Click, click, click.
Barbie peeked out the plastic window, watching the shadow of Miss Tillie's red shoes pass under the door. She counted the steps, one two three four stop at the employee lounge to pick up her purse and five six seven eight and the click of the keys locking them in for the night. As soon as that click sounded the butterfly room came alive.
From her window she could see the form of Ken, already deep in conversation with the recently returned Buzz Lightyear. Woody and Bullseye were wandering towards the pair while the rest of their misfit family mulled around the shelf that was their home. Barbie had to twist her head to a strange angle to see Jessie playing with the plush peas while Dolly directed Totoro in moving some curtains for more privacy.
Sunnyside wasn't use to the close knit family that Woody and his friends made, but Barbie tried her hardest to help the older residents befriend the newcomers. She would invite them out to the sandbox during the weekend parties, or to the jungle gym for an afternoon picnic. But after so long they didn't need the rest of Sunnyside. They had their family.
Ah, it looked like Ken was done talking with Buzz, if his furrowed brow was any indication. The space ranger stormed off with Woody and Bullseye while Ken turned back towards the home he shared with Barbie. Judging from experience he'd be back in a rage.
Pushing through the pile of clothes, already as nude as the day she was manufactured, Barbie searched desperately for the right dress. An entire room for trying on clothes and she had half a rack to herself. But there it was. Her yellow sun dress with a matching hat. Barely enough time to throw on her yellow shoes before the elevator clicked.
"Welcome home, Ken." She gushed, kicking one leg up the way she knew he liked.
"Oh, hi Barbie." He said, settling on his chair and motioning at his shoulders. Barbie jumped behind him, fingers pressing at the hard plastic. Briefly she wondered if he could feel her. Did she even feel him? But it didn't matter, not when it calmed him. "God, I hate that spaceman."
Barbie wrinkled her nose. "What were you talking about?"
"He wants to leave and search through the garage sales nearby for doll furniture for their little family. Not safe at all."
She could already sense a rant, so Barbie twisted his head around so she could kiss him. "Baby, it's be a long day. Play with me?"
His brow furrowed but he didn't fight it as she pushed him down, lips pressing down his cheek and traveling towards his chest. Occasionally he'd try complaining about the new arrivals or her clothes taking up too much space or a million other things. But Barbie was a determined girl and she wasn't going to be distracted.
"Ken, baby. Shut up." She said, tossing aside her yellow sun dress. She reached for the hat only to find her hand caught in his.
"Leave it on." Ken purred, pulling her closer.
They teasingly joked about being Woody's Gang, a title created by Jesse in reference to the show they were once stars of. Dolly was never fond of the title and often tried creating another name. But if anyone were to ask Buzz his opinion he would just call them a family.
Buzz sometimes wondered how he ended up with such a family. Was it destiny or just dumb luck? Probably just luck. And how lucky he was to end up with Woody and the rest of them. Otherwise he'd probably be in a junk yard alone.
Actually, that was an awful thing to think about. Best to put it out of mind.
"Buzz, I can't find my purse. Have you seen it?" Mrs. Potato Head rushed around their cubby hole home, searching under the couch with help from Totoro and above the shelves with help from the Peas in a Pod.
"The slide." Her alien children pointed across the room to the slide, all smiling proudly.
Seeing her hesitation Buzz offered a slight salute. "I'll get it for you. I have some business that way."
It wasn't until half way out the cubby that Buzz realized how hard it was to get privacy. The whole family seemed to gather around him, pressing him for more information about this business. Gossipy little things. Only Jesse and Totoro seemed above the questioning, though the cowgirl did raise a brow at him.
Eventually, however, he made it past their questions and off towards the slide. His family could be determined when they wanted.
Sunnyside really was a great place, a heaven of sorts. After Bonnie reached fifteen she had finally parted with her toys, but they still saw her from time to time. She would volunteer, sharing their stories with the kids of Sunnyside. Oh, he still missed her just like he missed Andy but their family was safe and happy, so why waste his time dwelling on the past?
"And what have we here?"
Buzz turned too fast, falling onto his back. Before he could get up thin legs wrapped around his waist. He caught a flash of green and yellow and knew instantly everything was fine. "Hello, Barbie."
The doll giggled softly, all calm and collected. But he could see her eyes dart past the shadows that hid them from the rest of the butterfly room. His plastic fingers reached up, following the lines of her emerald green dress until he reached her hip.
"Where is he?"
"Off meeting with Stretch and the rest of the gang. They're coming up with a new rotation for the caterpillar room." Her fingers, glued together but dexterous nonetheless, traced up his chest. She was careful not to push any buttons that would give them away. Silly, noisy space toy. "Who cares what he's doing?"
Buzz allowed his hand to slip higher, dragging her dress under his palm. "I care. He's getting suspicious."
"Less talk, space ranger. Now, why don't you play with me?" Her mouth pressed against his, a sad mimic of the kissing their humans could do. She ignored the lack of reaction, focusing on the sensation of his plastic skin under her hands. Her hips rocked, pressing harder and harder against his flat body. It didn't matter that he lacked what she was searching for. She lacked what he reached after anyways.
Somewhere between their thrusts and gasps she heard him whisper something. Pressing harder against him she could pretend she didn't hear him. She couldn't have heard him, not when her phantom heart pounded in her chest.
"We can't keep doing this."
And when he returned to his home, pink purse clenched in his hand she allowed herself to answer. Of course they could do this. What was stopping them?
The moon was full, twinkling above the playground like a diamond. Or perhaps it was a giant silver plate? A ball of yarn? Barbie sighed, pulling her legs closer to her chest. She wasn't creative enough to come up with a good analogy. The moon was a ball of rock floating fall away. It wasn't a diamond, or a plate or a ball of yarn. It was rock. Pretty but useless.
Out on the jungle gym's tower she watched some of the trucks as they took midnight strolls. Big Baby had gone in not long before and though she had promised to tuck him in she couldn't pull herself away from that moon.
"You okay there, Barbie?" It was a soft voice, an old voice. She turned, offering her usual large smile to the oldest toy in Sunnyside.
"Hi Woody. Awful late to be out, isn't it?"
He chuckled warmly and settled beside her. "I could ask you the same thing. Big Baby was looking for you. He seems mighty upset."
Her fingers tugged at the bottom of her orange dress. The fake flower attached at the shoulder tickled against her neck and in a rash move she ripped it away. Woody's concerned eyes watched as she prepared to throw it aside, but instead she sighed and handed the orange flower to him.
"You got something you need to talk about?" He asked, accepting the flower like a gentleman.
Barbie laughed humorlessly. "Nothing at all."
Before he could react she jumped forward, hands cupping his face and lips capturing his. It wasn't a perfect match, not like Ken. It wasn't even a comfortable match like Buzz. It was rough and unfamiliar and Barbie missed it.
But Woody pulled away, eyes cast at the ground. "We can't. Dolly and I…while we were with Bonnie we grew close and…" Barbie's hand covered his mouth, preventing the words. She couldn't stand those words.
"I know, Woody. But, just tonight can't we pretend we're back with Andy and Molly? Please, just tonight?" Her eyes watched for any reaction, any sign of emotion. It was so hard to read plastic. "Play with me, cowboy."
But after a minute he pulled her close, mouth against her and she could swear she could hear him panting for breath. She could imagine his heart beating under her hand as she pushed against him. She could imagine sweat forming on his brow. She could imagine being real.
And later, as she watched him walk back to Dolly, Barbie wondered if he would hold her as close. Would he whisper sweet nothings to her or would he pin her to their tissue box bed? Did she feel real with him?
Barbie found herself staring at the moon for almost half an hour, and it certainly wasn't because she didn't want to bump into him on her way back inside.
The moon was hiding behind a black cloud when she returned from putting Big Baby to bed. The caterpillar room was completely quiet, if one ignored the soft click of sleeping toys. She moved through the bathroom separating the two rooms, the two worlds, in her only white dress. White was a bad idea in a day care. But Miss Tillie had made it for her and even if the stitching was uneven and it flowed around her awkwardly Barbie still loved it.
The butterfly room was preparing for sleep as well. She could see a single light on in Ken's dream house. From the dressing room. Of course. Was he moving her dresses again, trying to make more room? Or maybe he was making her another picture of glitter and macaroni listing all the reasons he loved her. Most of her room was covered with such tokens of love. Where would she put another?
She followed the sound of deep laughter to the top of the play kitchen where Jesse and Buzz danced over the stove. Jesse was obviously in the lead, her feet tapping circles around the spaceman. She couldn't hear their words from the ground but she knew there wouldn't be many. There never was with them.
And back in the family's cubby she saw Woody brush Bullseye while Dolly told him jokes. Buttercup waited patiently for his turn to be brushed, occasionally adding comments but otherwise allowing Dolly and Woody to chat. For a moment she could see Dolly reach up to touch Woody's arm and the cowboy's smile seemed to glow afterwards.
And while they talked and danced and waited Barbie turned back towards the caterpillar room. She did not think about dominating or submitting. She did not think of stealing or borrowing. She did not think of being real, truly real. And carefully she settled next to Big Baby, cradling her unorthodox child's head and singing nonsense songs.
'Tomorrow,' she would think between verses. 'Tomorrow I'll figure out what I want.'
And just like every night she fell asleep with that empty promise on her mind. Barbies were meant to be played with, and she was only a Barbie. Only ever a toy.