A/N: So, I am a big fan of the TV show Lost. I thought the first three seasons were the best, until Charlie died of course. Then the whole show got kind of weird with all this time travel junk, but still I watch it and enjoy it. I still miss Charlie though, and that's why I'm writing this fanfic, for all you fans who were upset about Charlie's death, and for my pure enjoyment of course.

So I was sorta upset at how Claire reacted to his death. She didn't seem that sad at all really. I mean yeah when she was first told she was upset and sad, but then she seemed totally happy when she was hanging out in the Barracks with Locke and company. I know she didn't know him very long, but still I thought his death would have more of an impact. Seriously remember how upset Charlie was when Claire disappeared? Anyway this chapter's really angsty with how Claire feels about everything. Just tell me in your review if you think her reaction to his death was too dramatic. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this fic, so bear with me. Yup, that's about it. Oh, I think I screwed up some of the past/present tenses, but that's cause I wrote half of this fic a while ago and then more a couple weeks ago. Anyway, I don't think it's too bad. Rate and review! I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 1

Now that Charlie was gone I couldn't see much reason for living. The only thing that kept me going was my baby Aaron, if not for him, I might have killed myself. Aaron was the only tie that connected me to the world. He was the only person I cared about. I still contemplated suicide, but I knew I could never go through with it. I could never leave my baby, but still, it was difficult to go on, because everyday my heart broke a little more, every night my tears came a little harder, and every morning it was a challenge to rouse myself. No matter what I did I was always going to be broken. My heart would never heal completely, because the loss of Charlie left a hole too big for anyone to fill.

I had only met him weeks ago, but he had meant so much to me. Within the first week he had stolen my heart. Charlie occupied a piece of my heart that no one could ever replace. Now that part was empty, and it left me sick with sorrow. I needed Charlie. I always thought I was strong enough to take care of myself, but now that he's gone I know I overestimated my strength. I'm scared without him. I don't know how I'll be able to protect myself and my baby all on my own.

When Thomas left me I thought I'd never love again. Thomas was the father of my child, the love of my life, or so I'd thought, but now I knew I never loved him. He was nothing compared to Charlie. Thomas had never been there for me, but Charlie was there. He was there for the birth of my child, he was there when I was ill, and there when I just needed someone to hold. Thomas had never done that. He was a selfish bastard. I never loved him.

I loved Charlie…But I realized that a little too late.

I knew Charlie had had a crush on me, a harmless, childlike crush, but it came as a surprise when I began to return those feelings. Ever since the plane crash Charlie had looked after me, following me around like a faithful golden retriever, hardly ever leaving my side. At first I found it unsettling, but now without him here I feel that way. I miss him. I miss waking up to find him sleeping by my side, holding my hand in his. I miss being cradled in his arms when I was frightened. I miss his soft lips tenderly kissing mine. If I could just hold him one last time. If I could just have one more chance...

I replayed his leaving over and over in my head, fantasizing about what could have been. That last kiss we shared was the last memory I have of him. I feel guilty thinking how easy it could have been for me to stop Charlie going to the Looking Glass to flip the switch. I could have stopped him and made someone else go. I should have known what his going would mean. I knew about Desmond's visions. I knew Charlie was supposed to die. How could I have been so stupid? If I could do the goodbyes over again I would have kissed Charlie deeper than I ever had. I would have pushed him into our tent and made love to him right there, but I could never go back. I could never change what happened.

Rolling over in bed I clutched Charlie's Drive Shaft ring close to my heart. The note he left with it was tucked away in my drawer, because whenever I read it I start to cry. The ring had been left in Aaron's crib back on the beach, but the survivors there made sure it got to me. I will never lose the ring or the piece of paper. I'm still in disbelief from the words Charlie had written on it. The night I met you was his number one Greatest Hit. It seemed preposterous that I could have had such an impact on him, but I know that if I had to write my Greatest Hits, my number one would be exactly the same, tied with when I had Aaron.

I felt the tears crawl down my cheeks as I thought of all this. I closed my eyes and began to shake violently. I was losing it again. I couldn't keep doing this. I had to stop thinking about Charlie. I had to stop reliving the memories. I buried my face in my pillow to muffle the sobs, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

***

"Claire?"

The voice that spoke my name was familiar. I had heard this voice in my head many times in dreams and fantasies, but never before had it been so close, so clear.

"Claire!"

The voice was louder now, more urgent. I turned toward it, needing to be close to it. My eyelids fluttered; I wanted so badly to open my eyes and see the person who's speaking, but I'm afraid too. I'm afraid that the moment I open my eyes the voice will stop, and no one will be there. I needed to fall back asleep. I needed to continue this dream...

"Claire, please wake up," the voice said, before a hand reached out and touched my arm. I shivered at the contact. Now I knew this was real. I opened my eyes, and staring intently back into mine were the baby blues of Charlie's. I felt like screaming, but it seemed I was incapable of speaking. My breathing quickened and I took in his appearance. He looked the same as he had on the island, but slightly different. His hair and beard were neater, but otherwise he looked like regular old Charlie. The Charlie I loved.

"Don't be scared," he whispered, obviously seeing the astonished look on my face. I wanted to speak to him. I had so much to say, but somehow no words would come out. Charlie didn't seem to need an answer though as he put his arms around my waist and pulled me to him, rubbing my back as I snuggled closer. My fingers dug into his chest, as if needing proof that he was really there. Charlie was patient as I gathered my thoughts and feelings, but I was incapable of doing so when he touched me so tenderly. After a long moment I managed to look up at him, tears lingering in my eyes.

"Charlie you can't, you can't be..." I struggled with the words, afraid that once I admitted that he wasn't really here he would disappear, and I couldn't let that happen. Even an imaginary Charlie was better than no Charlie at all. He looked at me with his blue eyes filled with hurt. I was sure my own eyes reflected his. Was this the official goodbye? Was he an angel sent from Heaven? Was I going to get the goodbye I had wished for? It was preposterous for me to think this, but I was so desperate for Charlie that I was willing to believe anything.

I reached towards his face slowly, terrified that he would disappear once I touched him, but something in his eyes told me he wouldn't. When my clammy hands touched his face I rubbed my thumbs over his cheeks lovingly. I lowered my hands to his shoulders but stopped abruptly when Charlie began to speak.

"I'm here Claire," he said simply, in response to my earlier stammering. He said no more, but even if he did I wouldn't of heard it, because just moments after he spoke I had wrapped my arms around him and fallen asleep.

***

I awoke to silence. Horrible, dreadful, wretched silence. I hated it. I heard nothing. I knew if I allowed myself I would hear the usual sounds, Aaron's breathing, the house creaking, and maybe even some birds chirping. I usually loved these sounds, but not today. They weren't really sounds now, not when Charlie's even breathing wasn't among them.

He'd been here last night. I was sure of it. It was real. It had to be. The tears began to flow now, and soon loud sobs were enveloping me. I shuddered and thrashed around. I shouldn't be making this much noise, but I was too upset. I couldn't have been dreaming! I couldn't! If I was then not only would Charlie haunt me everywhere I go, but now my dreams weren't even safe. Perhaps I dreamed of him before, but I hardly ever remembered my dreams, so I wouldn't know. What if he came tonight? Then what?

The tears came faster now, and my sobs were so intense that it became hard to breathe. I had tried so hard during the past few days to hide how hurt I was at Charlie's death. I had laughed and talked with everyone, acting like everything was just fine. Acting like Charlie hadn't even existed, acting like I hadn't loved him. I hadn't had a breakdown yet, but now every part of me was crumbling. I don't know how long I cried, but at some point Kate came in and found me in a heap on the bed, cradling my knees to my chest.

"Claire, oh honey," she said, coming over to me and pulling me against her chest. I allowed her to comfort me, let her wrap her arms tenderly around my back and cradle me to her chest. I wanted to be comforted, but even though Kate was nice and warm and caring, she couldn't comfort me, at least not in the long term. Still, I allowed her to cradle me, allowed her to treat me like a sobbing child. I needed her; I needed this. I couldn't hold it all in any longer.

After I had finally settled down and my sobs had become quiet Kate finally asked the question I was dreading. I didn't want to answer it. She'd think I was crazy. "Claire, this is about Charlie isn't it?"

"Yes," I sighed, wiping away the remainder of the tears on my cheeks, "It's just… he was… I know I didn't know him well but…"

"I know he meant a lot to you," Kate said, and she did. I knew her and Sawyer had something between them, but I wasn't sure how intense it was.

"I'll be okay," I mumbled, gently pushing her away. I had to be strong. I had to be strong for Aaron.

Kate looked concerned but didn't pull me back into her embrace, "I'm not very good at this…"

"Hmm?"

"Comforting people. I—I just never know what to say," she admitted, her gaze trailing to mine for a moment.

"Just being here is enough," I replied, because there was nothing to say. Nothing to do that would make me feel better.

Kate offered me a sad smile and gave my hand a squeeze. "I can take Aaron you know, if you want some time alone…?"

"No, no," I shook my head, "I need him here. He—comforts me."

"Okay. Well, I was planning on speaking to Miles today. Maybe we'll finally get some answers," Kate told me.

"Maybe."

"Well… if you need me, I'm here okay?" Kate offered.

I nodded and went to pick Aaron out of his crib as Kate turned to go.