A/N: Hey, guys! So I know I haven't posted anything in awhile. It's just school's been really stressful, and it's taken a lot of my time. BUT I've had this oneshot lying around ever since I wrote it for a friend awhile friend. I already posted it on Tumblr, so why not post it here? First things first: this is a real person fic with Riker Lynch (Jeff the Warbler) and Grant Gustin (you all know him as Sebastian Smythe), so it's basically Jeffbastian, but in real life. It's set around the filming of the episode The First Time (Glee, 2011), and it's all in Riker's POV. This is completely un-BETAd, and the title comes from an R5 (Riker's band) song. Brownie points to the first person who comments with the title. Okay, enough with my rambling. Enjoy the story. :)
Baby, I Think I've Lost My Mind
It was another day of rehearsal for us Warblers, just in the midst of September. Rehearsal was usually just dancing, dancing, and yes, more dancing, but today was different—different as in "we were getting a new addition" different. His name started with a "G," and I do have to admit, I forgot his name a couple seconds after I was told; but hey, I did remember he was going to play the Warblers' new captain, Sebastian Smythe. Apparently, he was running late so that meant that the rest of us had time to kill.
I grabbed my phone and mindlessly looked through the tweets that I had been mentioned in, and let me tell you, there were a lot. Some were ridiculous, while others were just…never mind, they were all pretty much ridiculous. I was about to open some stupid game that Rocky downloaded onto my phone when the door of the dance studio burst open. I was surprised that the force of the door didn't leave a dent on the wall.
My head snapped up towards the cause of that loud sound.
And then…
I saw him.
He ran into the room, and it suddenly felt ten degrees hotter. My eyes trailed up his long legs and his toned torso was perfectly hugged by a flannel shirt with a matching solid blue tee underneath it. Suddenly, I felt like the wind was knocked out of my chest when my gaze reached his face. Damn…
I didn't know what had gotten into me, but in that moment, I felt this weird shift inside of me. I couldn't place what it exactly was. This warm sensation filled my insides, leaving my stomach all tingly. I almost thought that tingling feeling was just the butterflies fluttering around my stomach, but that didn't make sense.
How could I have butterflies when I never even met the guy?
Fucking hell. I am not going to answer that.
I shook myself out of my thoughts to realize just in time that the new guy was walking towards me. He had this (perfect) smile on his face, and I was pretty sure that smile could end wars and cure every disease known to man. My insides felt like they were going to melt just knowing that that smile was directed at me-
Holy fuck. I did not just turn into a thirteen-year-old fangirl. This kind of behavior should be expected from an actual thirteen-year-old fangirl; not a fucking nineteen-year-old man. I was turning twenty this year, damn it. I'm finally getting away from these "teen" numbers.
"Hey, I'm Grant, and I guess I'll be playing your new captain," Grant said with that beautiful smile of his. Fuck. He's speaking. Shit fuck. Say something, Riker.
"Hi," I finally mustered up, trying my hardest not to look too star-struck, but seriously? That's all you could say, Riker? A fucking hi. You could be shy, but not this shy, and especially not around boys.
I could see that Grant was chuckling, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But wait- what is he chuckling about? Nothing funny really happened. Is there something on my face? Oh, shit. Please tell there isn't broccoli in my teeth? Wait, what- I don't even like broccoli.
I almost missed it when Grant's hazel-green eyes quickly glanced down, and then it was then that I realized that he had his hand sticking out and I was just staring at him the whole time. Oh, great. He's going to think I'm an anti-social freak that doesn't know a thing about greeting people. Quick! Riker, just fucking do something!
I quickly reached out, coughing slightly to hide my awkwardness—though, it was too late for that now—and took Grant's hand in mine. His grip was firm and strong, and wow, muscles…
Riker, stop, you're getting distracted again. Eyes up on Grant's face now.
I look up only to see that Grant was still smiling at me as if he never noticed how awkward I was, and that took me aback for a moment. He was acting like I wasn't just blatantly staring at his arms, and I couldn't have been more grateful.
Our hands parted after the short moment they were together. I didn't like the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was like a how your stomach would just tie up in knots because of a bad case of stage fright; but right now, that didn't seem to be the case. For one thing, I had gotten over my stage fright at a rather young age, and secondly, I wasn't nervous because I had to perform a song; I was nervous because of a boy. I just didn't know what it meant, and it confused the hell out of me.
I was straight. I've always known that I was straight. One boy couldn't just change that…could he?
No, no, nope. I am straight, and that's all there is to it.
When rehearsal started, I soon learned that it was hard to keep my eyes away from none other than Grant Gustin. It wasn't like it was my fault. He was a pretty good dancer (Someone did mention that he was in a production of West Side Story before he was casted as on Glee.) and as a dancer myself, I couldn't bring myself to look away.
Okay, that might have been an excuse. Along with these weird feelings I was having, I noticed how great Grant's ass looked in his jeans, and I've never noticed how guys' asses looked in jeans—except if the ass and the jeans were mine.
Rehearsal went on for a couple more hours, but it seemed like it was never going to end. The choreographers just kept insisting over and over that we needed to have everything polished by Friday (It was Tuesday.) because the whole cast was going to start filming the following week. That didn't seem to put more pressure on us. No, not at all…
By the time rehearsal was over, I somehow merged myself into a group of Warblers that included Curt, Dom, Titus, and…Grant. It was 36TD plus a G. The 3 of the whole group proposed that we should all go out to get to knowGrant better, but Curt's idea of going out meant that we had to go to a bar like usual. All of them agreed to go except for me. I, being a mere nineteen-year-old, two years under the legal drinking age—although, I've already had a few sips of wine courtesy of my parents—had to decline the offer. When I told the group my predicament, I saw, just in time, the way Grant's face fell just a tad bit.
During the drive back home, I kept replaying that moment over and over again. Why did he look so disappointed? Was Grant really hoping that I could go? Did he want me to stay?
When I arrived, I was bombarded with questions about my day; like the usual mishap that happened in the Lynch household. Dinner was then served, and I was more preoccupied than ever by the thought of missing the chance to hang out with Grant. I was asked more than was necessary if I was okay, but the same reply would be spoken in return: "Yeah. Just tired." Hey, that's a pretty legit answer. I was at dance rehearsal for five hours straight.
After dinner, I skipped out on playing videogames with my brothers—I wasn't very good at that anyway—with the same "tired" excuse. I changed into pajamas and climbed into bed, staying up for what seemed like hours with the same question bouncing around in my head:
Am I attracted to Grant Gustin?
But I already knew the answer to that: I don't even fucking know.
The next few weeks of filming were absolute torture on my end. I had no idea how I was able to pull through every rehearsal without melting into a puddle of goo and letting my hidden attraction be exposed to everyone. That was something that I definitely didn't want happening anytime soon.
Grant Gustin was in my mind all day and all night. I just couldn't get him out of my mind; and fuck, did I want him out of there. Just the thought of him had me distracted. While I was practicing with R5 or going over the moves for the Warbler number, I always managed to fumble with the strings or stumble over my feet when a certain someone found his way into my mind.
It was just fucking horrible and downright unfair. It wasn't fair that Grant could just distract me with those gorgeous eyes of his; or his strong arms; or even, his legs that seemed to go on forever. Ugh, and his smile. Holy fucking mother of Go-
Riker. Get ahold of yourself! Fantasizing about Grant's body will get you nowhere.
After a couple of weeks of knowing Grant, I finally came to the conclusion that I was attracted to that gorgeous motherfucker. I couldn't deny it anymore. It was just the act of actually admitting it to the guy that seemed to be the problem.
Since I admitted to myself that I like liked Grant, I just needed to figure out if I like liked boys, and that didn't seem so bad. I've never thought that any other guy was attractive before I met Grant Gustin. I've already been friends with Curt, Titus, and Dom way before I even set my eyes on "Mr. Tall, Toned, and Handsome" (a.k.a. Grant) and I've never found any of them as "dating" material; therefore, that must rule out my being just gay, right? Finding myself attracted to one guy doesn't make me automatically gay. The only thing that sounds remotely close to my current sexuality would be bi-sexual. Eh, that's close enough.
I wanted to tell someone—that wasn't Grant—about my predicament so bad. It's gotten to the point that I could just tell Grant about my attraction towards him, but I knew I wouldn't even have the guts; and even if I did tell him that I liked him, I wouldn't even know how he would react. That's one other thing that has been bothering all this time ever since I realized that I was attracted to the man. It sucked that the only way I'll even know was by asking the guy himself. Unless…
"Dom!"
"Hey, Riker!" Dominic greeted with the usual sweet smile gracing his lips. Oh, boy, was I glad to run into this guy on set. Call it perfect timing.
"Hey, so… I was wondering if you'd do me a little favor…" I asked, dragging out my words with a kind of sugary sweetness that was only reserved for asking favors, and this was a pretty big favor.
I watched as Dom's eyes narrowed, probably in suspicion.
"What kind of favor?" He asked, which caused me to roll my eyes. Can this interrogation hurry up?
I heaved out a sigh and rolled my eyes. I quickly glanced around to make sure that none of the other Warblers were around, especially Grant; that would just ruin everything. I grabbed Dom's arm, despite his protests, and tugged him to an area that was clear of any Warblers or Grants.
"Riker, what is it?" Dom let out a sigh of his own, but I could sense the annoyance, as he tapped his foot on the floor with an impatient rhythm.
It was then that I told him everything that I had been bothering me the past couple of weeks, including my attraction to the new guy and my early-twenties sexuality crisis. Dom was already out and one of my best friends, so it wouldn't hurt to tell him everything I figured out.
"So what do you want me to do?" He cut in.
"I'm getting there, Dom. So since you're like…friends with Grant, I was wondering if you could ask him about me. Like, what he thinks of me and stuff like that."
"Okay, one thing, though. Why can't you just talk to him?" Dom asked, raising his eyebrow at me like I should've thought of that in the first place. I know he's trying to help me, but are you fucking serious?
Now, it was my turn to narrow my eyes in annoyance at my companion. "I can't even think straight"—no pun intended—"when I'm around him, so how do you expect me to talk to him without acting like a blubbering mess?! I still don't understand why I had to be attracted to him of all people. He's making me act like a twelve-year-old girl, and- Why the hell are you laughing?!"
"It's just…I…I'm just thinking about the rehearsal we all met Grant. God, you were just…just so cute…getting all red like that, haha!"
I let out an exasperated sigh, my arms crossed over my chest, as I tried to ignore the way my cheeks were starting to burn. I really didn't want to think about that.
"Shut up! Are you gonna help me or not?" I hissed out at Dom, hoping that would shut him up. But I was wrong. He just kept going and going. It was like he was the energizer bunny on some kind of drug. I sighed heavily as I waited for him to calm down. "Are you done?"
"Okay, okay. I'll help you, geez," he managed to wheeze out.
"You're a jerk, but thanks. You need to tell me ASAP what he thinks of me, okay? I just…I really need to know. I'm depending on you Dom, and whatever he says pretty much determines how the rest of my love life goes." I bit my lip, giving myself a moment's pause. "That didn't sound too desperate, did it?"
"Oh, Riker, you've got it so bad, girl."
Over the next couple of days, it was just me constantly pestering (not that it was pestering—well, in my book it wasn't) Dom. I know I was annoying him with all of these questions ("Did you talk to him yet?" or "Has he said anything about me?"), but my knowing whether or not Grant found me attractive was more important than how much I was getting on his nerves (which was a lot).
Dom was right. I do have it bad.
Fuck.
And 'fuck' was right. The next few days were really going to fuck with my emotions. I still didn't know if Dom spoke with Grant yet, and if he did, then Dom better have a good explanation for keeping me in the dark for so long. He kept ignoring me every time I brought up his talk with Grant. I was getting annoyed and starting to feel this sort of dread building up in the pit of my stomach
What if Dom was telling Grant more than he was supposed to?
What if Dom hadn't talked to him yet?
What if he already talked to him and was only avoiding me because he didn't want to break the bad news?
Fuck, what if there was bad ne-
Okay, okay. Deep breaths, Riker. These 'what ifs' are really fucking you over, aren't they?
I just needed an answer from Dom soon, or else I would explode; and the thoughts of my guts spewing all over the place was making me shudder. That was definitely not a pretty image in my mind.
After a week, I finally got an answer to the incessant questions continuously asked. Fingers crossed that it was the good answer that I was hoping for.
"Okay, what's the deal? What did he say?"
Dom looked nervous. That was a bad sign, wasn't it?
"Um…well, he said you were nice."
Nice? Nice. That's it? That's what I've been waiting for the past month or so: a guy I liked telling me that I was fucking nice. What the fu-
"But before you say anything, he also said that he'd like to get to know you more. He didn't like how you missed out the first time we hung out, and uh…he also said one other thing…" the other Warbler bit his lip, rubbing his arm. His nervousness was making me really anxious.
"What? What?! What other thing?" I asked, refraining myself from grabbing Dom by the shoulders and throttling him a litte bit. I clenched my hands into fists at my fists as glared him down.
"I'm not supposed to tell you!"
"Why did you even tell me there was another thing if you weren't going to tell me? Dude!" I was getting annoyed. Why couldn't he just fucking tell me? I smacked him in the arm, displaying my annoyance.
"You'll find out sooner or later, and OW! What the hell, Riker?!" Dom was frowning, clearly mad at me, but I was too annoyed and mad at him to actually care. He sighed angrily, giving me a hard glare. "Okay, I'd tell you what he told me, but I'd rather have him tell you himself."
That got me stumped. It seemed all of my anger had vanished into thin air. I was still annoyed somewhat, but I knew I had to suck it up and put on my big boy pants if I wanted to know what Grant said to Dom. It could take days, or even months. But I think with enough reassurance, I can finally find that confidence I was lacking ever since I met Grant. I was really hoping this confidence boost would come in a matter of days, but days became weeks, and eventually, it was the beginning of November; my birthday month. Yippee.
I was only turning twenty, and there really wasn't anything exciting about being twenty, except that I was one year away from drinking alcohol legally. Twenty, in my eyes, was just a random age in between the ages that really did matter.
So it really wasn't a surprise that I was celebrating my birthday in my living room with a can of root beer and a plate of fried chicken on my lap. I didn't want to go out for a birthday dinner, since: 1) I was only turning twenty, there was nothing special about that anyway; 2) a home cooked meal was always better; and 3) everything got so much busier with R5 and Ross on Austin & Ally. Staying at home seemed to be the most liable choice right now, and I didn't really mind.
And besides, the new episode of Glee was airing in a few minutes, and my family was excited about it. They wanted to be home to watch and see the scenes I was in ("I was only in one, guys!").
I received various pieces of clothing from my siblings, a new watch from my parents, money from cards that my other relatives had sent me, and numerous 'Happy Birthday' texts and Facebook messages from my friends and tech-savvy relatives. There was still one person I was waiting to hear from.
Grant.
I wouldn't say that I was desperate to hear from him. I mean, we were pretty close friends, and he was the only person that hadn't really greeted me. He hadn't even said anything on his Twitter and Instagram toda- Okay, that did sound a little desperate, but you couldn't really blame me. He was the guy I liked and all.
I kept glancing at my phone every couple of minutes, and Rydel, who was sitting next to me on the couch, seemed to be the one who noticed.
"You okay, Rikes?" She asked during a commercial break. Her eyebrow was raised, and she was giving me this look: You better tell me, or else, it said. I glance over at her and give her a minute nod.
"Uh, yeah. I'm okay. Why do you ask?" I tried to appear nonchalant, and I wasn't sure if it was working because my other siblings seemed to be catching on to our conversation.
"Well, you keep looking at your phone every dang minute!" Rydel exclaimed, careful not to let any bad words slip. The Lynch household had a pretty strict (but not really) no-cussing zone. It was only when our parents were away that we unleashed the crude language.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Ross smirking at me. "He's probably waiting for a text from his girlfriend," my younger brother taunted with a chuckle, but then it quickly morphed into a fit of giggles when he realized that I was blushing; he probably thought he was right, but one thing he wouldn't know was that he wasn't completely correct. Not exactly.
I rolled my eyes, throwing a piece of my chicken at Ross, when he wouldn't stop laughing.
"I'm gonna head up to my room," I muttered as I gathered up my gifts. I pocketed my phone and grabbed my half-finished can of root beer, leaving my plate of chicken bones on the coffee table. A smirk made its way onto my face when I heard Ross whine, and I knew that my mom hit him or something. I chuckled silently the rest of the way to my and Rocky's room. I plopped down on my bed and placed the pile of gifts next to me. I then heard my phone start to buzz and the familiar McFly ringtone playing along with it. I quickly snatched it from where it was beside me and froze when I read the caller ID.
Grant G. is calling…
I had a mini-freak out when I finally snapped out of it and realized that Grant was calling me. Fuck, pick up the freakin' phone, Riker! I pressed the green call button and raised my phone to my ear. All I heard at first was a lot of people talking. I guessed he was at a party or something, but why he would party on a Tuesday of all days, I didn't know.
The static-y talking continued on for about a minute or so, and I was starting to think that he was just butt-dialing me until I heard something else.
"He- Hey, Riker!" Was…Was Grant drunk?
"Oh, uh… Hey, Grant," I answered with a bit of my lip. Just my luck; sure, I was happy that he was finally talking to me, but he was drunk and I really didn't know how to feel about that.
"I…I wa- wanted to say"—He burped, and I don't really think that I found that attractive, but Grant's cute; his cuteness made up for that—"say happy birthdaaaaay!" Grant slurred, so he was on that level of drunkenness. I was surprised that he could even remember that piece of information when he was drunk off his ass.
I let out a small chuckle. Though Grant was drunk, I still couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. "Thanks, man," I said. The smile was pretty much evident in my voice. I was a blushing twenty-year-old with a crush; again, you couldn't blame me for acting so giddy around the guy I was crushing on.
"An- And one more…one more thing, Rikey"—Rikey? I've only ever heard that nickname from my family. I heard him giggle, before he continued with his drunken rambling—"Rikey…I'm- I'm calling you that from now. It's like… So cute. Like…like you! Oh, wow. Real fucking cute."
Wait. Hold up. He thinks I'm cute? He thinks that I, Riker Lynch, am cute. This birthday couldn't have gotten better. Even though Grant's ramblings were pretty adorable, I had to cut him off.
"Grant- Gra- Grant! For fucks' sake, let me talk," I laughed, letting him know that I wasn't really mad at him. After all, I was the one cutting his cute as fuck ramblings short. "What were you going to say? Y'know, before all of that 'Riker's cute' crap?"
"What…? Wha- Oh! Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah…I was gonna saaaaaay…" Grant paused to let another giggle fit pass, and as he continued to talk, he was giggling the whole time. Boy, was he wasted, but he was too cute; I couldn't get mad at him. I waited for him to finish his giggle fit. I was growing anxious about what he was going to tell me. But then, I suddenly remembered Dom's words from our conversation weeks before.
Okay, I'd tell you what he told me, but I'd rather have him tell you himself.
Did whatever Grant was going to tell me have anything to do with that? I sure fucking hoped so. I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't notice that Grant was talking again.
"Hold on, wait. Can you- Can you repeat that?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed and a slight frown on my face. Did I hear him right?
Grant giggled a little bit more, and I could hear the fondness in his voice. "You need- ya needta pay more attention, Rikey. I saaaaid that I like you. Like…like like you, y'know? Y'know, Rikey?"
I was stunned speechless for a few moments. Grant Gustin liked me. The guy that I've been crushing on for months liked me back. And I knew he wasn't lying, because when you're drunk, you're, like, programmed to tell the truth, right? I wanted to scream and jump around the room, but I didn't want my family to get worried and send one of my siblings up here to ask what was wrong. I already knew how that would end.
"Riker?"
Right. Grant was still on the other end of the line.
"Uh, yeah?"
"Do…d'ya like me, too?"
"Yeah…Yeah, I really do."
"…"
"Grant?"
"…Hm?"
"You're not…You're not going to remember any of this tomorrow, are you?" I didn't know why I even bothered asking him. I already knew the answer.
"I- I hope not."
Grant, you're fucking wasted, I wanted to scream at him. Of course, he was going to forget. But the thing was, I couldn't stay mad at him. I liked him too much.
I fell asleep that night with a flurry mixed emotions battling it out inside of me. I was happy that I knew that my feelings were reciprocated, but I also felt sad because Grant would never remember his admission.
It was during my slumber when my phone buzzed and lit up, indicating a new notification from Twitter. I had set up notifications for most of the Warblers' tweets, including Grant's, and turned off the ones for mentions, so I didn't have to bother scrolling through numerous tweets from my fans to find the tweet I wanted to answer. And this time, it was a tweet from Grant.
Mentioned by grantgust: remember how much I like you ok rikerR5 ? I won't forget if you dont [heart emoji] [kissy face emoji]
When I woke up the next morning—it was almost noon so I don't think I should be calling it morning—I never expected my phone to buzz so much. I opened my tired eyes and blinked away the blurriness in my vision, and I instantly took notice of the way Rocky was covering his ears with his pillow.
"Shut your damn phone off, Riker," he groaned. Well, good morning to you, too, dearest brother.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm on it, Rock," I muttered back and retrieved my phone from the table between our beds. I squinted at the screen as it lit up with a shitload of notifications—tweets, missed calls, text messages, etc. What the fuck was going on?
I continued to scroll down, deciding to just swipe the notification for a text from Dom.
Riker!
RIKER
RIKER FUCKING LYNCH ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE
RIKER
ANTHONY
LYNCH
ANSWER ME FUCK
If Dom was cussing, then whatever he was going to tell me must have been something urgent. There were a few more texts that kept saying that I should answer my phone with more cussing and my name being repeated over and over again. I quickly texted him back saying that I was awake.
He was quick to reply.
Finally.
What did you want?
I hoped my sassiness and biting snark made their way through my text.
Sorry, I forgot that rockstars needed at least twelve hours of sleep during their break.
And I forgot that I was talking to the King of Sass.
*sigh* seriously what did you want? You woke up rocky and he's pretty pissed
Check your twitter.
Why?
You'll see.
I was really confused. I felt my phone buzz again and looked down to see a follow-up text.
Actually. Just check Grant's twitter.
His last tweet.
…okay?
I did what I was told and tapped on the Twitter app. I noticed that my notifications had a bubble that indicated over a hundred tweets, so pretty much the usual. I went over to the search box and typed in 'Grant.' I then tapped on Grant's profile.
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I read the tweet over and over again just to make sure that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. I even tapped on the tweet, wanting a closer look. I realized that it had over thousands of retweets and favorites. I scrolled through the replies, my eyes widening as I just kept scrolling and scrolling. The replies seemed to end.
omqrydels: grantgust rikerR5 wait what riker's not gay?
ummriker: grantgust rikerR5 i knew it riker's gay
gabiell: grantgust rikerR5 AHHHHHHHHH ADJFLDAF
isa_bell: grantgust rikerR5 GRANT
honeybae: grantgust who the hell is rikerR5?
There were equal amounts of positive and negative comments, but I still couldn't process the fact that Grant said he liked me on his freakin' Twitter account, which several thousands of people were following. I think my face was stuck with a shocked expression because Rocky was asking me if I was okay. I turned to look at him with eyes wide as saucers. He had a look of concern and asked me once more since I never answered him the first time.
"Dude, are you okay?"
I eventually snapped out of my stupor to answer him. "Uh, yeah," I nodded, a smile making its way onto my face. "I'm great, actually."
Rocky just looked at me oddly and raised his eyebrow. "Oookay… while you're being weird, I'm just gonna go downstairs and check if there's food." I watched him as he kicked off the covers and got out of bed. He headed out of the room to do just as he said, leaving me with my thoughts and enough time to scream into my pillow with my legs flailing and kicking off the covers.
After my mini "fangirl" moment, I headed down to the kitchen once I calmed myself down. I walked in and found Rocky eating a bowl of cereal at the island. It was already noon and basically lunchtime, but it seemed like both of us were too lazy to cook or fix something that could be considered as lunch.
"Everybody out?" I asked him as I went to fix myself my own bowl of cereal. I glanced over at him to see him nod.
"Rydel's doing some girl thing with mom. Dad's…somewhere. Ross is filming for Austin & Ally- I thought we all knew that. Anyways, and Ryland's got football practice, so yeah. It's just the two of us, unless you have somewhere to be 'cuz I know I don't," Rocky shrugged, scooping another spoonful of Lucky Charms into his mouth. I pulled a slight face of disgust when I saw some of the milk drip down his chin.
"Oh, okay," I busied myself with pouring the cereal and milk into a bowl.
"—at this morning?"
"Huh?" I was so focused on my cereal—I was hungry; you can't really blame me—that I missed part of what my brother had asked me.
"I said: what were you looking at this morning? You looked pretty stunned or something. That must've been something really shocking if it got you looking like that," Rocky stated with a quirk of his brow and another spoonful of cereal.
I just stared at him, not really knowing what to say. I couldn't really tell him that I was attracted to a man and that said man declared that he liked me on Twitter, could I? That would be pretty awkward to tell your younger brother; but I mean, on the other hand, Rocky is my brother and is something close to a best friend.
"Well, okay then, if you're just going to ignore me, fine," he muttered, looking down at his bowl of cereal with a slight frown.
"Rocky-" I said, before I cut myself off, still trying to formulate what I wanted to say in my head.
"Dude, what?" I heard him sigh. He seemed pretty done with me right now. I would be done with myself right now, too. You're not alone, brother.
"I just- I'll show you," I eventually said to him, before dashing away to grab my phone and probably leaving a very confused a Rocky and a bowl of soggy Lucky Charms. I snatched my phone off the bed and raced back to the kitchen. When I unlocked my phone, Grant's tweet was still on the screen and still made me heart skip a beat.
"Okay, you're acting really weird, bro. Are you gonna show me or what?" Rocky asked, and I realized that I had been smiling mindlessly at my phone for past five minutes. I quickly snapped myself out of it, only to bring myself into a state of hesitation. I was afraid of Rocky's reaction. He would react two ways; be the supportive brother I hoped he would be or get angry and have an extremely bad homophobic reaction. Rocky was a pretty open-minded person, so I doubt he would react like the latter, but you never know.
I bit my lip as I slowly placed my phone into my brother's awaiting hand. I waited with bated breath for his reaction. I could see his eyes flying over the words that were presented on the screen. He was even scrolling down to see a few of the replies to the tweet. His face looked completely indifferent. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what he was feeling right now, and it was making me anxious.
'You're…gay?' were the first words that left Rocky's mouth after what felt like hours of silence.
I frowned slightly. I wasn't expecting him to say that. I glanced into my cereal, not finding it in myself to finish it; I suddenly lost my appetite. "Well… I- not exactly…"
"Then what are you?" He pressed further. I winced at his word choice, but I still couldn't tell what he was feeling because the emotion in his voice was just too difficult to describe. I was too scared to look up at his face at the moment. I didn't want to risk it and see the disappointment that was etched onto his features. I wasn't sure what I'd do if I were met with something like that.
"I…I'm not gay. I-I just…I really don't know, okay? It's complicated. I mean- I only like one guy, so that doesn't make me gay, right? That only makes me, like, half-gay? Bi-sexual? I have no fucking clue," I begin to ramble as a start becoming more and more distressed about my situation and begin spewing out word-vomit. I didn't know when I began to pace, but I suddenly felt Rocky's hands on my shoulders stopping me in my tracks. I freeze for a moment, before looking up at my brother's face. Was that…sympathy? There was also something just shy of a smile playing on his lips. I had no idea what that was supposed to imply.
"Dude. Calm down. Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to make you so stressed out," he chuckled. "Just take some deep breaths, bro."
I did. I inhaled and exhaled slowly. My whole face was flushed from the freak out just moments before. I gradually calmed down, my shoulders slumping forward a bit. I was relieved that Rocky wasn't actually mad about the whole thing. I mean he didn't look mad.
"Okay, y'alright to talk now?"
I nodded, staring at Rocky's face for any sign of ridicule that would come my way, but there was none, just a smile and a look of understanding. He was really a great brother.
I walked over to the kitchen to sit down, while Rocky continued to man the counter stool he was currently sitting on. I let out a big sigh, before starting the long saga of his big brother's rather confusing love life—from the day I met Grant to the drunk phone call last night and the tweet that Grant sent out to all his followers.
By the end of it, I was just staring at my brother, hoping that he understood everything that I had told him. It took him awhile to react and when he did. He got off the stool and walked towards me. Was he going to hit me? Fuck, he's going to hit m- Oh. He's hugging me. I tentatively wrap my arms around to return the hug. He noticed my confusion and spoke up, pulling back to place his hands on my shoulders and stare straight at me.
"A hug means that I support you, right?" Rocky asked me with his eyebrows shot up past his hairline.
I just continued to stare at him with what I thought was a look of awe, before I started to laugh freely, throwing my head and smiling widely as tears pooled down my cheeks. He pulled my confused brother into a tight hug.
"Yeah… But really, thank you," I murmured.
"And if this Grant dude hurts you… Well, let's just say he'll get to know my fist a little better," Rocky promised with a slight smirk on his face.
I rolled my eyes, feeling like the roles were reversed and I was the younger brother being protected by the eldest—Rocky. Actually, I felt like Rydel. Was this how it felt to have all the guys being so overprotective of her? I should ask her.
"You are not going to beat him up," I said as I pulled away from the hug, shaking my head. "You are going to keep being the supportive younger brother, but you are also going to back a little off from my love life." I gave him a pointed look, wondering if he got the message. I grinned as Rocky let out a sigh.
"Fine, fine. I won'tbeat him up. But can I at least give him a little talk bef-"
"No."
"But Rik-"
"No."
"Fine, if I can't talk to him, you have to talk to him. You need to really figure this out and clear the air, bro."
"I know, okay? I know. And I'll talk to him. Soon."
I didn't know that "soon" would be a week after my talk with Rocky.
It was another one of those spontaneous Warbler hang outs that we tended to do quite a lot. Ever since Grant had joined the cast, he was pretty much part of the 36TD group, too. He talked musicals with Curt, asked fashion advice from Dom, and practically wreaked havoc with Titus; but where does that leave me? I felt like I was being ignored and avoided by him, but I couldn't blame him. He probably saw what he tweeted; however, when I last checked his profile, which wasn't too long ago, the tweet was still there. I thought he would've gotten it deleted at least, but no. It was still there under a few tweets of apology about his drunkenness and some other retweets about Glee and his upcoming project.
I was body full of heightened nerves as I sat the farthest away from him. I caught the apologetic smiles that his best friends gave me when they noticed the way that Grant purposely chose to sit in the chair at the other side of the table.
They all saw the tweet. They all questioned me about it. And I was pretty sure Dom told them about my predicament. I didn't even care that he told them without my permission; at least I didn't have to tell them myself, and even if I did, Dom would have had to swoop in and tell them himself anyway.
I just hoped that Dom only told Curt and Titus. If any of my other friends found out, then I'd be fucked.
I stared into my glass of Sprite, only looking up when Dom excused himself from the table to go to the bathroom. It almost seemed like there was a collective decision to leave me and Grant alone at the table because a few minutes after Dom left the table, Titus got up to grab another drink from the bar and Curt decided to go with him. I sent a panicked look in their direction but neither of them seemed to notice.
I felt a buzz in my pocket, and I was glad that I had some kind of distraction from the man next to me. I reached for my phone and saw that it was a text from Dom.
Talk to him, you idiot!
Oh, so that's what this was about.
I locked my phone and set it down on the table. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Titus and Curt giving me encouraging smiles. I nodded slightly as I let out a deep breath. I turn towards Grant and found him looking down at his phone. I cleared my throat.
"…Grant?"
I sounded so fucking shy. I didn't think I could do this, but I was already doing it so there was no going back now. Grant already had noticed that I called him.
"Uh, yeah?"
Oh, fuck. Why do I have the feeling that he doesn't want to talk to me? Well, news flash, we have to talk sometime, and that time happened to be right now.
"We need to talk," I said with a slight firm tone in my voice, and I hoped to whatever god out there that Grant didn't start playing the 'dumb' card. I could tell in his eyes that he knew what I was talking about, and I'd do whatever I could to get him to talk.
"About…?" He asked as his eyebrows twitched and furrowed together.
Damn it, Grant.
I suppressed a sigh and shook my head slightly. "You know what I'm talking about."
Grant appeared to be conflicted. After a few moments of what I guessed was contemplation, he eventually sighed and looked me in the eyes. "Look. I was drunk. A lot of crap comes out of your mouth when you're drunk," he said softly. So he went in that direction. Does he really think I would fall for that kind of bullshit?
"A lot of crap, my ass. Don't you mean the truth?" I challenged, a frown appearing on my face. My patience was wearing thin. I needed answers, and I needed them now.
"Riker. I don't want to talk about this here," Grant sighed.
"Then what-?"
"We'll talk at my place."
Oh, okay. Privacy. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.
I followed Grant into his apartment. It was pretty spacious, considering it was just him living there. But then I realized why his living space happened to be so big when a fluffy ball of white began to pounce on my legs and bark at me. I looked down and smiled at the puppy.
"Oh, that's Jett. I should've warned you about him," Grant said with an uneasy chuckle.
I just smiled and crouched down to start petting him. "What would you have warned me about? That he was so cute?" I laughed. I've always wanted a dog, but my parents didn't want to take care of a dog and five children at the same time.
If I wasn't looking at Jett, I would have noticed the way Grant was looking at me. A look of fondness appeared on his face as I continued to play with his puppy. I eventually had to stop when I remembered why I was here in the first place. I reluctantly took my attention away from Jett and brought it over to Grant.
"So…are we going to talk?" I asked, chewing on my bottom lip. Grant nodded and walked over to the couch. He sat down and motioned to sit next to him. I did but kept about a foot between us; any closer would have probably made the situation more awkward.
I watched Grant intently, hoping that he'd speak up first. It was pretty much his fault anyway. If it weren't for him, then maybe we wouldn't have gotten into his mess. Stupid Grant, and his stupid drunk tweet. But then again, without that call from Grant, I wouldn't have known that he even liked me like me back.
Since I didn't seem like I was getting an answer anytime soon, I took the reigns of the conversation. "Grant… Just hear me out, okay?" I took a deep breath, glancing up and meeting Grant's gaze with mine. "I'm not gay—I mean I don't think I am—but I really like you. And when you called me on my birthday and told me that you liked me, I seriously thought my heart was going to explode right out of my chest. It gave me hope, but right now… God, Grant, I really think I've lost my fucking mind just wanting to hear you say it without any alcohol in your system."
My heart was pounding quickly in my chest as I stared at a silent Grant. I was getting anxious, and I would only get even more nervous as the minutes ticked by. I dropped my gaze to my lap, feeling foolish for leaving my heart out in the open.
I was already feeling rejected, but a hand reached out to gently caress my cheek; and I looked up to see Grant gazing at me with this dreamy, dazed look in his eyes. Still, he didn't say anything. I could feel my blood pump faster as my cheeks flushed. There was no doubt in my mind that Grant felt how warm my cheeks were.
As his face inched closer to mine, I could see the small flecks of gold in his hazel-green eyes. Our noses touched, and all I could feel was his warm hand on my cheek and his breath that caressed my lips and smelled wonderfully like mint and root beer. I couldn't believe that this was happening. I wanted to pinch myself because I really didn't want this to be a dream.
My eyes fluttered shut and so did Grant's as he finally closed the gap between our lips. His lips were soft and melded perfectly with mine. The kiss was firm but gentle at the same time, and I felt like I was flying. I slowly pulled away, and our breaths mingled between us.
"Did that say everything?" He asked breathlessly, his lips quirked into a grin.
I slowly lifted my hand and rested it at the junction where Grant's neck and jaw met, a small smile gracing my lips. I felt his arm snake around my waist, pulling me closer to him, as I leaned up to meet his lips again and again. The kisses were soft and sensual, leaving my whole body tingling and craving for more.
I didn't know how I ended up on my back with Grant on top of me, but that's where we found ourselves lying on the couch. My arms were around his neck as our lips continued to slide against each other and our legs became a tangled mess.
I inhaled sharply when we eventually parted, and I heard Grant doing the same. My eyes fluttered open and all I saw was Grant staring down at me with this expression I couldn't place.
"God, you are so beautiful…" He breathed out, brushing my hair out of his eyes.
I blushed deeply, leaning into his touch. "You're not so bad yourself," I murmured, letting out a quiet chuckle. I caught Grant's hand as it was leaving my face and laced our fingers together. He smiled down at me and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.
I gently chewed my bottom lip as I contemplated whether or not I should ask him if we were together. I didn't want to make everything all awkward.
"What's on your mind, blondie?" I heard him ask, bringing me back to reality.
I sighed softly. I should just ask him. What harm could be done? I mean we did just made out on his couch.
"Are we…you know, together?" I asked, averting my gaze from Grant's face. I was acting all shy all of sudden, and I was pretty sure he found it adorable or something because he was starting to chuckle. Oh, the nerve of that guy.
"I thought the make out session said it all, but… I'd say we are," Grant stated with a wide, toothy grin.
At that statement, I was smiling so wide that my face was beginning to hurt. Grant leaned down to press kisses to my cheeks, jaw, and neck, causing me to giggle and squirm underneath him.
"Grant, that tickles!" I squealed, trying to get him off of me, but Grant was relentless, laughing loudly above me as he continued his flurry of kisses. "Oh, m-my god!" I could feel the heat rushing to my face, and I just knew that it was starting to get red and tears were already starting to drip down my cheeks as giggles kept bubbling from my lips.
"I can't stop! You're just so kissable!" He bellowed with laughter, pressing his lips everywhere that he could reach.
You know, I could get used to this.
And damn straight, I did. Now that our reciprocated attraction was out in the open, everything felt so carefree and easy. After months of hiding my feelings from him, we were finally together and damn, did it feel so good.
We decided to keep our relationship on the down low, only telling Dom, Curt, and Titus about where we stood. They didn't really look or sound surprised when we told them, and Dom seemed to be the most livid about it ("Fucking finally! It's about damn time!"). All in all, they were happy for us and listened to our wishes to keep quiet about our relationship.
It had been a month after that day at Grant's apartment. After he attacked me with tickles and kisses, we ordered take out and watched a few movies until we both ended up sleeping on the couch.
I visited him more often at his apartment where we would spend time cuddling and making out. He was also now a frequent visitor at the Lynch household. It was cute seeing my boyfriend struggle to remember all of my siblings' names, but he eventually got it after a few failed attempts.
We usually hung out by the pool or watched TV. And I sometimes had to kick Rocky out of our room, so I could have some alone time with Grant, which was actually really hard when there's six other people in the house—seven, if you include Ellington—but Rocky understood and I could tell that he figured out that everything was alright between me and Grant. I even suspected that he knew that he was boyfriend. It was just the problem of telling the rest of my family about it.
I wouldn't say that I was particularly scared of telling everyone that I had a boyfriend; just that I wasn't looking forward to it. All my life I was attracted to girls, so my family would only assume that I was straight. But that was before I met Grant. Now, I just didn't know how my family would react to me having a boyfriend.
It was Sunday, and that was considered our family days, since everybody had a day off. Grant was over as well as Ellington, and I just knew that today had to be the day that I told my family about Grant.
I could tell that they were already becoming suspicious because Grant had been over at our house so many times that he practically lived there.
"Babe, you really need to stop stressing yourself out about this," Grant sighed as he watched me pace back and forth across the room. He was lying on my bed, strumming a few chords I taught him on my guitar.
"I'm not stressing!" I countered, but he only gave me a look and I realized how stressed I really sounded. I sighed heavily, dropping my body onto the bed. "Okay… I am, but I just can't help it. This is my family, Grant."
Grant set the guitar down and sat up to wrap his arms around me. I leaned into his embrace, closing my eyes when I felt his lips on my forehead. "Exactly. This is your family. I know this is really stressful for you, but they're the nicest people I've ever met and they're pretty open-minded, so I'm sure they'd understand. I doubt they won't be supportive because they love you, Ri. Hell, Rocky's been supporting you right from the start, right? So please, don't stress yourself out too much, baby."
I knew Grant was right. I let out a deep sigh and relaxed further against him. I nuzzled my face into his chest, breathing in his familiar scent of vanilla and strawberries.
"Thanks… I really needed that," I mumbled, smiling softly.
Grant chuckled, running his fingers through my hair. "Anytime, babe."
After Ross went all over the house to say that dinner was ready, we all sat around the dining room table. I sat beside Grant and fought every urge to hold his hand. Dinner was definitely a fiasco. There were bowls being passed across the table, plates almost colliding with heads, and so many conversations being said all at the same time. This was something I'm sure my boyfriend would have to get used to.
Before Grant and I made our way downstairs, we agreed to tell the whole family (and Ellington) about our relationship over dinner. Grant was such a sweetheart when it came to our situation. He was only going to speak up when I was ready, and I reassured him over and over again that I was. I didn't want to back out of this now.
It was during the middle of our meal when the conversations were dying down and everyone had nothing else to talk about, mostly using this time to eat but I used this as an opportunity to tell them the (hopefully) news.
I cleared my throat, trying to get the attention of my family, but that didn't seem to work; so I just went with the alternative.
"Hey, guys?"
That seemed to get their attention, and all eyes suddenly on me. I felt all the blood rushing to my cheeks; I was so fucking nervous. I wrung my hands on my lap, trying to find the words that I hoped would eventually come out of my mouth, but it was my mom who spoke up first, fortunately dismissing the growing awkward silence.
"What is it, baby?" She asked, giving me that sweet, motherly smile of hers.
My eyes scanned over the confused faces around the table until they landed on Rocky's. He wasn't confused; his eyes were filled with understanding, and I knew exactly what he was thinking.
My bottom lip was practically mauled by my teeth. I glanced at Grant out of the corner of my eye and noticed the gentle smile of encouragement playing on his lips. That combined with the sympathy from Rocky gave me the push I needed. I took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.
You could do this, Riker. Don't fucking back out now.
"I have a boyfriend…and it's Grant."
Shit. I said it. It was out in the open now, and there was no way in hell I'd ever be able to take it back.
I dropped my gaze to my lap, and I could feel tears of frustrations burning behind my eyelids. I felt humiliated, scared, and anxious all at the same time. The silence was killing me, and I was so close to just running away, never to return again; but the only thing keeping me from leaving was the comfort of Grant's hand in mine.
"I knew it!"
My head snapped up, only to realize that the person who shouted out was my little brother, Ross. I stared at everyone else's faces, but they didn't look appalled by the news or anything. That was a good sign, right?
Everyone was looking at Ross now, and I watched as a triumphant grin spread across his face. He extended a hand towards Ratliff and Dad, moving his fingers in a 'fork it over' kind of motion.
"Pay up, Ellington. Dad. Twenty dollars, both of you."
My eyes widened as I watched them pay the youngest blond in the family. I was fucking mortified. I would have expected Ross and Ellington to make a bet, but my fucking dad!? I didn't even know he was into that kind of stuff!
"You guys made a bet on me!?" I exclaimed, my eyes wide and livid, but the other three didn't seem to flinch.
Ross spoke up with that same triumphant grin on his face as he gathered his winnings. "Well, me and Ellington were betting if you had a boyfriend or not. I said 'boyfriend,' and it turns out I was right. With me and Dad, we were betting on who you were dating. My money was on Grant, but Dad's was on Curt." He let out a chuckle as he sat back in his seat, clearly proud of himself.
I just sat in my seat dumbfounded by what Ross just told me. My eyebrows were drawn together as I let the information sink in. My gaze quickly snapped to Ross' face when a particular thought ran through my head.
"Wait. How'd you even know I had a boyfriend?"
"Dude, seriously? I've seen the way you've been acting around Grant. We've all seen it, Riker. You weren't very subtle, bro," Ross chuckled, lifting his shoulders into a small shrug.
"It's true, honey," I heard Mom say with a shrug of her own. Even Rydel was nodding in agreement.
"So all of you knew, but you never bothered to tell me?" I asked, a deep frown etched onto my face.
"We were waiting for you to tell us yourself. It just wouldn't be fair to you, you know? You had this confidential information that was only meant for you. We weren't sure if you were ready or not," Rydel stated, always so levelheaded when it came to situations like these.
Rydel was right; she was always right. I let out a small sigh and loosened the tight grip on Grant's hand. I looked over at him and saw the easy smile on his face.
"I told you that you didn't have to worry," he smirked, giving my hand a gentle squeeze, the action causing a grin to break out on my own face.
I bit my lip to keep in a small giggle. "But you have something to worry about now…" I murmured, not even trying to hide my laughter anymore.
Grant frowned slightly and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about, babe?" He asked, clearly not understanding what I was getting at. I only rolled my eyes and pointed at my dad, who seemed ready to give my boyfriend a little talk.
"Just don't scare him too much, Dad. I still need a living, breathing boyfriend," I added, addressing my dad with a small smirk on my lips and causing everyone else at the table to start laughing. Well, except for Grant. I noticed the way he gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing a bit as he did so. I'd let him know that we were just kidding around, but it was fun teasing Grant like this. He'll get used to it. I know he will. And besides, I did warn him.
Welcome to the family, Grant Gustin.