AN:That's right, I'm back with more Harry Potter fiction featuring Remus. This time however I'm taking a stab at a songfic, my first one so be kind. It's sorta like a sixth year thing I guess? Maybe seventh... He doesn't know it was Greyback who bit him yet, and I think that's really all you need to know... So, enjoy!
Disclaimer:I do not own Harry Potter, Remy and Freddy would be alive if I did, trust me. And so would Sirius too I suppose, she could have killed Arthur Weasley and I wouldn't of been nearly as sad... sorry Arthur fans.
The song is Sad But True, by Metallica one of my favorite metal/rock songs and it always reminds me of Remus and the wolf, so yeah, the song is in the wolfs POV.
It was well past midnight, Remus sat in his bed wide awake with his knees pulled up to his chest. He was thinking rather then sleeping like the rest of his friends were in their beds. He couldn't help but envy them, the moon was just around the corner and though they knew what he was it didn't make it too much easier. They accepted him, but did they really know what happened? Sure, they spent their nights with him, they've even seen him transform but they never really knew what it was like growing up for him. He didn't even remember being normal. He knew James would have his head if he found out he considered himself not normal.
The wolf was always there, ever since he was a little kid the wolf was hovering in the back of his mind. He was his life, he was Remus John Lupin: The Werewolf. Without the wolf he would just be the little book worm, the wolf was the real reason he had everything. Those wolfish attributes that make him who he is.
Hey, I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
Hey, I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
They, They betray
I'm your only true friend now
They, They'll betray
I'm forever there
Sirius betrayed him, it was history now, but it had happened. He sold him out to Snape and he almost killed someone, his life would have been over if anyone found out about that beside Dumbledore. He would have been thrown in Azkaban, maybe even executed like the animal he was considered. The wolf had been there through everything, always hovering in the back of his mind.
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true, sad but true
He lost his mind during the full moon, the wolf took over and though after time he began to remember what happened he lost control. It was like he was trapped in the back of his own mind watching what someone else was doing with his body. He enjoyed it though, he felt his mind become simpler like the mind of the wolf, it didn't matter that all he wanted to do was play and jump and run. That was all he cared about during the full moon. That was all the wolf cared about.
You, You're my mask
You're my cover, my shelter
You, You're my mask
You're the one who's blamed
Do, Do my work
Do my dirty work, scapegoat
Do, Do my deeds
For you're the one who's shamed
Sometimes he had to wonder if he was the one in control when he wasn't transformed. Maybe the wolf was really making him do things and his untransformed face was the one everyone saw. His mischievous behavior… maybe that was all the wolf. Maybe instead of him transforming into a werewolf, the werewolf had to transform into him.
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true, sad but true
Maybe he had no control, he would never know. He's never known anything else in his life… or he did, he just didn't remember it anymore he was too young. There was no cure; he would never know life without the wolf lingering in the back of his mind.
I'm your dream,
I'm your eyes,
I'm your pain
I'm your dream
I'm your eyes
I'm your pain
You know it's sad but true, sad but true
It was the wolf's fault for everything in his life. The painful transformations he went through once a month. This never would be happening if he had not been bitten, he didn't even know who bit him… But somewhere there was another man, or woman, out there who was going through the same pain he did. Worse pain even, they were probably aware they bit someone. It was sad…
Hate, I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
Pay, Pay the price
Pay for nothing's fair
Hey, I'm your life
I'm the one who took you there
Hey, I'm your life
And I no longer care
It was like he was paying for something he didn't do. What could he possibly of done by the time he was five years old to deserve such a punishment? Now he had to pay for the rest of his life for something he wasn't even sure he did. The wolf was always there though, by his side and silently laughing at his trials and tribulations. Sometimes what the wolf said or did it made him feel almost better, but other times he just laughed and sneered at him.
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you
Sad but true
It was sad, his life was a mess and sometimes he had people there and sometimes he didn't. His friends tried to help him, but they couldn't always be there. He couldn't be co-dependent his whole life, he hated to be. It was just nice to have people there who liked him, people other then his parents.
"Remus?"
His head shot up from where it sat buried in his knees. "Huh? James?"
"Is that you?" He whispered. "I thought I heard someone up." Remus had his curtains pull around his bed and as of yet he couldn't hear James getting up, so he assumed he was still lying in his bed.
"Yeah, it's me." He answered.
"What are you doing up? We have exams tomorrow."
"Nothing… Prongs don't worry about it."
"Are you sure?" He sounded worried, no longer sluggish and tired.
"Yeah, go back to sleep."
There was little pause before James spoke again. "Right, okay, you're sure?"
"Really, I am."
"Alright… night Moony, I'll see you in the morning."
"Goodnight." Remus said and laid back against the pillows on his bed. The wolf was a part of him, that would never change and he knew that. It was true that no matter what it would always hover in the back of his mind and be a part of him, it was true, but it wasn't sad.