Authors Note: In most fanfics I see that are self inserts, what I usually see is this, A person who is newly born in fairytail, forgets their ENTIRE LIFE AND MEMORIES ON EARTH LIKE IT WAS NOTHING, and proceeds to act like nothing happened! Another face palm I see is when the self insert gets all sad and upset about there parents being dead or some shit, like bro, grow up, this is an anime, you were pretty much expecting in. One last thing that angers me is the fact that sometimes, a self insert does not want to get close to the main cast, but suddenly, when they make a friend with the main cast, they get all sad on how they don't want to see them die! Like seriously! This is Fairytail! THE MAIN CAST DOESN'T DIE!

I am extremely sick of this. I like the concept of Fairytail as well, just that the overall anime and manga are literally horrible. The fanservice and fighting scenes are literally a cover up to the horrible plot of the manga and anime. I understand someone will get triggered by this, but to tell you really, I don't give a shit, also this is my first story, all criticism appreciated. Also Sting should have won the Grand Magic Games, just saying.

You know, everything was going so great for quite a while, well, maybe not so nice as to say it was great, but things were starting to look good in life!

Oh how fucking wrong I was.

Getting teleported randomly into a busy looking street was not the funnest experience I've ever had, I mean, because the inner workings of the world couldn't teleport me on the fucking ground now could they!? NO, it just had to be a bit above the ground, I dunno, maybe 10 feet above!?

Alright, I know that isn't much but I landed on my back ok?! It fucking hurts! Trying not to slouch when sitting was painful enough, now this!

What was I trying to tell you again? Oh right…

I was telling you about how I was being teleported, well it is quite the story alright.. Let's start with names, shall we? I'm Mark Kade, Absolute game lover, somewhat of an anime fan, and Quite the cynic. I used to live in Stockton, California, but until this recent incident, I'm unfortunately not living there anymore, as much as I miss my bed and Consoles. Hobbies I guess would include playing video games, talking a lot, attempts at trying to draw, and failing to play the piano.

Back when i was on Earth, I was a pretty tall, but fat-ish. I weighed at around 250 pounds, but i didn't really look like it because of my height, helping with my weight distribution. I was not very well built either, didn't exercise much, but by 12th grade, I manage to skinny down a bit. Face wise, I had dark brown eyes, with rectangular glasses. I had dark brown hair, almost black, I sported a lush, loose comb over that curled just slightly above my right eye. I really didn't like forehead room, always made my head look large, but my Mom never understood.

I was on my way to my friend Matt's house, we were going to have a graduation party at his house. Many of my fellow classmates were also coming along to join in, myself included. To be honest, I only passed with all C's except for History, which I absolutely love, other classes however, I was disinterested in. I didn't know what I wanted to do in my life, and I still don't know now, but never mind that.

Since I wanted to look cool, i decided to dress in Black suit pants, with dark black tennis shoes. I wore a World War 2 Italian officer great coat, which was a grayish green, which I absolutely adore. I also wore a white dress shirt, with a green tie.

While walking through the autumn cold to get to Matt's, I realized something was on the sidewalk, something EXTREMELY shiny, almost hurt my eyes looking at the piece of shininess,

"Well, would you look at that, might be my lucky day!" I said smiling as one of my more favorite songs came on my phone, as I went down to touch the shiny object, even though inside, I felt like I really shouldn't be touching this, but who cares?

As soon as my hand touched the object, I felt like I was floating, my vision went fuzzy with rainbows and other colorful colors I could not express.

What the fuck is going on? Whats happening? Am I being teleported? I feel like shit.

Then a bright flash came out of the pretty colors, I think I was high at some point, not to sure anymore.

The next thing I knew, I was looking face up at a bright sky, and falling.

New thing to note in my mind, never touch strange glowing objects on the sidewalk.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, FUCK THAT HURTS!" as I hit the pavement, writhing in pain, in the middle of what seemed to be a street full of people. Back to the present ain't we? I didn't know until I got up looking around, as I realized people were looking at me with shock, confusion, fear, and Mothers that were angry that I said a swear in front of their child.

"It's alright! I'm ok! Nothing strange to see here!" I yelled out to everyone, which made a couple of people shrug and continue on their merry way. They place seemed busy, I examined the place i was in, as I knew I wasn't in California anymore, which didn't really scare me that much, oh well, I suppose.

The streets were brick, with tons of shops on both sides of the streets, bustling with people, merchants and the such trying to sell there goods. At first I though that i was teleported to Italy or something before I turned around.

I could not believe what I was seeing. No, this is bullshit! Utter Bullshit I tell you! Out of all the anime's and of the sort that I had to be teleported to, i was teleported to the one I hated the most.

Fairy Tail, Oh how much I hate that anime, well, this place now, to be honest with you. I could go on a whole rant right now on how the plot in Fairy Tail is horrible, and how Rave was better, with one hundred percent less fan service. It's literally a group of orphans trying to save an emo kid across the playground for crying out loud! Who gives a shit about friendship anyways? Fuck that!

I stared in disbelief, is this what my life is worth now? I have the knowledge of what will happen, I happened to read on the wiki's and I know what's going to happen, but really, I don't care, they can go die for all I care.

But wait..

If I can join the guild and make logical statements about everyone and annoy the crap out of the guild, make Natsu look like a Murderous killer and a brat, who punches you in the face for not being his friend...

And if I can point out the Cana should be dead by now because of alcohol poisoning…

If I can point out to the guild that when Natsu and Gray fight each other on missions, and that every time they destroy buildings that innocent people could be in there, dying upon contact of the building collapsing…

I did an evil smirk, I can have my revenge! I can show them the power of logic!

"Well well well, maybe this won't be that bad after all."

It's time to show what cynicism and having a grasp on the real world can have on the fun piece of shit that is the fairytail guild.

Friendship can't fix everything, and friendship can't be the thing to solve all problems.

Also I am SO going to call Zeref a dumb ass, does he really think Natsu can kill him? Yeah no, he's immortal, doesn't matter if Natsu uses his strongest attack or some shit, your immortal man, it was your punishment, deal with it man.