Title: Heart's Confusion (Part One)
Author: Lady Miriamele
Warning: Yaoi
Reviews Welcomed
^Standard Disclaimers Apply^
Why was he so hungry for love? Why did he feel he needed Hiei's warmth so bad? What was the cause of this? Damn it! He was Youko Kurama, master thief of the Makai. He was Shuichi Minamino, perfect student and son. Why on earth was he aching so badly? It wasn't fair. He was fine by himself. He didn't need anyone else, didn't need to be loved. He had his mother. That was all he should need.
Damn his heart! Softened by the taste of human life! Angry tears, tears that no one knew he shed, streamed down his face. He had become so close to Hiei, as close as he could. Then, when Hiei went to work for Mukuro, they began to drift apart. And Kurama began to realize how much he cared for Hiei. Finally, after some off time, more missions came in for the spirit detectives and he grew close to Hiei yet again. Now his life had taken a turn.
Why'd I have to fall in love with him? Why? Kurama's thoughts raced angrily. Why do I want his love so bad? Why do I yearn to be accepted? Why can't I just die? He felt as if he couldn't breathe. Stupid human emotions!!!!!! He shook his head furiously. He had to be strong. Had to remain standing. This yearning for love cannot bring him down. Maybe if he would wait it out. . .
Tap, tap, tap. Kurama looked up. Two red eyes looked at him expectantly from his window. Outside, thunder sounded. Kurama hurried to the window and let Hiei inside. Hiei opened his mouth to speak, but then noticed something. "What's wrong? Human emotions catching up with you?" he said gruffly.
Slightly embarrassed, Kurama wiped his tears. "Something like that. So what do you want?"
"Hn. Mukuro sent me to the ningenkai on a mission."
Kurama sighed. Hiei would never ask for help if he needed it. "Is it the rain then? Do you need a place to stay?"
"Hn. Something like that."
Puzzled, Kurama brought himself to meet Hiei's fire stare. Was he being mocked? Or was there something like sympathy in that statement? Grumbling, he let that thought flee and gestured to his bed. "Fine then. You take the bed." With that, Kurama took some blankets and made a less-than-comfortable mattress on the floor. "Good night, Hiei." And he turned out the light.
There was no response. Kurama laid there, his anger slowly fading. Within a few moments, there was only sadness. That's the way it always worked. First rage, then despair. Kurama began to realize that it was inevitable. He was in love with someone he could never have. Someone who probably would hate him for admitting his love. A single tear fell down his cheek and then Kurama surrendered to sleep.
His dreams taunted him. His heart was racked with feelings of loss and pain. He tried to call out, to break free, but something was preventing him. Something was gaining amusement from his suffering. And that something was none other than his true love. Hiei, in his true demonic form, laughed that mechanical laughter of his while he watched Kurama cry.
"Oi, fox! Wake up!" Hiei shook Kurama for the third time. Kurama bolted up, gasping. His hands were shaking violently. Hiei stood up and said, "Your bellowing woke me up."
Kurama, still a bit shaky, headed to the bathroom. Maybe if he locked himself in…
"Kurama," Hiei called from outside the bathroom. "You're acting very strange."
"Leave me alone," Kurama snapped. Why wouldn't Hiei let him be? Hadn't he tortured him enough?
"Fine. If that's what you want." Kurama sensed Hiei leave and opened the bathroom door. He got back into his bed and had one fleeting thought before he traveled back to dreamland. I will never beg for love. Never.
~^*^~
That's what you get for trying to help a stubborn fox. Kicked out. Hiei grumbled as he ran through the rain. Great, where would he go now? He could go to Yukina, who would welcome him gratefully, but he truly didn't want to wake her up. It was way too late. Or early. How ever you think of it. His only choice was to deal with the rain. He found a tree in an empty park that gave him partial shelter and went to bed.
What the hell was that? Hiei's mind raced as he jumped off the tree and into a cold puddle. What had he heard? Before he had a chance to close his eyes, a voice that sounded like Kurama's rang through his mind. He had said, "I will never beg for love. Never." It was so loud, Hiei was almost certain that the entire region of Japan heard it.
Was that the fox's problem? Love. Stupid human feelings. He was torn up over a girl. Probably some brainless ningen. But who would dare turn away Kurama's love? Hiei's arm began to smoke. Kurama was very perfect. Soft spoken, polite, passionate, capable of self-sacrifice for loved ones and beautiful. Oh so beautiful. Those sad pools of green that Hiei could willingly drown in. Those long, blood red locks that danced freely with the wind. The way Kurama smiled. Those long, beautiful legs. . .
Cursing loudly, Hiei smashed his fist into a tree. He was doing it again! Going off into a fantasyland about something he could never have. Whoever was causing Kurama pain must be an idiot. If he found her, Hiei swore he'd make sure she suffered a most painful fate. But until then, he needed to get out of the rain. He was already sneezing.
~^*^~
"Kurama, are you feeling okay? You haven't been acting like yourself." At all, Yusuke mentally added. He and Kurama sat in the park. Yusuke had called him there to make sure everything was okay. Kurama had gotten…well, bitter. He wasn't as polite as he used to be and he hardly spoke. His smiles were obviously forced and his eyes beheld deep emotions. Sometimes, such spite and anger would be flaring and Yusuke feared Kurama could burn something with one glance. Other times, Kurama looked as if he was about to cry. There was no doubt about it. Something was definitely wrong.
"I'm fine," was the simple response.
Yusuke did his best to keep his patience. "I know something is wrong. You're like an open book." Actually, Yusuke hadn't been the one to first notice it. Keiko had pointed it out to him at first and only then had Yusuke seen the dramatic change.
"I said I am fine."
Wrong answer. "The hell you are fine, Kurama! You walk around like a zombie. You have nearly completely forgotten all your humans-should-be-polite-and-perfect campaign. You've abandoned the social life you loved so much and I haven't seen a rose in ages!" No response. "Arg, Kurama! Keiko and Yukina have noticed it too. Kuwabara, well, you know how he is. And Hiei, why do you think he spends so much time in the Makai?"
Yusuke had more to say, but suddenly the air around him had grown tense. Now Yusuke knew. Whatever had happened involved Hiei. "Okay, Kurama. Tell me. What did he do to you?"
A long pause and then: "Everything."
"What?" Now Yusuke was confused.
"Everything. He did everything. He was Hiei. And because of that, here I am, completely ruined. He changed me and I can't handle it."
". . .Huh?"
Kurama's stare was impatient. "I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, YUSUKE!"
"Oh." Yusuke was having a hard time processing that thought. Kurama loved Hiei? How could that be? Yusuke had always thought they were just good friends. But love? Yusuke realized Kurama was waiting for more than just an 'Oh.' "Well, what's the problem?"
"How do you think Hiei will react when I tell him?" Kurama didn't sound angry any longer. He just sounded tired.
"Oh." Again with that unintelligent word. There had to be something else he could say. But he couldn't digest what he had just heard. What had he gotten himself into? "Well, there has got to be something we can do. I mean, its visibly eating you up. Come on, you're a Youko. You must know lots of ways to win a lover over."
"Not a lover like Hiei," he grumbled. "He probably doesn't feel the same way anyway."
"Well you don't know that for sure." Though, Yusuke doubted it. Hiei didn't seem capable of love for anyone, save for his twin.
"Forget it. Its hopeless." Kurama stood to leave.
"No, wait! I have an idea!" Yusuke laughed in triumph. "Hiei may not be capable of love, but he is capable of jealousy. All you need to do to see if he really likes you in a more-than-a-friend way is to get a girlfriend."
Kurama laughed. "Look, I don't know where I'd get a girlfriend---"
"Your entire school is in love with you!" Yusuke interrupted him.
"---that would understand what I'm going through and would help out knowing there is no emotional bond involved. I don't want to hurt anyone," Kurama finished.
"Oh." Yusuke stressed his brain, trying to think of someone who would be good. Not Keiko. Heck, Yusuke figured that if she dated Kurama for a few days, even if it was pretend, he'd be history. Kurama was too much of a perfect guy. Yukina was a definate no. "How about Boton?"
"No offense, Yusuke, but I don't want to go through with this." Kurama left without another word.
Yusuke sat for a few moments longer, thinking. Okay, Kurama, You don't have to get involved with another girl if jealousy isn't your style. But I can't let you go on like this. . .
~^*^~
"Lets play a game," Yusuke yelled out, grinning wildly. The gang was gathered Genkai's temple for a small party in honor of Yusuke and Keiko's informal engagement. "How about truth or dare?"
"Yeah!" Kuwabara agreed. "That way we can find out who the real wimps are."
"Hn. Count me out," Hiei grumbled, taking a seat by a window.
"Fine, Hiei. But you have to be involved somehow. Lets see. . .Penalty: If you do not go through with your dare/truth then you must. . .Kiss Hiei!" Yusuke laugh uncontrollably.
Hiei glared daggers. "If anyone kisses me, I swear I'll cut them into little pieces and---"
"Guess that means everyone must go through with their task," Kuwabara laughed nervously. Very good thing too. He didn't fancy the idea of kissing Hiei at all.
"I don't want to play," came Kurama's soft voice.
"Oh no, Kurama, you have to play," Yusuke urged. "Now…Kuwabara, you first."
"Truth or dare, Keiko?" he asked.
"Truth."
"Who do you like better. Yusuke or Kurama?" he snickered.
"Why, Kurama of course." She smiled as Yusuke fell to the ground. Kurama went red. "He is such a gentleman. Not to mention very good looking."
"Keiko! You're engaged to me!" Yusuke whined.
"That doesn't mean I like you very much."
Yusuke went sulking into a corner.
"Truth or dare. . .Yusuke," Keiko asked, as if she hadn't tortured him enough.
"Dare."
"Good. I dare you to go to all your classes for two weeks straight."
Everyone began to laugh and Yusuke stood up defiantly. "That isn't even a real dare!"
"If you don't like it, go kiss Hiei."
Yusuke sat down promptly and looked around the room. "Kurama, truth or dare."
Kurama thought for a moment. Yusuke was doing this on purpose. He was putting him in a position. Kurama cursed mentally and promised himself he'd get Yusuke back. He couldn't refuse, because then everyone will know something is up. Including Hiei. Dare would be very dangerous. If Yusuke thought of anything crazy, then he was in trouble. That left. . .Truth."
"Tell us who you like in a more than a friend way."
Kurama had to do something. He wished he could run away. Either way, penalty or task, everyone would know. At least with the penalty he had a better chance of Hiei not realizing. After all, it was just a game. "No," he answered simply.
"Penalty," Yusuke reminded him. Everyone stared, breathless.
Hiei's eyes widened as Kurama approached. He was frozen. Move, he said to himself. But he couldn't. Kurama gently took Hiei's chin in his hand. His eyes seemed to say something. Seemed to plead. He then lowered his head and placed a soft, warm kiss on Hiei's cheek.
For a moment, everything was silent. The world seemed to melt away from the two as Kurama pulled away. Then Kuwabara's annoying laughter filled the air and Hiei snapped out of his trance. He shoved Kurama away¾ a bit too hard. Kurama fell backwards and hit the wall¾ and in a blink of an eye, he was gone.
Yusuke hit Kuwabara on the head, then went to help Kurama up. Kurama groaned and waved him away. He stood up painfully and left the temple.
"I don't believe it," Keiko was saying. "Kurama and Hiei. . .?"
"What?" Kuwabara was the only one who didn't get it.
"I hope they're okay," Yukina whispered.
~^*^~
Stupid freakin' idiotic ningen. . Hiei thought to himself. He let out a string of curses in every language he could think of as he ran as far as he could from the temple. Now everyone would know about his feelings for Kurama. Especially Kurama himself. Hiei knew he had let his emotions show on his face. But could you blame him? That kiss had been everything he had every dreamt about. Kurama was just wonderful. Hiei wouldn't mind doing it again, this time on the lips. But that would probably never happen. . .