DISCLAIMER IS ON PROFILE. PLEASE READ.

BE WARNED OF FOUL LANGUAGE.

I OWN POISON, RANCOR, BILE, ENMITY, LEWD, BARBARELLA, BELLADONNA AND CARNALITY. IAMENVIOUS OWNS JASH, AKA "NEW" MALICE (BECAUSE I OWNED THE OLD ONE THAT WAS DESTROYED), AND MIMI (WHO IS HIDAN'S SISTER, THEIR PARENTS BEING HILD (FROM AH-MY GODDESS) AND JIRO).

THIS IS AN AU STORY.

introduction/timeline

Hidan was unlucky in love, he has had the worst relationship experiences out of all the Akatsuki thus far. It was by far insufferable to be the weakest of the Akatsuki members, but it was far worse to be the one with the most failed relationships.

First there was Lust. In the beginning he thought that they had hit it off pretty well - at first, but once Jash and Bile were born she had moved on from Hidan and had begun stabbing him repeatedly and mercilessly in the process of pushing him away. At first he thought her stabbing him with her fingers was merely foreplay, because he likes ruthless women, but eventually he got the point that she was giving him - and indeed she did...literally, ouch! She had begotten their son, Jash, who had his mother's black hair, chin and lips. Lust had grown tired of Hidan, perhaps because he was such a poor father figure to their son. She had also taken a love interest in Bile, whom she had helped raise.

LUST NOW GOES BY THE CODE WORD "RAGE", WHILE HIDAN IS NOW KNOWN AS "LUST". The name also given to her is Solaris.

Second, there was Rancor... She had his son, Bile, but his competitor was Yahiko, whom she loved dearly. Hidan would not dream of challenging him, not even for the rights to raise his second son. Bile looked so much like his mother, only his hair was gelled back. Bile was also the avatar form of Jashin, lucky Hidan. Rancor also had many lovers and children with those lovers, she was an alien shape shifter who gave the name "Debauchery" to Yahiko who in turn made her be his main squeeze, not Konan.

Then there was Anastasia, twin to Aiko, both Deidara's and Rancor's daughter. Ana for short, also known as "Lewd", she was a exhibitionist and often a nudist like Hidan. What they had was a summer fling, the romance shortly lived and it would have been forgotten if she had not given him twin girls Belladonna and Barbarella. Hidan did not get to raise the girls either, not really...his little sister, Mimi, had taken his place as co-parent. Mimi was Lewd's wife.

He had a one night stand with Konan, likewise it did not blossom into anything he had hoped it had.

The same went for an almost random stripper. He found out that she was married with two kids.

Deidara's younger sister, Winry, was another one night stand - correction, almost a one night stand because they were both drunk.

Enmity, also known as Akasha, was the daughter of both Yahiko and Rancor, she gave up on him because of the following person...

And finally, there was Carnality, also known by her stripper name, Purple Haze. Their relationship lasted for nearly a century. The sex was good, but never satisfying. Hidan was not himself in that relationship, him doing his best to seem normal for her. He did his best to keep the relationship going, not wanting their ship to sink like all the other relationships. But what ended it was not the fact she refused to have his kids nor her disrespecting him even though he tried so hard to please her... NO, what ended their relationship was that Hidan gathered the nerve to ask her to marry him. She said "no" and left him after that. Hidan realized then that he had been used for nearly a hundred years by one woman. She had left him for Konan.

Hidan decided to stay single after that for nearly half a century...

THANK YOU FOR READING...

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED TO KNOW, WE ROLEPLAYED THESE PAIRINGS AND THEY HAD ALL ENDED DOWN THE DRAIN. MOST CHARACTERS LASTED WITH ONE PERSON, AT LEAST THAT, THAT THEY HAD ENDED UP BEING PERMANENTLY PAIRED OFF...BUT NOT HIDAN.

WILL HIDAN FIND LOVE? OR IS HE DOOMED TO BE FOREVER ALONE? STAY TUNED AND FIND OUT.