The Long Road – Morrigan's tale
Chapter 1 – As the raven flies
"No, I will not reconsider. The answer is no."
"Then you are a fool!"
"I will not stand by and watch you waste this opportunity. Die, if you feel it is worthwhile or be overshadowed. I can't."
"Please, don't do this. Don't go."
I would that I could have helped you. That is your doing however, and not mine. Fare you well, my love. Should you live past tomorrow, I trust it will only be with regret."
Furious about him and herself, she left the room.
She walked only at a slow pace, her heart telling her to turn around and to spend the last hours of the night with her love before he would sacrifice himself in the fight against the archdemon. She risked a glance back to the fire, to where her beloved stood.
He didn't look after her. Instead, he remained staring into the flames of the fireside. They were burning every inch of the wood pieces, as if eager to destroy every single one of it.
It seemed to her that her heart was currently doing the same to her brain.
Stay with him.
But she forced herself to withstand the urge to turn around and walk back.
He had made his decision.
As had Morrigan.
And both would now have to bear the consequences.
Morrigan slipped out of the wooden door, turning immediately into the shape of a grey wolf.
Whilst she ran down the hallway, her thoughts were still circling around what had just happened. The only love, the only person she had ever allowed herself to have feelings for, important feelings that went beyond a normal friendship, had denied to lay with her.
He refused to become the father of a child that he would never see and that would have nothing of him in its features, for it would be the incarnation of an ancient god.
That was the true reason why she was sent with him and why Flemeth had rescued him from the Tower of Ishal.
Much had changed since these days, although it had happened less than two months ago. So much had changed within this short time span. She had allowed her feelings –her heart- to start thinking and its thoughts had grown louder and louder, until it swallowed the voice of her brain, the rationality that was given to her by her life in the Wilds. And now she was in a position she had never wanted to get into.
She regretted leaving him back there, in his room doing nothing but staring into the flames.
The hate on herself grew with every step of the wolf.
For the first time in weeks, her brain spoke loud enough to drown the voice of her heart in its sound.
The ritual was the only reason why you followed him. He denied it to you. You've done your duty. Leave. Go your way, but do not allow this man to drag you into desperation. He isn't worth it.
Still running, the wolf transformed again, this time into a raven with feathers as dark as the night. With only a few strokes of its wings, the bird rose to the hallway's ceiling and flew through a wide crenel out into the night.
Morrigan left the relative warmth of the castle, trading it for the cold night outside. Her thick feathers prevented her from freezing. The sky was clear, enlightened by the moon and an uncountable amount of stars. All this light was reflected by the waters of Lake Calenhad, who stretched out right beneath her wings.
She allowed a cold breeze to carry her north, away from Redcliffe Castle to the center of the lake.
The flight was refreshing to Morrigan, giving her an unthinkably great feeling of freedom. Although her thoughts sometimes returned to her heart, which she had apparently left behind in her beloved's bedroom.
She felt even more liberated as she had with Flemeth in the Wilds. Morrigan was on her own now. Completely.
There was no Flemeth.
There were no other persons.
Up here in the air, there was only her mind.
It told her to go anywhere, as long as it was out of Ferelden and away from this Grey Warden she had –no, still- loved.
So where should she go?
Back into the Wilds was not an option. Although she was dead, slain by her beloved to protect her, the soul of her mother probably still lurked through the woods, searching for a new body -no, a new hull- to live in. And as she preferred to choose the bodies of her daughters as her next physical incarnation, it was a bad idea to return there.
With this said, only North and West remained.
North, over the Waking Sea to the realms Nevarra and Tevinter.
West, beyond the Frostback Mountains into the empire of Orlais.
The raven started to circle above the lake. Redcliffe Castle was nothing but a slight silhouette at the horizon, far off her current location.
Her mind had finally succeeded in telling her heart that the end of her relationship to him was not her fault, that they weren't separated because she left him alone just a few hours ago. Slowly, her cold rationality returned again.
Why not Orlais?
The home of the Chevaliers and the Chantry was surely worth visiting. Leliana had often spoken of many intrigues at the Orlesian court, so a witch might be of use for some members of the nobility.
And if it didn't fit her, she could still move on to another country.
But for now, she had to land on some solid ground. She could not transform into a fish and her powers were slowly drained from her.
Keeping her body in the shape of a raven was one thing, but keeping it up for such a long time when flying through the air was far more exhausting.
Not to speak of the horrible urge to scratch her plumage with her spout. In fact, this urge was driving her mad.
Three hours as an animal were definitely a time too long. With every second, more of the human mind of the sorcerer was absorbed by the habits and thoughts of the animal he or she had turned into. There even existed myths and legends about mages that were unable to transform back into their human bodies after staying an animal for too long.
One of those myths told about a jealous woman named Loriana. It was said that, hundreds of years ago, she married a beautiful man, a man who always had other women around him that did obviously not understand why he had married her, for she didn't belong to the beauties of the village. Loriana looked to it with anger and grief, feeling worthless and unwanted when they were around. Those feelings increased as the time passed, especially as it became clear, that she would never be able to give birth to children. As the village's druid had informed her about this horrible fact, she went into the woods every day, where she found an old which that was willing to teach her how to transform her body into a crow. After months of hard training, Loriana finally succeeded in transforming herself into a crow's shape and to use this body. From that time, she always followed her husband, wherever he went. One day, her husband joined had joined a merchant's trail as a mercenary. Out of fear he might leave her on this occasion, she changed in the crow's shape once more and followed the convoy, always watching even the slightest movements of her husband. He was unaware of being watched and as the time passed by, Loriana herself started to become unaware of the reason why she followed the convoy. Every day, she was more crow than human being and in the end, only the crow was left. And as her husband returned home, having earned enough money to bring them both through the coming winter, he found an empty hut with no one waiting for him.
And no one knew where Loriana had gone.
Flemeth had always told her this legend as she taught Morrigan how to take up the shape of different animals.
And she did not want to end like the woman in the myth.
The idea made her frown and the raven increased its pace.
Her mother had told her a plenty of useful things and skills. Morrigan had always been thankful for this, especially since this had given her the basic knowledge for all the spells she had learned when travelling with the Grey Warden.
After another three hours, the raven landed smoothly upon the western banks of Lake Calenhad. As soon as one of his spiked toes had reached the muddy ground, he changed into a beautiful young woman.
The urge to scratch her feathers faded away slowly, whereas her human thoughts and beings hit her like the mighty blow of a blacksmith's hammer.
Once again, she thought of her love.
She could feel, that his last hours were approaching.
Morrigan sighed desperately.
How could she have allowed herself to have feelings towards any other being than hers?
She sighed again and turned around, looking at the lake.
The weak light of the dawning sun shone upon its surface, dancing on the waves. There was no sign of Redcliffe Castle at the horizon anymore. At her current location, horizon could barely be seen at all.
There was just water. Endless water.
Her stomach growled loudly and a hopeful smile appeared on her face. Perhaps here, so far away from him and his stubborn sacrifice, she would manage to get over him.
But now, it was time to get something to eat. The hours of flight had cost her much of her energy and she felt merely empty. Like she was unable to do anything until she had eaten anything.
Or until she had overcome her hopeless love to the Grey Warden.
For now, breakfast appeared to be the easier choice to fill the emptiness. And so she turned her back to the huge lake and stepped into the thick forest that covered the bank as far as she could see. To her surprise, there seemed to be no fishing villages directly at the lake. She wasn't eager to meet anybody at all, but this seemed nonetheless a bit weird to her, as humans tended to settle wherever they could.
But what did she care?