For the Battlefield Wars Round 5.

Position: General

Required Character: Rita Skeeter

Secondary Character: Lucius Malfoy

Plot: The characters engage in a heated argument RE: one of Rita's stories.

Word Count: 1065

Misconceptions

Lucius glided through the Ministry, cane tapping and hair perfectly styled. He concealed the rage he felt over the latest Skeeter article that was trying to tear his family apart.

Trouble in Paradise! Elder Malfoys Split to Take On Younger Lovers!

Voldemort had been defeated and the Malfoys' had been found innocent since they had defected to Harry Potter's side. Granted, Lucius and Narcissa had split since the Final Battle, due to...irreconcilable differences. I wounder what those differences could be? Narcissa Malfoy nee Black has been seen in the company of none other than Charlie Weasley! Can we expect to see strawberry blonde Weasley spawn at Hogwarts in the next few years?

The worst is yet to come, my dear sweet readers! It appears that Lucius Malfoy, Head of the Malfoy family, has taken our very own Savior, a.k.a. Boy-Who-Lived, a.k.a. HARRY POTTER! as his lover! How did this happen? Is there anyone out there who can shed some light on this strange pairing? (Continued on page 7.)

Lucius kicked the door to Rita Skeeter's office open, reveling in the fact that the bottle blonde bug dropped to the floor in a panic at the noise. "Hello, Rita, dear."

Rita's head popped up from behind her desk, eyes wide, and glasses askew, "Oh, Mr. Malfoy. How kind of you to drop by! My Quill," her acid green Quick Quotes Quill hopped up off her desk, "has been dying to write a story straight from your lips."

Lucius snarled, pulling his new wand from his cane, "I will incinerate that monstrosity, if it does any such thing."

The Quill shivered and dove into an open drawer with enough force to close the drawer behind it.

"Well, that was uncalled for," Rita huffed and took out a normal eagle feather quill. "What can I do for you Mr. Malfoy?"

"I want you to recant the article in today's Prophet!" Lucius transfigured the garish purple guest chair into an elegant chocolate and cream armchair and sat down.

"Why would I do that? My readers love hearing about the Malfoy conquests!" Rita smiled as she wrote.

Lucius leaned forward, "As much as your readers love to hear stories about me buggering the Boy-Who-Lived- It. Is. Not. True. My wife and I are still very much together! The pretty blonde you thought was female and hanging out with Charlie Weasley was actually Draco, and if you dare to put that into an article, I'll rip out your tongue, feed it to you, and disembowel you after it has digested."

Rita threw down her wand and stood up. "You can't threaten me, Malfoy! I know my rights!"

A snort came from the doorway, "You know, Lucius, all you had to do was come by my office and I could have her arrested for slander and libel. She wrote bullshit about you and I as well. You must not have read page 7."

Lucius glanced over his shoulder at Harry Potter leaning in the doorway with Draco standing just behind him. The rage emanating from the Auror pair nearly palpable. "I didn't think I'd need to involve you, but it appears that this poor excuse for a writer needs to be put behind bars for a while since she doesn't seem to understand that lies and embellishment don't make for the truth."

"I DO NOT LIE!" Rita screamed.

"Says the woman who wrote that I was allowing Lucius Malfoy into my...what did she call it? Oh yes, my 'Chamber of Secrets'," Harry snarled from the doorway.

"Mr. Potter! Arrest Mr. Malfoy for threatening my life! He needs to be punished. Dirty Death Eater!" Rita spat out at Lucius.

Lucius stood and towered over the diminutive woman. "That's right. I was a Death Eater. Are you absolutely sure you want to write stories about my family, knowing what I have done in my past? Hmmm?" He sneered at the quivering woman.

Rita squeaked, then transformed into her animagus form. She tried to fly out of the room, but Harry caught her and stuck her into a jar conjured by Draco.

"Dad, we're gonna take her down to get her arrested for being an unregistered animagus. Thank you for your help. We weren't sure if having Hermione chatter in a pub with Luna would get her to write the story or not. You and Mum having that argument in the middle of Diagon Alley sure helped though." Draco grinned at his father.

Beetle Rita tapped her feet on the glass and made obscene noises.

Draco started tossing the jar up and down as they walked down to in-processing for prisoners. "Good thing I charmed this jar unbreakable." He set the jar on the counter and smiled at Luna. "Lu-Lu. I caught an un-registered animagus with the help of Lucius Malfoy. Please process her immediately."

Luna grinned, "Name of prisoner?"

"Rita Skeeter."

"Oh dear, Rita Skeeter is an animagus? The Minister will love to see her processed. Kingsley!" Luna yelled over her shoulder. "Come see something awesome. I think we found how your secret meetings were always front page news!"

Draco and Harry grinned at each other.

"Glad to be of service. Now, if you'll excuse me, your mother and I are going on a long vacation."Lucius responded, ruffling Draco's hair. "Good day, Harry. Let me know if you really do want to open your own business. I'm sure I can help you get started," Lucius added. He shook hands with Harry and swept out of the office, cloak billowing in a way reminiscent of Severus Snape.

Harry shook his head. "It has to be a generational thing. I never did figure out how Snape did the cloak billow thing."

Draco snorted, "It's a charm. I saw Father cast it one morning on Uncle Sev's cloak before he left. Uncle Sev thought it helped with his intimidation tactics in class and never asked for the counter-charm."

Harry laughed, "That would be a good lesson for Flitwick to teach. I'll send him a note." He glared at the glass jar in Draco's hand. "Let's turn in the bug and go home for the day. Working the night shift sucks."