Beyond the Darkness
a Primeval fanfic (& birthday gift for emilyjay)
by phoebenpiper
...
Emily awoke with a jerk. She couldn't remember the dream she'd been having, but she could imagine its subject matter.
The previous 24 hours had been the most intense of her life, and having the events at New Dawn immediately followed by an anomaly had only compounded the stress. The team had been dreading what they might find when they arrived at the sight of the derailment, but miraculously, none of the passengers had been hurt. The train had simply run its course into the middle of a grassy, savannah-like plain, and all the riders had been able to disembark with nary a scratch on them. Of course, it had taken some time to hunt down all the Oligokyphus that had escaped into the present, but eventually the team had managed to get everything - and everyone - properly sorted and back to his or her own time.
Her own time - Emily couldn't help but smile at this thought. Strange as it seemed, this was now her own time...and, by some miracle, Matt's as well. "Looks like we're stuck with you now," Lester had joked back at the ARC, but coming so soon upon the heels of the overwhelming darkness - the grief of having lost Matt forever - Emily had found the bureaucrat's light-hearted words tidings of sheer joy. With the threat of Phillip and the end of the world now passed, Matt was here to stay, and Emily could envision their lives together stretching out before her, pushing the darkness back to the innermost recesses of her mind.
But no doubt that pain and loss had resurfaced in her dreams, causing whatever unpleasantness had just awoken her.
Or perhaps not. She could now hear the kitchen faucet running, a drinking glass filling with water. Matt was awake, she realised, and perhaps his stirring had been what had interrupted her own sleep.
Slipping quietly out of bed, she headed for the kitchen. There was no need to turn on the lights; although it was still the middle of the night, the sky was overcast, and the low-hanging clouds reflected the city lights back down around them, flooding the tall windows lining Matt's flat. By this eerie golden glow, Emily made her way out towards the front room, suddenly feeling the need to see Matt, to remind herself that he was still alive, still here.
Matt was stood at the kitchen sink, gulping down his second glass of water. His face looked troubled, dripping with sweat, and Emily concluded that his nightmare must have roused them both. Her eyes then couldn't help but wander down to his bare chest, his firm muscles also glistening with perspiration in the dim light, and Emily's breath involuntarily caught at the sight.
Matt jumped at the sound, turning to see her standing there in her thin cotton nightgown, staring unabashedly at his nearly naked body. But before she could say something - or even look away - he spoke.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."
Emily shook her head. "It was not you." Not exactly a lie, as she could not be certain what had disturbed her sleep, but something in his tone made her sense he needed the reassurance. He seemed off somehow, and she was determined to sort out what was troubling him.
Matt poured himself another glass of water before walking back over to his "bed". Emily followed, suddenly realising that, now that they were both here to stay, he really needed better sleeping arrangements. There was no reason for him to continue spending each night upon two comfy chairs pushed together when he had a bed...and perhaps it was time to broach the possibility of sharing it.
But now, as he sat down heavily upon one of the chairs, Emily bent to pick up his crumpled bedding from the floor. The fabric was still damp with sweat, and she looked at Matt worriedly, wondering if perhaps he might be feverish - that could explain his odd behaviour. Dropping the unfolded sheet upon the other chair, she balanced herself on the arm of his, raising her wrist to touch his forehead as she asked, "Are you ill?"
Instinctively, he jerked away, his arm shooting up to prevent her from touching him. Their eyes locked for a long moment, his strong, unyielding grip upon her forearm actually starting to hurt, before he suddenly let her go and leapt to his feet, mumbling, "I must go back."
Emily frowned, confused by his statement. Why would he need to go anywhere at this late hour? Surely it could wait till morning? "Go back where?" she asked, absently rubbing her sore arm. "The train?"
Matt merely responded with a frustrated sigh as he began pacing determinedly back and forth.
"Phillip's power station?" she guessed, not certain to where else he could be referring.
But clearly that wasn't it, for Matt barked a loud, "NO!" before shaking his head in frustration. "No, I... I don't know! I just...!" He trailed off into an angry sigh as he once again resumed his agitated pacing.
Emily was starting to feel extremely ill at ease. What could be wrong, she wondered. What would cause such a violent reaction in him?
"Matt, what is it?" she asked, slowly and carefully, desperate for answers but not wanting him to snap at her again. "What has happened?" When he did not respond straightaway, she added, "You can tell me."
He stopped for a moment to stare at her, as if trying to decide if he dared confide in her or not. Although she wished to go on, she forced herself to say nothing further, feeling he should be allowed to make the next move.
Finally he gave a resigned sigh and stated simply, "I was there."
Emily's brow furrowed. "Where?"
"At the ARC. Before the anomaly."
Emily's frown deepened, not sure what he was talking about. "Yes," she pointed out warily, "we all were there."
"No!" Matt insisted, as if he were trying to explain something to an ignorant child. "I was there! Another...me!"
The feeling of unease deep within Emily started to turn to fear, even though she was still not fully comprehending. "Matt, you are not making sense," she stated calmly, despite the terror starting to course through her veins. She needed to understand, but he seemed incapable of explaining things in a coherent manner. "Start at the beginning," she advised.
Matt nodded, as if the wisdom of her statement had actually gotten through. Pausing where he was, he leant back against the kitchen counter and took a deep breath before starting. "When I went back to get my phone, before we left for the anomaly, there was someone in the back corridor waiting for me. Only it wasn't just someone. It was me. Another me."
A chill ran down Emily's spine, as if someone had just walked upon her grave. "You mean...from the future?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I guess." His nod suddenly changed to a shake of his head as he corrected, "I don't know! It doesn't make any sense!"
Despite the late hour - and the crazed look in his eyes - Emily could tell he meant every word he was saying. And although she didn't want to believe it, she was certain that what he was saying was true.
But how? Where had this other Matt come from? And what did he want?
"Did he...speak with you?" she asked.
Matt nodded. "He told me I have to go back."
Emily gulped nervously before asking the question she most dreaded the answer to: "Back where?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Matt bellowed, violently pushing himself away from the counter and resuming his frenzied pacing.
The anxiety radiating from him was well-nigh palpable, but she was barely registering it. It were as if the bottom had fallen out of her stomach, the darkness of losing him washing over her once again. Matt was leaving, when she'd only just got him back. She wanted to lash out, to rail against the darkness that was threatening to consume her, but she could barely move, barely think. She could only sit there upon the arm of the chair, paralyzed, watching the man she loved wear a rut in the floor as he stormed back and forth.
And whilst his panic seemed out of control, expanding ever outward, she herself felt as if she were collapsing, losing herself completely in the emptiness of losing him. The numbness, the pain, the grief of having to let him go once more - just as she'd stood aside and let him drive the truck into Phillip's anomaly - washed over her in waves as she sank further and further from the surface, unable to breathe, unable to think.
But at some point, some deeper sense of self-preservation rose within her. Just as she'd suddenly felt the strength to cry out when Ethan had buried her alive in the tomb, she now jumped to her feet and stepped in front of Matt, placing stern hands about his shoulders. "Matt!" she cried out, the one strand of sanity left within her desperately reaching out to his, trying to pull him back from the edge.
His wild eyes met hers for a second...and then suddenly his lips were upon hers. The kiss was desperate, hungry, as he pulled her closer, pressing her body tightly against his. It momentarily took her breath away, overwhelmed by the sudden new sensations: the taste of him in her mouth, the feel of his rough stubble against her cheek,...the thrill of his hands on her everywhere. She had often dreamt of such, but the reality was beyond measure and seemed to bring her mind back to the surface, eager to feel. And once the initial surprise wore off, she returned his embraces touch for touch.
Henry may have been the only man she had ever known, but Matt was the only man she had ever truly wanted. And feeling him against her now, she longed for each new sensation he had to offer. So when he impatiently reached to pull off her nightgown, she didn't resist, her only regret having to pull away from him for the brief second it took to yank the garment over her head.
Once off, he instantly drew her close again, resuming where they'd left off. The nightgown had only provided a thin cotton barrier between them, but its removal changed everything. The feel of skin against skin made Emily practically dizzy as she breathed in his musky scent, willing him to continue his explorations. As his lips trailed down her neck, she linked her fingers through his short hair, pressing him ever closer. The darkness, the emptiness that had nearly consumed her was still there, but his touch seemed to fill the void, not with thoughts but simply with sensations. She desperately wanted it to go on forever so she would never have to face the reality of having to lose him again.
But that wasn't to be, for suddenly something crashed into Emily's back. She gave a gasp of surprise, causing Matt to instantly pull back, his arms still about her. As they stood there, staring into each other's eyes through the dim light, their breathing heavy in the stillness, her mind finally filled in the pieces - they were no longer stood in the middle of the room where they had started, for he had been steadily moving her backwards till she was now uncomfortably pressed against the kitchen counter. Her heart was beating fast with desire and exertion, yet she didn't want to stop. Not now. Not when she was still so afraid of losing him.
For a split second his eyes left hers, darting ever so briefly in the direction of the bedroom before returning to her gaze. She could not be certain whether the look had been intended as a question, but she responded with the slightest nod of her head.
Question or no, that had been the correct answer, for Matt's lips were suddenly pressed against hers once more as he hungrily pulled her away from the counter and began to lead her towards the back room.
...
"You have to go back."
Matt awoke with a jerk to his own words echoing once again through his nightmares. He opened his eyes, momentarily disorientated. It was not yet morning, but the clouds had cleared, and through the windows he could see the sky slowly transitioning from black to blue as dawn approached. It took Matt a moment to realise he was not sleeping in his front room, as he was accustomed, but was, in fact, in his own bed.
Which meant the object now lying atop his outstretched arm must be none other than Emily.
With this realisation, his memories of last night came flooding back. He'd been awakened by a nightmare then, too, and had become overwhelmed with emotions as he'd tried to explain to Emily what had happened back at the ARC. The anger, the frustration, the confusion - all that he'd kept hidden as they'd dealt with the train incident - had come raging out, unfocused and out of control, much like the anomaly at New Dawn..
Matt wasn't sure what might've happened had Emily not stepped in. Her presence had been like the introduction of Connor's anomaly, allowing his energy, his emotions an outlet. In her, he'd found release of not only his current feelings but those he'd kept pent up for so long. Ever since they'd met - ever since he'd followed her through that theatre anomaly and she'd struck him to prevent his pursuing her - he'd longed to hold her, to touch her, to be with her. However, it seemed time was never on their side, and yesterday he'd only had time enough to briefly kiss her before driving off to save the world. But last night, at long last, there had finally been time to do everything he'd been longing for, to fully experience every part of her.
Only there wasn't time! He was to "go back", whatever that actually meant. Today, tomorrow - he knew not when he must leave, but the fact that he must was certain. That had made last night seem even more desperate, as if he were shipping off in the morning, as if this were their only chance to be together.
The idea that last night might be all they'd ever have made other emotions resurface. The grief, the pain, the loneliness he'd felt when Emily had gone back to her own time were feelings he'd hoped were gone forever once she'd returned. But now he was the one who must depart, and he imagined it would be even harder to lose her a second time.
Not wanting to let her go just yet, he instinctively pulled her closer, hoping to ward off the impending darkness a bit longer. The movement, however, caused Emily's eyes to flutter open, and Matt watched as she came to, quickly taking in her surroundings before her gaze came to rest on his. She said nothing, merely smiling and cuddling up closer. Reaching over, she tenderly stroked his bare chest, her touch sending shivers down his spine.
They lay there together for some time, saying nothing. The stillness seemed to calm Matt, to hush his fears and allow him to just breathe her in. His mind still raced, wondering what he was supposed to do with the message he'd received, but Emily's comforting touch allowed him to think things through rationally, no longer caught up in the tempest of his emotions.
Emily must have been thinking as well for she suddenly asked into the silence, "Should we inform Lester?"
Matt quirked an eyebrow, glancing down at their naked, entwined bodies before giving her an amused look.
Emily, however, merely shook her head, clarifying, "About your message. About our having to go back."
Matt didn't have an answer; he was too busy reflecting on her question - or, more specifically, on the exact words she'd used. We. Our. They weren't much, but they were enough. They let him know she meant to go with him, to see things through together, whatever his next mission might be. Which meant he wouldn't have to lose her again! And somehow, knowing she would be by his side gave him the strength to face anything.
Sighing contentedly, he drew her closer, happy to simply lie here a moment longer with her in his arms.
But Emily frowned and turned to look back up at him, a reminder that her question still hung in the air. Truth be told, he hadn't given any thought yet as to whether or not to tell the others, he was still so used to facing his trials alone. Even after all he'd been through with the ARC, Matt had trouble remembering that he was now part of a team, trouble believing there were others he could turn to. Could lean on.
Could hold.
But believe it or not, here lay Emily in his arms, strong and brave and willing to fight by his side.
And still waiting for his answer.
He nodded, realising he owed it to the team to tell them.
But not now.
Not at this early hour, when the sun lay just beyond the darkness, on the verge of piercing the horizon.
Not when Emily still lay naked in his arms.
He bent his head to kiss her, and she eagerly returned it. Once again, Matt found all thoughts turning away from his troubles, focusing solely on the beautiful, spirited woman in his arms.
And thus occupied, neither of them noticed when the sun finally rose on this new day.
...
THE END