Title: Ha'Omeck Shel Ahava Ve'Hasin'a
Summary: "I want to help. I'll find her. I'll bring her to you." Yes, that is supposed to be vague if you want to find out the plot, read the story.
Rating: Teen
Pairings: Eventual Ari/Kate and Ziva/Gibbs.
Warnings: Dark!Ziva. Yes, she is my favorite character. But, I decided to make her a badish guy in this fic. If you don't like than you should leave.
Spoilers: Bete Noire and Reveille.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. If I did, do you honestly think Ari would have killed Caitlin?
Author's Note: Yes, I'm posting another story and I still haven't updated my other ones. Blame my muse. I haven't given up on my other stories, they're just sorta on the back burner. But, they will eventually be updated. The story will be separated into scenes with a location header before each one. The tone is different than my other stories and some parts are intentionally vague and rambling. Please review.
Israeli Embassy, Washington D.C.
"Ari David, I do not give a damn about your sense of duty or your pride right now!"
"But-"
"No buts. I gave you an order and you will carry it out. There is a car waiting outside the embassy and you will get in it. The car will drive you to the Dulles Airport where you will get on the family private jet. The jet will take you to Ben Gurion Airport where you will get in another car. This car will drive you to the family mansion where you will submit to an after-care and physical therapy regimen supplied by an in-house doctor. And you will not be on active duty until both the doctor and I declare you physically fit. Are we completely clear on this?"
"Yes ma'am," he muttered reluctantly. Though he chaffed at having to lie in bed like an invalid for G-d knows how long, he knew there was no point of arguing with Ziva when she was in this mood. If he tried, she was as likely as not to knock him out and carry him to the bloody car.
Besides, unlike most he could see what lay behind his sister's rage. He could see the tiny little girl who was frightened and worried. He could see the shining moistness in her eyes that was threatening to well up into tears and fall down her face even as she yelled at him.
Every time he saw her like this, guilt punched him in the gut and sorrow filled his heart. He cursed himself for never taking a moment to think before making a reckless decision. For not considering that there was someone who cared about him, someone who would cry when he was gone. Every time he wanted to beg for forgiveness. But he wouldn't, he was too proud for that. Just as she was too proud to let her tears show. Maybe when they were alone in their house, with no one to witness their weakness. But not here, not now. Here and now they had to be strong. There were people around them, people who relied on Mossad officers to be the strong ones, to fight the terrors they could not face.
To tell the truth he wanted to go home. He needed time to think. Time to put everything in perspective. Time to spend time with his baby sister. Time to plan his revenge. Time to plan how to get Caitlin Todd for himself. His previous thoughts pushed their way into the front of his head. What would Ziva do if he got hurt again?
But he pushed those doubts away impatiently. She would understand, she knew what lust for revenge and obsession felt like. Those dark emotions were part of them, just as the need to kill was always within them. The way their hearts raced whenever they were slighted, the way their bodies trembled when they knew they would soon see an enemies blood pool at their feet. The way they grinned when they saw the light of life fade from someones eyes. It was part of being a David. That was why so many of them became Mossad, being able to hurt, to slaughter without prosecution was an offer they couldn't refuse.
Of course there were always times when the darkness overcame them. When they strayed out of their bounds to strike someone for a personal vendetta and not an ordered hit. Ari and Ziva were two of those who usually didn't bother to restrain themselves when anger clouded their minds. They'd acquired a nasty habit of killing anyone who happened to annoy them. They also tended to accept contact killings on the more illegal side. Someone you want dead? Cheating spouse? Conniving loan sharks? Abusive spouse? Lying businessman? Were you a victim of a crime that the police couldn't or wouldn't solve? Their guns and knives are your salvation.
The Israeli government of course condoned these actions, even going as far as to cover up for them. If anyone looked hard enough they would find that extremely tragic and fatal accidents tended to follow them around. Still nobody asked questions, nobody dared to stop them, they were too valuable. Their unique skills couldn't be wasted just because of their often lethal tempers. It was politics, a matter of weighing the risks. And the scales always tipped in the siblings favor. That was just the way it was. The way it always would be. They had their freedom, and the government had their killing machines; and both parties were happy.
Not that their official missions weren't satisfying enough. After all they weren't monsters, they reveled in the chance to do good. An eye for an eye, kill one save a thousand; that's the way it is. That's what they believed in. Some people have to die, no court on earth can judge their crimes. Only G-d had that power.
******
Israel
"So, what's she like?"
Ari blinked in confusion at the sudden question. "What's who like?" He'd been lying on the warm stone of the Negev Desert for so long with Ziva, sitting in relative silence his brain had gone fuzzy and he had no idea what she was talking about.
Chuckling softly Ziva rolled over so she was almost on top of her brother. She grinned widely through long brown hair that had fallen in front of her face. "Your Caitlin, what's she like?"
Ari frowned, trying to figure out why she was just now bringing this up. "You've read her Mossad files haven't you?"
She rolled her eyes, "Of course I have, but I was asking for more than an unbiased report of the facts. I was asking about what you think of her, how she makes you feel, and so on and so forth." She waved her hands randomly in the air as if to prove a point.
"Come on it's been three months since we pulled you out and you haven't said anything about her to me."
"I told you about her after I first met her."
"Yes, yes. But that was then and this is now. Your opinion of someone is constantly changing with each meeting, yes?"
Ari groaned, his baby sister was nothing if not persistent, it was a habit they'd both picked up from their father and there wasn't much he could do about it. If he didn't say something now she could very well badger him until he was on his deathbed. Might as well tell her now, besides he needed to tell someone anyway or he might explode. Who better to tell than his Ziva, the only person he trusted with his heart and soul.
Seeming to sense the tension in the air fade and be replaced by an unexplainable feeling of love Ziva stopped grinning and stared at him with completely open eyes and an open soul that connected with Ari's.
Ari sighed softly and brushed back a strand of hair that was covering Ziva's eyes. "I suppose she reminds me a lot of you, but at the same time she's nothing like you. She is so strong but at the same time so fragile." He sighed again, "It's really hard to explain."
They sat in silence for a long time just staring at each other softly, until Ziva spoke up in a whisper.
"You love her," it was both a question and a statement, three words that meant everything. Love was something hardly ever spoken of between them, they loved each other and they whispered those promises in their most vulnerable moments in the darkness of night and the darkness of souls. But to love another, to openly admit it, to leave your soul vulnerable to be torn apart by a world full of wolves. It was unspeakable, impossible, but there it was out in the air trembling with power, take it or leave it, it would always be there.
He paused as if staring at the tangible but invisible words between them, as if listening to them hum. His next words were so soft Ziva barely heard them, yet they cut into her like the sharp blades strapped to their hips. A conformation that could change their whole world for better or for worst. Words that trembled with unspeakable emotion.
"Yes, I suppose I do. I do love her, don't I." It was almost a question, a plea to her, to G-d. Please no, don't make me feel this, I can't, it will break me into a million pieces. But all the prayers in his heart couldn't change what he felt. He was in love and that was eating him alive. It could kill him or it could bring him to life. His heart was in the hands or someone who had every excuse to hate him, and it was too late to take it back. Too late to remind himself that he could give no one beyond Ziva that power over him. Too late to push away his feeling, to deny the mere suggestion of them.
He, Ari David, was in love with Caitlin Todd and nothing could change that. Not now, not ever. Danger lingered now. Danger he did not want. Danger he could not refuse. It was all up to her now. Up to her to change his world. But, how could he tell her? She had every right to shoot him on sight, to break his soul and leave him to crumble to dust, with only Ziva to try to pick up the pieces of his heart. So what happened now?
Another whisper cut through the thick silence around them. "I want to help. I'll find her. I'll bring her to you. The rest is up to you and her. It will be out of my hands and I will be completely helpless. But I will do what I can, just say the words. I will do all I can. Please, Ari. Please let me help you."
Gazing into her eyes into the soul he'd given everything to, he nodded. "Help me. Please, Zivaleh."
She nodded back, "I'll find her, I'll try to make her see. I'll bring her to you. I won't let you fall, my brother. I'll have to leave soon, while she still expects nothing. I'll go, I'll do all I can, I promise you that."
Ari nodded wordlessly as she rose from the cooling ground, not to leave him forever, just for now, to help him. He trusted her, everything was in her tiny yet capable hands. She would be back; she had to be. Helping him up she flashed a soft grin and whispered another promise and began to walk away.
He whispered almost inaudibly to her retreating back. "I love you too."
So what happens now?
Author's Postscript: My friend mentioned that Ari and Ziva didn't seem to have a "normal" relationship in this fic. That was unintentional but I like the idea. The next chapter is already done and will be posted tomorrow. Please review, it doesn't have to be long, just take a few seconds to let me if you liked it. Don't just subscribe or favorite it and run off. It hurts my feelings.