I'll Be Here
By: Forlay
"Well, I think today was a productive day," Rachel said as she set her shopping bags on the floor by her desk. "Sidewalk sales at the mall are always a dream come true."
Cassie placed the only bag she'd gotten at the mall on Rachel's desk. "I think they're closer to being nightmares."
"Oh, come on, Cassie! Admit it, you were just as happy as I was when you found that swimsuit, in exactly your size and the perfect color, for 75% off."
"I don't know why I let you talk me into buying that. It's indecent! My underwear covers more than that thing does."
Rachel shook her head. "It's a bikini, it's not supposed to be modest, but it's better than some of the stuff they have out there now. You know, the suits that are little more than strings? I didn't even have you look at those, did I?"
"Okay, there's the one thing I have to be thankful for today."
"So now that we've got you the perfect swimsuit...we just need to arrange the perfect date for you."
Cassie stared at her best friend. "No. Rachel, don't even think about trying to set me up on a date with Jake. We're doing just fine as it is."
"Mm-hmm, I'm sure," Rachel said. "Did you two even end up going to the last dance together?"
Cassie's face reddened, "Well, we were going to, but then Jake had that family thing--"
"Spare me, Cassie. You're entire romantic life is nothing but a string of lame excuses. I know you like him, and he definitely likes you, so the only thing that's stopping the two of you is your own inability to get over your shyness complexes. Which is where I step in."
Cassie looked at Rachel skeptically. "Right. And like your romantic life has been such a string of successes."
"What in the world do you mean by that?"
"Your idea of a romantic date with Tobias is spending an evening flying. You can hardly go to dances together without one of you getting paranoid."
"Now that's not fair!" Rachel protested. "Tobias and I can't exactly catch a movie and dinner."
"If you really thought it through, you could. Have Tobias make a bathroom run sometime during the movie, refresh his morph, and voila, he's good for another two hours. He can do that at dinner, too, if he needs to."
Rachel wanted to protest, but Cassie's reasoning was too sound. So instead she laid down on her bed with a sigh. "Men. Can't live with them, can't live without them."
Cassie laid down next to her. "Amen."
Rachel propped herself up on her side with one arm so she could talk to Cassie. "I wonder, are our boyfriends prime examples of the male species, or are we just lucky enough to end up with two of the worst?"
"You're the one with the gaggle of male followers, you tell me."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "They aren't an example of anything except teenage boys with too many hormones. Jake and Tobias seem to be able to keep those in check...but they make up for it in absolute stupidity when it comes to dating."
Now Cassie sighed. "You know, it's times like this that almost make you understand where lesbians are coming from."
Rachel nearly choked from holding back her laughter. "What?!"
"Seriously, think about it. Date enough guys who are idiots, get fed up with them, and turn to people who you'll be able to understand better: women."
Rachel nodded slowly. "I think I see what you mean. Girl meets boy. Boy is an idiot. Girl dumps Boy. Girl meets Girl. Girl likes Girl. Girls get as close to hitched as they can. It's the classic story with a contemporary twist."
"Too bad I love Jake, faults and all, otherwise I might just be tempted to take a part in that story."
"How'd you know that was exactly what I was thinking?" Rachel asked.
"Seriously?"
"As serious as I've ever been."
"Do you think you could...."
"Could what? Betray the only guy I've ever loved? Scare the hell out of my parents and all my friends? I don't know. But it might be something to try sometime. How about you?"
Cassie thought about it for a moment. "The same. But I'll probably have an insatiable curiosity about it until I ever get a chance. If I ever get a chance."
Rachel laid back down, lost in her thoughts for the moment. What would it be like, to kiss another girl, let alone go a lot farther? She was telling the truth when she said Tobias was the only guy she's ever loved, she'd never even had a date to a dance before him, yet she felt sure she loved him. The Animorphs had all grown incredibly close as a group, and she'd definitely drawn closest to Tobias...except for maybe the possibility of Cassie. Yes, they were polar opposites on the battle field, but somehow she felt that had drawn them closer. Cassie may not always be the first person she turned to when she was in need anymore, but she was still Rachel's closest friend, the closest friend she'd ever have.
Cassie stared up at the ceiling while Rachel was silent. What had she just said?! Was she really curious to kiss a girl? Part of her shuddered at the thought...but part of her, the devil-may-care part of her that she'd slowly adopted over the years of knowing Rachel, was genuinely curious. She was dead serious when she said that she loved Jake, no matter his imperfections, but sometimes she wondered if she really did love him, or whether it was high school infatuation. She was only 17 after all, she wasn't ready to commit herself heart and soul to one person...so perhaps there was room for experimentation?
But experimentation...with a girl...especially the girl who had been her best friend since before she could remember? She loved Rachel, yes, but in the same way she loved Jake? She couldn't...could she?
Cassie sat up finally and swung her legs off the bed. "Well, um, I think I'd better be going. I've got some stuff to do back home and...yeah."
Rachel sat up too. "Oh, yeah, sure. I'll see you later."
"Yeah." Cassie picked up the bag with her swimsuit and left quickly.
Once Cassie was out of the room, Rachel flopped back down on her bed, trying to erase the thoughts she'd just had. What in the world was she thinking?! She needed to get out of the house, talk to someone...not about Cassie, but just talk.
Tobias, she thought, I'll go talk to Tobias. That'll prove to me that he's the only one I love. She peeled off her outer clothes, leaving only her morphing suit on, and opened her window. She was just about to begin her bald eagle morph when her phone rang.
"Dammit," she muttered. She picked up the phone, "Hello?"
"Rachel? It's Jake."
Great, just what I need. "What's up?"
"Oh, nothing much. I was just going to catch up on my homework and I realized that I've lost my notes. Could you meet me at our usual place and bring them?"
Rachel sighed. "Sure, Jake, of course I can."
"Thanks. See you in a few."
"Yeah. See you." Rachel hung up the phone. "Dammit," she swore again, "I don't want to go to a meeting, I want to go out and have fun!" But there was no getting out of it. She quickly wrote her mother a note saying she was out running then began to concentrate on her bald eagle morph again.
Cassie pulled her car into her driveway with a sigh. She was crazy, the thoughts she had had back at Rachel's were insane. They weren't rational. They were the results of the mix of constant stress, lack of sleep, and the horrors of spending a day at the mall watching Rachel power shop. Nothing to worry about.
Just the same, she needed to talk to someone. Jake, he was the perfect choice. Yeah, as soon as she got inside she'd call him.
Feeling better, she got out of her car. She heard a raptor's cry above her. Shielding her eyes, she looked up at the sky and saw a bird of prey's form. From the distance between them, she wasn't sure what it was, or even if it was one of her friends.
Cassie! Good, you're here, the others should be here in a few minutes. >
"Tobias?" she mouthed. "What's wrong?" He probably couldn't tell exactly what she was saying, but no doubt the expression on her face said it all.
I'll tell you what's going on when the others get here. Hope no one's in the barn. >
Cassie nodded, to show him she understood, then went directly into the barn to make sure it was clear. Her father was in there, measuring out medication for the number of patients in the barn. "Hi, Dad."
Cassie's father looked over his shoulder. "Oh, hi, Cassie! How was your day?"
Cassie shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Following Rachel around the mall isn't exactly my idea of a fun day."
Her dad laughed and shook his head. "I'll never understand why you two are such good friends?"
"Neither will I," Cassie said. "Hey, if you want, Dad, I can finish that up for you, administer them, too."
"No, that's all right, Cassie. I'm almost finished. It sounds like you've had a busy shopping day, go sit down, take a rest."
"All the shopping is exactly the reason I need to do something in here. Get back in touch with my reality."
Her dad laughed again, "Okay, I guess I can let you finish up in here, then. I think there's a football game on now anyways."
Cassie waited until her dad was inside the house before leaving the barn again. She looked up to the sky to find Tobias. She found him quickly, circling with three other birds. She waved to them, letting them know it was safe in the barn.
The four birds swooped into the barn. Tobias landed on a rafter while the other three, Jake, Marco and Ax, landed on the hay strewn floor and began to demorph and, in Ax's case, begin to re-morph immediately.
Rachel will be here in a few minutes, I can see her, > Tobias announced as the other guys were finishing their morphs.
"Good," Jake said.
Cassie turned back to the table where her father had been measuring out the medications and continued his work. Her bag from the mall was sitting on the table beside her. Marco came up behind her and grabbed it.
"Ooh, Cassie went shopping today, huh?" He mocked. "Let's see, what's in here, uh-oh, is this from Victoria's Secret? Did Cassie get something special for a special guy of hers?"
Cassie rolled her eyes, "Marco, give it back, it's obvious it's not from Victoria's Secret."
Marco glanced at the bag, which happened to say 'Sears' on it, and shrugged. "Coulda fooled me. Anyways, you might want to keep this out of Jake's sight. He might get the wrong ideas about you...or are those already firmly planted in his head?" He sent a sly look to Jake, who was quickly turning an interesting shade of red.
Rachel flew into the barn then and quickly began to demorph. She glanced around and took in Jake's red face, and Cassie and Marco fighting for possession of Cassie's shopping bag. She knew Marco well enough to have a good idea what had happened. "Okay, Marco, I think you've thoroughly embarrassed certain people here enough for the afternoon. Give the bag back to Cassie." Marco sighed, but did so. "Thank you." Rachel turned to Jake, "So what's up?"
"Oh, nothing, really. And, unfortunately, I mean that literally. The Yeerks haven't done anything for weeks. Erek even confirmed it for me, there's been no abnormal Yeerk activity for quite awhile."
"And what in the world qualifies as 'abnormal Yeerk activity'?" Marco asked. "Is there anything normal about these slugs?"
"Okay, how's this: they aren't carrying out any grand plans to turn us all into their slaves. The biggest Yeerk thing that's happened lately was when the Sharing helped clean up the beach, which doesn't sound all that dangerous to me."
"You never know with those guys," Marco muttered darkly.
"So you called us away from a relaxing Saturday afternoon to talk about the Yeerks doing nothing?" Rachel asked.
"I would have thought you'd be the most concerned about this, Rachel," Marco said.
"Marco, it's not like we didn't know that the Yeerks were being quiet. We've spent all of our free time this past week spying on them. With Erek's news, it just confirms that the Yeerks really aren't planning anything, and it wasn't just us missing their big meetings. Nothing to worry about."
Cassie looked up from the goose she was trying to give medicine to. "So what's the plan?" She caught Rachel's eye as she looked away from Jake, but quickly went back to the goose, her thoughts were too confused at the moment for her to so much as glance at Rachel.
"I want to say we step up on the spying...but I know we can't. We're all tired, we need a few days off, and I can't be the only one on the verge of failing a few classes," Jake said. "I just wanted to update you all on the situation. Keep yours ears and eyes open, that's all."
"Good," Marco said, "Now, can I go back home to my Playstation? I was on the final level when you called."
"Marco's two trains of thought in life," Rachel said, "Bad jokes and Playstation."
"And girls," Cassie quickly threw in, forgetting for the moment how she didn't want to talk to Rachel. "Can't forget that."
Rachel glanced at her best friend quick, they made eye contact and once again turned away quickly. What did that mean? Rachel asked herself.
Marco didn't notice the look that passed between the two girls. He moved closer to Rachel and laid his head on her shoulder, "And there's one girl that dominates most of my thoughts," he said with a grin. Rachel shoved him away while Tobias warned, Remember, Marco, I'm still up here. >
"Fine, fine," Marco sighed, moving away from Rachel. "I know when I'm not loved."
"That's for sure," Rachel said.
"I don't want an argument here," Jake said, "So why don't we break up for now? Rest up this weekend, maybe we can get back to saving the world on Monday."
"Yea, yet another reason to hate Mondays," Marco muttered under his breath as he left alone. Rachel morphed again to bald eagle and flew off with Tobias. Jake hung around, lurking over Cassie's shoulder.
"What do you want?" Cassie finally asked.
"Just to talk to you," Jake said. "Is that a crime?"
Cassie giggled, "No, of course it's not. But standing silently a step behind me, following me as I do my chores, seems like a strange way to initiate a conversation."
"I was waiting for you to finish."
Cassie turned from the skunk she had been tending to. "Then I think I need a break. Pull up a hay bale." They sat down together on a bale. "So what's up?" Cassie asked. For once, she couldn't read the expression on Jake's face. It was somewhere between hurt, confused, angry and sad. What it meant, she had no idea.
"I was just wondering if you've been feeling alright lately," Jake said. "You've seemed kind of quiet and withdrawn lately."
"I'm always quiet, Jake," she told him. "But I'm fine. Just tired I guess."
"Are you sure?" Jake pressed, "Did something happen between you and Rachel at the mall? You two seemed to distance yourselves from each other today."
"It's nothing," she said quickly, perhaps too quickly. "Just...oh, it's nothing. Really. A silly, minor, um, discussion . She's probably forgotten it already."
Jake cocked an eyebrow. " 'Discussion'? That sounds an awful lot like a euphemism for argument. And unless we're talking about two different Rachels, my cousin wouldn't forget an argument."
Cassie laughed. "No, it wasn't an argument. But Rachel and I have a very...special relationship." Just how special though?
Jake nodded. "Alright, I just thought I'd double check," he paused. "You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"
"Of course I would."
"Good." He paused again, "And you love me, right?"
Now it was Cassie's turn to pause. What a time for Jake to ask that question! Did she or didn't she? Where was a daisy when she needed it. "Of course I do," she finally answered.
Jake smiled slowly, the same smile that had originally drawn Cassie to him, but now it just confused her. She certainly didn't feel like smiling, but she forced one as Jake kissed her tenderly, then quickly morphed and flew away.
Wanna go flying? > Tobias asked as Rachel finished her morph and flapped out of the barn.
You know it, > Rachel said. Anywhere special in mind? >
Not really. I just wanna spend some time with you, you've seemed kind of distant lately. >
What? Spying with you every afternoon isn't enough for you? > Rachel tried vainly to joke.
You know what I mean, Rachel, > Tobias admonished. You've been acting...odd lately. You're way too quiet and withdrawn, today you were even arguing that the Yeerks being quiet wasn't anything to be concerned over. >
I did not say that! > Rachel protested. I said that it wasn't news that they were being quiet. >
And after that you said, and I quote, 'It's nothing to worry about.' >
Rachel sighed. Okay, so maybe I have been kind of out of sorts lately. >
Anything you want to talk about? >
No, > Rachel answered quickly. No, I'll be fine...my emotions have just been hitting a couple loops on their wild roller coaster lately. >
Okay, that's cool, > Tobias said. But...you would talk to me if anything was seriously wrong, wouldn't
you? >
Rachel thought that through quickly. Would she now? Her feelings really were in a spin lately, was Tobias the one she could go to if something was 'seriously wrong'?
Obviously not, Rachel, she answered herself, Thinking you like Cassie is pretty wrong, but you're not going to talk to him about that.
Of course I would, Tobias, > she lied smoothly. I -- I love you, after all. > God, the lies were just rolling off her tongue, so to speak, today. She no longer had the slightest idea what her feelings for Tobias, or anyone, were. But it was expected of her, she had to say it.
I love you, too, > Tobias agreed.
Rachel mentally shook her head, trying to organize her thoughts. She liked Tobias, she was sure of that...kind of. God, why is this so hard?! she raged silently. Hey, Tobias? Do you want to go out tonight? >
And do what? >
Catch dinner and a movie? >
Isn't that cutting it a bit close? > Tobias asked.
I talked it over with Cassie this afternoon. Her suggestion is you make a 'bathroom run' in the middle of the movie, and you're good for another two hours. Plenty of time to finish the movie and get a snack afterwards. >
Are you sure? > Tobias asked warily.
No, but... Of course I am. >
Then it sounds good to me. When? >
Meet outside the theatre at seven? We can see what's on when and if we have to wait awhile, we can get food before the movie. >
Great, > Tobias said.
Rachel sighed. I'd better be heading home or Mom's going to start worrying - needlessly, of course. Anyway, I'll see you tonight. >
See you. >
Rachel changed her direction and flew back towards her house, her feelings not any clearer than before. Talking with Tobias had always helped her before, no matter the problem. Why did he fail her now?
Rachel pulled her car up in front of the movie theatre promptly at seven, just as a boy with tosseled, dirty blond hair and impeccable taste in designer clothing rounded the corner the theatre was on.
"Hey, Tobias," Rachel greeted him with a smile.
"Uh, hi," Tobias said, self conscious, as usual, of being out of his hawk form.
"Come on, let's see what's playing." The couple clasped hands and walked into the theatre together.
"Okay," Rachel said as she scanned the listings. "Action, comedy, romance, drama or Pokémon?"
Tobias laughed. "That's a genre now?"
Rachel shrugged. "Might as well be, the way my sisters rave about them."
"What's the comedy?"
"Eh, some Eddie Murphy trash."
"Oh, lovely. The romance?"
Rachel winded mentally. Romance really wasn't what she wanted, but it was better than Eddie Murphy. "A Sandra Bullock romantic comedy."
"Isn't she the chick from Speed?"
Rachel rolled the eyes. "Yes, she's the 'chick' from Speed, but this is better, trust me, I've seen some of her other things. That's starting in ten minutes. Shall we go?"
"Might as well," Tobias said. Rachel paid for their tickets and pop corn and they found seats near the back of the theatre.
They sat together through the previews and the first half of the movie, their arms barely touching on the arm rest. Rachel could sense that Tobias was tense, but even with their arms touching, Rachel didn't feel anything. Before, when she and Tobias had touched, anything from a casual brush of their hands to a kiss, she'd felt a tingle of excitement. But now...nothing.
At a slow, character developing part of the movie, Tobias leaned over and whispered to Rachel, "What time is it?"
Rachel pressed the button that illuminated her watch then whispered back, "Five after eight."
"I've gotta go quick then." He stood up and hurried out of the theatre. Rachel continued to watch the movie.
After what seemed to be a long time without Tobias returning, Rachel checked her watch again. Ten minutes had passed. What was keeping him?
She let another five minutes pass before she began to grow seriously concerned. Once he'd been gone 20 minutes, she couldn't watch the movie any more. She left her seat to look for Tobias in the lobby.
She glanced over at the rest rooms first. Naturally, there wasn't a line to the men's room, so he hadn't been caught up there. He hadn't been side tracked to the video games, either. Or the wall of screens that were showing previews. So where was he?
Suddenly, the worst thought possible ran through her head: Yeerks. What if someone had looked under a stall and seen Tobias' feet change from boy to hawk? What if he was on his way to the Yeerk pool right at that moment, and she'd been to engrossed in the movie to notice he'd been gone to long? Chances were, she wouldn't be alive long enough to feel too much guilt if that was the case.
Rachel went to the ticket counter where a girl she knew from school was working and had sold her tickets.
"Hey, Sarah," she greeted, trying to sound as calm as possible. "Did you see the guy I cam in with come through here?"
"Little shorter than you, blond hair and dressed like a Tommy Hilfigger model?" Rachel nodded. "Yeah, he left nearly 20 minutes ago."
"What?!"
"Yeah, I noticed because you weren't with him."
"Was he...alone, though?"
"What, afraid he ran off with another girl?"
"You could say that."
"Don't worry, he was alone."
"Thanks, Sarah!" Rachel practically ran out of the theatre, although she wasn't entirely sure what she was looking for. The odds that Tobias would be lurking around were...
In her favor.
Growing on the tree lawn between the street and the theatre was a small tree. And in that tree sat a large red tailed hawk.
Now, Rachel, I can explain, > he said in private thought speak.
"I don't want to hear it!" Rachel said to him. She ignored the strange looks she got for apparently talking to herself and got in her car. She paused a moment before starting it to wipe away tears - of what, anger? sadness? confusion?, she didn't know - but she got the car started and drove away with a squeal of tires.
She drove aimlessly for awhile, unsure of where to go. Going home would just mean endless questions from her mother, but where else could she go?
But her subconscious knew. She soon found herself driving in the direction of the place she had always thought she was always welcomed.
Cassie was startled out of her history book at the sound of the door bell. She glanced at the clock. Who in the world would be keeping her from her History on the homework on the Civil War at 9 o'clock on a Saturday night? Her mom wasn't due back from her conference until Monday evening, and her father had left earlier that evening to travel several cities away to ask various companies for more funding. The last person she expected to find was Rachel, who looked to be near tears.
"My God, Rachel, what happened?" Cassie asked as she gently escorted Rachel to the living room couch.
Rachel sniffed and furiously wiped at her eyes with her fists. Cassie handed her a box of Kleenex. Rachel grabbed a handful and nodded her thanks, using the tissues to wipe away mascara that was beginning to run down her face.
"I - I'm not even sure what happened," Rachel said. "We were at the movies --"
"We?"
"Tobias and I. He was going to do what you'd suggested, but never came back!"
Cassie was concerned. In all the years she'd known her beautiful best friend, never had she seen Rachel cry like this. Yes, she'd cried when her parents had divorced, but nothing like this, in Cassie's presence, anyway. "What do you mean 'he never came back'?"
"I waited 20 minutes for him to come back, but he didn't. Finally, went out looking for him. And where do I find him? In a tree outside! There I was, thinking the Yeerks could have captured him, and he's outside in a tree!"
"Did he tell you why he ran off?"
"No. I couldn't stay. There's just no excuse for doing that. If I'd stayed, I would have yelled a string of obscenities at him, or killed him. Maybe both. Either way, someone would have called the cops on me."
Cassie hugged her friend close, not entirely sure of the motive behind it, but Rachel didn't pull away, so Cassie went with it. "I wish I knew what to say, Rachel."
Rachel shook her head. "The funny thing is, I don't even know why I'm crying. I mean, I'm angry that he had the nerve to just leave like that, but I'm not really...hurt. Or sad. Ever since this afternoon..." she trailed off.
"So it wasn't just me?" Cassie asked.
Rachel pulled out of Cassie's embrace and looked at her friend. "No, it most definitely wasn't just you."
Cassie stood up and began pacing. "All afternoon, I've been so confused. I mean, of all the days Jake had to pick today to ask if I loved him. Before, the answer came naturally, and today I had doubts."
Rachel stood up and took Cassie by the shoulders. "Just today?"
Cassie looked down and almost whispered her answer. "No, not just today."
Rachel took Cassie's chin in her hand and tilted Cassie's head up. The gazes of the two girls locked.
"Rachel --" Cassie began to say, but Rachel placed a finger on her lips.
"You can kill me for this later," she said. "I have to do this." She leaned down slowly and closed her eyes as Cassie did. Hesitantly, their lips met. Almost stiffly at first, as though it was their first kiss all over again, then they slowly relaxed into the new feeling.
But before long, Cassie pulled away. Rachel looked down, color rushing into her cheeks. "God, Cassie, I'm so sorry. I -- I don't know why I did that." She grabbed her purse from the coffee table. "I'd better go."
But Cassie took Rachel's hand, keeping her from leaving. "No, Rachel, wait." Slowly, Rachel turned around. "I pulled away because...because I was feeling overwhelmed. I didn't want to risk going any farther than, you know, a kiss."
Rachel nodded. "At least one of us had her head on straight, then. I'm not sure..." she trailed off, red once again coloring her cheeks.
"I understand, Rachel. I felt the same way."
"So you don't...you don't hate me for kissing you?"
Cassie couldn't help it. She began to giggle. "Hate you? No, Rachel, I don't think I'd be capable of hating you. These feelings, yeah, they're unexpected, but I certainly don't hate them, or you."
Rachel sighed. "Good. Because I don't know what I'd do if you did." She gasped suddenly. "Oh, my God. The guys! What do we do about them? You've still got a boyfriend, although I think Tobias and I are over. And how could we explain this to Ax?" She moaned. "And Marco...Marco will have a field day with this! I can just hear him now --"
"Rachel, calm down! This isn't like you at all!"
"I know...it's..." she grinned mischievously. "It's your fault, too. If you hadn't admitted to liking the kiss, I wouldn't feel so out of sorts."
Cassie shook her head. "You're crazy, Rachel. Go home, sleep, and come back tomorrow. My parents will still be gone so we can talk freely. We can decide what to do then."
Rachel nodded. "Don't worry, I'll be here."