It was dark. Dan could make up some bullshit about the light of the moon pouring through the slightly open window and reflecting of his screen, or the starlight sprinkling across his Pokémon bedsheets. But frankly, he was too tired. Plus, the room wasn't lit up with stars and the moon it was fucking pitch black and he couldn't see his keyboard.
"I can't see your face at all" came Phil's voice in a low whisper through his headphones "we might as well have a regular phone call"
Dan sat cross legged on his bed, the rigid springs underpinning his legs, a peeling poster of Ryan Ross threatening to fall on his head. It felt wrong that his heart was beating so fast amidst his childhood room, the questionable stains across the carpet of glasses of coke snuck up to his room (and the gleeful smile of breaking the rules), the box of Lego peeking out from his wardrobe. The edge of fear that his mother would come in and yell at him for still being up, his hand lingering on the back of the laptop, ready to slam it at a moment's notice.
"I can kind of see yours, well the shadow outline" Dan whispered "We should do this in the daytime sometime when I can actually see your face." He saw the outline of Phil's smirk, just slightly darker in the shadows. The small lamp providing a grainy picture and lighting up the back of Phil's head like a halo. Dan blushed deeply.
"It was daytime when we started, dummy"
"Oh, how long has it been?"
"Six hours"
"Wow"
"Wow, indeed" Phil said, leaning closer to the screen.
The first day of skype calls.
The sun burned against Dan's eyes. Every limb in his body ached. He didn't even want to think about how few hours of sleep he'd had, stupid shm-asda.
His laptop lay discarded on the floor, headphones trailing out behind it like intestines spilling out. It seemed to groan against the carpet. I feel you buddy.
Dan was so tired he couldn't see straight, the shelves shook and buzzed in front of him, and he swore he accidentally gave a tin of hot dogs to someone instead of green beans. The last van was loaded. It was over.
He fell against his bed, and blacked out. The sun went down.
"I thought we said we were gonna do this in the light this time?" Phil said with that smirk, a shiver went up Dan's spine (it was probably just the open window).
"I was so tired, I only just woke up"
"Ah the teenage life"
"Don't be so condescending old man"
"I'm 23, you baby"
Dan laughed, "You sleep with a stuffed lion and I'm the baby?" he said, raising his eyebrows.
"Shut up" Phil whispered, blushing.
The world was asleep, their small snores fogging against windows and weaving into pillows. Dan's head was on the pillow, but he was far from asleep, his face was lit up (both by Phil and the computer screen), he felt a tinge of yellow in his heart, like a rose come to blossom. He treasured it like a small light, tending to it, protecting the flickering flame.
That was the second day of skype calls.
On the third the wind raged and the rain howled and Dan was sleepy. His record had long since finished and he couldn't be bothered to turn it over. His skin prickled with cold but he couldn't get up to get a blanket, the warmth of the laptop burned against his knees. Localised heat. It would have to do.
Phil's smile lit up the screen.
"It's nice to see you in the daytime" Dan tilted his head to one side, his face turning a spectacular shade of red.
"Back at you"
"Back at you? Who are you? Marty McFly?"
"Is that the blonde one in McFly?"
Phil face palmed, "I seriously need to get you up to speed on film culture," he laughed, adding as an afterthought, "and current dialogue"
"Shut up!" Dan said yawning, his face softening, and his eyelids brushed with a soft, grey paint. (At least Phil would say his face was the work of an artist, a masterpiece if you will)
"Is someone sleepy?" Phil said, his voice slightly softer. And Dan felt the flame burn against his chest.
That was the third day of skype calls.
~
On the fourth Dan admitted something to Phil. The liquefied dark leaked over the keyboard, stretching down his face, weaving into the thickness of his duvet. The dark reached Phil's face, and it was all so much easier, as if his words would be absorbed by the blackness.
"I think I might be Bi"
"Bionic?"
Dan laughed, "Phil, I'm trying to be serious"
"Dan, I know, I'm sorry. That's a good thing though, it means you're figuring it out. It's better trust me, I was in denial for years."
"In denial about what?"
"About being Bi" Dan saw him shift uncomfortably. A small glow in his chest.
"So we're in it together then?"
"Of course"
"That was so cheesy"
"You started it."
Socks filled with holes wrapped around Dan's feat as he snuggled closer under the duvet. He was glad Phil couldn't see his giant smile in the dark. What a dork.
That was the fourth day of skype calls.
A sadness racked Dan's brain, like fuzzy little fairies swimming in his cells. He looked at the moon and everything was blurry. His bones felt heavier, he tucked his knees against his chin and felt lost against the power of the stars.
"What's wrong?" Phil whispered, popping up on the screen.
Embarrassment, cloaked by the dark, "I feel lost"
"Like you could swim in these eyes?" Phil said, referencing Dan's latest comment on his picture.
Dan turned a red that was so red it made anger look docile. He hid behind his knees. "Shut up" he said softly.
"I liked it" Phil said, words caught by the dark.
Dan was laughing, the laugh racking through his ribs and chest. It couldn't quite reach the fuzzy fairies, but it gave him a little bit of strength.
That was the fifth day of skype calls.
The sixth day was the longest so far (so long Phil went to get food twice, his parents eyeing his bedhead suspiciously). The daylight stretched into night and was now threatening to switch back again.
"I could stare at you all day" Phil said, mid-yawn.
"I think that's just the lack of oxygen to your brain." Dan said, fidgeting.
"No honestly, you have these amazing eyes."
"Brown?"
"Yes, brown, and deep and soulful" Phil said giggling.
"You're so dumb"
"And your cheekbones Jesus Christ"
"You're just tired, get some rest"
"I'm seriously, Daniel Howell, you're beautiful"
A forest fire raged in Dan's heart.
And on the seventh day of skype calls, the words were spilt. The words that burned against Dan's chest, that glimmered in Phil's eyes, that were obvious in the grainy tension in the smiles that weaved into the duvets, the pillows, the light of the moon.
"I love you" Dan uttered, and all the small pieces became a picture. Dan didn't know he was going to say it, but it made sense.
Phil's face lit up "I love you too"
There was a pause. There were two smiles.
"I really want to kiss you right now"
"Shall we put our hands against the screen like dorks?"
Laughter filled the room and the fire had become a soft glow. Dan wanted to fall asleep in Phil's arms.
This was also written on my tumblr for phan week prompts which was so long ago but I was just too lazy to put it onto here. It was kind of rushed and not my best work but like I said I was just trying (and failing) to get back on the horse. Sorry for the rambling. Hope you liked.