Chapter one
Time didn't seem to register. As I stumbled through the high wild bushes and climbed further up the quickly shadowing hill, I was barely aware of the shivers that had consumed my entire form making it even harder to follow him. I'm not sure how or why but in my reality if I followed him, I would catch up to him, he would stop and listen to reason. He had to. Normally travelling through the forest meant I had a clean pathway in front of me, Edward would never have risked anything hurting me and I had grown accustom to that. He was not here with me now though and as much as the nettles stung and the rocks I tripped on cut my knees, there was no pain. There was no room for emotions, no room for anything but him. I was so caught up with my mission that not a single bit of my attention was directed toward the ground, which of course for someone of my klutziness was not a good thing at all. All it took was one large rock to trip me sending me head first into an even bigger rock. I just lid there. Looking up at the darkness where not even a single star was shining to show me some sort of hope. I was lost. I was alone. I was empty.
I continued to watch above me, feeling the heat dripping down the side of my face, feeling it tickling through my hair but it didn't hurt, the whole of my body was numb. I was too numb to even move my hand to my head to see how bad the damage was, truth being told I was hoping it was bad. The worse it was the more chance that Alice would see it and Edward would come back to find me, and because of that thought I prayed for the first time in along time that it was bad, real bad.
I was never one for wearing a watch and so I really had no way to tell how long I was chasing after him for. All I knew was everything around me had me encroached with complete darkness. I couldn't find the fear switch inside my brain. After everything I had seen and heard about, I knew the Cullens were practically the only of their kind, and I knew how many normal vampires wondered among us. Bleeding and unprotected, my scent a literal calling for not only the vicious cold ones but also for the multiply animals that were hunting around me. I should be scared. I tried to find it, tried to convince myself to be scared … but I just didn't care.
How was I suppose to just forget him? To go on with my life as if he never existed. Did he really thing that I could? That I would? I knew about 'them' about him, I knew what we had, would we could have had. The thought of never seeing him again should have been crushing my heart, stopping it from beating but once I began paying attention, I couldn't hear my heart in fact I couldn't feel it either. Was it possible that it had stopped from being so broken? But if it had how was I still seeing above me? Still looking at the starless cloudy sky? And that was when I felt it. My heart take off as if I was running away faster than my legs could carry me, pumping the adrenalin through every inch of my being. The banging in my head became louder and louder until in consumed me. It was all I could think about for what felt for a long time. I listened wishing the stupid noise would stop again, that peace would return to my still being. I felt my body heat, almost as if my veins were on fire flying through my system warming even my toes. Shouldn't I be cold? I was laying in a forest in what I assumed to be the middle of the night with an open head wound… shouldn't I be freezing? The thumping continued only this time I could think around it. Thump Edward thump gone thump Edward thump alone. The thoughts of never seeing his crooked smile, of never smelling his scent, of never being able to roll myself again the stone like curves of his body was too much for me to take, too much for my mind to handle and eventually everything even the green ting in my vision disappeared.
There he was, in his perfect form looking at me with his golden molten eyes burning down into me. Gazing at me. "I love you" he whispered fiercely to me "I will always love you Bella no matter what" his expression turned hollow and he lowered his eyes from mine and began to walk away "don't forget that … please … never" and like the whisper of the air around us, he was gone. This time I stood still and watched his departure knowing I would see him again knowing that one day soon he would look at me again with those all consuming eyes and tell me he loved me. As I stood still I began to feel the fire burning from my toes and looking down I could see the flames engulfing my feet spreading faster and faster up my legs. MOVE I screamed in my head but I couldn't find the energy. If I moved he would not know where to find me and he had to find me again. There was no question about that. From behind me I heard a snicker, a cruel laugh filled with hated and happiness. I knew at once it wasn't Edwards voice. This voice was too high, too cat like, it was filled with too much revenge to be his. But then who's? The more I listened the more I knew that I didn't really know that voice so it couldn't have been any of the Cullen's or anyone I spent time with. I had not forgotten the flames enveloping me and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it wouldn't be long now till I was completely covered in the orange and red tongues licking at my skin. Like the wind before, the laughter vanished and I knew I was alone. My heart continued to thump faster and faster in my chest as the flames tore up the side of my face, covering my mouth from being able to breathe, to talk, even scream. If today's conversation had never happened this would have been the worst pain I had ever imagined let alone felt. But after saying goodbye to the one person I needed this pain was nothing. It was a distant ache compared to knowing he was gone. I could see nothing now but the flames flickering in the wind around my eyes, I could feel nothing but the sting of them burning through my skin to the layers beneath yet I could think about nothing but that he didn't want me anymore.
That was when my eyes snapped open. Still laying on the forest ground, I hadn't moved an inch. It had all been some strange twisted dream. There was no flames, no cat like snicker to be heard, nothing … especially not Edward. I was completely alone, even the animals had decided to keep well away. The rays of light was just beginning to illuminate the ground around me, somewhere during the night the wind had picked up and was now sending hundreds of fragrances my way. Much stronger than if I had thrown my head into one of Renee's pots of scented leaves she kept pretty much everywhere in our home in phoenix. I found myself on overload. I could hear the footsteps in the distance coming closer, feel the breeze touching my skin like arms wrapping around me, smell even the rain filled storm that was over head letting the few thin rays of light fight through. I really must have been disconnected for so long last night, there was nothing else that could account for this.
Finally moving for the first time in god knows how many hours, I raised my hand to my head to inspect the damage I caused myself. I wiped at my head with the corner of my shirt and cleaned up the trail of blood down my face and neck. I sat still looking into the forest around me, I wondered where he was? How far he would have gotten with his super speed… but then my thoughts caught up with my feelings as I realised that Alice would have seen me hurt myself and pass out, and yet Edward never came. My dream was wrong. He didn't love me. Not anymore, now I was nothing to him, he didn't even care if I died out here… and Alice, she didn't come either, none of them did. The family I had once nearly begged to be apart of, the family who told me they loved me and wanted me had left me to die out here. I felt anger take over me then, my eyes blazed with red and I realised I had never been so angry and hurt in my entire life. I took a deep breathe to calm myself as I always did and it worked. The emptiness found the crack to seep back in and before I knew it I felt nothing again.
The footsteps became louder and clearer and I began to hear my name being called. I tried to find my voice but it wasn't working, no sound could be convinced to leave my hollow throat. So I just sat starring, watching the angry bruised sky being covered by the dark depressing clouds. Watching the shapes … waiting. It didn't take long for a voice and footsteps to come into my viewing reach and I watch as the tall mans face lit up as he ran towards me shouting my name. I followed his every jump and movement and not once did he look as if he felt unstable or un sure of his footing. Remembering back to last night, ignoring the ache that grew bigger in my chest, I could faintly remember just how hard it was to run through the woods. How was he doing that? I laughed inside my head at my own stupid thought when I thought of the answer. No one was as clumsy as me. I studied his face, took in his russet dark skin and the long flowing black hair around his face. The dark set eyes, I knew them but yet my mind didn't seem to want to make any connections.
"Bella, Bella, Thank GOD!" he shouted as he got closer. "Bella are you hurt?" his expression turned worried and he was glaring at the blood on my shirt.
No im fine. I replied but only in my head, no matter how many times I repeated it, the sound wouldn't leave my mouth.
"Bella talk to me! Are you hurt?" he came to a stop next to me and bent down to look me in the eyes. "Bella?" he rubbed the palm of his hand gently across my face and the worried expression deepened in the line lines on his face. In those few seconds he looked ancient instead of 16 year old boy he looked as he was running towards me. "I'm gonna pick you up so don't fight me on it ok? I'm taking you home" lifting me up with both hands he swung me into his embrace and carried me through the forest. "close you eyes and try to rest" he commanded as he pulled my face tighter into his chest as if to shield my vision. It wasn't the same as being on Edwards back, but somehow it wasn't all that different either. The way the trees and leafs blew past my face. The wind whipping at my skin told my mind that there should be nothing but a green blur around us from the speed we were travelling but that couldn't be right. For one, there was no green blur, I could see everything just as clearly as standing still and for a second point, how could this familiar boy run any where near as fast as Edward. As I thought his name in my head the pain that ripped through my body was uncontrolled and It finally began settling in that he was really gone and not coming back. I decided to stop thinking about it as much as possible and watch everything disappear around me. All of a sudden I felt a light touch to the top of my head, a noise that I hadn't even realised I was missing. Did this boy really just kiss me on the top of my head? "its ok Bella, it will all be ok. I'm gonna get you the best of help" what did he mean by that? Was it so clear on my face that I was so badly broken? "oh god, what are we gonna tell Charlie, he's gonna freak!" Charlie was going to freak when he realised I was gone all night that was for sure, but how did this boy know that, and what did he mean by tell Charlie? I began begging my mind to work again just long enough to figure a few things out. "do I take you to the elders or keep you a secret? well I can do that for long they will hear it and know, I could pretend like everything is … but its not and … oh crap!" he was mumbling to himself faster than the beat of our hearts. Wait… our hearts? But I could have sworn that mine was on overload. I listened intently on it and they were beating together but way too fast. I was nearly sure of that. I was still trying to get my head around everything when we finally emerged from the wall of the forest on to the street next to my house. Running a lot more slowly, we crossed the street and ran up the front steps to the front door. I waited knowing my key was still in my bag in my car, for this strange mumbling boy to knock on the door. Instead he lifted his arm up over the two of us to the little ledge and took down the spare key. How the heck did he know that was there? Opening the door, he whispered ever so gently to me "its ok Bells your home" Bells… wait… there was only a few people who called me that. My dad Charlie, Billy Black and his son Jacob Black. The boy holding me was nearly as tall as the 7ft door, the last time I had seen Jacob he was only slightly taller than me and nearly as thin, not to mention the fact he looked and sounded like a child. This boy, was more of a man, he was tall and muscular and no… no way this couldn't be Jacob. I hadn't seen him for two months but no way could someone grow like this. It had to be a mistake. As we stepped into the living room, he held me tighter, I was still trying to figure out if it was possible when the voice of my dad came from behind us.
"Jacob, thank god" he ran over to us, he had called him Jacob. WOW he had changed that much "is she ok? Hurt? Bells honey, its me are you ok?" he was speaking nearly as fast as Jacob was earlier.
"she's not responding to anything Charlie, but I think she is fine. There's blood on her shirt but I looked and couldn't see anything only a few scratches on hers arms and legs but they look nearly healed" Jacob began walking towards the stairs "bedroom?" he asked my dad, Charles eyes never moving from my face. The worry lines looked so deep, the dark purple bruising around his eyes and the green ashy tint to his face made him look like he was only just healing from a broken nose. Why did he look like that? My dad simply nodded and we headed towards my room. Entering the room, Edwards scent hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt my eyes nearly bug out as I tried to take as much in as possible. How was his scent so strong in here. I had never smelled it like this before, this was insane. Maybe I was insane. I couldn't quite push that thought away from my mind as Charlie pulled back the covers and Jacob placed me on the bed and wrapped the covers around me. Charlie trying to be inconspicuous caught Jacobs attention, slightly nodding towards the door the two of them walked out in single file. My eyes didn't follow them. Instead I looked towards the window, the doorway of my happiness. I began remembering all the times I had been in this exact position, watching Edward enter the room trying to quiet so Charlie wouldn't be aware of his midnight visits and our sleepovers. There whisperers forced themselves to the front of my mind as they used Edwards name.
"We should call Edward, maybe he will know what happened to her, and Dr Cullen maybe he can help her?" Charlie said to him, the fear leaking into every word.
"You stay with her, where's the numbers?" Jacob replied already heading for the stairs.
"He's gone" I said, choking out the words I heard both of there movements stop. Charlie walked into the room, Jacob swiftly following, both expressions looked anxious as they starred at me, obviously trying to figure out if I did just speak. "He's gone… they are gone" I repeated. They words brought on what I had been trying to ignore and I felt the tears swell around my eyes, drowning in the water my vision wavered.
"What do you mean he's gone?" Charlie head turned a little to the side as he walked over to stand in front of the window blocking my view to what I knew would never come back through there again. Intuition hit him in that moment as he took in my vacant expression, he glanced towards Jacob and back to me. Dropping to his knees at my side he took hand in his "is that what happened to you?" he whispered as he began glaring. It was clear his glare wasn't meant for me though as he rubbed some circles into the back of my hand.
"He's gone" was all I was able to choked out again. I could feel the tears nearly braking the barrier but I was fighting just as hard to keep them in.
"Hold on a sec" Jacob said as he walked over to join my father at the side of my bed " Are you telling us that the Cullen's have left Forks?" confusion was clear on his face but I noticed a slight smirk beginning to form around his mouth. When I gave them the same response again, Charlie's face filled with sympathy.
"Is Edward gone?" as he whispered that to me, all the fighting in the world wasn't going to help me keep those tears in as just hearing his name brought a vision of him back to the front of my mind, blocking out Charlie, Jacob and the window I already began to hate. The tears flew down my face fast and endless. I could feel Charlie hand release mine as he climbed in beside me and wrapped his arms tightly around me. Charlie was never one for emotions, and I knew this was more than he was able to handle.
"I want to be alone…" I cried out through my tears. I did want to be alone so it wasn't like I was lying but I had only said it to get Charlie out before it was any worse for him to handle. I felt his relief although he tried to mask it well as he let go of me and headed for the door. Jacob followed without another word. The tears continued to form and leak from my eyes until everything around me was drenched in my sadness. He was really never coming back. That thought brought on another round of tears and I could even hear myself in the hysterics. I heard his name again from downstairs and assumed they must have been arguing for me to hear them, but the words that followed didn't seem like it. So I listened while trying and failing miserably to control my tears.
"How could Edward do that to her? Just leave out of the blue?" Charlie was ranting while he was walking back and forth the living room which was directly under my bedroom. The echo made it sound more like stamping but I knew my his tone that it was more about fear than anger.
"I'm glad those freaks are gone" Jacob said casually.
"Well you would be!" Charlie finally shouted back "The Cullen's never did a single thing to you or anyone else down at La Push and yet you all hate them so much" his tone was more quiet but I could hear the anger filling it "what the heck is that about?" he demanded.
"Just some old stupid legends, I guess" it was as if Jacob was happy by this news and was trying to pretend to Charlie that it was sad. I could hear Edwards voice the night he called me a bad liar and I imagined that's exactly the way he would say it if he was here to witness Jacobs little performance.
"Well… thank you for finding her… but maybe you should go… let me handle this" obviously feeling awkward by Jacobs response to the situation I could imagine Charlie wanted him out before he said something that would ruin his friendship with Billy.
"Nope, sorry, no can do" Jacob replied as he sat down on the couch and the springs yelled.
"Because?" Charlie said almost rudely.
"Because… ermmm… I want to make sure she is fine and I need to ask her something" there was more to his words then Charlie caught but after spending so long in the supernatural world I found I was able to pick up on what was not said as much as what was said.
"Fine" Charlie snapped at him, obviously wondering what he could possibly have to ask me that couldn't wait. To be honest I was just as intrigued.
That was the moment my brain began to work again. How was I hearing this conversation, how was I able to still smell Edwards powerful scent in my room, how was I able to watch the leaves without them blurring and more to the point. Why didn't I feel motion sickness when I had my eyes open the entire time we were running. Maybe it was just that I was a complete emotional train wreck but still… it couldn't all be something to do with that. Then I remembered my heart beat and Jacobs, as I heard his getting louder as he walked up the stairs to come see me.
"How are you feeling?" I heard before I saw him as he walked over and took Charlie's kneeling spot next to my bed. I looked at him and wondered if I could possibly get the words out but decided I couldn't be bothered to even try. I just wanted to be left alone. "I'm not going anywhere so you might as well answer me" he responded as if he had heard my thoughts. "come on bells, I'm not stupid and I know what its like!" what did that mean? I doubt he had an idea at all what it was like, he hadn't just lost the one and only true love that was sent just for him. How dare he assume this was just some normal break up. "I don't mean I know what its like about the whole Edward thing but about the other thing" he replied extremely quietly as if he didn't want anyone else but me to hear. He had me stumped and I found myself asking in my head that if he could hear my thoughts then just respond yes. When he didn't respond his other words caught my attention.
I took a deep breath and forced the words out "what other thing?" they were shaky and low and I realised that I didn't really sound like me. Although the words were choked out they almost sounded sung.
Jacob responded to me with a smirk "there we go" he smiled as I took in what he meant, he must have seen my surprised face at my voice and knew that I wasn't expecting it. "Do you remember what happened bells?" his voice was calm but I could read the panic under each word.
"what… what happened?" I was so confused now I was willing to let the tears over flow again and hide behind them.
"Why was Victoria after you? How do you know her?" he caught me completely off guard. How the heck does he know about Victoria and me and well… vampires? As I was about to ask him all these questions he interrupted me "look, I know I'm not meant to know about these things but I do and if I remember correctly I was your original informant." he laughed once, a quiet not happy laugh. "so …" he waited for my response.
"Victoria had a mate named James, James tried to kill me, Edward …" I broke off as I felt my insides tear apart.
"I know its hard but I need to know bells, it's the only way I can help you." he looked so sincere it was hard not to trust him. I contemplated over telling him but he already seemed to know more than he should so its not like I was breaking anyone's trust besides, did I really owe any of them anything anymore?!
"Remember when I was in hospital in phoenix? Well James put me there, Edward" I took a breathe and wrapped my arms around myself " killed James and Victoria wants revenge on me."
Jacob starred at me "James got that close to you?" he said and I could see him shaking, it reminded me of the shivers I should still have after spending a night on the floor of a cold damp forest. I felt my right hand stiffen as I ran the fingers from my left hand over the scar left from James teeth. Jacob noticed this and starred at it trying to figure out what was special about it. His big dark eyes were suddenly looking out through thin slits as he took in what it was, he gasped "But how were you still human after…I mean it was a … shouldn't it have changed you into one of them? Isn't that how?" he couldn't say it and I couldn't blame him for not wanting to. His shivers became even more pronounced and it almost looked as if he was ready to have a full on fit.
"Edward saved me, he sucked it back out and now here I am" the tear in my chest was just about to pull me under when I realised what Jacob had said. "what… did that mean? what…" I took another deep breathe and I was suddenly aware that I hadn't been breathing through that entire conversation. It was only when I made myself take a deep breathe that Edwards scent and what I assumed was Jacobs consumed me. "wooo u smell like…" I bit my bottom lip as I realised that I was suddenly starving and I could almost taste Jacobs scent in my mouth. My throat was almost about to catch on fire when a strange thick liquid filled in my mouth around my tongue, Jacobs heartbeat suddenly became to centre of my attention and I found myself wanting to taste him. "What's wrong with me?" I hissed at him. I took a deep breath again trying to calm myself. The worry filled his eyes and I knew he had an answer for me, he looked scared by it.
"Bells after you fell in the forest, well I don't know the details but at some point Victoria found you." my eyes grew massive as I remembered my dream, the high pitched cat like snickering, the burning through my veins and Edwards words … no matter what. " By the time we found you she had already bitten you, we chased her but she got away."
I was still, not breathing, even my eyes focused on the same spot on my ceiling. "Your telling me I'm one of them?" I said in a shaky whisper.
"No… well yes and no" his confusion only angered me.
"Jacob" I growled at him.
"Something must have gone wrong or something didn't happen as planned, I don't know bells honest. The others wanted to destroy you before you woke but you don't smell like the others, and your heart beats like me and you still blush… blood still runs through your veins. I don't know what you are. Some kind of half being maybe like me" his explanation had be sitting up before I had thought about it. I had been bitten but as normal with me something went wrong. So now we had no idea what I was… some kind of half being… what was that? Yet again a moment later Jacobs other words caught up to me
"like you? Half being like you Jacob? What is that?" I could see my vision going red again like what happened earlier in the forest. Just like earlier I found that taking deep breaths helped me keep them under control.
"Well bells, ermm remember I told you about the legends of our people?" yes I remembered that was the same day he told me about the cold ones. I didn't remember the details of his legends though, I had been completely consumed by the Cullen's and what they were. "Well turns out when we are near bloodsuckers" I glared at him and raised my left eye brow. He took a gulp and continued " it causes some kind of change in our genetics and causes us to change into well, erm, don't freak ok… but wolves." he was wearing a timid smile and he glanced innocently in my direction
"You want me to believe you.. What? shape shift? Are you seriously kidding me?" Even though I knew deep down he wasn't joking I wanted him to be. I didn't want him mixed up in all of this.
"Bells, I'm not joking. I can show you if you like." he offered.
"Later… continue…" I prodded. Truth being told I didn't want to handle anything else right now, I wanted to be alone to cry and think about what I had lost. But what if he was telling me the truth that suddenly I'm some kind of half being, half human half vampire. Could that happen? Immediately I thought about calling Carlisle and then realised that I couldn't. that there was no one to go to for help with this.
"Bells, we're still human but just a little bit more different. You look like one of them you know. Charlie didn't say it but I could see the surprise on his face. You still look like you but different. Look at me…" he gestured to himself using both hands "do I look the same as I did the last time you saw me?" I couldn't disagree didn't it take me ages to figure out who he was. He did look like him but only barely. "and your voice, Bells you even sound like one of them…er….are you… er" he was starring at me anxiously and it seemed as if he had to work himself up in order to complete the sentence
"Jacob … what?" I asked worried for the first time
"Are you hungry?" as he said that his face twisted and my intuition kicked in and I realised what he was really asking me. He wanted to know if I was craving his blood, and hadn't I just been a few minutes ago.
"Yes, but its under control" I decided that honesty at this point was the best option given he was the only one I could talk to about this.
He face turned a shade lighter as he replied to my honesty "that's good… erm maybe we should get you away from Charlie." as he said my dads name I suddenly could hear his heart beat down stairs and I found the thick liquid in my mouth again. Wow this is going to be hard, no wonder Jasper found it difficult. I laughed out loud without humour and Jacobs face dropped as he took in my expression "Bells I don't want to hurt you and I promise I wont in less I have to but you cant go down and … eat Charlie … I cant let you!" I laughed again but this time it was full of humour. Did he really think that's what I was thinking about. Of course I know I cant do that, just because I was now one of them doesn't mean that I had no self control. My thoughts ran ahead again and I remembered some of the answers Edward had given me to the vampire world. Suddenly I felt the realisation that I shouldn't be able to do any of this, I shouldn't be in control. Maybe by some stroke of luck that usually ignored me, that what ever went wrong was actually the right thing.
Jacob and I continued our conversation, he told me about his own transformations and how he was dealing and about the others down in La Push who had also changed. I Told him things about the Cullen's and we came up with the idea to test my abilities to see how much of the vampire strengths and weaknesses I had.
I knew I should have been freaking out, I knew I should have wanted to deny Jacob but I couldn't. I knew he was right, I was different I could feel it. A little of me thought about going after Edward. Maybe like this, maybe he would find me more interesting… but I decided not too until I knew more.
The following week flew by, the same thing every day. I found I could sleep, it wasn't necessary but if I really wanted to that I could. But as with most things, sleep brought along dreams and my dreams were always filled with Edward and the other Cullen's. Every night I found myself praying not to dream about Edward but without fail, every night I slept I did. Every morning I woke up twisted with the agony of knowing I would never slumber in Edwards arms, never trust him with my life, never see that crooked smile that won my heart and never feel his cold hard lips against mine again. However, in the morning even with all the pain the dreams had caused me, I found myself to be thankful that I was still able to see him, to hear his voice. It made me believe that somewhere in this world live the most beautiful, perfect man and once upon a fairytale he had belonged to me.
When I was fully human I had never regretted any decision that had led me to Edward, it was worth all the pain just to be with him, even when I walked into the studio with James I knew it was worth it. To die for him or to be with him seemed like a perfect end, and it would seem that I got what I wanted, I got the human ending I was dreaming of, it was this next life that was all wrong. I dreamed that when I was finally turned I would be able to spend eternity with Edward, instead I am left with eternity dreaming and wishing for Edward.
My feeding habits had been the most natural part of this transformation so far. I found that I craved blood and actually liked it. The hunt was the best part. One night I woke, I had been changed for three days at this point and I found my strength wavering on not killing Charlie. I decided I needed to get away from everyone and so I jumped through Edwards doorway to my room and ran through the forest. I didn't know what I was doing but I knew that if I didn't get away that I would end up killing someone important to me. Even though Jacobs wolf scent had made his blood less appealing, earlier in the day my strength had wavered slightly and in the end I had sent him away. Running through the forest was like nothing I had ever experienced. The feel of the wind on my skin was unreal, it was the first time I had run like this and I was enjoying it more than I had ever assumed possible. As I ran, I could feel the hunger getting the best of me. I hadn't eaten since and the burn in my throat was almost unbearable. Even with the answer right in front of my face I had been caught up with everything that I hadn't even thought about it. It was the gust of wind from the south that caught my attention and answered the question for me. The scent wasn't human but it had my mouth watering in the same way, I followed the scent, completely lost in the hunt and found that I had completely given myself over to my senses. As I came upon my un expecting victim I jumped through the air and landed ontop of the mountain lion, pushing it to the floor, going with my senses I threw my head down into its neck, finding the heated spot there and biting down. The blood was like nothing before. I wanted more, and I craved me. I spent the next few hours getting use to the scents and trying different sources until I came to the decision, like Edward, mountain lion was my favourite. I sat down in realisation. The Cullen's way of life was the best choice for me, a choice that I had not recognised. Thinking about Edward and missing him so much was truly blocking my ability to even think straight but I just missed him so much. I found myself wondering what he would be thinking if he could see me now. How he would react, would I be interesting to him? With a sigh of defeat, the tears streamed down my face again and I returned home.
The next morning, Charlie had made me breakfast and although I assumed, like Edward, human food would repulse me, I was wrong. I ate the breakfast only to keep the worry out of Charlie's eyes, of course he hadn't seen me eat in days and he was beginning to become very suspicious and was talking about calling a doctor to see me. As I took the first bite I realised it tasted the same as I remembered. I found that I wanted more. So as it turns out I have both human and vampire taste buds, although I do prefer blood but I will be keeping that knowledge from Jacob.
Jacob has been a great help to me. He looked after me, and talked sense into me. Best of all though, he treated me the same. I was still Bells to him, not some freak show of a depressed half human/vampire who wanted to lay in bed all day and cry over some bloodsucker - quoting him - who wasn't coming back. When Edward had left he had taken my life with him, he had torn every star from the sky and blocked out the sun that I once looked too for hope that I would be with him forever. Although I had Jacob in my life before, I could never really open up to him, I could never really speak my thoughts until now. Now Jacob knew everything about me, he understood me better than I did and he really tried his best for me. Jacob had come into my life like a ball of fire. When he had rescued me from the forest where there was no points of light, he had given me a new one. I will always love Edward and no one could ever replace him in my heart, I don't think I will ever move on from Edward no matter how much he likes to believe that I could. He had told me that humans get over things faster because of our memories, well now I had a memory like his, and I got it just in time to keep all my old memories. Edward will forever be burned into my memory and knowing that, I like to think that I too will never leave his. I don't want him to be hurting over me though, just to remember me and the good times we did have. I want him to remember that he was loved and that he will always be loved.