A/N:Hi!
This is my first story ever, so please don't judge me too much. This is un-beta-ed, so be warned!
The conversation in "Utopia" goes quite differently when Jack asks the right questions...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Doctor Who. If i did, I would not have let Billie Piper leave.
"Last thing I remember, back when I was mortal, I was facing three Daleks. Death by extermination. Then I came back to life. What happened?" Jack forced through his rigid lips.
"Rose". He froze with bewilderment.
"I thought you sent her back home", he said.
"She came back. Opened the heart of the TARDIS and absorbed the Time Vortex itself".
"But what does then mean, exactly!
"Noone is ever meant to have that power. If a Time Lord did that he'd become a god, a vengeful god. But, she was human." The Doctor could clearly remember it all: how she had stepped out of the TARDIS surrounded by golden light, how she had turned all the Daleks to dust with a flick of her hand. But she couldn't let go. So she didn't only revive Jack, she accidentally made him defy Time. Like a rock in the river.
"Everything she did was so human. She brought you back to life. But she couldn't control it, she brought you back forever. There's something, I suppose. The final act of the Time War was life."
Just saying her name brought pain with it. He could see how she cried on the beach in Norway. It hurt.
"You think she could change me back?" Jack said, hope filtering through his voice.
"I took the power out of her. She's gone, Jack". He looked up at the Doctor. "She's not just living on a parallell world, she's trapped there. The walls have closed." Just admitting that he would never see her again made the waves of pain return.
"I'm sorry." And he truly was. It was sad that neither the Doctor nor him couldn't meet her again. But he was mostly sorry for the Doctor. He could see how much he had loved, no, how he loves, Rose Tyler.
"Yeah." He could feel tears in his eyes.
"You love her very much". It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Back then, in the Doctors previous incarnation, he saw how much he cared for her.
"Yes". It was such a relief to finally admit it. He had, of course, admitted it to himself many times, but he had never said it out loud. It was nice.
"And do you wan't to know what hurts the most, Jack?" He nodded.
"That I failed her. Over and over again. Especially when I fell in love with Madame de Pompadour. And she kept on defending me. After that episode, when we were back on the TARDIS, she came to me and told me that she'd never leave. She told me that it didn't matter if I broke her heart. Because I was safer with her there. Have you ever heard of such loyalty Jack? She said to me she would defend me until the day she died."
"Did you ever tell her all of this?" Jack wondered. He sincerely hoped he had. Because then they might have been happy during the little time they had.
"No. But she knows. She always knows."
"You miss her. A lot." This was also not a question, but a statement.
"Every day. Every single day since then. All that's needed is a flash of blonde hair, someone saying the word "wolf", heck, even someone laughing. And it's all back." He felt the lump in his throat as he said the words. He could see in front of him how she saved him, how she would help him fly the TARDIS, how she smiled.
"Do you think you'll ever.." Jack looked at the Doctor.
"Maybe. In roughly... five decades? Perhaps.
"This explains a lot. Because when I was traveling with you, you were always so, well, happy. And today, when I looked you in the eye, you were almost... depressed. And it also explains why you were being so touchy when I made the "Not if you're blonde", comment. Sorry for that by the way. I didn't mean any harm. But what about Martha?"
"Oh, she's brilliant. But unfortunately she fancies me."
"Is being fancied a bad thing?" Jack asked, bewildered.
"Yes. Five decades, remember?"
"Oh." NOW he understood. She fancied him but he couldn't reciprocate because he was already in love with Rose.
"Well, I can sympathize."
"I bet you can". The Doctor grinned. But then he continued.
"And Rose didn't just save the universe a couple of times. She saved me. She saved me in every way a person can be saved, by just being there. Loving me. And when she was taken from me...I was broken. I AM broken. But I'm not angry anymore. Only at Torchwood."
"About that..." Jack hesitated. He didn't want to anger the Doctor, but Torchwood wasn't what it used to be. He knew the Doctor would really like his team if he ever got to meet them.
"I kind of restarted Torchwood". He could see the Doctors face grow darker.
"But it isn't what it used to be!" He hurried to say. "There's only half a dozen of us now, and the old regime was destroyed at Canary Wharf."
"You work for Torchwood." The Doctors voice shook with anger.
"When I rebuilt it, I rebuilt it for you... For your honor."
The Doctor gave him a hard but accepting look. Jack nodded. And the last coupling fell down.
"There we go!" Jack exclaimed happily.
Martha came running.
"Doctor, professor Yana has the exact same watch as you!"