Title: Holding on
author: Cindy Ryan
Category: Missing scene for 13x21

They may be ancient beings but the angels were doing a damn good job of hovering. Dean was aware even through his shock of Cas's worried looks. Of how the angel kept looking like he wanted to speak but knew better. Dean did the only thing he could. The only thing he knew; he soldiered on.

Mid-afternoon Gabriel and Castiel were trailing behind Dean. The grieving hunter was at least forty feet ahead setting a grueling pace for the other humans.

"What do we do if he flips out?"Gabriel asked in a hushed tone."You know that's coming, right?"

"He'll be fine."Cas stayed firmly.

Gabriel shot him a dubious look.

"Dean will hold it together."Cas insisted."At least until the mission's done. It's how he's...wired."

"If we don't find his Mom and the kid in time?"Gabriel wondered."It'll take both of us to drag him back."

"I have a feeling we'll find Mary and Jack."Cas commented softly his eyes on Dean."Some good has to come from this tragedy."

"I hope you're right."Gabriel agreed.

Castiel sent off a silent prayer. He knew the arch angel was right. If things went south as Dean would say it was going to be an ugly thirty plus hours. Cas wasn't sure Dean would recover if he lost everyone in such a short time. Cas hoped his friendship would be enough to pull the hunter through.

They camped for the that time Dean was once more focused on the mission. He'd shoved the grief down as best he could. He knew from experience once he let that box open it'd overwhelm him, Right now Dean had to focus on getting Mom and Jack home it was what Sam would have wanted. As if acting on its own Dean's body gave in to his inner turmoil. Suddenly his knees gave out. Cas managed to snag one of Dean's arms and caught him. The angel ushered him over to a nearby rock. Dean sat down heavily.

"Dean."Castiel began worriedly.

"Just need to sit."Dean stated softly.

Even to his own ears the reply sounded obvious and lame. His numb brain just couldn't process anything better for a reply.

"Alright."Cas acknowledged.

Dean knew his friend was beyond the worried stage. His mini-collapse wasn't going to help. Dean's brain seemed to be on repeat. He kept hearing his brother's cries for help. Help Dean hadn't been able to give.

'Dean!'

'We can't save him.'

Unbidding a memory kicked into the endless loop. Dean could hear his father's voice clear as day. Could still feel the heat from the fire as their house burned.

"Dean, keep your brother safe.'

His one job in life and he'd failed. After everything they'd been through he couldn't proctect Sam from freakin was pressed into Dean's right hand drawing his attention. Looking down he saw a canteen.

"Drink."Cas urged softly."Gabriel's working on dinner."

The thought of an arch angel conjuring dinner would have brought a joke under normal circumstances. These weren't normal days. Not by a long shot. Normal was never part of Dean's life and he knew now it never would. His brother was gone...

"Dean?"Cas prompted gently.

Dean blinked and realized the angel had been talking.

"Sorry...what?"Dean asked.

"I was saying only that we'll find your mother and Jack."Cas repeated.

"Damn straight we will."Dean vowed.

Family. Even when the only home they knew was the Impala Sam and Dean had still had each other. Dean's vision blurred. His throat tightened and it was several minutes before Dean cleared it and was able to speak.

"Cas."Dean called quietly.

"Yes, Dean?"The angel asked matching his tone.

"How am I going to tell Mom?"Dean asked his voice betraying him with a hitch.

"You'll find a way."Cas replied softly.

"I'll lose her too."Dean continued."I failed..."

"You won't."Cas promised."You taught me that family doesn't break. Doesn't give up on each other."

Dean nodded staring at a point past Cas not really seeing it. As hard as he tried to stop it the memories invaded. Memories of Sam of the three of them at the bunker..,

"We'll get through this."Cas stated."Mary, Jack, you and I. It'll be tough but we will grieve Sam, remember him and move on."

Dean nodded tightly. Somehow he had to do it again. Losing Bobby had been bad enough. But they'd picked up the pieces and went on because it was what they did. It was going to be hard as hell this time but Dean would find a way. He had to; it was what Sam would have wanted. Dean made a silent promise to his brother that no matter what it took Dean would get their family back.

End