The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya: Help.
Chapter: 1- Introduction
Hm... This is another one of my Hurt/Comforts.
So. I hope that me being a newbie to Haruhi Suzumiya fanfics is welcomed.
Meh. That's too formal... Let's get it started!
Disclaimer: Sadly, I, Teddybearanime, do not own this anime. Goes to rightful owners. If I did own it. I'd hurry with the next season!
~Haruhi's POV~
I hated it.
I hated not knowing who I even was anymore, I hated everything, I hated the pain, I hated the people who caused me pain, I hated it all.
But most of all, I hated how I had fallen for... Him.
He never paid me attention, rather, I had to chase after the bastard. Why should the lady have to chase after the man? She shouldn't, right? It's always been this way with everyone!
They'd leave me. They'd leave me with my anger and bitterness. That's why I isolated myself from the others. Even from the guys who asked me out, that excuse of how they aren't "supernatural" enough or "strange" enough were half of lies.
I still am amazed, from that very day in the stadium, I've always been amazed. I've always wanted to be amazed, no, amazing.
However...
I looked down at my wrist.
No one knew, well, besides Yuki. She found out, a big mistake on my part. I told her not to tell anyone, begged actually. Haruhi Suzumiya- begging. Pathetic. It's pathetic, Haruhi Suzumiya never begs, that's so low, she never asks for help.
That's a lie, because I did ask for help. Just once. I was feeling low, low beyond low. And I asked him.
Hoping he would push just a little farther, to save me. Haruhi Suzumiya needs "saving."
It was last year. I just asked him, a question that, I'd hoped, he would latch onto and pull me up.
'How would you feel if I died?'
However he simply said,
'I'd be very sad. Besides, you shouldn't just throw your life away.'
Him.
Kyon.
It helped, if even a little bit, but he didn't push further. What does he think I am? A fragile creature that didn't need an extra push?
He didn't say more on the subject, he never said that I could come and talk to him about things, he never asked me out, he never took me by the wrist and kissed me.
I don't have a crush. No, I'm just feeling too lonely. So lonely that I'd even fantasize over an idiot like Kyon. An idiot.
He probably just pitied me, the great Haruhi Suzumiya asked someone such a sad question! It's a terrible scandal! Turn on the alarms, this girl is going loopy.
How am I so funny towards this? I silently laughed to myself, and looked away to the clock. I should get a move on if I don't want to be late.
School. Just another day of Hell.
~At School~
I closed my locker with a sigh. Thoughts of depression surged up at me, screaming at me.
Why the Hell am I actually thinking of this at school?! Usually my head is filled with crazy ideas, anything to keep from thinking of the things that made me want to close my eyes and cry.
I faked a smile, prepping myself up to face the day, and started my march to class.
Today.
Today I can't pay mind to Kyon.
Not today. Today has to be good, even if it's not the worst day I've had, today feels like day that I just need a break.
In Class...
But my eyes would always drift to him; he did sit in front of me.
Under my breath, I growled.
I hated how I loved him. I hated that I hated that I loved him. I hated that I hated that I hated that I loved him.
I cracked a smile at the complexity that I went through in that thought.
That's right Haruhi.
Just try and make yourself smile.
A few more minutes passed by, and the class droned on, how slow it could be! Maybe I should close my eyes for now? I have good grades, so it's not like it would be a problem if I skipped today.
I was getting ready too, and the teacher chose today to call on my name to answer a question.
Damn teacher.
I answered the question, maybe just a little thankful for a change of thoughts. If I went to sleep, I probably would have had a nightmare, or something, like usual.
More Minutes Later...
I glared, but not directly to the teacher. She was handing down homework, and was at the front of the row I was in. I didn't need to cause any trouble.
I must keep the trust with the teachers I have so that I may manipulate it at will, when the time comes for it.
I smiled, and took my homework.
From Kyon...
Ugh. Just when I thought I could escape having any contact with him.
Even more frustrating, there's a club meeting today.
Why must I have to see him everywhere I go? It's so aggravating, when I don't want to be bothered. And so disappointing, when I've tried so hard to evade him.
I need a plan. Any type of plan to make my time with him as little as possible. So that I don't have to be bothered with him for too long, I did want to make today a good day. However...
Cut.
Cutting... It's all I can do to lift up even just a little stress. And I can stay in the bathroom, the one I found that barely anyone goes to, to not be disturbed in doing it. No girls doing their make-up, or coming to do what they do.
Then I'll just be late to the club depending on how deep I do.
I yawned, and listened to the teacher talk, stupid bitch.
So boring. Lectures are always so damn boring. I can just fall asleep...
No.
Nope.
Not going to...
I pinched my arm and looked at my work.
Then at the clock. Class is almost over.
I can just do this work at home.
If the teacher keeps talking, I can get out of here quickly. Just keep talking.
Keep talking.
The bell then rang, a glorious ring that lifted me up. Done. Just a little more to go. And I'm done!
I grabbed my bag and books, and dashed out the door, ready to also race to my bathroom.
The emptiness stared at me in the face, and I smirked. Nobody's here.
Good.
I searched for my eyebrow razor, a cute, little thing. It had a yellow handle, for easy handling, and the razor was sharp to the touch.
I guided it down to my wrist, not too much that it would leak too much blood and ruin my uniform, but just enough.
First I started out cutting my arm, then my wrist.
The pain made me forget the all the mental burdens. All my emotional pain would be washed away in all the moments I went to scrape against my skin with the razor. It helped, and yet it hurt. It led to problems as well, problems like hiding the damned marks.
Either way, I liked it.
How it could still make me forget everything emotional in my moments.
Even though, the wrist is a main artery. Arteries are important for life, they help with your blood, and all the other works, keeping you alive and healthy.
One wrong move and it could all be over.
Wouldn't that be a right move though?
Yet. Why am I scared? I have this fear, that I won't be able to become that amazing person that I always wanted to be. I'd be just another girl in the newspaper, possibly if even that, that succumbed to suicide. Just another, not amazing, girl.
Hm.
I never cut too far though, my skin might have the skin being torn apart, but cells continue to work and repair the skin.
I opened my eyes, I didn't remember closing them. I must have been stuck in thoughts.
My eyes traveled to my wrist, blood. The red color frightened me a bit, how did I let that happen? When did that start?
I shook my head, and took my razor away from my wrist, getting started on cleaning up the small mess. I can't let anyone see that, it would be a disaster. 'Haruhi Suzumiya, a weak girl that cuts!' It would be all over the school's newspaper.
I cleaned the mess up, and walked to one of the mirrors in the empty bathroom.
Your eyes look swollen, Haruhi. Clean yourself up. How could you allow tears to fall? You deserve it. Your nothing but an idiot.
I bitterly smiled at myself, you're not supposed to degrade yourself when trying to work up the courage to go somewhere. It will just make you more sad, producing more tears.
I turned the water on and flushed my face with it.
You're okay, Haruhi.
Another wave of water hit my face.
It's fine.
My sleeve slid across my eyes.
You're Haruhi Suzumiya, and eccentric girl that can get through anything.
My eyes met the mirror, and I smirked confidently.
You're only 20 minutes late, Haruhi.
No one will notice!
Haruhi's a bit OCC huh? But basically she has been through alot of pain in this fanfic.
But! I hope you all enjoyed!
Oh!
As for couples.
Itsuki's involved. :D
And put up if you want Itsuki to be with Mikaru or Yuki~! At first, though, it's gonna be a triangle with KyouxHaruhixItsuki!
Drama~ Romance~ Hurt/Comfort~
This is too long...
Bye~