rating is a high T. warnings for off-screen torture and rape.

if anyone believes i should change the rating, let me know and i will do so promptly.

title is from fall out boy.

we might have started singing just a little soon

john wakes up screaming and you don't have to guess what he was dreaming about this time

Hands shaking, uneven breaths, and chattering teeth.

You step into the doorway just as John closes his eyes.

"I'm fine," he says and you would like to believe him; you would like to go back down and finish composing, but you have changed (and he has not) and so you walk in even further.

"Really, Sherlock. You can leave."

As you shake your head, he scowls and clenches his fists even tighter and perhaps this is a warning that he will punch you, but have had worse before and while it will hurt (especially since it is John punching you) it will not bleed.

You lower yourself onto his bed. The lamp is dim—it will need a replacement light bulb within the next two weeks—and you can just now catch his damp face.

In a sudden and surprising act of intimacy, you reach out and card a hand through his hair. It is soft; not like silk or fur, but like fresh laundry. His hair is damp with sweat or maybe with well-water; he took a shower before he laid down to rest and you know he only air dries his hair.

John draws in another shaky breath as you run your hand through his hair a second third tenth time until he leans against your chest and tries to stop shaking.

Neither of you nor he say a word as you try to ease him back to sleep and he tries to forget the woman who had him at his mercy.

(you remember when you found him in that basement over in soho, naked and bleeding, rocking back and forth. you remember him flinching as she touched his body all over, a knife to his neck, holding both of you hostage.

you remember the blood on your hands when she made a mistake and john pushed past his fear and gave you the opportunity you were looking for.)

Holding him tight, you bury your head in the hollow of his neck, and pray you will both make it through.