AN:
Genre: Angst
Summary: Mindy's POV after her call to Morgan at the end of season finale - 'Best man'.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters nor profit from this.
Not proof -read.
Danny was missing ... He wasn't there at Peter's wedding... and somehow that doesn't surprise her other than the initial surprise on hearing the news itself.
She should have expected this or actually she had expected this but never actually wanted to openly acknowledge it fearing that if she did somehow it would come true ... Well that didn't help very much, did it now?
Anyway it was finally the time to face facts... Fact number one is of course Danny is missing and his phone is switched off. And he hasn't really bothered to call her or anyone else for that matter, to inform of his whereabouts!
Fact number two is that, that this was expected! After his freaking out on the name of marriage and their weepy show-down the day before she had expected him to take some extra time after the wedding before returning home ... but what she didn't expect was him not even turning up at the wedding venue... Well guess the word 'wedding' itself should have warned her that he would never show up there...
Fact three is she is more angry than worried at the moment! But the problem is, she isn't sure with whom she is more angry with, herself or him...
Time and time again he had broken her heart and she always forgave him because she wanted to... She thought if she gave him this one chance he wouldn't do it again. But now sitting on her bed rubbing her swollen belly it finally dawns upon her to actually count the times his sorry didn't in reality mean that he wouldn't repeat it.
Even if she was ready to forget the distant past like the time he actually broke their first relationship, the recent events like him not considering her a part of his family until he came to know about the baby, not seriously asking her to move in until the baby came into the picture, not wanting to meet her parents or more importantly, not wanting to ever get married even after knowing that it was one of the most important things in her life and the latest disappearing act... All these instances cannot be so casually ignored and brushed under a corner of her mental carpet, like she usually did every other time.
Somehow while listing all the times he had disappointed her recently, she just came to the realization that she meant more to him now than say few months ago when he didn't know about the existence of the baby...
She truly didn't know how to feel about that...
On one hand she was happy that he obviously loved their baby so much that he has started loving her more... But at the same time it makes her feel that if it wasn't for this unplanned pregnancy she would be still an outsider who wouldn't be invited to the intimate Castellano family discussions dinners and never really would have even moved in with him in the first place. Because even though he had brought the new brownstone for their future, he hadn't officially asked her to move in until the baby news.
She loves her baby and she loves the fact that her baby's father loves him just as much ... But she isn't very sure of how she feels about her boyfriend actually considering her a part of his family and loving her more based only on the fact that she was having his baby. Somehow it felt like an indirect insult to the person she was up till that moment...
Maybe that was the problem at its source... the commitment Danny could so naturally feel and show towards his baby, he could never show towards her. Now more than the commitment he had for her as his girlfriend, he has for her as the mother of his future child and that sadly was not a solid ground to base a relationship on...
She saw the rain pouring out from the darkened sky outside and turned to look around her, inside their room... Not much difference was there, it too was majorly grey with a very few spattering of color which was mostly her clothes that Danny had missed to put away neatly in the closet.
And that there was her fundamental problem... She always expected that one day she will look at their room and find it more colorful... She was always expecting something to change even without thinking whether Danny actually wanted that change or whether he was even capable of that change.
She expected a version of him were he would be more open, more trusting and more trust worthy. It reminded of her childhood when she would go and poke the cake batter her mom had left in the oven every few minutes, to see whether her favorite cake was ready. Once her mom had caught her meddling and scolded her saying that no matter how soon she wishes her cake to be ready, it would be ready only when it is time for it to be ready.
A lesson guess she never actually learnt because even if Danny was cake batter which would eventually change, she should have left him alone... And here she was expecting or even unwittingly pressuring a human being to change as soon as possible! If Danny truly wished to be left the way he was, she had no right in meddling with him and pressuring him to change into the person she wanted him to be.
So the most important fact was that what she wanted was not she had. What she wanted was a Danny who would fit into her life seamlessly, one for whom trust would be a word which could be always taken for granted just like the family she grew up in. Because no matter what happens she knew she could always count on her family.
Sadly the version of Danny she currently had was the total opposite of it. And she just realized how unfair she was being to him, herself and to their baby to be secretly expecting him to change.
The fact that they both loved each other very much wouldn't change but waiting for some sort of miracle to happen and suddenly have this room filled with bright colors and light would certainly ruin them gradually and she couldn't afford that, no not with their baby in the picture.
She would be okay to have a best friend and loving father to her baby who will be very much involved throughout his life, than have a loving husband and a baby daddy in the beginning, only to end up in a messy divorce and heart wrenching custody battles later...
Now she knew he would try his best to resist this decision, because after all he didn't like changes, now did he? But this time no grand gesture would shake her grounds. Maybe he would meet her parents and convince them, maybe he would ask her to marry on top of Empire State building, maybe he would write in the sky with fireworks and propose... But this time she wouldn't fall for it.
Because this time her mistake would cost her the most precious thing in this world to her; her baby. She had enough of stress as it is, she certainly didn't want the tension of standing at the altar or 'mandap' wondering whether he would turn up to their wedding or not.
She has to move before he comes back from wherever he has disappeared to. She would ask Morgan for help, she could always count on him.
She would allow Danny and Annette to be involved in every aspect of the baby they wanted to be involved in but her baby would be with her, a person whom her baby would know he could always trust upon no matter what may come; he would know that he would always have his mommy with him.
Maybe later, she too will take a holiday with the baby and visit her parents in India... Because no matter how many things Danny teased her about the country, one thing even he wouldn't deny was that it is one of the most colorful countries in the world.
Maybe the doctor's prescription for her messed up life is a large dose of colorful chaos with a chant of peaceful mantra in the background. And she was sure life would be good again ...
AN: Thank you all for reading. Hope you liked it. I would really love to read your reviews regarding this, so please do spare a minute to do so. :)