AN: Hello! I know it's been way too long and I sincerely thank anyone reading this right now. To the readers who started "When You Hear My Heart Stop," I promise that I haven't given up on it. It's been on my mind more than you know and I hope to get to a place where I'm ready to delve back into where I left all you wonderful people hanging.
But in the meantime, this was a oneshot that turned into something…more. I had such a fun time writing it that I wanted to share it!
Thank you to my wonderful beta, SydneyAlice, who not only turns my ordinary words into something beautiful, but listens to more bullshit than she should have to. I owe you one, girl.
As usual, the wonderful universe of "Twilight" belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am unfortunately not her. I hope you guys like it! This is all Edward's POV. Rated M for occasional language. AH.
"What do I keep doing wrong?" Bella asked as she cried on my shoulder. I had my arm wrapped around her, stroking the top of her arm, trying to comfort her any way I knew how.
"Nothing, Bella. That guy was just an asshole."
Bella Swan has been my best friend since pre-school. To say that we've literally known each other all our lives isn't an understatement by any means. That first day of pre-school I remember her hiding behind her mom's legs, eyes locked to the floor. The kids in our class were scattered around the room. Some were on the plastic slide in the corner, some girls were brushing the hair of dolls, and some boys were crawling around, pushing cars and trucks across the floor. Our teacher squatted in front of Bella, trying her hardest to get her to join the rest of the group, but she wouldn't budge. Eventually, the teacher lured her away with some crayons and a coloring book, but as soon as she noticed her mom had left, the tears started streaming down her face. Bella had been the only kid to cry that first day of pre-school. Some kids teased her about it that morning, but she ignored them, choosing to stay silent instead.
I got assigned to the same table as Bella, along with two other kids – Ben Cheney and Angela Weber. It's amazing that I can still recall their names. Of course having that table as our permanent seat for the year probably allowed me to remember them so well.
Bella was the quietest person I had ever met. Growing up with an older brother as loud and rambunctious as mine made you realize that some kids didn't always shout or want to wrestle like Emmett did.
That morning, we were working on a puzzle of jungle animals when a kid named Tyler Crowley came over to Bella and called her a "cry baby." I could see how embarrassed she was . . . how she refused to let her eyes fill with tears at his teasing. I looked over at Tyler in disbelief. Sure, Emmett and I got into arguments, but my mom, Esme, never would have tolerated name calling. We made the mistake of doing that once in front of her, which resulted in no television privileges for a week.
I just couldn't believe how cruel he was being to someone he didn't even know. I could sympathize with Bella because I seemed to be a constant target for Emmett's teasing. Still, the situation was different; Emmett was my brother and I knew that he loved me even when he teased me. Tyler was being cruel to a person he didn't even know.
Without a word, he grabbed the puzzle piece Bella was holding and ran back to his seat with it.
That was it. She hadn't done anything to deserve his cruelness – to deserve anyone's teasing. She had been keeping to herself the whole morning and not causing any trouble. And just because she got upset when her mom left, she was now considered an easy prey for the other kids to pounce on.
Without giving it a second thought, I got out of my seat and walked over to Tyler. I told him if he wanted to make trouble for anyone, he should do it with someone his own size – like me. I took the puzzle piece out of his hand and gave it back to Bella.
"Don't listen to him. He's mean," I told her as she fit the piece to complete the giraffe's neck into place. She gave me a brief smile before quickly darting her eyes back down to the puzzle.
The rest of that morning was uneventful as far as Bella was concerned. I told her that my favorite animal was a lion (Esme had just bought us "The Lion King" on VHS and Emmett and I could not stop watching it). She told me that she liked Timon and Puma. She asked me what my favorite color was and when I told her mine was green, she told me hers was blue. When the teacher told us to sit in a circle on the carpet for story time, Bella sat next to me, her eyes glued to the book in the teacher's hands. I could tell that books were obviously something she enjoyed, and I wondered if her mom read to her before bed like my mom did with us.
At the end of the day, as we sat waiting for our parents, I noticed that Bella was getting anxious as moms and dads arrived to pick up their children. Her mom hadn't gotten there yet. When Esme arrived, she asked me how my day was and as she turned to leave, I stopped her.
"Mom, can we wait until her mom gets here?" I asked, pointing at Bella over my shoulder.
"Sure, honey." Esme said, helping me to take my backpack off. My mom talked to Bella, asking her name and what was her favorite part of the day. It wasn't long before Bella's face erupted into a smile when her mom, Renee, made her way into the classroom. She jumped up and ran over to her mom, her arms already outstretched for a hug. Esme got my backpack and walked over to introduce herself. I told Bella that I'd see her tomorrow and she smiled back at me before taking Renee's hand and leaving.
Every day that week, my mom and I would wait with Bella until her mom picked her up. She didn't like being left alone and she told me once she was scared that Renee had forgotten about her. Esme always assured her that wasn't the case, but she always continued fidgeting until Renee arrived.
After that, Bella and I became fast friends. Nobody teased Bella about what happened on our first day of school and she soon became comfortable enough to talk more with Angela and Ben. She was still the same quiet introvert, but she talked back if you started a conversation with her. Story time continued to be her favorite part of the day and she'd often find a book and a quiet place to sit down and flip through the pages, looking at the pictures. We liked coloring together, and we finished the one containing zoo animals all by ourselves.
One day, Renee got to school before Esme did. I told Bella goodbye as I watched Renee bend down to Bella's eye level so she could ask her a question. They both looked over at me in unison before coming to sit at our table.
"Hi Edward, Bella tells me your mom isn't here yet?"
I shook my head no. "She'll be here, though. She had a doctor's appointment this morning."
"I'm sure she will be." Renee smiled before asking me what I liked about school and what we did today. Bella could hardly take her eyes off her, and it was obvious they had a very tight bond. When mom did eventually get there, she thanked Renee for staying with me. Bella and I waved goodbye to each other before mom took my hand and led me to the car.
"Bella's mom told me that Bella didn't want to come to school last week because she was being teased," Esme said, helping me with my seatbelt.
"I know. She got teased for crying. Kids are mean."
"They can be, yes. But her mom also told me that you were the only reason she wanted to come back. She told me that you were very nice to Bella and that you're her friend. That was very nice of you." Mom kissed my forehead. "I'm so proud."
Mom eventually asked Renee where they lived, and I was excited to learn that they lived only two blocks away from our house. Our moms arranged a car pool schedule so Bella and I became inseparable in a short amount of time. Renee even brought Bella over one afternoon when it snowed so we could watch "The Lion King" with Emmett.
After the school year was over, Bella and I stayed friends throughout the summer. Our moms arranged more play dates, and I was excited to have someone besides Emmett to play with. When the next school year began, Bella and I were in the same classroom with some of the other kids from our pre-school class. Thankfully, Bella didn't get as upset that first day like she did the year before.
We still talked to Angela, but learned that Ben had moved away over the summer. Now Angela was the one who was almost always sad. Apparently, she and Ben had struck up a friendship with each other like Bella and I had. Angela missed him, but Bella and I did our best to cheer her up. I couldn't imagine if the situation had been reversed and Bella had moved away. I was as close to her as I was Emmett, and I knew without a doubt I'd be heartbroken if she ever left.
Another school year passed, and the next year Bella and I weren't in the same class. Being from a town as small as Forks, there were only two classes, and this year we were separated. We still saw each other at lunch, and that's when I introduced her to Jasper, a friend I'd made in my class. When I introduced them, I was glad they liked each other. I knew they would, though. Jasper's as laid back as you can get, and when you're as sweet as Bella, you get along with anybody.
She told me once that she was afraid he had taken her place as my best friend. I told her that wasn't the case. Jasper was my best guy friend; Bella was my best girl friend. I was somewhat caught off guard by her question, but I soon realized why she asked it. It wasn't because she was being territorial over me, demanding I have no other friends besides her. Instead, it was insecurity. Bella feared that I would replace her as soon as someone she considered better than herself came along. At the time I didn't understand why she would feel that way, but assumed she was as scared of losing me as I was her. I assured her that I didn't view them any differently and was glad that all of us could be friends. During the summer, Jasper's mom even dropped him off a couple of nights so all three of us could hang out.
All throughout middle school and our first year of high school, Bella and I remained best friends. Most years we were in the same class, which was great, because we could work on projects together and do homework assignments after school. During the years we were separated, Bella became comfortable enough to adjust to not having me there. It was just a habit of nature . . . the two of us leaning on each other for support. We were used to always having the other one there, and I sometimes wondered if Bella and I were meant to be twins in another life.
Jasper and I were still friends, but I saw less of him now that he was dating a girl named Alice. She was really sweet and brought out the best in him. We occasionally all got together to eat at the local diner, and once or twice, Alice had unwaveringly tried to talk Bella into a shopping trip to Port Angeles. Bella went once, more to appease Alice than out of actual desire to go.
One night when Jasper and I were hanging out playing video games he asked if I saw Bella as more than a friend.
"No. I mean she's awesome, but I've known her since pre-school. She's . . . different to me. Plus, I wouldn't want to screw up what we have now if we dated and it didn't work out." I explained.
"So you have thought about it?" he asked.
I paused the game, contemplating what he said. "Not really. I mean, I know rumors were floating around that we were dating, but I just don't see her that way. She's my friend first."
"I have to admit, man," Jasper said, "I really did think that you guys were a couple at one point. Bella's a good girl. Any guy would be lucky to have her."
"Yeah."
I wasn't comfortable with the idea of just anybody having her.
"But Alice is . . ." he continued, an enormous grin breaking out on his face. "I think, I think she might be the one. I never knew I could feel this way about anyone."
"Aww, so sappy."
"Fuck you," he shot back, smiling at me.
I grinned at him, happy I was able to get a rise out of him. "I'm just kidding. I like her, too. She's good for you."
We resumed the game, but my mind began giving serious consideration to Jasper's question. Did I want more from Bella than just friendship? He was right when he said that any guy would be lucky to have her. She was everything you could want in a girl – sweet, pretty, kind, funny, smart. The list was endless.
But still, my feelings for Bella were just . . . different. I didn't consider her my sister, but something in-between my best friend and a kindred soul. When you knew someone as long as we'd known each other, you didn't feel the necessity to put a label on something that was hard to define. We got along so well and Bella just . . .
I was having trouble finding the words to describe exactly who she was to me. I was thankful when Jasper didn't ask about it again.
During our sophomore year of high school, the quarterback of the football team asked Bella out on a date. His name was Mike Newton and he was nice, but I was as surprised as Bella that he had shown an interest in her. I was immediately on guard, wondering what his intentions were with her.
"I just can't believe it. I mean, Mike and I have never spoken more than five words to each other, and all of a sudden he wants to go out on Friday night. That's weird, isn't it?" she asked me as we worked on our English homework together.
"I don't know, Bella. I guess all guys don't always show their interest in a girl," I replied, my eyes locked on my paper as I wrote down an answer.
"What does that mean?"
"Well, some guys are just intimidated by girls. They want to ask a girl out, but they're afraid to be shot down."
My eyes remained glued on my assignment sheet, trying to subtly show Bella how uninterested in discussing this I was, but she didn't seem to notice.
"Well, Mike shouldn't have felt that way, if he ever did. He is the quarterback, after all."
That was true. Mike had girls hanging off his every word – and sometimes clinging to him – through the halls or in the cafeteria. He was a nice enough guy, I suppose. We sat by each other in Geometry class, but I never thought much of him. I knew he wasn't a player, though. Sure, he was kind to every girl who had shown an interest and even let them down easily, but he was never one of those guys to be with a different girl every month. Maybe he wasn't so bad, after all.
Still, I had my guard up.
Bella told me she had accepted his offer, and they were going on a date in a couple of days. My heart sank at her words and I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face.
Sometimes in Geometry, I tried to subtly check him out. What did Bella see in this guy? I tried to convince myself that she was probably just being nice and didn't want to hurt his feelings if she declined his invitation. That was Bella – always looking out for everyone else. It was probably just an innocent date and nothing would come of it.
But if he ever made her cry, I'd make him cry.
Their date had apparently gone well, because he asked Bella to be his girlfriend a couple weeks later. When Bella told me she wanted to introduce us officially, I groaned at the thought. I had seen them in the hallways and he even joined us for lunch a couple times. As far as I was concerned, there was no reason for us to have to meet.
"Please, for me?" she asked, sticking out her lower lip and giving me those eyes she knew I couldn't say no to.
"Fine," I huffed before she hugged and thanked me. I remained like stone, unable to wrap my arms around her. As stupid as it was, I was glad she had embraced me first. I enjoyed the feeling of her arms around me, but hated her motivation behind it.
And so that Friday night I met them at the diner so she could introduce us. I still thought it was ridiculous, considering I sat next to the guy in class, but whatever made Bella happy. Mike was polite, shaking my hand and treating Bella with the utmost respect. He let her order before he did. He offered her his letterman jacket several times when he thought she was cold. He looked at her like he adored her . . . like the way I looked at her.
I didn't necessarily hate him; I had no reason to, but one wrong move and he was going to be sorry.
"So…?"
"So what?" I looked at Bella.
"So what did you think of Mike yesterday?" Bella asked during a commercial.
Nothing made me happier than an empty Saturday afternoon, with plenty of time to spend with Bella. We didn't really have anything special planned, but found ourselves downstairs in my family's entertainment room.
"He's…alright." I replied, grudgingly.
"And…?"
"That's it."
I looked at her expectantly, wondering what she wanted me to say.
"Come on, Edward. You've never said anything bad about him before."
"Because I've never had a reason."
"You don't think I'm good enough for him," she said, her voice deflated and eyes accusatory.
What the hell? What made her come to that conclusion?
"You know that's not the reason, Bella."
He's not good enough for YOU, I wanted to tell her.
"Then why don't you like him?"
"It's not that I don't like him. I just . . . don't want you to get hurt." I stumbled over my words. I hated having to consider that possibility. Nothing would upset me more than seeing her get hurt.
"Who says I'm going to get hurt?"
"I'm just looking out for you, Bella. If he ever upsets you, you let me know and I'll take care of him."
"Well now I definitely won't let you know. Besides, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Charlie and Renee have already met him and my dad was determined to show him his vast gun collection before we left the house," she said with a smile, but she still rolled her eyes.
Good for Charlie, I thought but dared not speak it.
Bella and Mike were happy for a couple months. As far as I knew, they had never gotten in a fight, and even Jasper and Alice approved when they met him. I was just thankful that I never had to witness them kissing in the hallways. That thought alone had my skin crawling. I wouldn't have been able to witness that without wanting to put my fist into his face.
But, like most first romances, it didn't work out. I had known that something was bothering Bella for days before I finally convinced her to talk to me. Mike broke up with her. It wasn't dramatic apparently, but he told her he needed to focus more on his grades. Apparently his parents were banking on him receiving a college scholarship and wanted to make sure he got one.
"Maybe if I would have given him more space…" Bella said sadly, her eyes welling with tears.
"You were never a clingy girlfriend, Bella. You did give him space. Maybe Mike just isn't good at multi-tasking. You never ignored any of your friends to spend time with him or blow any of us off if Mike made other plans without you. Jasper and Alice don't feel that way, either. At least he ended it politely." Her eyes came up to meet mine. "He did end it politely, didn't he?" I asked, making sure that he wasn't a dick about the whole thing.
"Yeah, he did. I just thought things were going so well. He never told me his grades were slipping or anything like that. I would have helped him with his homework, if he had told me he needed it," she said, her eyes glued to the floor.
"Guys are never good about asking for help, Bella. Trust me." I said, smiling at her even though she couldn't see me. "But I have to ask out of curiosity's sake, did Charlie feel the need to bring one of his guns out of hiding?"
Bella chuckled then, meeting my eyes.
"No, he didn't. He assured me that he would if I wanted him to, though. Besides, in a town as small as Forks, where would he dump the body?"
"He's a cop, Bella, he'd find a place."
"I shouldn't have said that," she said, her eyes dropping to her lap. That was like Bella – trying to make a joke to ease her pain but feeling guilty because it was at someone else's expense. She was a better person than I was; I had absolutely no problem joking about Mike no longer existing in her life.
"Mike wants to stay friends, though, and I don't think there's any harm in that," she said, her voice pulling me out of my dark thoughts. "He was a really nice guy and he was always sweet to me."
"I'm glad to hear that."
I was at a loss for words. Was I comfortable with her keeping in contact with a guy who broke her heart? Not really, but I couldn't tell her that. Bella had to make her own decisions concerning her friends and who she deemed worthy to be in her life . . . and who wasn't. I was just thankful that he appeared to let her down easily.
Over the next few months, she and Mike did stay friends, but they eventually stopped talking. Bella said it was just two people growing apart more than anything else that caused them to lose contact with each other. She wasn't even upset our junior year when he started dating Jessica Stanley. I asked to make sure she was okay with it, but Bella told me that she realized it was a good first relationship for her. It just wasn't meant to be.
I never would have believed it, but it wasn't until Bella started dating Mike that I did indeed see her as more. As much as I'd tried to deny it, I knew my feelings concerning her were blurring. I meant what I said when I told Jasper that I saw Bella as just as friend. We had a very long, uncomplicated history and to this day we had never been in a fight. But she was amazing. She was kind to people when they didn't deserve it, she never denied anyone help when they asked for it, and she even gave Lauren Mallory a ride home when her car broke down even though Lauren spread rumors about every girl behind their backs. Bella was just good. And like Jasper had said, any guy would be lucky to have her. Now that Mike was out of the picture, I realized I wanted that guy to be me.
But what if things got fucked up? What if I unintentionally did something to mess up our relationship and we couldn't be friends after that? I doubt if she even felt that way about me. Bella sometimes asked if I liked anyone we went to school with. She would patiently list off girls, and I'd always shrug my shoulder or say I wasn't interested.
One time she even asked me if I was gay.
"If I were gay, don't you think you would have known by now? We have been friends since we were four." I laughed.
"Sorry."
"No, it's okay. Nothing wrong with being gay. It's just funny that you drew that conclusion."
And truthfully there wasn't anything wrong with any of the girls we went to school with. Even before I had this revelation after Bella and Mike's breakup, there was nothing in any of the girls that I found particularly attractive. Most of the girls were nice and I got along with all of the ones I had been assigned to work with for projects in classes. They just weren't for me. It never even occurred to me that none of them held any particular interest for me. I didn't consider myself to be a snob when it came to dating. I just thought that I'd meet someone in college who I'd be interested in getting to know.
But then Bella and Mike broke up and something changed. Maybe it was seeing her so upset over one guy and knowing that I'd try everything to not bring that look of sadness on her face. Or maybe it was just my instinct to protect her. All I knew was that my feelings for Bella were more than friendship.
"Well, it doesn't matter who she is. She won't be good enough for you, anyway." Bella said, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I very much wanted to argue that she would indeed be good enough for me, but I held my tongue.
I continued to struggle with my conflicting feelings for Bella. So much so, that I went to Emmett for advice since he was in a relationship with a girl named Rosalie. She came off as cold to me the first time I met her, but I eventually warmed up to her. She made Emmett deliriously happy and I was happy for him.
"When you know, you just know. It's as simple as that," he assured me. "I'm not surprised your feelings for Bella have changed. I know as kids you saw her as a friend and only a friend, but she's damn near perfect for you."
I smiled at his words, hoping for them to be true. Now if only I could get Bella to see us this way.
"I mean, you guys know each other so well, you always seem to know what she's thinking and she can almost complete your sentences for you. Sometimes love grows out of a friendship into something more, and I think once she started dating Mike, you realized that you could potentially lose her, and that scared the shit out of you."
"It did not."
I tried to believe my own lie. I knew damn well that Emmett's words were hitting a little too close to the truth.
"Seriously Edward, how would you have felt if she and Mike would have had a great relationship and it progressed to them getting engaged? Would you have honestly been able to be happy for her without wanting to fracture his skull?"
"I only would have done that if he'd had hurt her in some way. I admit that seeing them together wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but I still think it's because I didn't want to see her get hurt."
"And that may have been true, then. But it's not true now. I don't think so, at least."
There were very few times in my life when Emmett was serious. He was usually so happy-go-lucky that seeing him this way was rare. I could tell that he really did care since he was being so sincere in his observations concerning me and Bella. In the past growing up, Emmett and I fought sometimes, but I knew that he loved me like I loved him. He was my only sibling and I knew that he wanted only what was best for me.
"I don't think so, either." I replied, shocked at my own truth and the feelings that came with that admission.
"Besides, didn't Mike sort of hurt her?" he asked, his face contouring into one of confusion.
"What? When?" I asked, wondering if he knew something I didn't.
"Well, typically when girls get dumped, don't they cry into Ben and Jerry's ice cream containers and watch sad movies or some shit? With my past experience, I just assumed every girl did that."
"No," I just shook my head, amazed that I shared DNA with this imbecile. I sincerely hoped that Bella had not wasted tears over someone as undeserving as Mike Newton.
"So, make a move."
He said it as if I was incapable of realizing what my next sort of action should be.
"I just don't want to mess things up, Emmett."
"Honestly, I don't think you could. Look, I know that you'd never purposefully do that, but what's the worst that can happen? Even if you did go out and it didn't end well, you guys are too much a part of each other to cut the other out of your lives. I don't believe in soul mates, but if they exist, you guys are the definition of it. Besides, I don't think it's even possible for you not to remain in her life. At least if you went out and it didn't work out, you wouldn't have to spend the rest of your life wondering if you guys could have had something."
It amazed me how he could go from saying something idiotic to something profound in the flick of a switch. That was Em for you, always taking you by surprise when you least expected it.
So with my newfound wisdom from Emmett, I decided that in the next few weeks I'd approach Bella about possibly becoming . . . more.
I'd be kidding myself if I said I wasn't nervous. Never had I realized that Bella's opinion of me meant so much. After all, we had been friends since pre-school. If she didn't like me by now, she was never going to.
No sooner did I resolve to talk to Bella did James Sullivan come into her life. He was a senior which meant I knew nothing about him. Which meant I couldn't judge him.
Except I did.
He was only two years older than us, but I wondered what he wanted with Bella. Not that I didn't see her for the amazing girl that she was, but why was James suddenly interested? Bella expressed to me her hesitation in getting involved with him. It had been almost a year since Mike broke it off with her, but that was Bella. Ever cautious, weighing her options and the possible outcomes carefully.
She wasn't a fool when it came to her heart, but I had hoped that she wouldn't hesitate in giving it to me.
"If you don't want to go out with him, then don't." I told her, hoping to God that she'd take my advice.
"But what if he really is nice?"
She was lying on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I was alphabetically arranging my CDs beside my stereo and wondered how Pearl Jam ended up mixed in with my "S" artists. Probably Emmett.
"I don't know." I wracked my brain, trying to come up with an excuse as to why she shouldn't even consider going out with him.
"I just don't want to judge him if I don't know him. But Mike—"
"What about Mike?"
"I won't lie to you, Mike dumping me really hurt me. Even though we weren't extremely serious, I just didn't see it coming, and if I could avoid feeling like that again, I would."
"Well, that's unfortunately the risk you take when starting a relationship with somebody new." I wanted to emphasize the world new. "I won't lie to you Bella. I do have some preconceived notions about James."
Maybe I was a dick for trying to manipulate her insecurity regarding my view on James. Still, he was totally messing up my plan in admitting to Bella how I felt. I wasn't going to just step aside and let him get to her first. Not if I could help it.
She raised herself on her elbows. "Like what?"
"Well, he's a senior," I pointed out.
"So just because he's older means he's bad?"
"No, I just mean that he doesn't know you very well. Has he even tried to talk to you before?"
"No, but that doesn't mean that he can't start now."
I shrugged my shoulders, not wanting to further the conversation. Plus, I was all out of ideas and grasping at straws trying to convince her to not take a chance on James.
"Besides, you did tell me once that not all guys tell the girl how they feel."
Why in the fuck did she always listen to everything I say so closely?
"Maybe James just wants to take an opportunity, see if it goes anywhere. Who knows if it will even work out?" Bella murmured, I think more for my benefit than for hers.
Two Fridays after that conversation, James took Bella out on their first date. Dinner and a movie. The epitome of a fucking cliché. Bella hadn't told me about their plans, but instead told Alice who then told Jasper. Apparently Jasper hadn't told Alice how I felt about Bella, which proved how good of a friend he was.
I was miserable all day and night when I found out. Bella had thankfully not brought James to our lunch table at school, so I wasn't forced to meet the prick yet. He just seemed…wrong. Not even wrong for Bella, but just wrong in general. He seemed smug and walked the halls like he owned the school. He lived in his brown jacket, and I theorized that his hair was permanently tied back into a ponytail. He was good-looking and he knew it. And what was more irritating is that he knew girls knew he was good-looking, too. Bella was his complete opposite, and I wish he'd stayed away from her. Out of all the girls that attended our school, practically the entire population of Forks, why oh why did it have to be Bella that he showed an interest in?
While moping around the house that night, Emmett asked me what was wrong. I told him about Bella's date night and he gave me a sympathetic look. But because he was Emmett, he also had to remind me that I had plenty of time to tell Bella how I felt, but I took too long in doing so. I gave Emmett a look which I hoped said "fuck off" and climbed the stairs.
I knew that what he was saying was true, but it hurt more hearing someone else vocalize it. I lay in bed, the back of my wrist against the bridge of my nose, eyes closed, as I wondered what Bella was doing. Knowing Bella, she wasn't even interested in any of the movies playing at the theater. It was probably his idea and because Bella was a people pleaser, she'd do whatever he wanted to do. Bella was smart, but she was inexperienced when it came to guys and I was hoping she wouldn't let James push her into something she wasn't interested in. He just seemed like the kind of guy who was used to getting his way and wouldn't take no for an answer. Hopefully, Charlie had decided to show James his gun collection when he came to pick her up, just like he had with Mike.
My mind began to think things without my permission as I visualized him kissing her goodnight, holding her close. He'd take up her time and before I knew it, she wouldn't eat lunch at our table or want to hang out anymore. He'd propose and she'd beam ear-to-ear while showing me her engagement ring. On her wedding day, I'd be forced to be James' groomsman as I watched her walk down the aisle on Charlie's arm when she should be walking towards me instead.
My breathing became labored; my chest taking deep rise and falls as I realized that I was having my first ever panic attack. I didn't need my father, a doctor, to tell me what I knew to be true.
I was panicking at the prospect of losing Bella.
Calm down Cullen. They're just on a date, nothing more. Nothing significant is going to happen.
I hoped that was true.