Authors note: This is just a short unfinished thing I found on my hardrive, probably written about two years ago... Might continue some happy drunk day, but wouldn't count on it. Flames are welcome, I fully deserve them. &hearts
Disclaimer: Luckily for you, I do not own Naruto.
CHAPTER 1: Sai is gay
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"Hey Sai, how come you're always talking about my penis?"
"That's because I like penises, Naruto"
"But isn't that a bit weird. I mean... You're a guy. Shoudn't you like... girl parts?"
"Naruto.. Hello? I'm pretty, I think Sakura's is ugly, I like penises, wear the GAYEST belly shirt you've ever seen, and you still think I'm STRAIGHT?!"
*silence*
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Uzumaki Naruto's journal
April 1st
Dear Diary,
Today team Kakashi got a crappy mission of rescuing a cat from a tree. Of course, being the great Uzumaki Naruto I am, I handled the mission COOLLY and ACCURATELY. I also learned that my teammate Sai is one of those guys who like other guys.
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"Ow ow ow ow ow ow!!!!"
"Don't move, Naruto. It will only make it hurt more! Geez, how did you get so scrathed up on such a simple mission anyway..."
"It wasn't my fault! The cat just jumped at me!!"
"I could jump at you, too."
"Excuse me?"
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Well, truth to be told, he HAS been acting a bit weird around me, lately. But I guess it must be my imagination. Or maybe he has a flu that's making his mind weird, or something. It coudn't be that... He's actually attracted to me or anything, right?
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"What are you thinking of, Naruto?"
"Nothing!"
"I can see something's troubling you..."
"It's NOTHING, now TAKE THAT HAND OFF MY BUTT!!"
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Okay, so maybe he is. But that doesn't mean I have to have sex with him or anything, right? I mean, that'd be totally freaky! Two guys having sex! I wonder how guys do it anyways...
Anyways, I'm off now to prepare for our big mission at the Mist country! So, write to you later!!
Uzumaki Naruto
CHAPTER 2: Sakura is gay
"Hey Sakura-chan!! Wanna go out on a date?"
"Sorry Naruto...."
"Aww, why not?!"
"I'm dating Ino."
"WHAT?"
"What? You mean you didn't notice?! I mean, You could see it from space!! We're rivals, and best friends from childhood! The only thing that kept us from getting together was Sasuke, but since he's gone there's no stopping us!"
*silence*
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Uzumaki Naruto's journal
April 17th
Dear Diary,
Today we returned from the big mission. Everything went great. And I saw that bridge, the one that was named after me!! It was awesome! I hope to be as big and strong as that bridge someday, so I can be the Hokage!
When I got home, I asked Sakura-chan out for a date! But she declined... It turns out that she's one of those girls who like girls. You don't know how hearbroken I feel right now...
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"SEXY NO JUTSU!!!"
"Naruto, what is that?"
"Sakura-chan~! I'm a girl now! A sexy girl with big boobs! Will you go out with me?"
"You're an idiot, Naruto."
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But I guess that's just the way life goes, right? No need to get depressed over something like this! There are PLENTY of girls out there... Girls who are nice, girls who are pretty.... Girls with a sense of humor... Girls who are not guys...
I am Uzumaki Naruto! The future Hokage! I can't be getting down over something like this!
Uh oh, it's late. Gotta go to sleep, I have to be up at 6 am tomorrow for training with Fuzzy Eyebrows... See ya.
Uzumaki Naruto
CHAPTER 3: Lee is gay
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"Fuzzy eyebrows! You're late!!!"
"I'm sorry Naruto. I was really exhausted from all that training my sensei gave me last night!"
"Oh, did you learn any new jutsus?"
"Yes, a few... But they're all for private use."
*silence*
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Naruto's journal
April 18th
Dear Diary,
This morning I went training with Fuzzy Eyebrows! We had fun sparring! I kept asking him to show me the new taijutsu skills he had learned from Gai-sensei last night, but he woudn't show me!
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"Come on, Fuzzy eyebrows! Show me what you've learned!"
"Sorry Naruto, but those skills are only for the private training sessions between me and my sensei"
"Huh! Why does he only teach you that stuff!"
"Well.... you could say that we have a special relationship."
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Come to think of it, I might know what kind of jutsus he was talking about... But I really, REALLY don't want to believe it's what I think it is. I must be getting paranoid with all these people turning out gay!
Well anyways, we went to ramen after that and had a eating contests! I beat him 21 bowls to 2!
........Ahh crap crap crap, thenoodlesareoverboiling gottago,
Uzumaki Naruto