Fair warning: this isn't in chronological order. It just didn't work out like that …
This story accompanies my Reflections universe series. In chronological order they are:
Heart Of A Child (One-shot. Complete)
Reflections/Wonderwall (Companion fics. Multi-chapter. Complete)
Better Than Me (One-shot. Complete)
Invincible/Superman (Companion fics. Multi-chapter. Complete)
All These Lives (Spans middle of Invincible/Superman. Complete)
Sitting with you in a dark room
Warmed by a fireplace
You know there's just something about you
You brighten my day
"You know it's, like, the middle of the fucking summer, right?" Danny asked, nudging the thing against the back wall.
"It doesn't throw off heat all the time," Sam informed him. "It'll be cute to have a fireplace."
Danny stepped away from it and crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at the large decorative fireplace that Sam had insisted that their house needed. Danny wasn't quite so sure that he agreed with her but, whatever she wanted, she would get from him. He shook his head.
"You're lucky I have super strength."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Sam said. "You've said."
"Annoyed with me?" Danny asked.
"Almost," Sam said. "Was there anything left in the truck?"
"I don't think so. I'll go double check, though."
There couldn't be anything left. It seemed to Danny that the small apartment that they'd found was already too crowded to fit in anything else. He phased through the floors and through the side of the rented moving truck. Nope, nothing. Satisfied, he went back upstairs, where Sam was unpacking utensils into a kitchen drawer. He appeared behind her, his cold arms wrapping around her waist.
"What do you think about testing out the position of the bed in our new room?" he whispered low in her ear but Sam rolled his eyes.
"We have a million boxes to put away."
"And all the time in the world to do it."
"You're just lazy," Sam accused. "Put those super powers to good use and do something. Super speed, maybe?"
"Ha, maybe," Danny snorted.
But, because he was a good boyfriend, he went to work. He started in the bedroom, mostly because he was hoping that Sam would follow him in and make sure that he was doing it all correctly, but she never did. It was like she trusted him or some nonsense. By the time he had finished the bedroom, the kitchen was complete. Sam started scattering knick-knacks and repositioning furniture in their cramped living room and Danny organized their toothbrushes and piled her make-up in a drawer in the bathroom. The tiny room was smaller than Sam's closet had been in the Mansons' mansion and he wondered how she could be all right with living in a place so small. He knew he shouldn't doubt her – Sam had found the place, after all, and had exclaimed her love for it soon after seeing it. The allure for her was the amount of windows they had and the balcony that they could access from the living room. Balconies, Danny knew, were important for Sam.
Finally, they collapsed on the couch next to one another, breathless.
"Everything look good to you?" Sam asked and Danny barely rolled an eye around the space.
"Everything's perfect as long as you think it is," Danny said.
"You have to like it too!" Sam insisted.
"I like it if you like it."
"Danny!"
"I like it," Danny promised. "Let's order pizza for dinner."
"And then you can make-out with me until the pizza comes," Sam suggested.
Danny barely remembered the phone call to the closest pizza place. He wasn't even sure what he ordered or if he even remembered their new address properly. Apartment three ten or three eleven? Fuck it. They'd find him. He let his phone drop onto the floor as he yanked Sam into his arms, hearing her laugh as he pinned her down and kissed her. Her arms and legs wrapped around him and Danny was wondering just how firm that 'make-out' instruction was when there was a knock at the door.
"Don't worry, Danny," Sam said. "We have all the time in the world."
Danny wasn't so appreciative of his words being used against him but he pushed himself off the couch, grabbing his wallet off the kitchen counter and answering the door. By the time that he returned, Sam had left the couch and was nestled in front of the electric fireplace, surrounded by cushions and blankets. Danny sat down next to her and opened the pizza box. She flipped it open and Danny wrapped his arm around her waist, keeping her snuggled into his side.
"I love you," he whispered into her ear and Sam beamed.
"I love you too."
I got something to run past you
I just hope I say it right
So I take your hand and ask you
Have you made plans for the rest of your life?
Sam turned her back on Danny and waited for Jazz to pick up the phone.
"Hey! How are you? How are things?" Sam asked.
"Sam, trust me," Jazz said. "Lil is fine."
"How do moms do this?" Sam whispered. "How do moms spend the night away from the kids?"
"You and Danny haven't had a night alone in almost a year. Enjoy it. I'm enjoying it."
Sam frowned and leant against the wooden wall. "Enjoy it? What are you enjoying?"
"Tucker and babies always just makes me happy," Jazz confessed. "I mean, I don't think we're ready for one but I like borrowing yours."
"Thanks," Sam said flatly. "And she's okay?"
"She's fine. She is being sung to sleep by Tucker as we speak. You have no need to worry. Enjoy your weekend," Jazz said firmly, leaving Sam absolutely no room for argument, even though she opened her mouth to try. Jazz had already hung up by the time that she'd summoned words into her mouth and Sam was left with nothing but to hang up her phone and turn back to Danny.
"How's Lil?" he asked.
"Being serenaded by Tucker. I wonder if I can get Jazz to send me a photo –"
"Jazz will send you a photo in the morning," Danny said, confidently. "Trust Jazz and Tuck – Trust Jazz. Lil is fine and we're okay. This weekend is about us, Sam."
And it was going to be a good weekend. Sam was sure. Danny had clearly put some thought into it, finding a cabin in the woods where they had a real wood fire and windows to look out on the thick blanket of snow on the ground. It was beautiful and Sam was trying to appreciate the beauty of the nature around her and not worry about her daughter, who was safe in the arms of people who loved her.
"I know," Sam admitted. "I want it to be but then I think about how my mother left me behind so often and I love Jazz and I loved my grandma so much, but she should have been a grandma and not the parent. I don't want Jazz to be Lil's Grandma Manson."
"Jazz is no one's grandma," Danny said, frowning and trying to puzzle out the string of words. "And taking a small trip every now and then to be us instead of parents isn't the same as what your parents were like when you were little. Don't worry so much about it." Danny held out his hand. "Come sit with me."
Sam accepted, curling into the fire place. It was almost a total nature getaway, if it weren't for the cell reception and the radio that was playing in the corner.
"I do like being us," Sam admitted. "I know how to be me. I'm not sure I understand just how to be a mom yet."
"From what Dad says, parenting is a day by day thing. He still says he doesn't know how to parent because once he learnt how to parent a one year old it turned into a two-year-old and then that just never stopped."
Sam laughed. "Sometimes, I think Jack's the smartest of all of us."
"Nah. It's Mom. For sure it's Mom. Sometimes, though, we don't give Dad enough credit."
Sam put her head down against Danny's shoulder and let him pull her close. She ducked her head down and listened to the slow beat of his heart in one ear and the crackling of the fire in the other. She focused on the way that Danny's hand moved along her side and the silence between them was so peaceful that it made her smile.
"You know, I've been thinking," Danny mused.
"About what?"
"About what you said when you told me you were pregnant. You know, when you were talking about life plans and stuff."
"Oh, I remember," Sam said. "You didn't care so much for a life plan."
"No, and, you know, I still don't. We don't know what's going to happen. I've had enough unexpected things happen to me that planning things out is almost scarier because what if it doesn't happen? You know, there are certain things that I want to happen. What do you want, Sam?"
"You, Lilith. Our life. I want to be happy. I want to travel. I want to not have to worry." Sam looked up at Danny, trying to understand his expression. "Why? What's on your mind?"
"Well, are you thinking that you want to get married?"
Sam froze for a moment. "Are … are you asking?"
She felt Danny's hand leave her and then, with a soft ping noise, there was a ring box in front of her.
"I'm asking. I'm asking what you're doing with the rest of your life because I want to spend that time with you. I want to be with you, day in and day out. I want to raise kids and I want to be happy, just like you said. I want my life plan to be all about you. Will you marry me, Sam Manson?"
Sam felt like her smile was going to split her face in two.
"Yes!"
And then she threw her arms around her fiancé's neck.
There's one thing I should be killing off and giving up now
And that's worryin' about life
Oh, I'll be fine
The darkness was suffocating.
Sam thought she would be fine. She thought that a year had been enough time. She thought that she had learnt how to breathe again in the past few months but lying on her dorm bed, in the dark, she knew that she was wrong. She knew that she wasn't the person that she wanted to be. She knew that 'fine' was still a long way off for her.
She stretched her hand above her head and flicked the light above her desk on. She'd been unsure of whether or not to get a roommate but, in the end, decided against one. Her sleep schedule was strange, her nightmares disturbing, and who knew what she would be like if an unknown person was moving about in her sleep. No, it was unfair to her and any other person to decide to share a room in university. Unfair like now, when it was two a.m. and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep from hyperventilating. She grabbed for her phone, knowing that he would always answer her, knowing that he would also be there for her.
"'Lo," Danny said, his voice full of sleep, but Sam didn't even think to feel bad about it. He had done the same thing to her often enough.
"I keep feeling like I'm there. I keep feeling those fucking shackles around my ankles!" Sam burst out. "Make it go away, please, just make it go away!"
"Reach down, touch you ankles. Keep touching it until it feels real that there's nothing but skin," Danny said, sounding much more awake than he had a moment ago. "I find that helps me."
"I want to be free."
"Open your window. Look up at the sky," Danny said. "It's over. You can move however you want to. Do whatever you want to. You're at school, Sam, you're living your life. You made it and now you're free. You can do whatever you want to."
"I'm too scared to move," Sam whispered in the phone. She was scared to find out that it was all an illusion, like Vlad had managed to do that to them, and that when she opened the blinds on her window, she would see nothing but a grey stone wall in front of her.
"I know."
"I don't want to be scared anymore."
"I'm real. What I'm telling you is real. You're okay."
Sam blinked, staring down at her knees.
"Go on. Look at the moon. Then we'll be looking at the same thing."
Sam slid to the edge of her bed, placing her feet down on the thin carpet. "Tell me what you're doing."
"I'm sitting on my roof so that I don't bother my parents. I'm looking up at the stars. I'm messing up my hair. I'm wishing I was with you."
"We just saw each other."
"So? I always want to be with you."
The affection in his voice warmed her from the inside out and Sam staggered the few steps to her window. She took a deep breath and opened the blinds, peering out between them.
"I see it, Danny! I see the moon!"
"It's beautiful, just like you."
"Will you stay on the phone?" Sam asked.
"For as long as you need," Danny promised.
They talked until Sam returned to bed, falling asleep to the sound of his voice. When she woke up in the morning, her phone was nearly dead, and she could hear Danny snoring softly on the other side of it. She reached for her charger and then left her phone on the pillow, listening to him for even longer. She wanted to be there for him, too, when he woke up.
If one gray hair shows, I'll be fine
If my waistline grows, I'll be fine
Even if time takes its toll
We'll stay young for the rest of our lives
Sam laughed as her father twirled her around, catching the briefest of flash of Danny dancing with Maddie before she and her father were moving quickly across the dance floor, the ruffles on her dress brushing against his legs. She was a married woman now, sharing a dance with her father at her wedding reception.
"You look beautiful, Samantha."
"Thanks, Daddy."
Picking out her dress had been the most agonizing thing about getting married. She had dragged Maddie, Pamela, Jazz, Tara, and Leslie across the country and had probably tried on a million different dresses. Sam didn't like to think of herself as a high maintenance person but, in this particular instance, she had to admit that she was. She just felt like she couldn't get married in the wrong thing and she hadn't apologized for it. In the end, her dress had been custom made by a friend of Leslie's mother. It was long, bright white, and 1920s inspired. Sam had spent her many fittings mostly staring at the beadwork along the bodice, tracing the delicate loops that worked its way down over her thin hips. The straight, half transparent, skirt had beadwork running around it, white fringes hanging along it. She had loved it. She had loved it so much that she hadn't even taken Lilith to any of her appointments, just in case her notoriously messy baby managed to do something to it.
"And I'm very proud of you," Jeremy added.
"Thank you," Sam said, and she peeked over his shoulder, watching her mother dance with her daughter. "I'm proud of me too."
The song ended and her father took her hand, reaching out a placing it in Danny's, just like he had just two hours earlier when they had been standing at the altar. He had Lilith tucked in his arm and Sam fit herself around her husband and daughter so that they could hold up the little girl as they danced together. Lil was too young to enjoy much of the party and the noise but if there was always one way to keep her calm, it was for her to be huddled up with her parents.
"Fancy meeting you here," Danny said, and Sam laughed like he really was suave. "No, really. Did you think that we'd end up here?"
"Well, the first time we met, I thought you were dead, so, no."
"Ha! Yeah, wasn't that situation just hilarious," Danny deadpanned.
"And, you know, ever lie to me again, and you will be dead, so …"
"It's been years since I lied to you! I haven't lied to you since, you know, I told you the truth," Danny said awkwardly. "Except, you know, for that one time when I told you I was with Tucker so I could buy your engagement ring."
Sam glanced at her left hand, leaning against his shoulder.
"It's okay, now, Danny. Really. I'm happy now and that's what matters. Some of the greatest things in my life, I wouldn't know if it weren't for you. You make everything worth it."
"What would we do if your mom wasn't so smart?" Danny asked Lil. "We'd be fuc – screwed. We'd be really, really, screwed."
"Danny! She's going to be swearing before she says anything else!"
Danny rolled his eyes. "She's only going to want to swear because she hears you stopping me."
"Oh, you're the parenting expert now?"
"I'm a genius, Mrs. Fenton."
"Mason-Fenton."
"Manson-Fenton," Danny corrected himself gently. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Including the baby?"
"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't even have the baby. It all comes back to you, Sam."
"You should've put that in your vows."
"I was crying too hard. I don't even remember what I said," Danny admitted. "I hope it was what I meant to say."
"I'll just let you watch the wedding video when we get it."
"Uh-oh," Danny murmured.
Sam stepped closer to him, listening to Lil sigh and pressed her forehead to his as other couples moved around her. She saw the distinctive flash of Jazz's hair out of the corner of her eye and she glanced over at her friends, trying to take in the fact that everyone she loved was in one space, just for the moment. Jazz was dancing by standing on Tucker's feet, Maddie and Jack were turning in slow circles, which was a sharp contrast to Pamela and Jeremy, who were waltzing around despite the upbeat tempo of the music. Leslie was dancing in a happy circle, joined by Gavin, Tara, and even Valerie, who had taken the fact that Sam was marrying Danny Fenton with more than one grain of salt before good-naturedly agreeing that they made pretty kids.
The world was a beautiful place for Sam again.
I've been making plans for children
Since I've been looking in your eyes
I even have names picked out for them
Daughter'd be Rose
Son; it'd be Ryan
Danny tried not to bounce anxiously around on his toes. Sam seemed anxious enough for the both of them and he didn't need to antagonize her by giving into his immature ways now, even though it was all he wanted to do. Sweat plastered her brow as she lay in the uncomfortable hospital bed, glaring at every nurse and doctor that so much as peeked their head in.
"Tell me it'll be soon!" Sam grunted and Danny could hear the pain in her voice. It was something that he had never been able to quite forget, though the pain he was hearing now was unique from everything else.
"I think you're ready to push, Sam," said Dr. Summers.
"Ready to push?" Danny repeated and he felt a little weak.
If Sam was going to start pushing that meant, within a few minutes, he was going to meet his daughter. He was going to be a father. Danny had been excited for this baby. Had itched to paint the nursery and tell everyone – from his friends and family to random people on the streets – even though Sam had kept him in line until she was into the safe zone. Then, Danny hadn't been able to keep quiet. He'd been so excited that even Walker knew that he was going to have a baby. Then again, Danny saw Walker on the first of every month like clockwork and they were friends now, as much as it made Danny feel strange inside to admit it.
"Okay, Sam, on three."
Three.
Danny clenched one hand around Sam's, trailing the other over her face in collarbones. He knew that it felt good. The more she overheated, the more she had kept him close, trying to make her body temperature feel like normal. Her hand grasped his and a cry erupted from her, something near feral that made the back of Danny's hair stand up and his instincts feel like he should be hunting out the danger.
"Good, good," Dr. Summers said. "She's getting closer. I can see her head."
Head. Oh, God, his baby had a head. It was a good thing, Danny thought quickly. They shouldn't have a headless baby but his daughter was real. She wasn't hidden by the skin of Sam's stomach; wasn't an image captured on a black and white ultrasound. She was real.
"Again, on three," Dr. Summers said and the countdown began again.
"You're doing great," Danny said to Sam. "She's almost here."
"Danny," Sam panted, "we can see her head. She's not invisible."
Danny laughed and kissed her forehead.
"One more time, Sam," Dr. Summers warned.
"Come on," Danny said, "and then we get to meet her."
A scream erupted from Sam and Danny wondered how women gave birth. His entire core hurt just from listening to Sam. And then, covering her whimpering, there was another sound. A loud cry that made Danny grin wildly. A cry, a first breath of life, something beautiful. He held Sam's hand and refused to leave her side, even though his eyes tracked the doctors' movements.
"Do you want to cut the umbilical cord, Dad?"
Dad! Danny realized Dr. Summers was talking to him and he took the scissors from Dr. Summer's outstretched hand. He was a dad now. He cut the umbilical cord and then, their baby was placed on Sam's chest. Danny hovered over them, scared to even touch the impossibly small child. Sam's hands pressed against the baby's back.
"She's got black hair!"
"Oh, between the two of us, what else would she have?" Sam scoffed.
Danny felt tears well up in his eyes as he bent down, taking his new daughter's hand. "Lilith Jasmine, how are you?"
"Well, let's get everyone cleaned up and make sure everything's going okay. How's that sound?" Dr. Summers asked.
Danny could see the reluctance in Sam's eyes as the doctor lifted Lilith away again.
"She's beautiful," Sam sighed.
"And so are you." Danny cleared her sweat-sticky hair from her forehead before kissing her glistening skin gently. "We've got a daughter, Sam."
"Terrifying," Sam murmured, and Danny laughed.
"That too."
There's one thing I should be killing off and giving up now
And that's worrying about life
Oh, I'll be fine
If one gray hair shows, I'll be fine
If my waistline grows, I'll be fine
Even if time takes its toll
We'll stay young for the rest of our lives
Sam's intention really wasn't to be staring at Danny. There were definitely other things – arguably better things for her to be paying attention to right now. Unfortunately, none of those things were Danny and that was really the only place that her mind was going. Jazz was in front of her, wearing a stunning white dress and Tucker was delivering his likely amusing vows and all Sam could do was wondering if there was a nearby coat closet for her to drag Danny off to. Really, her husband was hot as hell. She'd blame the pregnancy hormones but Sam knew that Baby Two – as Danny had dubbed the three-month-old fetus – wasn't to blame.
She wanted to jump him whenever he came within a foot of a suit.
She zoned back in as the Pastor said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss!"
Jazz jumped up to Tucker, trying to close the height distance. Sam grinned wildly, happy for them. They'd had an almost comically long engagement, Jazz putting off actually planning the wedding until she fully had her degree, until after they moved, until after her career was stable, to the point where Tucker had been wondering if she wanted to give the ring back after all. Sam knew that someone would have had to pry that engagement ring from Jazz's cold dead hands but even Jazz had confessed it had been long enough. The years long engagement had one benefit – there was no detail out of place. Not that anything would have dared not go Jazz's way.
Sam grinned as they raced down the aisle hand in hand, though she couldn't help but watch the fluidity of Jazz's steps as she held up the edge of her long gown. There was no hint of a stumble as she kept up with Tucker's long stride, her face the picture of beauty.
Sam followed Jazz and Tucker out, her arm threaded through Danny's.
"How's Baby Two?"
"Heavy. Lil wasn't this heavy, I swear."
"Boy," Danny said. "Called it."
Sam snorted. "We'll see."
Internally, though, she agreed. She felt like the child she was carrying was a boy and, honestly, that was what she wanted. She wanted her little boy and her little girl and she hoped that Baby Two looked more like her. Lil heavily favoured the Fenton side and while she loved that Lilith's eyes were as piercing and beautiful as Danny's, she didn't think she was wrong to want to see more hints of Grandma Manson's features peeking out of her children.
"You just don't want to agree with me," Danny accused good-naturedly.
"Maybe," Sam mused. "We'll see."
He kissed her cheek as they stepped out of the church, directly into the sunshine.
I don't really care about those storm clouds brewing
Oh, as long as you're here by my side
Alexander Daniel Fenton.
His name had been Alexander Daniel Fenton.
Danny clenched his hand around the back of the couch, not even startling when he realized that his hands had singed the fabric. He hung his head low and tried to take a deep steadying breath but there was no steadying himself. There was nothing steady about his world at all.
His son had died.
He had a four-year-old daughter and a wife that had been through enough and a son that had died. And there was nothing he could do. No magic wand or superpower or sheer strength could fix anything. Their son was dead. It was fine, it had all been fine. Until it wasn't. Until Sam was bleeding and they had taken her to the hospital only to hear the words placental abruption and we don't know what causes it. Until they had heard we have to deliver now even though he was too young and then … Then there had been nothing. There hadn't been anything that any of them could do because he was already gone.
There had been no first breath. No first cry. No big eyes staring at him from Sam's chest. Everything that Danny loved about the birth of his daughter. There was nothing.
Danny forced himself up the stairs because if there was one thing that he knew from their time together was that it was always worse to be apart. He found Sam in the middle of the nursery. The nursery that wasn't even finished completely because they were supposed to have more time before he was here. There were still paint swatches on the walls because Sam was still making up her mind. He leant against the doorframe, not saying anything. Even though her back was to him, he knew that she knew he was there.
"Haven't we been through enough?" she asked but Danny wasn't sure if she was talking to him or not. "Haven't I been through enough?!"
The anger in her voice was like a tangible thing, bouncing around the walls, and Danny flinched away from it.
"Yes."
She peeked over her shoulder, her purple eyes trapping him in place. "Why? Why me? Why us? Why him?"
"I don't know."
It wasn't good enough. There was darkness and tears in her eyes as she turned away from him.
"What do we tell Lil? What do we tell anyone? We were almost there. Danny, where's our baby?"
Danny didn't really want to think of where their baby was.
"I don't understand."
"I'm sorry," Danny said, like he had gotten better answers.
"I haven't … I …"
"Sam?" Danny stepped into the room.
"I don't even know what to do with myself. Even when I tried to kill myself I knew what I was doing with myself! There's just nothing!"
Danny placed a hand along her back. "There's something."
"Like what?"
"Like Lil. Like being here. Like being together. Like having your mom and your dad. Like your friends. Like roses and good coffee. It's not what we should have but it's still something."
"Do you really believe that?" Sam asked quietly.
"I want to. I know I'm not there yet."
Sam picked up his hand. "Don't make me feel better, Danny, just cry with me."
Danny wrapped his arms around her and they let everything go.
Oh, we'll be young, oh we'll be young
Oh, we'll be young, when we're old
Danny stuck his head through the floor, just enough to see what Sam was doing. She wasn't paying him any attention. She was hovering over the stove, carefully following a recipe book. Their two daughters were supposed to be coming home tonight – Lil taking her vacation days from her job as a flight attendant and Abby coming to spend the weekend from college. Sam was humming to herself and Danny took a moment just to enjoy the sound. It had been over twenty years since they had buried a child but they never had seemed to stop carrying the pain of it. Sometimes, it still caught them off guard how much it hurt.
Now, though, Sam was happy and humming. Danny made his way through the floor, reaching his hand up, stretching toward her bare ankle.
"Don't you dare," Sam said, even though there was no way she could have seen him coming.
Despite her warning, Danny did, in fact, dare. His long fingers wrapped around her skin and he could see goosebumps raising along her leg. Sam laughed and shook him off.
"Will you ever learn to behave?"
Danny floated through the floor, depositing himself on his feet and becoming tangible. He firmly wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.
"You wouldn't like me if I did learn. You liked me even when I was a dick."
"You still are a dick."
"I love you too."
Sam eyed him, her purple eyes glittering with laughter, though she reined it in.
"Come be helpful," Sam said. "They're going to be here soon."
Danny took over cutting the vegetables. "You don't have to be such a mom."
Sam nudged her elbow into his side and Danny stretched his arm back around her waist, pulling her to him. She dropped the spoon she was stirring with and wrapped her arms around his neck. Danny gazed at her for a moment, wondering how she'd only become prettier since the first moment that he saw her. He slid his fingers through her still-dark hair and then leant down, kissing her firmly. The front door crashed open and Lil shouted, "MOM!"
Followed by Abby's, "DAD!"
Together, "We're here!"
Danny just kissed Sam again. The kids would find them eventually.
Oh, I'll be fine
If my gray hair shows, I'll be fine
If my waistline grows, I'll be fine
Sam crept out of the doctor's office, the doctor's words weighing heavily on her mind. She sucked in a deep breath as she got into her car, trying to keep her hands from shaking as she gripped the steering wheel, trying to keep herself steady. But she was still shaking. Was she even safe to drive home? Probably not but she had about four hours before Danny was supposed to get home from work and she wanted all of them to herself so that she could sit down and freak out properly when she was alone. Almost alone.
She finally turned the car on, going to pick up Lil from Jack's care.
"Thanks for taking her on such short notice," Sam said.
"Never a problem!" Jack boomed, hiking Lil up on his shoulder. She seemed delighted at her new height. "We had fun."
Jack was wearing smeared blue eyeshadow and lip gloss. Sam was sure that it had been the afternoon of a lifetime.
"Mama!" Lilith trilled and Sam held up her arms, Jack helping Lil slide neatly into them.
"Tell Grandpa bye-bye," Sam said. "We'll see him soon."
"Bye, bye!" Lilith yelled. "Bye!"
Sam waved again to Jack and then secured her grip around Lilith as they walked to her car. Lil buried her head against Sam's shoulder, starting to talk about her day with Jack. Sam wanted to listen. Usually everything about her daughter's insights on daily life thrilled her but, now, all Sam was thinking about was the way that Lilith's leg was resting across her stomach and what could possibly happen. If anything could happen. It would, because it always did, because it had before, because Sam and Danny were cursed and they both knew it.
She buckled Lil securely into her car seat and drove home. She spent the rest of her time without Danny making dinner while Lil rolled cars around the kitchen floors and hid dolls inside of cupboards. It was Thursday, which was supposed to be Danny's night to cook, but Sam really just wanted something that she didn't have to think too hard about. Danny could take her shift tomorrow. Or she'd just keep it. It all depended, didn't it?
Sam heard the front door open and she glanced at the clock. He was ten minutes early. She was supposed to have ten more minutes. Danny walked in and Lilith was on her feet in an instant.
"Daddy!"
"Lilith!"
Danny scooped her up, throwing her up in the air and catching her. He slung her onto her shoulders while he reached for Sam. Sam fell into his hold, the chill from his fingers running up and down her sides. That feeling was so comforting that she just let herself snuggle into his side.
"You didn't have to make dinner," he murmured.
"I wanted to."
"Special occasion?"
"No. Just, no work to do and I wanted to do something."
Sam tilted her head back and Danny kissed her, his shaggy hair mixing with her own. Sam thought of Alexander, thinking that his hair probably would have been just as dark. She wondered when she would stop wondering, if she would ever stop thinking: would he have liked this or that? Who would he have been? She didn't think the questions would ever stop and, sometimes, it threatened to drive her insane.
"It smells really good, doesn't it, Lil?"
"Really good!" Lil trilled happily.
Sam quickly made up plates for them and they sat down to eat. She felt like she was working on autopilot. She wanted to be present in her own life but, tonight, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She helped Danny with Lilith's bath and curled at the end of her bed so he could read her a bedtime story, even smiling with Lilith's happy request of, "Do the voices, Daddy, please."
Watching Danny, Sam could only think that she loved him. Once, it had seemed so impossible to love him. He'd been horrible; she'd thought he hadn't been worth it. She was glad she'd been able to see the change in him. She wouldn't have had so many good things. Perhaps, she might have even missed out on them if he'd never broken her heart. For Sam to keep her sanity, she had to believe that good things came from bad things. Since her suicide attempt, she'd tried to remember that. She hadn't always been good about it but she'd tried. Despite what she went through, there would be good again.
With Lilith asleep, she and Danny crept from their daughter's room, leaving the door ajar. Danny took her hand as they slunk downstairs to their basement family room. Danny flopped on the couch.
"Holy fuck, today was long."
Sam curled up next to him, pulling the TV remote from his hand. "It's about to get longer."
"Yeah? Why? Is something wrong?"
Sam shrugged. She didn't know what she was thinking, but she could probably guess what Danny was going to do. That was another thing that she loved about him – that he was safe and she knew him inside and out. Like she always did when she was thinking about difficult things, her gaze drifted to the scars along Danny's face. She knew pain was permanent but it just shrunk to something that could be dealt with.
Sam took a deep breath. She remembered Danny's face when she'd told him about Lilith. She'd been so much more nervous than when she'd told him about Alexander because they had tried for Alexander. They'd counted the days and had pregnancy tests. He was so wanted. But now, she didn't know what to think. They'd never said whether or not they were going to give up on kids after what had happened and just be happy with Lil. She was sure the conversation would have come back on but, just over a year ago, Sam had been pregnant with their son. They weren't ready yet.
"Um, there's something I haven't told you. I needed someone other than me to confirm it before I said it, this time, and I saw a doctor today."
"Are you sick?"
"Pregnant," Sam whispered. There was no point in beating around the bush. "Baby three, Danny. Just over two months along."
"Baby three?"
Sam nodded. "And I'm so scared. What if it happens again? What if we lose this one too? Because I'm not going to live through that. I'm not."
"Nothing we did last time was our fault. We couldn't have seen any part of coming."
"That makes it worse. There's nothing different I can do to make sure this baby will stay safe."
"Baby three is safe," Danny assured her and there was comfort in his blue eyes. "So safe."
"So, you're happy?"
"I'm always happy. Siblings are great! I love mine! And I didn't think I'd ever say that when I was, like, twelve, but no one could live without Jazz."
"She makes sure that we need her," Sam joked, and a smile broke out across her face, for a moment, she felt traitorous to be happy about baby three, like it would take away from Alexander somehow, but Sam knew that it couldn't. She would miss her son as much as she would love her new child. She reached out her hand to touch Danny's cool skin. "We're going to have another baby."
"How'd I get lucky enough to have you?"
"Especially with your fuck-ups," Sam mused.
"Hey, no swearing in front of the kids! For all the times you lectured me –"
Sam laughed and cut him off with a kiss.
There was going to be good again.
Even when time takes its toll
I'll stay young for the rest of my life
"Sammy! Sammy-wammy!"
Sam struggled to keep a smile on her face and to keep her eyes from rolling. Living with her parents again was never easy, even though she was an adult decently into her thirties and she always came with her husband and children in tow. She ran her hands over her head and tried not to scream. It was day five but they'd been an intense five days. They had come to help Pamela and Jeremy celebrate their anniversary – which they had decided to do with a lavish party. One so lavish that Jazz, Tucker, Maddie, and Jack were all in tow. Her mother even had a plethora of fancy gowns for Sam to put on – something Sam had thought she'd left behind, though she had to give her mother credit, she had stuck to their old list of compromise colours.
"Mom!"
"Are you ready?"
"No, I'm still putting my make-up on. How's Lil and Abby?"
"Eating your father's paperwork, I'm sure."
Sam eyed her mother.
"I didn't say he'd let them, I'm just saying it might do him some good."
Sam could only laugh at that and she finished touching up her mascara. Pamela rubbed her shoulders. "Don't worry about your babies, Sam. I still can't believe you have babies."
"Mom."
"No, I really can't. You're here and all grown up and there was a moment that I thought that we wouldn't be here."
"And here we are. It's okay, Mom."
"It is now." Pamela pecked her cheek. "Did you decide what gown you're going to wear?"
Sam had been eyeing the puffy black dress all night but it looked too much like another dress she'd worn, years ago. She hated the fact that nice black dresses had been stolen from her. Years later, that was the fact that she was most indignant about, mostly because it was easier. At the beginning of every month, though she didn't want to, she still perched on the edge of her seat until Danny informed her that Vlad and Elliot were still in place and Walker was still annoyed with rule breakers.
"I love you, Mom," Sam said, because she felt like she didn't say it enough, and now she knew how it felt, when her own daughters said it.
"I hope you wear the purple gown," Pamela said. "I brought options but I really think that's the one you'll look best in."
"Let's go take a look," Sam said, pushing by her mother and stepping into the guest bedroom she and Danny were sharing.
Sam approached the large closet and pulled the doors open, unzipping the hanging garment bags until she found the purple dress. She pulled it toward her and unzipped it the entire way. Pretty and designed to hug her body. She touched the silky material.
"You're right. This one's perfect."
"Great! I'll leave you alone to get dressed! Should I send Danny up, if I see him?"
"Sure," Sam agreed, though she didn't know what good that would do. The party was set to start soon. Oh – her mother probably had a grand entrance planned. That wouldn't surprise Sam at all. Pamela Manson was a creature of habit.
Once her mother had left the room, Sam carried the garment bag over to the bed. She unzipped it fully and put the gown along the bed. She was just untying her robe when she heard a knocking at the balcony door. There was already a smile on her face as she crossed the room and peeked out the balcony doors. There was Danny, the wind in his white hair.
"You'd think at some point, you'd outgrow the spandex," she joked.
"I think it's sentient," Danny responded, tugging on his suit. "It just morphs to me."
"Still wearing the same underwear?"
"Want to check?"
"We're supposed to be downstairs in, like –"
Sam shrieked as Danny picked her up, his legs wrapping tightly around his waist. He kicked the balcony door shut behind them, his hands sliding up under the short robe as he pinned her against the wall.
"Still can't let your parents hear us."
"Danny!"
"We've got a few minutes."
His chill deepened as the blue rings swept across his body and it was just her Danny there, already in his suit, and he knew that Sam couldn't resist him in a suit and though she wouldn't come out and say that he had done it on purpose, she fully believed it. She grabbed his face with one hand and kissed him, her other hand dropping down to unbutton his pants. She heard the zipper and then his cool fingers pushed her underwear to the side. She gasped as he pushed inside of her.
"Danny."
"Shh," he whispered, his lips against her neck. "I don't know where the kids are."
"With my dad."
"Where's your dad?"
Sam laughed. "No idea."
"Then, shh."
Sam laughed. "Kiss me and make me shut up."
Danny pinned her down against the wall, his lips heavy on her hers. She tried to bite back on her moan as she came around him, and then she heard a knock on the door.
"DANNY! Are you cheating on me with your wife?"
Sam had to grin. At least some people would never change.
"Have you been cheating with Tucker again!?" Sam shrieked, just loud enough that Tucker could hear her.
"You'll never come between us, Sam!" Tucker shouted and he knocked loudly on the door. "Come on!"
"Just a minute!" Danny shouted.
"I'm not dressed yet!" Sam shouted.
"Come on, Tucker," Sam heard Jazz's low murmur. "It's not like you don't know what they're doing."
"Come on," Sam whispered. "We've got a deadline."
His hips crashed against hers and Sam clung to his arms as he finished. Sam let out a pant and he let her down onto her feet. Sam's knees barely caught her and she stayed against the wall, trying to get her breath back.
"Shit. Think your parents will notice?"
"Mom knows most things, now that she's checked back into the universe." Sam managed a snort as Danny zipped his pants back up. "I need to get my dress on."
"Let me help."
Sam laughed. "I think you've done enough."
She tossed her robe on the bed next to her and reached for her gown. She stepped into it and delicately shimmed the dress up over her body. She double-checked her reflection in the mirror to make sure that Danny hadn't messed up her makeup. He stood next to her and Sam couldn't help but like how they looked next to one another. Danny bent down and kissed her cheek.
Sam curled her fingers around his and tugged him out of the room. They descended into one of the large rooms on the lower room of her parents' vast home. There was to be dancing before and after dinner but she and Danny didn't even have a chance before Tara appeared on Sam's free side.
"Your brats are terrors."
"That's not true." All of a sudden, there was Leslie, her fingers linked through Tara's. "Although, Gavin's much better behaved. Sorry, Sam."
"Gavin's older," Sam protested.
"His mother's scarier," Tara said.
"No, that would be his stepmother," Leslie said, and she swung Tara's hand between them. "He knows to stay in line."
"Truly, you two are the height of proper parenting," Danny drawled. "Also, we've got two. Can't compare."
Leslie elbowed Tara in the ribs.
"Well," Tara said, "we're pregnant so you're not the only couple in the world raising more than one kid!"
"Pregnant!?" Sam asked. "Both of you!?"
"God, no!" Leslie exclaimed. "I did my time. It's Tara's turn."
"I hope it's a boy," Tara mused. "I don't know what kind of mom I'd be to a girl."
Sam looked across the large room, watching Lilith wrap her long arms around Jack's neck while the still teething Abby was drooling into Jeremy's collar.
"Girls are great," Sam mused.
"Tell that to my mom," Danny snorted. "She had to raise Jazz."
"You stop functioning if you don't talk to your sister every day," Sam snorted.
"Well, she moved away from me, Sam! It's not like I can just go see her!"
Sam laughed into her hand. "Come on, you fool. Dance with me."
She smiled as Danny took her by the hands and pulled her to the middle of the dance floor. She rested her head against his chest, watching the room move around them. Almost everyone she loved was in one spot and she could see their faces as she turned, listening to Danny's heartbeat. She had never imagined that she could be so happy and as she thought back to decades, she wished that she could stand in front of her teenaged self and tell her everything that was coming because she knew that she would have killed to know that she was going to get this life.
With you, I'll stay young for the rest of my life
With you
Sam sucked in a breath as Danny rolled her wheelchair onto the back porch. It was nighttime, their favourite, and a warm breeze swept across the lawn. The sight made Sam miss their home, even though they'd had to sell it over a year ago. They were old and though Danny could still fly them through walls and floors and he had the super strength to still pick her up, he wasn't a nurse, and they were old. Old, old. They were the kind of old that Sam wished her Grandma Manson had gotten to be.
Danny parked her wheelchair and then he lowered himself into the seat next to her. Sam's hand shook as she reached for him, his arthritic fingers struggling to clench around her own.
"So," Danny said, "I didn't get to ask this yesterday but, you know, sixty years, it's a long time."
"And, I'm glad we spent our anniversary together," Sam said.
"Well, I wasn't going to let you spend it with your boy toy," Danny snorted, his lip twitching, knowing she would never do such a thing.
"If we still had Tucker," Sam said, "you might have spent it with him."
"Yeah," Danny said, his smile spreading just a little more across his face. "I would have. To be fair, I loved him first."
"And more," Sam grumbled, slightly under her breath, but he heard her anyway, and just laughed.
"Oh, whatever," he scoffed, sounding just like he had when they were kids, and it made Sam smile.
"What was your question?" she asked.
"It's a life time together," Danny said. "And I wanted to ask, honestly, if you had any regrets?"
Sam paused. Regrets? Probably. If they had planned Lilith, she probably would have been born a year or two later, but she still wouldn't say she regretted having her daughter like she did. She regretted missing the birth of Tucker's and Jazz's son; she regretted that time that life got in the way of her going to New Orleans for over a year. She looked up at the sky, thinking of her mother, thinking of hazy memories of years gone by. What did she really regret? She wanted to answer Danny's question as well as she could.
"I regret … never knowing Alexander," she said, trying to blink back her tears. She was going to get to see him again, she knew it. If there was an afterlife here on earth, there had to be a true one – a second plane that Danny helped the ghosts cross over to – where he was waiting for her, safe in the arms of Grandma Manson. "I regret that we still feel the need to check on Vlad once a week."
"To be fair, he might be dead in there. All Walker and I can tell is that it never moves."
"You're too old to check now."
"Hey! I'm perfect, in the light of my –"
"You're in your eighties," Sam said. "Let's not pretend."
"Do you ever think about what would have happened if you hadn't taken me back?" Danny asked.
"Sure," Sam said. "Of course. We were young, it was quick, after going through a lot of pain together. If I could do it all again, I would probably take my time, make sure we were both a little more healed. Maybe I would have dated an actually nice guy. But I don't regret the way this relationship worked out. Regret's a strong word."
Danny lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles.
"I knew I'd always love you."
"Yeah, well, there was a time I'd always decided to hate you." Sam snorted and rolled her eyes.
"Funny how that works out, isn't it?"
Amazingly enough, Sam was still charmed by his smile. She leant forward and kissed him softly.
"Danny, you know what you haven't done for a while?" Sam asked.
"What?"
"Sing to me," Sam murmured. "Please."
Danny thought about it for a moment and, then, he began to sing.
We'll stay young for the rest of our life
The song used in this fic is The Rest Of Our Life by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw.
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about the Reflections Universe, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash reflections dash universe. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~