Carmilla loved to hold peoples hands. It guaranteed safety, support and love. Heat would flow from one person to another not only providing warmth on cold nights but sometimes to pull her out of sleep when nightmares got too tough and she couldn't fight alone anymore. The first time she holds a girls hand, she feels electricity. It was innocent of course. A cute sign of affection between friends. Sure she had held her mother's hands and on occasion her fathers hand but nothing compared to the tingly sensation she got every time Isabella and her hands collided and interlaced. No one thought anything of it. Holding hands was a normal and adorable affair that was not unexpected between friends. But the older she got, the more she felt her mother's eyes burn holes into her palms and the hand holding got shorter and less frequent. But whenever she held Isabella's hand she felt tiny shock waves traveling up her veins telling her heart to beat just a little faster.
At 9 Isabella met Mark, a 15 year old handsome blonde with striking blue eyes. Carmilla thought the heart palpitations and the constant burning of her cheeks were something that was mutually felt between her and Isabella. She was wrong. Her pale white cheeks only turned pink around Mark. It made her stomach upset, twist and turn as if it were trying to turn her body inside out. Carmilla wasn't really sure what that meant. Turning to her mother for advice, she was surprisingly met with anger and fear.
"No Sweetheart no! You are confusing your emotions. You are just feeling friendship. Intense friendship. She is your best friend right? You are a beautiful girl, no doubt you will find a man in due time and then you can allow those….those ff-feelings to show. But only for him, only for a man. Hide! Hide that part of yourself! God does not allow these things. No, no. I've heard stories about girls who've strayed from God, but I never thought my daughter would gain a disgusting habit like this. No, you must hide it. I don't want to send you away. Promise me you will put a stop to this at once. I don't want to send you there!"
She had promised her mother. Promised her, with all her heart and soul. She was just confusing her feeling, she wasn't sure what she was talking about. She was just a nine year old bringing misunderstood feelings to the table. She wouldn't bring it up again she told her, she just didn't know how to hide these feelings. She had to see Isabella, as they had the same sewing classes together. Honestly, if she told Isabella her feelings about her the world would have to accept it right?
That won her a slap to the face. Clutching her cheek, Carmilla let her gaze fall to the ground. She didn't want to feel this way, why would God make her feel this way if it was bad.
"You're a child and you understand nothing. Not about life, not about his kingdom, and certainly not about what it takes to survive in a world that would pin you to the cross and burn or drown you for the sake of cleansing this earth." Her mother hissed.
They never spoke of Isabella or her palpitations or her burning cheeks again. In fact she was never allowed to see her again. Her mother still looked at her with love. Of course she would, she was her mother. But whenever there was a girl around, she was no longer allowed to be unsupervised as in the past. She wouldn't sit too close so her mother's gaze wouldn't harden. There also wasn't any handholding permitted on anyones part.
Her mother use to be the only one who would hold her, show her love and affection. Her father was a tiny bit cold hearted when it came time to give affection. He didn't think it was necessary to live a long a fulfilling life. And it sadden Carmilla to see her mother morph into her father. She would come in at night a tucked her in, but wouldn't linger. Wouldn't kiss her forehead. Carmilla felt alienated, abandoned and like a freak. But she guessed she deserved it. It was God's punishment to her, at least that is what she made herself think.
Every night when her mothers breath calmed and her father's snores filled the household, Carmilla would light a candle and kneel in front of her small bedroom window. Usually choking back sobs she would pray to God to show her a sign that she was forgiven. And that if she was that he would take her away to see the stars and give her a fresh start. Just one. She swore that she would not mess it up. She just wanted to go back to how things use to be. She didn't feel accepted, loved or really wanted anymore. She wished she would have never opened her mouth.
Please God, take me away. I didn't want to offend you. I'm sorry. Please just take me, I'm sorry.
"A fat lot of good you were." Rose called over to the tall man.
"Nestene Consciousness? Easy." He responded with a shrug and a grin.
"You were useless in there." She teased, smiling and gazing into his eyes. " You'd be dead if it wasn't for me."
"Yes, I would. Thank you." He responded. With a hop and a skip the Doctor put his weight on his foot, forcing the Tardis door to open just a crack. "Right then, I'll be off, unless, er, I don't know, you could come with me. This box isn't just a Londer hopper, you know. It goes anywhere in the universe free of charge." Annoyingly, Rose's cowardly boyfriend couldn't help but add his two unnecessary cents into the conversation.
"Don't. He's an alien. He's a thing." Obviously. The Doctor thought. I'm pretty sure Rose is aware. I really do wonder what she sees in this bloke. But whatever.
"He's not invited. What do you think? You could stay here, fill your life with work and food and sleep, or you could go anywhere." Rose seemed to go into deep thought. The Doctor could see fear in her eyes, but also a sparkle of possibility.
"Is it always this dangerous?"
"Yeah." But always worth it.
"Yeah, I can't. I've er, I've got to go and find my mum and someone's got to look after this stupid lump, so."
"Okay. See you around." He responded quickly, a smile plastered on his face. Careful not to let his disappointment show, he swung the rest of his leg into his sanctuary. Closing the door behind him he flick a couple of switches and he was off. Rose watched as the Tardis dematerialised. Regret immediately settling into her.
He was stupid for thinking that she would ever dream of coming along with him. He had sentenced his whole race to death...she probably could sense death waves radiating off him. Humans were good at sensing danger, even better at ignoring it. He was the equivalent of the grim reaper to all the time lords that had ever existed. But maybe, just maybe he could make himself worthy of her.
"Come on old girl, lets go save some worlds."
The Doctor traveled through the human world for what seemed like years. Frankly, he couldn't be sure for how long as he didn't care to keep count. He was a lord of time and could go anywhere at the snap of his fingers. He managed to save Mrs. Kennedy, though the President had to go (it was a set point in time); he stopped a couple of families from getting onto the Titanic, he even went back and prolonged the Queen's life span for a few more years. He was well on his way to becoming an outstanding citizen of the universe. Then a plea coursed through the Tardis with such power that it shook up the whole system. It sent the Doctor flying from one corridor to the next.
"What is it girl?" The Doctor screamed. "SHOW ME!" A ray of light, almost like a lightning bolt shot out from the main interface and struck the Doctor right in the heart. Wait, no my apologizes. His right pocket, where the Doctor liked to store his psychic paper. It said, in the messy handwriting of a child,
...take me away. I didn't want to offend you. I'm sorry. Please just take me, I'm sorry.
The Doctor was surprised that Rose had such messy handwriting, she was a grown woman who had basically finished her studies. He expected her writing to be a tad bit neater, and not so childlike. Oh well, he should have known to expect the unexpected. That was rule 5...or 40 or somewhere in between.
"Alright old girl, take me where I'm needed!" He said. He trusted the Tardis with his life, sure it almost never took him where he wanted but always to where he was needed.
Carmilla sighed and used the back of her hands to dry the rest of her tears. Her face burned a little from the constant rubbing. She got off her knees, rubbing a bit to get rid of the indentations the wooden floor had left on her legs and looked up to the night sky once more. With her feet shoulder width apart, palms facing towards the stars, Carmilla raised her face and basked in the light coming from the moon. She closed her eyes and imagine she could fly and sit up on the moon and use it like a rocking chair. She would be able to grab the stars and surround her body with the warmth they undoubtedly would give off. She could lose herself to the darkness and they could give her all the love and attention she could ever want. Then when she was ready they would slowly guide her to God, and then maybe he could explain why her heart felt like it would pop out of her chest when Isabella use to be around her. Her mother didn't like it, threatening to send her to an asylum or something of the sort if it did continue. Surely he could explain why he made her so unhealthy of the mind?
Suddenly a noise unlike any she had heard of before in her life invaded her senses. This must be it, he's coming. Was all that she could think, her body tingling from the vibrations. It was a true wonder that her parents and neighbors slept through it all. The whooshing of the machine only got more powerful until, it stopped. Carmilla patted her night gown. The noise had stopped. So how was she still there?
She cracked her right eye just a bit to see if her surrounding had change. Through her window, in the middle of the garden that she and her mother had worked so very hard on, stood a box. A big bright blue box, looking quiet too heavy for a regular man to carry it and place it as a joke in such a short amount of time. There was some writing that she couldn't read on top of it. It was very confusing for her. But the child's curiosity was drawing her to it.
Slippin on some slippers, she crawled outside. Eyes wide, it was her first time leaving the house at night and it probably wasn't safe out. But she couldn't really care. She wanted to see the box up close. Carmilla was only a few steps away before the doors started to rattle and open. Carmilla she quickly ran behind a nearby tree.
"Did I mention it also travels in time?" A man in an outfit Carmilla had never seen the likes of said. He's smug smile slowly morphed into confusion. "Oh...I'm not where I thought I be, am I? Where'd you take me this time old girl." He lifted his pointer finger in the air and then set it down on his tongue having a taste. He took a big whiff of the air before saying "Why it's 1689, what a boring year. Worse than Sunday, this year is. Who needs me here"
"Why are Sunday's boring. I like them. Father goes out to the bakery and brings back sweets every Sunday." The Doctor heard a small soft voice muttered from behind the tree.
"Well hello there. Who might you be?"
"C-Carmilla. Carmilla Karnstein."
"Well then Ms. Karnstein, mind telling me where I am?" The Doctor bent down, putting his hands on his knees. He was trying to level down with her, get her to trust him as he knew this question would sound ridiculous to those who didn't understand where he was coming from.
"How do you not know where you are? You are in my garden, its basically ruined now. That isn't very nice of you."
"Well sometimes the Mrs clonks me on the head when I'm late from work. Makes me head a bit foggy…I am sorry though, about your garden."
"Oh well that's okay. And you are in Austria, Mr…."
"Call me the Doctor!"
"The Doctor? Okay. But what's your real name?"
"I just told you, the Doctor." Carmilla giggled a bit, not believing the Doctor one bit.
"Well then Doctor. Did God send you for me?"
"God, why would he send me for you."
Carmilla visibly sadden. "I'm sick. It would be better if I were to go I think. Not cause mom any more pain and worry, and he could fix me. Make me act normal so that I can have friends and stuff." The Doctor got close to her. Trying to gage what sickness she had. If there was anything he hated more was a sad child in need. He wanted to help her. He reached out to her putting his hands on her temple. She flinched away from his contact, eyes squeezing tight and it left the Doctor wondering when was the last time she had been touched. He scanned her brain, there was nothing wrong with her. What could this child be talking about?
"I'll tell you what. The Tardis brought me here, and she might as well be God. So lets take a walk shall we and figure out what is going out in that head of yours." He stood up and outstretched his hand, waiting for Carmilla to take it. She stared up at him, she felt like she could trust him. But he wanted her hand, she hadn't held someone's hand in months.
"Come on then? Time waits for no one...except maybe me" Slowly she let her small hand reach up and out. All the while in disbelief that someone wanted to willing hold her hand.
Random Note: Well, that was chapter 1. This is the first fanfiction that I have written for Carmilla. Actually this is really my first fanfiction ever so any constructive criticism you could give me will be taken into account. I will be uploading new chapters every Tuesday and Thursday so stick around if you want to see the adventures of the Doctor and Carmilla. Any questions or other comments can be sent to my tumblr: .com.