TITLE: I can't make you love me
AUTHOR: Ylang-Ylang
RATING: Mature-Adult
DISCLAIMER: I make no claim to, nor hold any license to the original characters to this story. These characters are used for the sake and sole purpose of entertainment only. No profit shall be, nor will be gained from the writing found hereafter; nor shall any personal credit be taken as to the character designs, personalities or concepts stemming from the original characters used. All situations in the story below, unless otherwise stated, should not, in any way, have any bearing on the creator's original work.
FEEDBACK: Yes!
SPOILERS: none that I can think of.
The repeated knocking finally woke Yusuke up. Yawning, he half-sat up in bed, balancing on his elbows. Bleary-eyed, he looked at the clock, tempted to disbelieve what it said.
2 fuckin' am? Is somebody NUTS?
"What kinda idiot could be knocking at the door?" he muttered sarcastically, even as he threw back the covers and rolled out of bed. "Could it possibly be my dear mother having lost her keys? Or perhaps one of the drunken bums she calls boyfriends?"
Grumbling about the stupidity and inconvenience of others, still he took the time to pull a pair of sweatpants over his long, deceptively slender legs.
After his mazuko DNA activated he found wearing pajamas while he slept a distinct annoyance.
"I swear this is the last time….Next time, she can sleep her drunken dumb ass outside until she sobers up." He stomped through the apartment still shared with his mother, a truculent look drawing his brows down in a fierce, angry scowl. More than one enemy, having that look directed at them, wisely chose to be elsewhere.
He flung open the door, loosening the beginnings of a blistering tirade at whoever was outside. "What…" His voice petered out as he saw who was outside his door. "K…Kurama…?" he finished weakly, surprise evident in his voice.
Though the mouth smiled, the emerald eyes of the kitsune were lifeless. "Yusuke….I'm sorry, did I wake you? I was out for a stroll and just happened to look up and noticed I was in your neighborhood."
"Oh, not at all. I'm usually up at 2 am in the freakin' morning," shot out of Yusuke's mouth before he could restrain himself. Mentally he groaned. Stop it, you idiot! He chided himself. But it was the only way he had to protect himself.
The smile froze on Kurama's mouth. There was an imperceptive slump to his shoulders. "I'm…sorry. I'll let you return to bed," he said softly, already turning away.
"Wait…" Yusuke heaved a sigh and gritted his teeth. The last person in the world he wanted in his house was Kurama. The next to last person would have been Hiei. "C'mon," he said grudgingly. "I wouldn't send a dog out in the cold, much less a fox."
He smirked and felt an odd tightening in his chest at the half-hearted smile Kurama gave him.
"Are you sure…?" Green eyes held an achingly vulnerable look, like a whipped puppy that had been kicked one to many times.
Seizing the red-head's arm, Yusuke dragged Kurama inside and out of the cold. He shut the door. "Look! Would I have said it if I didn't mean it? Sheesh! I'm goin' back to bed, you comin' or not?" he said with forced impatience.
"If you want me…"
Yusuke froze. He cleared his throated. "Excuse me…?" he croaked. Kurama took a slow gliding step towards him, a teasing half-smile on his face.
"I said 'If you want me'. I'm ready for bed….I don't know about you, but I've had a long night." Already unbuttoning his jacket, Kurama headed for Yusuke's room.
Yusuke unfroze. "Oh…" he said numbly, following helplessly after the kitsune. Though he tried to fight, it was with some bitterness that he knew the moment Kurama crossed his threshold, he was done for.
By the time he reached his room, save for a pair of briefs, Kurama was virtually unclothed. "Gaack…" Yusuke said intelligently.
The kitsune tossed a smile at his friend. Again, though his mouth smiled, his eyes still held a disturbing emptiness. "Cat got your tongue…?" he said silkily.
Lifting the covers, he slid into Yusuke's bed. Fussing with the sheets, he draped them with seemingly carelessness low on his hips. He ignored the shrill clamoring voice that screamed for him to stop. Not to go through with this.
He was hurting….There was a raw, open wound in his soul.
Yusuke was his friend. That one thought he clung to with all his might.
Yusuke could ease the pain. Being with Yusuke tonight would make the horrible, aching pain go away. Make him feel…wanted. Loved. Needed.
He needed Yusuke to rebuild his shattered self-image. His confidence in himself was shaken, crumbling before his very eyes.
Long aware of the dark-haired toushin's feelings, it had been safer to ignore them in favor of pursuing the fire demon. His mouth turned down, angry bitterness and shame making him squirm.
Well, he had had Hiei. Several times, in fact. It took a while, but he was nothing if not persistent.
After many nights of lying spent and sated in his lover's arms, he finally offered his Hiei his love.
He would never forget the blank amazement in the crimson eyes. Eyes that had been filled with such passion and fire now looked at him with pity.
His soul squirmed at the gentle rejection. That Hiei felt the needed to be gentle made Kurama cringe, self-revulsion filling him.
How dare Hiei pity him! Reject him! Still the look of uncommon gentleness on Hiei's ivory face cut through him, shredded through him like razors. Who did Hiei think he was…? Did he think he was too good for Yoko Kurama?
"Kurama…?" Yusuke said hesitantly, hardly daring to come any closer. His hands were clenched to stop him from reaching out to the smooth creamy flesh. That Kurama figured in several dozen of the hottest fantasies that left him burning and shaking upon waking was something he kept firmly to himself. Wet dreams that left him throbbing with an unsatisfied desire that no amount of hand jobs or cold showers could lessen.
He wasn't a fool. Or at least not as much as Kurama seemed to think he was. He recognized bait as well as the next man.
"Yes, Yus-chan…" Kurama's voiced washed over him like a skillful, caressing hand; and he shuddered visibly. Meeting the inviting eyes, he was helpless to stop his arousal from showing.
Damning himself for a fool, he silently dropped his sweatpants and joined Kurama under the covers. And discovered a sleek, silky smooth body just as naked as he.
Then the only thing he knew was that Kurama was amazingly flexible. And very, very good.
Afterwards, Yusuke was on his back, staring at the ceiling as if it had the answers he sought. Damn, that water stain is kinda big, he thought.
His face held no expression; life and joy had been sucked out of him. There was very little bitterness. After all, he made the decision to climb into bed with Kurama. There wasn't a gun pointing to his head.
It was just…just when it came to Kurama he was weak. Always rushing in to 'save' him, and counting the cost afterwards.
And now he finally had his reward. He closed his eyes tightly. Too late. Water leaked from the corner of his eyes and made a silent journey to pool in his ears.
Kurama rested on his chest. Head moving up and down as their breathing returned to normal. He stroked the sweaty, tangled red locks. The movement of his hand, so oddly gentle and soft, soothingly caressed the kitsune. Reflecting none of the self-contempt and rage that tore though him.
Hiei.
It was Hiei's name that Kurama called.
Yet still he held the kitsune tenderly in his arms. Comforting. It would kill him to let go. But he would.
"I'm sorry…"
"Yeah, me too," Yusuke said after a minute or two. He wanted to make sure his voice didn't break.
Kurama stirred. He lifted himself up and stared down into dark, pain filled eyes. Yusuke averted his face. Long fingers gripped his chin and turned his face back to meet the regret in the darkened jade eyes. Faint morning light streamed through the bedroom window.
His face stark, remorse etched clear on his face, Kurama carefully wiped the tears from Yusuke's face.
"I…never meant to hurt you."
Yusuke looked at him and Kurama flinched. Then Yusuke, his face gentling at the shame and sorrow in Kurama's eyes, stroked the kitsune's face. "Then you shouldna came here. You shoulda keep on walking." Though soft, his words cut like a lash.
Kurama dropped his eyes then his head. He gingerly rested his head on Yusuke's shoulder. "Where do we go from here…?" He held his breath, terror clamoring shrilly in the background of his mind.
If he lost Yusuke because of his stupidity…his hands clenched, knuckle-white, on the sheets.
"I don't know….I…just…don't know," Yusuke finally whispered.
This story was inspired by the lyrics of Bonnie Raitt's 'I can't make you love me'
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed,
Turn down these voices inside my head.
Lay down with me, and tell me no lies.
Just hold me close and don't patronize me,
Don't patronize.
Chorus:
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel something it won't.
Here in the dark, in these final hours,
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't.
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
I'll close my eyes then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right.
Just give me 'til then to give up this fight,
And I will give up this fight.
Chorus:
Ain't no use in crying, baby.