(a/n) I am so sorry for not updating in a while. This story is human stuck and sad stuck also there is a character death sorry. The poem is by Chaim Stern. I'm feeling really one-shot-y so I might now be updating I need a hug (inah) or missing pieces right away but it will happen eventually

It is a fearful thing

to love what death can touch.

A fearful thing

to love, hope, dream:

to be-

to be,

And! Oh to lose.

Life…

What a funny thing it was to me. It wouldn't be much longer now though. Blood was already streaming down my arm wear I had cut it but there's was one more thing to do. I have to tell him. This is my last chance after all. It wouldn't matter if he loved me back since I'll just be gone soon after. I smile and slowly stumble to my computer, logging onto Trollian for the last time.

I open up a chat box and thankfully he's on.

A thing for fools, this,

and

a holy thing,

a holy thing

to love.

CarcincoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY SOLLUX, LOOK I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING, AND I DON'T NEED ANY BULLSHIT FROM YOU ABOUT IT.

TA: well what ii2 iit kk?

CG: I LOVE YOU SOLLUX.

TA: you what?! you love me?

CG: YEAH. I ALWAYS HAVE. BUT I'M DYING SOLLUX I'M SORRY I COULDN'T TELL YOU SOONER

TA: you're joking riight, kk tell me you're just kiidiing me. you can't bee dying, why are you dying?

CG: SOLLUX, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME IT'LL ALL BE OVER SOON. I DID IT MYSELF SOLLUX, I WANTED THIS. JUST DON'T WORRY.

TA: yeah ok kk, but II'm comiing over riight now. 2ee you very 2oon.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcincoGeneticist [CG]

I sigh knowing I couldn't convince him otherwise, I struggle to get up the blood loss starting to make me dizzy. Clutching to the walls for support I make my way to the front door, since he only lived a minute or two away I assumed he'd already be there. Why did he have to make dying so hard, couldn't he just have answered me and left it like that?

When I got to the door he was already frantically pounding on it from the outside. I weakly open it up and he bursts in, capturing me in his arms like my mom always would before she died and left me with my abusive oaf of a father. He's crying and so am I now, what did he do to deserve to be upset like this, nothing. It's my fault though that's the worst part.

For your life has lived in me,

your laugh once lifted me,

your word was gift to me.

To remember this brings painful joy.

I've always loved Sollux, from the very first day I met him I knew I loved him. That was so many long and painful years ago. All the time we laughed and played together as kids, I was holding the fact that I loved him wherever I went. He supported me when everyone thought I was useless. He always brought a smile to me even though I didn't always show it. Even now, as I'm in his shaking arms, him begging me not to die, I'm happy somehow. I'm happy to be with him, I'm happy he still cares.

"Shh, Sollux, I'm not in any pain," I whisper but he only hugs me tighter. I wrap my arms around him slowly and we both just rock softly back and forth. I feel like I'm about to collapse so I drag us to the couch. We fall down crying to together. I sit up though and he looks at me, I know I don't have much longer, I think he knows too.

"I love you too, k-, Karkat," he chokes out. I smile and lean in to kiss him. Our lips meet for the first and sadly last time. It's a kiss full of passion and neither of us pull back for what seemed to be an eternity. When we do though, I can feel my life finally slipping away, I smile weakly and there's a dear dripping down the side of my face. Sollux brings me closer and I'm just being held in his arms now. It's a horrible way to go but at least he loves me too. I can hear his sobs but I just close my eyes and start to drift off.

"I love you Karkat" was the last thing I heard but I just needed to say one more thing before I left.

"Sollux, I love you, you gotta keep going s-Sollux, and you can't give up ever. See you later sol-," and then there's nothing. I can't feel my body as he shakes me in attempt to wake me from my endless sleep. I can't hear his loud screams and sobs. There's just nothing and I can finally rest from a world going way too fast for one hopeless loser like me. We all have our faults in life yes I know but I didn't have the strength to fix mine. I only hope Sollux doesn't see this as his fault, and I hope he doesn't just give up like I did. If I could go back, yes I'm sure I would but what's done is done and I can finally rest.

'Tis a human thing, love,

a holy thing,

to love

what death has touched