Because this scene in the manga nearly killed me.
Amnesiac
Boats and Birds
During the day, the world shared the same sky. Same fair blue blanketing with no particular stitches to differentiate
But then came the night, and blue faded to orange and pinks until reaching a deep blue complimented in the first faint lights. As the blanket turned to black, with speckles of white that made up gods and warriors from the stories he read.
Then the children would seek refuge away from prying eyes, away from the shouting of adults and the potent scent from their usual wine glasses. Mom used to warn him about wandering parks at night.
He craved the nipping chill from metal on bare hands. The end of a summer's final gust of warmth before Autumn's touch made their nightly adventures would come to a halt. Only the hum of dragonflies and creak of the swaying swing set came from the the little park in the middle of city. Through the tree limbs, a soft red and green and headlights shown, with the wale of sirens in the distance reminding them they were far from alone but far enough to leave them alone.
As peaceful as it was, Kaneki searched for any disturbance, waiting for the night crawlers to pass by with their bagged bottles in hand or the occasional officer. His aunt would kill him for sure, as if he needed another reason to upset her.
"Relax Kaneki, no one knows we're here." Of course he knew that. That's why he should really be back in bed before someone does know. But alas, Hide had already made himself comfortable on top of this stone structure, leaning against his hands. From where they sat, they could ignore the gleam of city lights at the corners of their vision. They waited for the promised meteor
Kaneki always admired his friend's carefree nature. At least once a week, Hide would be outside his window on the fire escape. The persistent knocking only ended when Kaneki opened the window and followed his blond friend. Sometimes it was the park and other times the jazz clubs where Hide knew the band members.
And that's how it always worked: Hide with his gleaming star and Kaneki the jetblack sky that complimented his shine. The two lived and breathed for each other since they met, both able to read the other unlike any other. They spotted each other's fake smiles and (though fewer for Hide) moments of shyness.
He really saved me.
"Neh, Kaneki, do you think 'ghouls' are real?" he asked nonchalantly, then pointed towards the sky. "Found another satellite - next to the three big ones." Kaneki spotted it easily upon the other flakes much like the debris on the surface of a lake .
His mother once said the night sky was like a lake, just as the one they went to on her days off that had the sail boat competitions. Boys his age would bring their hand-crafted sails and watch them glide to the other side without toppling over. He once joined in on the competitions with his own red, polished sail. It kept going until he couldn't keep up along the banks, only for it to sink once the wind changed course.
Kaneki didn't answer - not for a particular reason. He simply didn't know and feared the answer. And always, his difference never affected Hide, and the boy continued. "They were on the news again, and mom's worrying more. She might not even let me walk to school anymore. . . If I were a ghoul," Hide began to ask. finally turning his gaze to the boy beside him, "should I eat Yoshikawa from Class 2?
"The one you like," he added with a grin as Kaneki's eyes widened and began stuttering.
"D- . . . . Don't eat her," he asked so softly as though nervous to request such a thing. "And I only like her a little, Hide." That only made the other boy laugh thus leading to Kaneki's blush.
There came a lull in conversation where Kaneki focused on the warmth between them and smiled. The two sat with shoulders touching, and Kaneki could almost forget all that happened last summer, could forget about the new apartment and its occupants that liked to disrupt any sort of silence. It's why he never said no when Hide came to his window with his hand outstretched. He liked to think that his friend's persistence is what kept his head above water that year and years to come.
But of course, he dreaded the day when Hide would search for more room to fly.
"Imagine chasing the sun," Hide suggested, searching the west for the long gone sun. "To see the Statue of Liberty and the land of opportunity. Do you think they have gold beaches?" He smiled to himself as Kaneki's fell. He was still talking about leaving Japan. As a show of his will, Hide even started memorizing the English alphabet. Kaneki wasn't sure if he should feel upset that Hide would leave him for the western world or happy that the boy didn't feel held back by Kaneki's presence in his life - maybe even glad. He couldn't be a burden to this friend who gave him so much.
Kaneki could already picture the day. In a few years with hair shaggier than his mother would deem appropriate, Hide would climb aboard a ship and say his goodbyes to his silently crying mother and Kaneki who would try with all he could to not mimic Mrs. Nagachika.
Would Hide even look back?
But he could set sail to the western world if he wanted to, far past Japan's horizon with only his wake to remember him by. Kaneki would never stop him, never be so selfish to keep his best friend away from a place he could not follow.
"Look! look!" Hide cried as he grabbed Kaneki's arm in a vice grip and pointed with the other. "First shooting star!" Kaneki followed the pointed finger to see the last of the trail. Stardust, mom called it even though it was actual a trail of gasses.
And yet while here beside Hide, Kaneki forgot the science behind a shooting star and instead shared the same awe as another crossed the night sky. Once more, Kaneki forgot about the troubles of his aunt and lost mother, of the future without Hide at his side. When he felt Hide's eyes on him, he looked to his friend and saw the same dust of the stars in those eyes.
Kaneki then knew the answer to his question: Hide would look back but not regret his decision, for he would never depart without leaving his stardust for Kaneki to remember him.
"Boats and Birds" is a song by Gregory and the Hawk that I like falling asleep to which inspired this little fic. It started reminding me just of how Hide and Ken supported each other and both saw one another as the "jet black" so the other could shine. When Hide wanted to go in to international studies, Kaneki knew he would lose him one day. And when Kaneki disappeared, the roles changed (or so that's how I saw it).
Also, smol Ken and smol Hide make any day better.
And because I get this comment all the freaking time, "blond" is masculine while "blonde" is feminine.