

Mikey cocked his head to one side, listening intently. Raph was pleased to see his captive audience and puffed his chest out importantly. "Leo and Lorry got in a big fight and Lorry left!"

"Ooh, why?" Don asked, completely engaged.

Raph pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Well, Leo had a cookie that he was saved from last week when Master Splinter gived them to us, and Lorry ate it! Leo was really really mad, and he said 'I hate you! Go die!' and then Lorry got mad too and ran away."

Raph took in the awed expressions on Mikey and Don's faces and smirked.

All thoughts of a game disappeared as the three young turtles excitedly discussed this new topic.

After waking Mikey up – Raph had smacked him when Mikey tried to snuggle into his shell in an attempt to resist getting up – the three turtles left the lair, following a path that was familiar to them all. None of them were surprised to find Leo sitting in the shadows, deep in the sewer system. He looked either deeply asleep or in intense meditation. Either way, they all paused and looked at each other. Don waved Raph forward. When the latter stiffened, Don crossed his arms and Mikey gave Raph a gentle shove.

Three weeks had passed. For the first few days, the four remaining turtle tots had enjoyed their new freedom – they had to stick close to their master, but they were able to explore more of the sewers than they ever had before. Soon, however, the novelty wore off, and it was replaced by tense silence and worry so strong that they were all just desperate to come to an end. Raph was still grumpy about being paired with Leo and had started to wander further from both his brothers and Splinter.

"Hey, Leo. Wake up, bro." Raph shook Leo's shoulder lightly.

Leo twitched, then moaned. He blinked. "Raph?"

"Yeah, it's me. You okay, Leo?"

Leo shrugged half-heartedly. "I…I just…"

Mikey stepped forward then and sat down beside Leo, giving him a hug. Leo protested weakly. "Mikey, get off, I'm fine."

"Somehow I doubt that, bro. But it's okay."

Splinter closed his eyes briefly, willing himself to have patience. Mikey had grown bored of their search and was complaining loudly. Don was complaining about Mikey's complaining, and Leo hadn't said a word in days. Splinter turned around to reprimand them, but stopped when he noticed something amiss.

"Where is Raphael?"

He was answered with a piercing scream.

"Look, Leo, I… I'm sorry," Raph apologized awkwardly.

Leo looked up at him listlessly. "For what? You haven't done anything wrong. It was me. This is all my fault."

"Both of you, listen to me!" Mikey's voice held a hint of anger that caught his brothers' attention. "Stop blaming each other and stop feeling guilty already! It's done, it's over with, time to move on, okay? Stop living in the past. That's what Master Splinter always says, and you should listen."

The three other turtles looked at him with expressions ranging from mild interest to awe. "What?"

"Mikey," Don said, shaking his head slowly, "I don't think I've ever heard you say something so… profound before."

Mikey put his hands on his hips. "Hey, I can be deep too, y'know, Donny."

Don and Raph pulled Leo to his feet. Together, they turned to face the sewer wall.

Inscribed in the stone were the words, In Memory of Lorenzo Hamato.

"Raphael!" Splinter yelled. Turning to Mikey, Don, and Leo, he ordered, "Stay here. Do not move a muscle." He ran off in the direction of Raph's continued screams.

Splinter found Raph pressed against the wall of the sewer, shaking and crying. He immediately kneeled down in front of his son. "Raphael, what is the matter? Are you injured?"

Raph just pointed at the water behind Splinter. "L-l-l-l-l…" he tried to say something but couldn't get the sounds out.

Splinter looked with a feeling of dread. When he saw the still green shape, he closed his eyes and dropped to his knees. "Oh my son," he murmured. "My son."

Drawing on his last reserves of strength, Splinter turned and lifted Raph in his arms. The small turtle clung to him as if his life depended on it and cried into his shoulder as they made their way back to where Mikey, Leo, and Don were waiting.

"Let us return home, my sons. There is no more we can do."

Splinter returned later for the body, wrapping it in a white sheet and carrying it home carefully. He allowed his remaining sons to pay their respects before going off on his own to dispose of the body. He said silent prayers and allowed himself to cry only when he was alone. His remaining sons needed him now more than ever, and he was particularly worried about Leonardo and Raphael. Leonardo blamed himself for Lorenzo's loss and Raphael was suffering the effects of finding his brother's emaciated body floating in the sewers. Neither was faring well.

He had to keep the rest of his family safe and together.

"Raph, watch your back!" Leo yelled. With a war cry he hit the Foot ninja with a flying kick before helping Raph to his feet. "Pay more attention to your surroundings, Raph!"

"Mind your own business, Fearless!" Raph called back, racing across the roof to help Don. "Watch your own!"

"Some things – umph! – never –ouch! – change!" Mikey shouted to them from within his own circle of ninja.

"Focus, Michelangelo!"

Finally, the ninjas that were still standing turned at once and retreated. Mikey cheered loudly. "We still got it!" Leo and Raph helped Don to his feet before grinning at each other and exchanging high-threes.

Mikey laughed, then looked up at the moon and said quietly, "Thanks, bro."

-x-

A/N2: Well, how was it? Good, bad, super-amazingly-fantastic? Let me know!
Just for interest's sake, Lorry was named after Lorenzo Ghiberti, a Renaissance artist and goldsmith who did some famous doors – yes, doors – for a church in Florence. His second set of doors was called "The Gates of Paradise" by Michelangelo and still stand as a "monument to the age of humanism."