After the Death of Eric Cartman
By Shadowgate
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Co-written with RatherOddRanger
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It had been only a few short days since the tragic death of Eric Cartman. Now it was once again the weekend and Bluecap had decided to go see Wendy Testaburger as he need the advice of someone in a serious relationship.
He knocked on the door and was greeted by Mrs Testaburger who said ''O hello Stanley, come to see Wendy?''
Bluecap looked confused ''Actually my name is Brad Dixon ma'am, I've come to talk to Wendy as she's the only person I know who actually dates boys for who they are and not because his dad owns a shoe store.''
'My apologies dear, please by all means come in Wendy's just watching TV. We don't allow her to answer the door ever since that my husband caught the Stotch Boy peeing on our front door because she apparently killed all the Smurfs.'' Mrs Testaburger said.
Bluecap looked even more confused. ''Um … OK …''
Bluecap was shown in and was immediately greeted by Lola and Wendy.
''O hi girls, not interrupting anything am I?'' He asked.
''Not really both me and Lola are bored. After Cartman's death Stan had a panic and asthma attack at the same time, so he's in the hospital. His parents said I can go visit once he's feeling better.'' Wendy said slightly.
''And Kevin's parents have taken him to a real therapist instead of Mister Mackey seeing how he was mere inches from death.'' Lola said sadly, Kevin was nearly crushed alongside Cartman when he was killed. When his body exploded Kevin was covered head to toe in Cartman's fast food smelling blood.
''At least they're still both alive or at least that's what I tell myself when I go to see Kyle.'' Bluecap says looking sad.
''Is Kyle still just laying in his bed staring up at the ceiling listening to emo music?'' Asked Wendy worried.
Bluecap nods and starts to cry, Lola and Wendy immediately pulled him into a hug.
''Hey Blue don't cry, I'm sure Kyle will snap out of it.'' Lola said.
''That's not why I'm crying.'' Bluecap says in-between tears. ''I'm crying because I think Kyle was cheating on me with Cartman or worse using me as cover to hide his relationship with Cartman!''
Lola and Wendy look at each confuse, then back to Bluecap and then back to each other before bursting out laughing.
''WHAT'S SO FUNNY!?'' Bluecap snaps at them.
Wendy stops laughing and hands Bluecap a tissue. ''Because silly, Kyle NEVER showed any crushes on guys until he kissed you at Token's party.''
Bluecap wiped away his tears and looked at the girls confused.
''Besides why on earth would Kyle cheat on you? Your Brad 'Bluecap' Dixon, captain of South Park's boxing team! You're a catch and definitely the crush of MANY of the girls at our school, even the 5th and 6th graders!'' Said Lola as she winked at him.
''I knew about Heidi, but I didn't know about the other girls. Kind of glad they didn't turn into bible nuts like her, granted they never stood a chance.'' Bluecap said.
''Have you always liked boys?'' Wendy asked, she was genuinely interested in how Bluecap developed his feelings for Kyle.
''I've had two moms since the day I was born, my dad was a sperm donor, some guy their old high school friend was married to, I think his name was 'Randy' or something but that's not really important.'' Bluecap said as Wendy gave him a quizzical look.
''Now … that you mention … it …'' Wendy said as she raised an eyebrow.
''But the thing is to me, that's always been the normal way of life to me, you know two people of the same gender being together. I grew up with gay and lesbian babysitters and all my mom's friends were like that too. So in short that's the norm for me.'' He added as the girls nodded.
''That makes a lot of sense, granted doesn't explain how a pervert like Kenny turned gay literally over night.'' Wendy said.
''Apparently he and Craig were just bi-curious, I mean didn't Craig date Bebe once?'' Lola asked.
''I remember that, it was during our triple date to Casa Bonita. Bebe went with Craig, I went with Stan and Kyle was with …. Red …'' Wendy said but ended it with a mumble towards the end.
Bluecap just shrugs. ''It's cool I dated other guys before Kyle like Bridon Guermo .''
Wendy and Lola's eyes went wide when Bluecap mentioned THAT name.
''OH … MY … GOD …'' Lola said in shock.
''O wow … I had such a huge crush on him as well.'' Wendy said as the other two looked shocked.
''But weren't you dating Stan at the time?'' Lola asked.
Wendy crossed her arms slightly annoyed. ''Well if Stan can send emails to Kenny about staring another girls butt crack or drool at the lesbian substitute teacher, then I think I can find another boy cute!'' She stated with a 'humph' at the end.
''In other words.'' Bluecap began. ''You can look but not touch.'' He asked.
''Pretty much.'' Wendy said as she calmed down.
''That's kind of why I came round. Following Cartman's death and how our boyfriends are acting, do you think we were too hard on them after the whole kick starter fiasco or do you think they deserved the cold shoulder from us? I mean granted Kyle didn't break up with me but now I feel guilty for shouting at him over the radio.'' Bluecap stated as Wendy looked at her feet.
''Part of me feels guilty but at the same time Stan did break up with me thinking he'd be 'drowning in pussy' as Clyde put it but I did forgive him in the end.'' Wendy said as Lola nodded.
''He's a boy, boys do stupid things, no offense Bluecap.'' Lola added.
''None taken.'' Bluecap said as Wendy continued.
''I mean I was so upset and angry at him for just dumping me like that but at the same time I guess I now know how he felt when I dumped him for Token.'' Wendy said looking sad.
Both Bluecap and Lola nodded.
''But now he's in the hospital again, granted not as bad as last time but I do feel a bit guilty.'' She said.
''I know what you mean, people told me Kevin hung outside Raisins crying in the rain the weekend after he broke up with me following my drunken assault on Mister Garrison. Granted I was so drunk I do even remember him breaking up with me but I still feel guilty for upsetting him.'' Lola said.
Suddenly Mr Testaburger came running into the front room.
''Stan run for your life! Mister Hippoty Hop has escaped from his cage again!'' Mr Testaburger shouted just as the bunny rabbit jumped onto his leg and started humping away.
''GGGGGGGAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!'' He screamed as he fell over.
''Dad this isn't Stan, this is our gay friend Brad Dixon.'' Wendy stated in a matter of fact type tone as her dad tried to get the rabbit off his leg.
''That's the second time someone said I looked like Stan.'' Bluecap said with a quizzical look as Lola managed to pick up the rabbit off Mr Testaburger's leg.
''He's like you Brad, he only likes cute guys.'' Lola said as he gave the bunny a little hug.
Brad said "I'm off to Kyle's room and so help he I don't care if his mom is wide enough to block me. I'll knock her down like a football player determined to make a touchdown. I feel so guilty about the fact I thought he was cheating on me. Shit Cartman did all sorts of horrible things to him. If he was going to cheat on me he surely would have done better than the fat bastard."
Brad took off from Wendy's house and headed straight toward Kyle's house.
When he arrived he stood before Kyle's house and took a deep breath.
He knocked on the door and Ike answered. Ike said "oh Kyle will be so happy you're here."
Bluecap gave Ike a hug and then he went up to Kyle's room.
When he entered Kyle said "oh hey Brad" with a big smile.
Bluecap said "hey and he got in bed with Kyle who was still in his T/P pajamas.
Bluecap said "I'm here to comfort you and I never wanted Cartman dead."
Kyle said "I hated him but I never wanted him dead either. I remember on a field trip when we had to pair up with partners. He asked me if I wanted to be his partner and I told him I hated him and I asked Jimmy if he wanted to be my partner. Jimmy agreed and Cartman ended up being partners with Butters."
Bluecap said "I remember hearing all about that trip. I'm glad you didn't do anything to provoke those robbers into shooting you. I know they almost shot Kenny."
Kyle replied "yes and the funny thing is Cartman thought that the police had been called because he and Butters snuck off to that amusement center across the street. Oh what a bozo."
Bluecap said "well I won't say I'm happy that he's dead but he was a very bad influence."
Kyle replied "I'll say and when Barbara Streisand and Rob Reiner tried to rule South Park forever oh man Cartman was the first to surrender to both of them."
Bluecap said "it was reported in the news that Chef found you in Streisand's layer the four of you admitted to getting into her car willingly making it an easy kidnap."
Kyle said "money was promised and Cartman said if money was involved it's okay to get in cars with strangers."
Bluecap said "Cartman was a bad influence and it's not okay to get into cars with strangers do you understand Kyle?'
Kyle answered "I do" and then they started kissing.
Meanwhile in Hell's Pass Hospital!
A nurse was listening to Stan's heart and lungs with a stethoscope and after she was finished she told him things sounded better.
She observed his EKG which was normal.
Not long after the nurse left Stan got a cell phone call. He looked at his cell phone and it was from Brad Dixon. He answered and Brad said "hey I just visited your best friend in bed."
Stan asked "is the depression dying down?"
Brad told him it was and went on to say he kissed Kyle for 10 minutes straight.
Stan giggled and said "well good job cheering him up Doctor Bluecap."
Brad went on to say "Wendy can't wait to visit you."
Stan said "oh hell yes" and the EKG line started flying.
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