We Meet Again
Summary: Before Starfleet Pike's met Kirk many times over the years, and each time he breaks the promise he made.
The first time he meets him it's not really a meeting. He has no idea that the slightly distorted image of a few months old human foetus will grow up to have a life so confusing, chaotic, painful, and ultimately important. He has no idea that the child will grow up to be the closest thing to a son that he has.
They're outfitting the Kelvin for the months long mission that it will be going on and Pike is just a lowly crewmember in charge of cataloguing the science specimens being transported up.
"Hey, Chris." Pike turned out the sound of his name automatically knowing who it was there were only a few people who called hi by his first name and only one would could do it with such enthusiasm. A beaming George Kirk wove his way through a stack of crates ignoring the curious looks of the other crew.
He stopped in front of Pike, looking like Christmas had come early and clutching in his hand. "You got a minute?"
Pike hesitated, he still had quite a lot of work left but his friend obviously had something important to spill. Before Pike could reply George Kirk took the choice out of his hands. He turned and nodded toward a slight Caitan lieutenant, "I need Mr. Pike for half an hour to help calibrate the sensor outputs in the auxiliary relays. "
It was a thin excuse and they both knew it but ultimately Kirk had the higher rank than the Caitan woman plus the slightly impish look on his face had her breaking into a reluctant smile as she acknowledged the order.
Kirk set off through the cargo bay door moving at a fast clip, Pike followed after wondering what the excitement was about. They had barely cleared the doors before Kirk rounded on Pike. "Win's pregnant."
Pike was slightly taken aback by the news. He had met Kirks wife several times and each time she had been quite vehement that she wanted to get a good headway in her career before having another child, in response to her husband's jokes about another addition to the family. "That's—that's great." Pike's congratulations were lost on Kirk as he flipped open a small Holo generator and a tiny image of a foetus revolved above his palm.
"How's Winona taking this." Pike asked unable to stop the comment and then immediately regretting it as Kirk snapped the Holo shut and frowned.
"She's okay..."
They started walking , Pike sensed he had touched a sore spot with his question and tried to smooth it over. "Well she can still work at the base even up until the last months and in another year she'll have a chance to join the next deep space mission."
Kirk tensed slightly at Pike's words and glanced at his friend . ", We were—uh—we were hoping to get her on this one."
"But regulations state if a woman's pregnant then—"
"The fleet doctors don't know yet and the pre-flight physical...well there's ways around it...if she's already on board when they find out then they'll have to let her stay."
It was Pike's turn to frown. Kirk noticed the expression and added. "Come on Chris, Win has been waiting for this opportunity for years...She's already pissed at me for her being pregnant again and if she doesn't get to go on the ship because of it she'll hate me forever."
His friend's logic was sound, Winona Kirk was nothing if not capable of holding a grudge, plus she was fiercely determined. He hated to break the rules but..."Fine, I won't say anything."
"Thanks." Kirk hesitated and seemed to look even more guilty then he took a deep breath and added. "Actually I was hoping you'd do me a favour."
"What is it?"
"It's nothing illegal, just computer glitch stuff like that happens all the time." Kirk seemed to be trying to work himself up to what he was going to ask. "Just spit it out will you?"
"Could you alter the records slightly so it looks like Win already got the pre-flight physical? I'd do it myself but you have more access to the necessary circuit boards without looking out of place and.."
"You're asking me to corrupt data, that's—" Pike had a list of reasons why he wouldn't and shouldn't but ten minutes later he found himself reluctantly agreeing with a relieved Kirk. There's something about Kirk that he just couldn't say no to.
"Thanks. I owe to big time Chris."
"Add it to your tab." Pike said wryly as he turned back down the corridor that would lead him into the cargo bay.
Kirk called to him as he started to walk away. "It's just a few months, not like much will happen on a simple science mission anyway."
Pike silently agreed. It was almost nine months later when Pike would wish he had made a different decision. He couldn't help wondering if he had made a different decision would things have been different. Would Kirk have evacuated the ship ad let it continue its death course on it's on...or maybe he wouldn't have been as distracted as he was by Winona being in labour and noticed the volley of fire that knocked out autopilot in time to deflect it.
In any case Pike would always remember his first meeting with James Kirk. He wasn't even born yet...just a small holo image that barely looked human and he had already had one path on his destiny chosen for him...Pike would never forgive himself for the road he had started the child on by just a simple agreement.
XXXX XXXX
It's nine months later and in the back of a cramped shuttle that Pike finally hears Kirk for the first time. He can hear the babies cries echoing over an comm link that for some reason hasn't been severed yet. And even the baby's cry isn't enough to take his dazed shell-shocked mind of what is happening.
It seems like hazy smoke is still flowing through the air , mingled with the cries of the dying and the crackle of flames that will never be put except by the vacuum of space. And every few minutes flashes of the recent past intrude until he slips back.
Robau dead.
Kirk, is now acting captain .
Kirk is in charge of the ship and it's quite clear his in charge of a dying vessel and a about to die crew. His sensor panel is alight with activity, bring fatalities reports in and hull failures faster than he can correlate the data. Panic is threatening on the edge of his mind and the only thing that's keeping him sane is Starfleet training and the thought of Kirk being in charge. He's seen his friend in less dire but still critical situation and even with sparks flying around he still seems to somehow have a handle on the situation.
He's still seated when the order comes to clear the bridge and he hesitates glancing back at Kirk , his assurance in the captain fades just a slight bit as he reads the anxiety in the older man's eyes. He has just a moment to feed his doubts and then Kirk is there his voice low and insistent. Somehow Pike realises this is the last command he'll ever receive from the other man and yet at the same time he's fighting down that thought insisting it's just his own panic ridden anxieties.
"Make sure Win and the baby are safe."
Pike opens his mouth to either insist that he stay on the bridge or answer in agreement, but before he can do either Kirk grabs his shoulder his fingers digging through the uniform hard enough to bruise. "It's an order...Please."
And at that moment Pike knows it's not just an order it's a lot more, it's the only thing he can give a dying man who has realised all too well the outcome of the scenario and his own mortality.
"Aye Sir...I promise."
There's a glance that passes between them for the barest of seconds and then Kirk is turning back towards the command seat and Pike leaves to join the tide of people streaming to evacuation bays. He sees the Winona's shuttle is safely launched and well on his way before boarding his own. He deliberately positions the flight pattern of several shuttles between Winona's ship and the enemy ship, leaving several targets before hers can be hit by weapon fire still lancing out from the ship.
James T. Kirk isn't aware the very first time actually in person but Pike will never forget it. It's a few weeks after the whole Kelvin incident and yet in seems simultaneously like it was just yesterday and a few years ago.
It's only after the Kelvin has made its Kamikaze run at the Romulan ship and disabled it and the escape shuttles are limping away that Pike reflects truly on what's happened. The promise he made on the spur of the moment isn't just a fleeting sentence that he can call fulfilled, it's a lifetime of responsibility that he's committed himself to.
And somehow it only feels right, because George Samuel Kirk gave his life to save them all...it's only fair that Pike can try to repay the sacrifice and keep the only real legacy that he friend's left safe.
XXXX XXXX
It's a few weeks later when he meets Kirk in person for the first time. He's just a small sleeping bundle in Winona's arms, his unlined face, unmarred lips give no indication for the tragic, victorious, chaotic life that lies ahead. For now he's blissfully unaware that the man who will save him not once but twice, when he's is almost lost himself is across from him. Nor is he aware that the woman holding him will hate him and love him, each in its own turn and sometimes together, until they both don't know which...any or both...is real anymore.
Pike's come to offer all he really can, it's sad at best and pitiful too. He's bearing a folded federation flag, a mouthful of meaningless words, the weight of grief and a promise that he'll die before he breaks. Winona doesn't want the widow's pension that will come to her now that her husband died. She doesn't want a story of his last moments on the bridge and she doesn't want the fabric folded in Pike's hands...all she wants is her life back.
Her fists land on him, as he refuses to leave...something in him senses she shouldn't be alone with two young kids and a houseful of memories for yet another night. Eventually she's sobbing into his chest asking questions that he'll never be able to answer.
Why did he have to die?
Why did he leave us?
There's no pretty answer that will make it all understandable, because George Samuel Kirk is a hero, but he's also a dead father, husband, and friend. And he may have saved 800 lives but he also killed a part of at least four more.
Sam and Jim won't have a father. Winona won't have a husband and Pike...doesn't have his friend.
Pike scoops Kirk up holding the baby in his arms as Winona tries fruitlessly to compose himself. Small blue eyes have opened to stare at him piercingly.
XXXX XXXX
Pike feels the same way years later. Somehow over the years he lost track of Kirk. He was safe in Iowa with his mother. It was easy to stay away, Winona didn't want him around and Starfleet was even more demanding as he moved through the ranks. Monthly visits changed into yearly comms, and then into census checks for names. Kirk was safe in Iowa and the promise was kept...except it wasn't.
Pike stared into the gloom and two eyes stared out at him. The body was skeletal. The hair was matted and filthy, but the eyes somehow seemed like themselves for at least a fraction of a second. They can identify him from DNA records and bio-scan reports but Pike doesn't need to wait for that . He can tell immediately who the boy standing in front of them is.
It's Jim. He's not in Iowa, he's not safe...and he's not whole.
His body is mostly there but his mind isn't. He's functioning because he has to. There's others, a group of mostly kids, who somehow , someway he managed to save too. And when they're safe and ready to return to their homes and remaining families something in Kirk cracks. The dam has broken and it's no chance of holding back the spill waters. He sinks in on himself, like now he can finally give up.
But Pike can't let him. He sits at the side of Kirk's bed as his body struggles to keep going and his mind is pulling in the opposite directions. He's there through the days of feeding tubes and ventilators. And later when Kirk wakes up ,he comforts after the nightmares, cajoles and threatens him into eating, and provides some of the only stability he's had since everything happened on Tarsus.
When the time comes to leave Pike promises himself to never lose track like he has again. He says goodbye to Jim who seems to trust him more than his own mother. But Pike knows as he watches the kid walk away that Jim isn't really clinging to him, because Jim still isn't there. His body is may be on earth but his mind is still on Tarsus.
XXXX XXXX
Once again the promise is broken...Pike really has no excuse that can explain his behaviour. After Tarsus Kirk was lost, nothing more than a shadow of himself but now he's more and yet less.
He's not a broken tortured kid, instead he's a half-suicidal, half-crazy adult. He's not looking for something because he thinks' he's found it...after all sex, drugs and alcohol can feel a void just as well as love, trust and affection can...can't they? He's not lost because he's found his purpose...to burn out so fast that the stars will be envious of his wake.
Pike see's his thought's years before as he dropped Kirk off in Iowa were true. Kirk looks at him without recognition, like he's never seen the man sending the cadets out and saving him from a further ass-kicking. And Pikes sure that Kirk hasn't seen him before because all those memories of that time have probably been so jumbled and locked up just so that Kirk can function.
They meet again across the table, two bloody napkins poking out either nostril and a self-deprecating devil-may care expression on Kirk's face as he does his best to both listen to Pike and totally ignore him. Pike can see his speech is having no effect and so he makes a last ditch effort that he is almost positive will succeed. It's a dare, and he knows Kirk won't turn it down. He knows that the only thing left in that reckless, broken and yet whole mind is the need to succeed and win until he finally falls in the face of insurmountable odds.
And Pike hopes Starfleet won't be those insurmountable odds, but if Kirk stays on the paths he's going then something far baser will be...
It's better to go out a hero, remembered by many, than to die in the back corner of some alley but what ultimately amounts to your own hand. At least that's what Pike convinces himself as he steps out the door and prays that Kirk will take the challenge.
XXXX XXXX
This time he's there. He watches Kirk's progress. His failures and triumphants are as personal to him as they would be if the twenty-something year old was his own son. He gives praise and reprimands and finally takes comfort that maybe somehow he's made up a little for the breaking his promise so many times before.
And then Kirk blows it again. He's determined to make himself fail apparently, either that or the rules will never suit him and something won't let him stop until he manages to change each and everyone. It's a combination of both of these, but Pike doesn't have the time to sort it out because a distress call is coming in that threatens to be one of the biggest disasters in federation history.
Pike's secretly glad when he finds Kirk snuck aboard the ship. He's a fighter and a survivor and one day he'll be great as a captain in his own right. Pike makes him first officer on the spur of the moment. His Vulcan first officer should be able to handle it all, but it is his home planet that is being attacked and if for some reason he can't then Kirk will be captain.
And if anybody's capable of leading a crew against terrible odds, it's Kirk.
XXXXX
They meet again on Nero's ship. Pike is half-delirious with pain and he can barely make out Kirk's face as he and Spock rescue Pike from the doomed Romulan ship. Pike finds it a sick irony that Kirk is rescuing him, when so many times before he failed to rescue Kirk.
The tears the fall down his face could be sweat, or maybe even tears of relief. But Pike sees Spock glance at him curiously and knows that the Vulcan senses they are tears of regret...For what, Pike never wants him to know.
XXXX XXXX
That wish is destroyed like all others during the Daystrom conference. Pike is dying; he can feel blood bubbling up in his lungs and coating his tongue, He can feel every breath getting progressively harder. And he can feel time slipping away.
He's terrified because never in all the life-and death situations he was in did he ever actually know that he was going to die. He feels like a coward, others younger, less experienced were faced with death and had courage, but all he can feel is terror.
Spock's there and he has no idea what is Vulcan officer is doing for sure, but he has a vague assumption. He has a brief moment to confirm his thoughts and then he's meeting him again. Over and over, he's thinking about Kirk both of them, his friend and his son.
And he can tell Spock is getting it too, flashes of when he found out about the baby, the conversation on the bridge, Tarsus, the bar it's all there. He can feel shock, horror, anger, confusion, guilt some of the emotions his own and some of them not.
A smile graces his lips as he finally let's go. It's okay now, because Spock knows and Pike knows too because he got something from the Vulcan's mind just as the Vulcan got something from his...Spock and Kirk were meant to be in this timeline and many others...and finally the Vulcan sees it too. The many facets of Jim Kirk are startlingly clear and Pike doesn't need to be the savior because only he knows why the rescue is needed, Spock can take over the mantel...he can be the one who work to save Jim from himself...and maybe he'll succeed where Pike couldn't. After all he's already done it in one lifetime.
XXXX XXXX
It feels like a very short period of time before he meets Kirk again. This time the young man's face is marred by pain and his body is disfigured, but all that soon fades. Kirk wants to know if he's dead and Pike honestly doesn't have the answer.
He knows that he's dead, but Kirk doesn't seem to fit somehow. Something is tugging him back and Pike feels and sees him slip away. Instinctively he knows where he's going and inwardly chuckles wondering how many people have accomplished such a feat as denying death.
As he watches the last traces of Kirk fade he's glad...because if there was ever anybody more deserving of a second, third...however many chances possible it's Kirk.
He'll wait until they're all used up and then...only then will they meet again.