Mort's Alter Ego: Don't go back man! Just get the hell out of there dude! Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!! [Mort backs up car revealing Motel sign. Walks into lobby, picks up keys, storms out, then drives to motel room]

Amy & Ted: OH I LOVE YOU!!!! [sees Mort; panics]

Mort: RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ted: [wimper]

~SIX MONTHS LATER~

Mort: [snore]

Chico: As you probably have already figured out, the dog dies in most horror movies. So I've decided that I would like to be a stuck up Chinese Crested that was pampered a lot when Amy was around and has a fetish with screwdrivers. That way, no one will miss me.

Mort: [snore] yo.....ho....yo...ho...A pirate's---

Door: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Mort: That was fast.

Door: KNOCK KNOCK

[Mort opens door]

Shooter: If I looked up Meanie Beanie Fo Feanie in the dictionary, your picture would be right next to it!

Mort: ......huh?

Shooter: PLAYGERIZER! YOU STOLE MY DAMN STORY!

Mort: nuh-uh

Shooter: yuh-huh

Mort: nuh-uh

Shooter: yuh-huh

Chico: [bark]

Mort: [glares at Chico] Look man, I didn't steal it!

Shooter: You stole it. [waves manuscript around in Mort's face]

Mort: Nope. Go away. I'm so much sexier than you. [sticks out oh-so-sexy tounge]

The amazingly beautiful depp-loving authorette: I second that!

Mort: [grins sexily at authorette]

Shooter: [mutters] blech

[Shooter walks away from the door]

Mort: I spy with my bionic eye......a scary man from Mississippi [peers through window at Shooter climbing into a fairly old car with a license plate from Mississippi. Then Mort walks back over to door, sees manuscript with a muffin sitting on top]

Morts Alter Ego: SHOOTER! SHOOTER! SHOOTER!

Mort: You'd think he would have used something a little heavier. [picks up manuscript and walks inside] Hmph. That guy was creepy... but not creepy enough. [Throws manuscript in trash]

Mort: Sleepy time.

[Mort slumps over to couch to go to sleep]

~SP~ [Dream] Door: [bangs] LET ME IN OR I'LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!!!

[Shooter appears in door] ~SP~

Phone: I OWN this movie. RIIIIIIIING RIIIIIIIING

Mort: Shit.

Phone: RIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG RIIIIIIINGGGGGGG

[Mort picks up the phone and brings it over to the couch]

Mort: Hello?

Amy: Hi! Whats the unmarried, unwanted, all-alone-on-a-scary-lake life like?

Mort: ILL KILL YOU! ILL KILL YOU BOTH!

Amy: What's that?

Mort: oh nothing....How's Teddy?

Amy: just fine.

Mort: Is he there now?

Amy: no...we arent together now...

Mort: [does Snoopy dances]

Amy: GOTCHA! [giggle] Ted's coming over later.

Mort: DIE PHONE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [bashes phone against couch]

Amy: Mort? Mort?

Mort: Sorry- Hey, remember that story I wrote where the woman has the garden and the man has the uh....shovel? Amy: Yeah....not one of my favorites...you know whats funny? I have a garden just like the woman in the book. And I cheated on you. AND you wrote the book. ANND I-

Mort: Do you think I ever.....stole it?

Amy: pshh.. you...steal a story? No.....you live most of the crap you write in life.

Mort: I don't think I stole it...

Amy: Why are you questioning me? Did some mysterious man from Mississippi with a funny hat show up on your doorstep and claim that you stole his story?

Mort: [O_O]

Amy: [crunch crunch]

Mort: well I better get going...

Amy: but but...I wanna rub in the fact that I'm with someone and happy..unlike you who has my dog and –

Mort: I SAID GOOD DAY!

[phone convo ends]