A/N: So this story was a request from my bud, stilllearning90, on Tumblr, but I'm also combining it with the April Song Fic Challenge from richonnefics. Yes, I said April, and yes, it's now June. Listen, don't judge me. Inspiration comes when it wants to, lol. The song is Wonderwall, originally by Oasis, which is the version I knew, but the particular one for this challenge is a really beautiful cover by Ryan Adams. I highly suggest looking it up.
I really hope you like this one! I enjoyed writing it a lot. -Ash
After All
The incessant sound of gunfire was ear-shattering as Rick ran for the gates of the Alexandria Safe Zone. They were under attack. After everything they had done to ward them off, the Wolves had showed up at their door, and were trying their best to get inside. "Get inside!" he shouted to stragglers. The ones that were still useless in battle. He only wanted to see people he knew and trusted. Daryl and Aaron were headed down the street just behind him. Carol, Tobin, Abraham, and Rosita were taking their posts around the wall, making sure that no one tried to climb over and sneak in. Keeping the fight outside the walls was their highest priority.
He reached the front gates just as Maggie and Glenn were frantically running inside. Just outside, two unfamiliar bodies were on the ground just, in a pool of their own blood. Rick assumed them to be two of The Wolves. "Is that it?" he asked them hopefully.
"They've got a sniper, maybe two," Maggie shook her head, out of breath from running. "We can't tell where, though."
"Sasha and Michonne are up there trying to pinpoint them," Glenn inserted, nodding towards the watchtower. "But so far, they can't see shit."
Rick nodded in understanding as he gazed towards the tower. Even from afar, he could spot the two of them in its windows, staring through the scopes of their rifles. "All right," he said, turning towards Daryl, who had just approached. "You come with me. You three spread out, but stay in view of one another-."
His sentence was cut off by the sound of more gunshots. One, quickly followed by two more, and everyone immediately dropped to the ground. But Rick's eyes shot up towards the guard tower, just in time to see that Michonne had disappeared from the window. His heart instantly began to race. Was she hit? She must have been hit. "Fuck," he whispered beneath a shaky breath. He threw off his rifle and took off running in the direction of the tower.
"Rick!" Daryl yelled, running after him.
He didn't bother to answer, and couldn't have, even if he wanted to. He had one focus, and that was the fact that Michonne had probably just gotten shot, and he needed to get to her. The shots continued, but his adrenaline had him too amped to truly notice. He was too scared to care that all the gunfire would likely bring a herd of walkers their way. He just needed to get to Michonne.
His breath hitched in his throat as he reached the doors of the guard tower, now terrified to actually open them and go up there. Michonne wasn't just his co-constable or co-parent; she wasn't just anything. She was his right hand, his confidante, his best friend, all wrapped into one. She was everything, he was realizing in that very moment, and the thought of losing her rendered him nearly paralyzed. If he went up there and she was dead? He clutched the door handle tightly, feeling like he was on the verge of collapse. He knew then that he would surely drown without her.
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna give it back to you
By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
Rick took a deep breath, steadying himself to finally go up, when the tower door went swinging open from the inside, and Sasha came bursting out of it, already running towards the woods with her gun drawn. He was about to call after her, but he heard more footsteps, and Michonne came into view before he could even realize what was happening. Pure relief washed over him once he saw that she was fine. Not a scratch on her. He let out a giant sigh as they came face to face.
"You're all right," he breathed, using his palm to rub his forehead of his nervous sweat.
She took note of the odd look on his face and frowned at him curiously. "Yeah…"
"You scared the shit out of me," he added, shaking his head. "Jesus."
"How did I do that?"
"It doesn't matter." He continued shaking his head as he pulled her into an awkward hug, taking Michonne by pleasant but perplexed surprise. They had only hugged once in the year that they'd known each other, and it was after they thought they'd never see each other again when the prison fell. She was unsure of why, in the middle of an apparent battle, he had her in an embrace.
"Rick, are you okay?" she asked cautiously, scared to even return the hug. "Are the kids okay?"
"They're fine," he said, pulling back to look at her again. "You're fine." He was nodding now as he examined her face. "Everything is fine."
"So... should we get back to the war, or do you wanna chat about life for a while?"
He chuckled at her sarcasm, understanding that he might have overreacted a bit. But in just those few minutes of uncertainty, Rick discovered that losing Michonne was one of his biggest fears in life, so he had no reason to feel silly about being worried. It was high time he showed her how much he cared. "Maybe we can do that later," he smiled, nodding for her to go on ahead.
Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
The battle ended rather quickly once Sasha and Michonne tracked down the remaining few Wolves that had shot at them. Rick took them out without hesitation once he understood that they weren't going to give him any further information. He and Daryl spent the remainder of the afternoon burning them, while everyone else returned to either their shifts or their homes.
It had been a long day, Rick thought to himself as he headed home himself, but a good one. None of his people died, which was always a nice thing to be able to say, and they had successfully defended their home without any real damage to the walls either. He wasn't sure what the following day would bring, but this one… this was a good one. He smiled to himself, contemplating it all – how lucky he was; how, despite all his missteps, he still had an extremely capable group of people standing beside him; how he had a family.
He had risked it all, for reasons he couldn't even fully comprehend. Wanting to take over Alexandria, steal weapons, steal wives. That wasn't like him at all, and he was lucky he had Michonne to literally knock some sense into him before he lost everything.
Michonne.
The day had most certainly done its best to remind him how important she was. What she meant to him, and how he never said it. How he never said anything, because he was preoccupied with avoiding it. He would rather discuss fruit leather, ad nauseam, than try to piece together a coherent sentence about how much he cared for her and appreciated her. Those words, for some reason – perhaps that perpetual fear of rejection – were always just too hard to say. And Michonne deserved better than that.
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
When Rick walked into his home, he could smell the remnants of whatever Carol had made for dinner before heading off to her shift in the guard tower. Lasagna, most likely, since they had recently gotten in some fresh tomatoes. Carl and Judith were in the living room, watching some Disney movie, oblivious to the fact that their father had come home.
He continued upstairs to find Michonne, but from the sound of the shower running, he knew there would be a wait. He didn't mind, though. He could use the time to think of his opening statement. Hell, he needed the time to work up his nerve to actually say it.
Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall
After what felt like an eternity, Michonne finally retreated from the bathroom, wearing only a towel and her flip-flops. She was startled to turn for her door and find Rick just standing there in the dimly lit hallway. "Shit, you scared me," she smiled anxiously, clutching her chest. "Jesus."
"Sorry," he held up his hands. "I wasn't even thinkin'. I just wanted to… I wanted to talk to you, and I didn't wanna miss my chance to do it."
She gave him a peculiar glance as she wondered just what was going on with him. He had been acting strangely almost all day, and now he was standing at her door, wanting to talk? "Everything okay?"
"Yeah," he nodded timidly. He moved out of her path so that she could enter her bedroom. "I can wait until you're done, of course."
She eyed him for a moment, but gave no response, one way or the other before continuing into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
Rick had no idea what to make of that, so he made the decision to start talking. Whether she wanted to hear him would be her choice, but he needed to say it. "So… this is probably gonna sound odd," he began from the hallway. "But being here has given me time to think about a lot of the things I never processed before we got here. Certainly not on the road," he nodded, staring down at his fidgety hands, "but even back at the prison." He paused to see if she would reply, but he didn't actually expect her to. He just inhaled deeply and went on. "I mean, when we met, I had just lost Lori, and you were so… I don't know. You were understanding about that, and I realize that I didn't treat you well at the time. I was kind of abusive, quite honestly, and you just… took it in stride-."
The door swung open, and Michonne stood there in her bra and a pair of pajama pants, leaning against the frame as she stared him down. "And why was that?" she questioned him. "Why was it just me that you mistreated?"
He took another deep breath as he realized he had never seen so much of her skin at once. It wasn't helping in his mission to bear his soul. "I think it's because... when I looked at you, I saw myself. And… a part of that scared me, a part of that made me sad, made me angry." He ran a nervous hand through his short curls, wishing he had a better answer. "I just saw the way you showed up, out of the blue, and yes, you needed saving, but something told me you also were the savior, and I didn't know how to react."
"Then why didn't that make you trust me more?"
"I... I was scared. You met me at maybe the w-worst time," he stammered, chuckling bashfully. "I wasn't me."
She turned back into her room, leaving the door open so that he could follow. "I know that, Rick," she assured him as she threw on a t-shirt. "I understood you long before you ever understood me, and that's why I didn't leave. I mean, yes, you were rude," she noted with a nod. "You were insolent. But I'm not even sure I would've trusted you if you hadn't been. So I get it."
"I know you do," he nodded back. "But that doesn't mean I don't owe you an apology anyway."
"You don't."
"I do," he maintained, stepping closer to her. "I look at you, and the way you've stood by my side, despite the fact that I never even acknowledged how badly I treated you, much less apologized for it. And I'm sorry, Michonne."
Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never bring it back to you
By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do
She smiled at him warmly, accepting the fact that perhaps he was right. She hadn't been harboring any type of resentment for him, but the question did strike her every now and then. Especially given how contrite he was about exiling Carol. He was so adamant that he owed her for saving Judith's life, but Michonne had done the same, many times over, and it essentially went unacknowledged. She nodded as she accepted his apology. "I appreciate that you've taken the time to think about it."
"I have," he confirmed, watching her take a seat on her bed. "I've been thinking about it a lot since we got to Alexandria. And today just solidified it, I guess."
"Today?"
"I thought I lost you today," he admitted. "And it sent this jolt through my system," he added, gesturing towards his chest, towards his heart. "The thought of what this life would be like without you. The idea of having to bury you... " He exhaled sharply as the vision went through his mind. He covered his face with his hand, pretending to scratch his eyebrow, but his voice broke as he spoke, giving his emotions away. "Michonne, you're..."
"Hey," she called out to him when she recognized that he was truly verklempt. She stood to face him, taking both of his hands into hers. "I'm here, Rick. I'm still with you."
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
"You're always with me," he smiled appreciatively. "And that's the thing. I'm so scared that you'll wake up one day and think that I've taken you for granted, and that scares the shit out of me," he nervously nodded. "Because I'm not good at saying how I feel. I never have been, maybe I never will be. But... I remember that feeling when you showed up at that house. The morning after the prison fell?"
"Yeah?"
"What I felt when I saw your face..."
"Rick, you'd just lost everything. You probably would've been happy to see the ghost of Merle."
"I'm serious right now."
"Sorry," she smiled back at him. She just wanted to ease his obvious nerves, but he clearly had a lot to say, and she wanted to let him say it.
"I guess... what I'm trying to say is, 'Thank you.'"
"You know y-"
"I love you," he went on to add before he could chicken out. "I knew it the minute I met you, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I just got stuck."
And all the roads we have to walk were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
She blinked back at him, wondering if she had just imagined the words she was hearing. Perhaps there was some deluded portion of her brain that wanted to believe Rick Grimes was in love with her. "You love me?" she asked in disbelief, though her big brown eyes were pleading for him to confirm it.
"I don't deserve you," he nodded, "but I want to. I wanna spend the rest of my life trying to."
"You love me?" She felt her eyes watering, and she shook her head, wanting to get rid of her tears. It didn't make sense. It had to be a joke. "But you never... I mean, when we got here, you practically ignored me and everyone else for Jessie."
"I know. I know." He watched the tears fill her eyes and he held her face, placing his thumbs under her eyes to catch them as they fell. "I lost my way. But you brought me back. You always do."
And that was where the dam broke, her tears spilling like waterfalls. His hands on her face for the first time, him telling her the things she knew at the back of her mind, but never dreamed she would ever hear him say. Meanwhile, he had no idea that he was the reason she was able to come back from the brink of losing it herself. "Can I tell you something?" she sniffled.
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
He let his hands gently fall to her shoulders as he nodded for her to go on.
She took a deep, shaky breath as she sat back down on her bed. She patted the spot beside her, silently asking him to join her. "I had a son," she declared softly, her eyes focused in on the planks of their hardwood floors. "He and that boyfriend I told you about... they died at the beginning of this. Not long before I found Andrea. They were my everything, and they were taken from me in the blink of an eye," she shook her head. "Like you, with Lori. I… My son was bitten, and I had to put him down, and… I lugged my boyfriend around as a reminder of it."
Rick watched her intently, unsure of what to say; also knowing that there was nothing he really could say. He figured long ago that she had lost something - everyone had. But he was always afraid to ask. People shared their pain in their own ways.
"I thought I could get by on burying my feelings," she went on, "and for a long time I did. But with them, I buried my soul. My capacity to love, and care, and get that love back in return."
"You didn't, though."
"Let me finish," she said, gently hitting his knee with her fist. "I loved Andrea, but I didn't know how to show it. And then I got to the prison, and I wanted so badly for you to just... care. But I understood that you didn't know how to show it. Not at first. But then you and Carl..." Tears flooded her face again as she thought back to those days where the three of them had become closer. "You wouldn't let me be some fixture at that place. You scratched away at all that armor I put up. You went from telling me to leave to asking me to stay. You gave me a family, Rick, when I was lost. You brought me back," she whispered, desperately wiping at her tears. "And I'm sorry that I never said it either. But I love you, too."
I said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall
Rick immediately got down on his knees in front of her, wanting to look her in the eye. Wanting to take her words and her feelings and face them head on. He pulled her wet face into his hands, and their eyes locked on one another. She smiled at him, both happily and sadly, and she used the pad of her index finger to wipe his face. It was only then that he realized he was crying, too. He rested his forehead against hers and they both closed their eyes, inhaling the moment – the moment where everything changed.
You're my wonderwall
-End-