So, this is one of the ideas I got recently. Timing is back to the high school and it's totally AU. The events are similar to the events of the Pilot episode of GG, almost the same. I hope you'll give it a chance, because it bothered me almost six months now.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip girl or any character in this story except for the ones that are product of my imagination. This story is pure fiction! All rights are going to the CW.

Summary: AU. "She came back to him but he promised to himself that he will never be hers again, even if the fate has another plans for them." Somehow dark.

Pairing/s, characters: Chuck/Blair, Serena/Nate with Dan, Jenny and parents also starring.

Things you need to know: Serena, Nate and Chuck are very close friends. Chuck, Serena and Eric are siblings but only on the paper. Blair left after an incident and her actions caused serious problems with Chuck. Story starts six months after she left, not leaving a clue where she is. How will things roll from here?

shattered grandeur

Blair Waldorf never wanted her life to go this way. Her scrapbook, carefully hidden under her queen sized bed in her home, is not scrapped like this, not at all. Her home. Her annoying mother, God-obsessed Dorota, her friends. Serena. Nate. Chuck.

She shook her head, pushing that thought from her head. She is dead for Chuck Bass and that chapter of her life is not supposed to be read again. But how do you forget something and someone who you loved so much? Months of being torn apart from him didn't use, and going home is natural step.

Blair pressed her head to the window of the train, not allowing memories to consume her again. Seats are too uncomfortable, coated with excruciatingly ugly shade of orange striped material. Windows are dirty, and the others in her roomette are mostly old people, one middle-aged married couple who fought like a little children. A wife called her husband "her violet" and her hubby got really mad. Their fight end with a bunch of sloppy kisses. They were disgusting. There was also one semi-comatose granny, with her grandson who tried to speak to Blair but failed miserably.

Now all of them where asleep and Blair could think straight. She only took a train because of precautions. She couldn't afford herself being caught on airport. Blair prayed there was no one on the Grand Central, her homecoming must be in secret, she wanted it to be a surprise to her friends. At least the ones she had. Nate was apathetic to her, and Serena was more worried for Chuck, than for Blair. Serena only called once, not asking her where she is, not worried. She only told Blair to stay wherever she is. They were all angry with her. Everything was so messed at home, but she is a Waldorf and she'll die before she let them shut her out again. Just a half hour more, and she's home.

Party was in full swing, and everybody enjoyed it so far. Serena glanced around the room, sipping her Dom quietly. Things are good. Things are getting good with each day. Sure, Chuck was still on rehab and still very tough to talk to, but he'll get better with the time.

People were laughing slightly, nursing their drinks. Society wanted smile, good grades and certificate from a good college. Marriages were already set, since kids were born, because successful parents expect nothing less from their children. That's the way it goes.

"So, Nate, Dartmouth it is?" One of the older gentlemen, Mr. Priuss, smiled at Nate and Serena. They were such a nice young couple. Van der Bilt ring was reserved for this girl, everybody knew it. "Yes, well, Nate and thought about a little about UCA, UCLA.." Serena stepped it, huge smile on her face. "We don't want to be separated for that long, now, baby, do we?" She hit Nate lightly in the shoulder, as the other blonde smiled. "Yes, Mr. Priuss, we're still young. There are lot of options." Nate smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Gentleman," Serena chirped, "Can you excuse me and Nate for a second? I haven't seen him all day!" She whined like it was her biggest worry in the world. Men nodded, their eyes wandering all over her.

"So I told them, no. What could possibly be the problem with my conditions?" Eleanor Waldorf complained about her work, as always, sipping her bourbon in big gulps. "I hate to work with Saks. They are the worst buyers I have. They are like a little brats!" She almost threw her hands in the hair in rage.

"I know my dear," A middle aged woman smiled, licking champagne away from her ruby red lips. "When is Blair coming back? I haven't seen that girl in ages!" Christina was always hungry for a gossip, and whole elite of the city, from the teenagers to the pensioners were pealing over the Waldorf girl.

Eleanor slumped her shoulders, getting annoyed. "She's in the France, at her father's. Apparently, there's this amazing private school she has been dying to attend. I just couldn't say no. Her father and I made a deal she can stay how long she wants. " She lied. The truth is, she had no idea where her daughter was. Blair just came one night, talking her into the idea to go to the school in London . Later, Eleanor found out she crossed the ocean under three false names. She tried to call, but young girl never answered, except in one letter where she told her that she's okay and that she'll be back. Since then, Blair didn't call, or write, or had any contact with her past actually.

Christina narrowed her eyes, analyzing the information. Something smelled there, badly, but the truth will be out every moment. That's how they work on the Manhattan.

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Serena mused, absorbing the sight of Manhattan in the winter. Nate just shrugged, taking a sip from his beer. She passed him a neatly rolled joint, without much talking. This where those moments when she knew that everything fell apart. Not their relationship, but their lives. Blair was gone. Chuck was drowning in his own sorrow. Their gang existed no more.

"I miss him.." Nate stated as he took a drag of a joint, cursing everything under his breath. Life was sometimes too complicated. Serena squeezed his hand lightly. Shots of horrifying pictures of Chuck overdosed in his limo ran through her head, and she knew Nate thought about that too. Dark time for all of them. "Nate, Chuck is sick. It's not his fault."

"No, it's hers. Lying bitch." Nate shot back, his voice full of anger. "I searched for her when she left. Bitch crossed the ocean under three false names. She destroyed him and left him." He couldn't say her name. he couldn't say Blair Waldorf. Blair Waldorf didn't do that to her boyfriend. That girl was somebody else.

"Nate.. You don't mean that.." Serena's eyes were watery, her breath caught in her throat. "I, I know that what she did was wrong but she didn't drug him and she didn't drown him in the drink. That was his choice."

Nate twitched his hand from Serena's, throwing the rest of the joint away."I'm sorry.. it's.. She never even called. She didn't ask for him. She didn't fight for him." He threw his hand around her shoulder, drawing her closer to him. "Promise me you won't do that to me." She kissed his other hand, pressing it to her forehead. It was a silent promise. "We'll go to see him tomorrow, okay?" , "Okay." Comfortable silence fell on them as the dusk did it's magic.

Blair glanced around the Grand Central, searching for the familiar faces, and let out a sigh of relief when she saw that no one who mattered was there. She quickly ran out to hail a taxi, with each step she was closer to her home. Blair could almost smell familiar note of her penthouse.

As she drove, Blair wondered what would their reaction be. Nate will be surprised, angry probably, because she escaped him every time his PI almost found her. Her mother would fake a surprise, along with Serena and Lily, but all three of them will caught her elbow, asking her where the hell was she. Dorota will be the only one who will be happy to see her. And Chuck.. He would probably sip his drink in the corner, staring at her whole evening, silently blaming her for his overdose. She heard about it, but she never believed it. He loved himself too much.

Manhattan streets ran wildly as she stared at them dreamily, feeling home. Winter stretched this year, and tonight snow was falling lightly on the frozen land, shining. Blair always loved snow. She would read for hours in her room, glancing every second to the window, just to make sure it's still falling. Good days.

The taxi suddenly stopped in front of her building. She took a deep breath to compose herself, before she threw the 100 dollar bill to the driver, not waiting for the change.

"And I told him, get that out of my apartment, it's ruining my floors! That rug was the ugliest thing I've ever saw!" Lily was telling some little story about her redecoration of the Van der Woodsen residence. A small group that contained Nate, Anne, Captain, Serena and Eleanor listened her story and laughed in unison. Lily was a lot like Serena, happy and full of adventures. "Lily, why didn't Bart make it? I'm sorry he's not here!" Anne smiled kindly at the woman, asking just for a little chat. "Oh, he's in Bangkok for the weekend. He'll be back in Monday, for sure!"

Before anyone could answer, Serena's eyes stuck on the petite brunette, her jaw on the floor. She could barely signal to Nate that one guest more joined the party. "Blair!" She shouted, fake smile plastered on her face. "Over here!" Serena waved her hands as Blair's expression changed from surprised to restless.

Eleanor looked over at Blair, and so did the rest of their group. Everyone stared at Blair. Brunette wanted to curl in the ball and skip all of this. Of course her mother would host a soiree at Saturday night. "Serena! I missed you!" She rushed into Serena's arm, breaking the uncomfortable silence with the most uncomfortable hug she ever had. Serena stiffened under her touch, but somehow she found herself hugging Blair back.

Everyone greeted Blair with warm words. "So Blair, how was your school?" Anne asked suddenly. "Oh, London is enchanting! I already miss it!" Everyone fell in confused silence, and the Captain spoke first. "We thought you were in France?" Blair gulped, caught in her lie. "Um, that came after." It seemed that everyone believed her, sighing over her education. "Serena, can I speak to you for a moment?" She saw blonde hesitate, so she smiled sweetly, adding one please to that.

"So, where is he?" She spat out impatiently, glancing nervously around the room. Chuck was nowhere in the sight. Serena looked at her quizzically, her brows furrowing in the confusion. "Who?" And then she let one "Oh.." Serena gulped, her head falling down. "It's surprise you don't know.. He's at the Ostroff center." Blair's heart skipped a beat. So, it was true. Please don't say it, please don't say it, she prayed silently, "Why?" She let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes.

"He overdosed." Serena stated bitterly, her voice screaming, it's your fault.. Blair's eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away. "I have to go. See you at school." She tried to go past Serena, but another blonde stood on her way. "Don't even think about it, Blair." Nate drawled her name in disgust, his eyes full of rage. "He's sick and if you ever asked yourself, yes, it is your fault." Blair just rushed past him, her heart pumping in her ears.

Overdosed.

He's sick.

He's at the Ostroff center.

It's her fault.

Blair ran into the Ostroff center, walking mess. She rushed to the nurse, searching for Chuck Bass. "It's over there," a redhead pointed to the deep blue doors, "But the time for visits is over…" Blair didn't catch a word, instead she just walked slowly to the room, nurse following her. "Miss, you can't go in there.."

"I'm family.." She stated simply, sadly, glancing at peacefully sleeping Chuck in the room. "Please.." She turned to the nurse, tears in her eyes. The older woman nodded heavily, muttering something under her breath about Chuck Bass's family.

Once she was alone in the room with him, Blair didn't know what to do. She cheated him and in her miserable attempt to defense herself said that he deserved it. She pushed him into that hell. She'll have the mark on her heart.

Brunette kneeled in front of the bed, taking his hand in hers. "What did I do?" She asked herself silently, looking at his pale face, almost lifeless body. "Chuck.. I'm so, so, sorry.. I never meant to do this to you.." She kissed his hands, laying her head in their clutched hands.

Tears stream down your face,

When you lose something you cannot replace..

A/N:

Lyrics from "Fix You" By Coldplay. Uh, sorry if it was awful. You know what to do, it's all waiting for you!