Disclaimer: I own nothing of Kim Possible.
Treacherous Coconut
By: Imyoshi
Shego's lazing on the couch and being a potato and slave to the TV when Ron walks in; holding up bags full groceries in each arm. He's smiling brightly—not like she expected anything different from the sidekick—and humming an Oh Boyz tune just low enough for her to hear when obviously she wasn't supposed to.
Forget the fact that she actually knew what any of Oh Boyz songs sounded like.
She'll deny it.
Craziness aside, it's just another Saturday afternoon for her.
Clicking the TV off, she smirks mockingly, "What? Did they have a red-light sale you couldn't resist and just had to buy out the entire store?"
Ron doesn't rise to the bait, still singing that single note over and over again. Instead, he passes by her, towards the kitchen, and throws his own slightly amused smirk from the corner of his face, "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Yes, yes she would definitely like to know. That's why she even bothered asking. Damn the sidekick. She can't very well just follow him and demand answers, silly and useless as they may be. That'll make her look desperate, no matter how casually she plays it.
Shego's not desperate—ever!
And Ron Stoppable knows this.
He's practically challenging her, baiting her curiosity. And damn it, it was working. But Shego will be damned if she folded when the sidekick decided to show some of his new backbone. Hmph, really, it's just another all the more reason to show him who's boss in this relationship of theirs.
Throwing the remote across the couch, she got up and stretched her stiff muscles, finding the motions all the more relaxing. Ever since Drakken fired her for losing just one fight against Ron, this has been her life. Not a bad life, but a strange one nonetheless.
She never imagined herself crashing with the sidekick, very less dating her arch nemesis's best friend in the process. The Princess had been more or less... understanding. Things just happened like that, an enigma when the facts fell mismatched and made absolutely no sense. Like a half-finished puzzle with pieces that didn't fit or belong there in the first place.
That's what they were, but Shego didn't mind and he never liked being normal anyways.
Go figure.
Glaring towards the kitchen with the sounds of dinner being prepared, Shego fought the idea to go tease him and instead stalked upstairs towards Ron's room and maybe find some future blackmail. She only makes it to the first two steps before his voice rings in the room.
"Oh, Shego! I have a surprise for you later! You're gonna love it!"
A surprise? she muses, pouting in a nonchalant way. Now she's very tempted to go in the kitchen and demand answers and maybe distract him.
She's never been one to like surprises. Surprises meant the unknown, and in her past line of profession, that is not a good thing.
No longer sure what to do, Shego opted to follow through with her original plan and not stray off course. So she ignored his happy-go-lucky announcement and headed for Ron's room.
Reaching what he calls a room, she walked in like she owned the place and searched the bedroom for things to do and aid her silent boredom. It's not the first time she's rummaged through his stuff. She had been a world-class thief and all. And it certainly won't be the last time, either. Evil just ran in her blood.
Tossing articles of clothing carelessly around, she grabs and throws his mission pants across the room, on his desk, and a tiny thud sound ricochets in the room. She pauses as she holds his black water-proof mission shirts and looks questionably over her shoulder.
There, lying on his desk was a small ring with a green diamond etched into the ring's design. It shines in the room, and silently calls to her with whispers and lackluster promises she couldn't make out to save her life.
Well, it wasn't blackmail material per se. But the object positively cured Shego of her boredom.
Dropping the shirt with eyes only slightly widen, she moves across the room in silence, not coming to any assumptions as of yet. A sure sign of being a clear thinker and common sense go-getter. But that moment of self-confidence only lasts until she picks up the ring, and her breathing only hitches a bit.
It's a ring she's holding, no mistake about that. And it had been hidden in his cargo pants or maybe Ron had simply forgotten about it? Didn't matter.
She was holding a ring.
Catching her breath, Shego calms herself down even if her heart beats a mile a minute, thinking clearly.
"Shego! Food's almost done!"
Clear thinking flies out the window as so does the ring as Shego panics and allows her fingers to become jelly, and momentarily lets the ring slip between her fingers. She attempts to rush out and grab the ring before it's out of her reach, but the action's wasted as she's left grasping air while the ring falls onto the front lawn.
Panic settling in, she has little time to wonder about the whole grand gesture of the sitch, and rushes out the window before anything else happens. But Lady Luck does not shine upon her, and her foot slips on Ron's roof and she falls off into a nearby bush.
Glaring fiercely at life's cruel misfortune, Shego blows a stray leaf off her nose and burns the bush to a clean crisp. She doubts Ron will miss it. And after she's satisfied with the bush's immediate and total destruction, she spots the ring on the grass and attempts to grab it. But Lady Luck isn't done with her yet.
A lone squirrel runs down a nearby tree and snatches up the shiny object, scurrying across the lawn. And Shego only pauses for the briefest moments before she's chasing the accursed rodent down the lawn and then sidewalk, hoping for the life of her that no one she knows spots her.
"Get back here!"
The squirrel only seems to pick up more speed and heads into Middleton Park. And for a split moment, she swears the furball is laughing at her. But that's simply impossible—eh?!
Forgetting about her treacherous thoughts, Shego almost reaches the squirrel before the fleabag runs up a nearby tree, and Shego's tempted to burn the tree and get it over with. But the last thing she wants is the Princess barging end and demanding a lot of questions she prefer to simply avoid about burning down her hometown's park. Least of all, avoid the confrontation at trying to kill animals.
Hell forbids she hurt a poor defenseless creature!
Scowling, Shego finally thinks for a moment at the ridiculous thing she's doing. Chasing a squirrel for crying out loud! All for a ring that she's pretty sure she doesn't even want!
Seriously!
Like a criminal wanted in eleven countries wanted to be tied down. What was Stoppable thinking? Nothing! That's what. The fool was barely out of high school, never mind everything else wrong with the sidekick. Forget about the possibility of—!
Thunk!
Blinking, she looks down at the random distraction and spots a lone acorn beside her foot... that is joined by a second when another even harder thunk lands on her head. Followed by a third.
Looking up, Shego spots the squirrel tossing an excessive amount of acorns at her, and she barely has time to move before more land on her sensitive head, thunking her in a never ending matter with the rodent laughing its tail off at her.
Unknown to the squirrel, Shego's fist starts to tremble with untold amounts of blind passion, and she unleashes that blind fury at the base of the tree, knocking her fist hard onto the bark. Now she's angry, ferociously angry even. She's this close to incinerating that damn squirrel in a pile of burning fur. Don't get her wrong. She's really tempted at blasting the darn animal, but only hesitates at the idea of the ring being caught in the crossfires.
Thinking on her feet, she catches an acorn thrown at her and returns it back with a heavy amount of force, smirking predatorily when the nut bounced off the squirrel's head with a satisfied boop. Then the creature drops the ring from the daze, allowing gravity to be the sidekick's new best friend, but only for a sweet savory moment.
Whoosh!
Seconds later, Shego's not too sure she believes what just happened. A bird does not just swoop in and steal a ring. Stuff like that does not happen, not to her. Nope! But it did. A bird stole the ring, and she can see the animal resting at the top of the water fountain near the center of the park with the ring tucked securely in its beak.
Screw this! Limits and inhibitors be damned!
Burning the bird by a swift charge of plasma, it falls into the pond from the scorching heat. Shego's pretty sure the animal survived, if not, oh well. No skin off her bones. As long as Ron never finds out—hell! In fact, even if he did find out, Shego doubts he would care. As long as it's not a naked mole rat, she's in the clear.
Reaching the fountain, she jumps in without so much of a care, splashing a kid nearby. Of course she ignores the kid's indignant yell, far more focused at finding the ring in an ocean of coins. Luckily, the bright green color makes finding the ring a sitch, and she breathes a sigh of relief when she tucks away into her pants.
Stepping out of the fountain, that same kid comes over and points accusingly at her, tears threatening to escape his eyes. "Hey, lady! You got water all over my vanilla swirl! What's the matter with you?!"
Shego looks down at the little boy tugging on her pants and stares disinterested at his childish glare. Seconds later, she kneels over and calmly slaps away the ice-cream cone and then burns it with a simple blast of plasma, leaving no trace except for a layer of ash and soot.
"Oops... my mistake," Shego waved with little to no interest. "Let me walk away while you cry over it."
Disregarding the child's cries, she almost makes it out of the park before a firm hand grips her shoulder, actually forcing her to turn around and meet the eyes of a middle-aged woman who Father Time beat with a crowbar mercilessly... many times.
"Mommy!" the child from earlier cried, pointing with a shaky hand at Shego with a whimper. "That's the mean lady that burned my ice-cream!"
"That wasn't me."
The woman frowns, applying pressure that's supposed to feel menacing to Shego's shoulder. "Are you calling my son a liar?"
Shego smiles ominously at her challenger, lightly grabbing the woman's wrist in a non-aggressive manner. "Am I calling your snot nose brat a liar? Hn? Let me think about that for a sec..."
A few minutes later, an old couple passes by the fountain and stops to stare at a woman floating unconsciously on the tip of the water with her son crying off in the corner. They wisely keep moving, pretending that the unconscious squirrel and smoky bird were all part of Mother Nature's natural order.
...
Briskly pacing back to Stoppable's home, Shego finally has a spare moment to contemplate what the ring in her pocket means. Well, she knows what it means. What she does not know is what to think about the annoying sitch. Like whether to feel any other emotion that mildly resembled happiness or downright dread.
It's all so confusing for the master thief.
"Shego!"
Halting her walk, the name in question narrows her eyes with a smug sneer at the damn familiar voice pacing behind her. Coincidence? Hmph, fat chance! This sidekick knew that anything having to do with the Pumpkin was never a coincidence. Especially when it came to her and only her.
Glancing once over her shoulder, Shego fought off the smirk playing on her greedy lips, not wanting to push Fate's shoulder any more than she normally does. In its place, a simple turn with a lazily smile adorn her features instead, giving the Kim Possible every reason to hate her existence.
They weren't friends, far from it. And Ron did very little to change that, knowing full well that trying to turn two hot-blooded and strong-willed woman into civil friends was like asking him to cut cheese out of his life. It just couldn't be done.
No question.
Only reason Kimmie hasn't sold her out yet to Global Justice and get her slapped with a pair of cuffs was the dreaded thought of what it would do to poor Ron. Best friends stick together and all that nonsense. And the sidekick has never betrayed the Princess and always looked the other way on sitches Shego knew nothing about, so turnabout had only been fair game.
No matter how much the Princess wanted to lock her away... and she really wanted to.
Shego clicked her tongue, "Well, well, if it isn't my favorite hero. What's on today's agenda? Saving a cat from a tree? Babysitting? Oh, I know! Maybe you're gonna help some old lady across the street."
With the way Kim's nose scrunched up and eyes narrowing ever so slightly, Shego easily guessed that the Princess had in fact, actually done that before finding her. Like the goody two-shoes that she was.
It sickened her.
"Cut the small talk, Shego. I just a call about some a lady getting a black eye at the park." Direct? Just so like her. "Did you have something to do with that?"
She shrugged, "Wasn't me, she probably ran into a doorknob."
"... At the park?"
"Okay!" Shego smirked, eyes gleaming with a promising challenge. "So she fell down some stairs. What lie would you prefer? I can do this all day, Kimmie."
Actually, she can't, but best not to let the Pumpkin know that.
Shego waits for the remark, honestly waiting for some hero retort about not hurting innocent people and all that boring stuff, but Kim does none of that. All she does is stare at Shego with a look of contempt, and not the you did the wrong thing kind of contempt, but one filled with absolute distrust.
"What does Ron see in you?"
Well? Shego would say she didn't see that coming, but that would be a total lie. This game they play with each other has only gotten more vicious ever since the Pumpkin walked in on her and Ron playing tonsil hockey on the couch. It had been a total mood killer... for about three seconds.
Leaning closer, her smirked widens, "Why? Jealous?"
There's a stubborn pout Kimmie can't get rid of, "No, I just don't see what Ron sees in you?"
"Well, maybe you can't see it behind your giant ego? Didn't think of that, did you? Buh bye, Princess."
Shego tries to walk away, but Kimmie grabs her by the wrist and forces her around. Only this time, Shego can't just casually sucker punch the Princess and get away with it. Not with officer Kimmie just waiting to throw her to the sharks.
Flicking her hand away, Shego laughed, "You know, they say the green-eyed monster is a hideous creature with no soul," she looked Kimmie once over, smirking evilly. "They were right."
"So not!" Kim frowned, crossing her arms defensively as her nerves began to breakdown. "And you take that back!"
"You're right," she relented, shrugging her shoulders with no care and a smile that could freeze ice and frighten shadows. "You're not jealous. It's not your fault that Ronnie chose the better woman! While you're stuck fishing for second best—oomph!"
Shego always prided on herself being able to get under Kim Possible's skin. But it's the first time she's ever been on the receiving end of a preemptive tackle. Normally, under such a sitch, she would be ecstatic that the Princess finally lost control over her nerves. Proud even at her talents and malicious schemes finally breaking the hero's so called code.
But she can't enjoy the moment as the ring in her pockets falls out and into the nearby sewer drain. And she not perfectly capable of going after it with Kimmie grabbing her hair while trying to squeeze the life out of her.
Damn it!
Wrapping her legs around Kim's midriff, she forces the cheerleader away and jumps up, plasma hot and ready for some good old fashion beat down.
"You wanna go! Bring it!"
...
Soaking wet and tired from running around trying to chase a ring in a running sewer line—after sparing with the Princess—Shego slumps down onto the couch the second she enters Ron's living room, kicking her legs out as she sinks into the couch and not caring if the carpet was getting soaked or that she smelled worst for wear.
Barely hiding her weariness, she allows her fingers to play with the ring in her pocket, having come to a conclusion while escaping from the infamous alligators that roamed Middleton's sewer system. At first she had to make sure of her decision. That process only took the fair amount of two seconds of heavy consideration before she was absolutely sure of her answer.
"When did you go outside?"
Moving her head slightly, her tired yet fierce eyes lock with Ron's amused ones. He looked excited, hoping even. And Shego pretty sure she knew damn why. Too bad for him, the sidekick's luck was about to run out.
She silently forces one eye to glare, "Zip it, sidekick. I'm not in the mood."
Not deterred from her angry glare, Ron shrugged absently, "Oh? Alright. Well then, uh, dinner's ready."
Faintly smelling the appetizing morsels coming from the kitchen, her stomach threatened to burst out of her insides if she didn't get up at the call of dinner.
Food did sound good.
Following him to the kitchen, Shego settled into her chair, resting one arm behind the neck of the kitchen furniture. She patiently waited for Ron to serve the food, finding the food smelling ever better from her spot. It's this moment she noticed the lack of décor or candle lights. Not like the lack of discretion mattered to her. She was never one of those girls who loved to be flowered in gifts and empty promises.
She lived for the here and now, and so did Stoppable.
But a little effort wouldn't hurt.
"So, what's this surprise you were talking about?" Like she didn't already know.
She knew fairly well what he had in store. The delicious meal, his every growing smile. All the signs pointed to the ring in her pocket, and she'll damned if she allows him to think that she'll say yes. Not gonna happen!
Answering her question with the sight of his creation, Ron settled the coconut contraptions that had multiple coconuts cut open and stuffed with various foods in the inside on the table, presenting the meal with style.
"Ta-da! Surprise!" he smiled, placing a coconut on her plate and stabbing a fork into the mush of food. "I call it Coco-blast! As in a blast of flavors! Enjoy!"
Digging into his meal, he grins into the taste, never noticing how Shego's glare had completely died. She blankly looking down at the coconut fiasco down on her plate, unable to fight off the slight twitch in her eye.
Anger slowly starts to build up in her core, "This is your surprise? A new recipe?!"
"Yea," Ron hums innocently, unaware of Shego's meltdown. "Why? What'd you think it was?" He's met with silence, and Shego's never been the one to hold back her inner thoughts. So Ron looks up, losing his grin for the first time. "Shego—?"
"So you're not proposing to me?"
He's caught-off-guard, she knows it and so does he. Silence reigns over the kitchen, and the food remains forgotten as Ron's nerves finally catch back up to him, "A proposal?! Why—what made you think that?"
"I found the ring." It's a meek answer, and Ron can't help but answer with his own.
"Ring? What ring?"
Snapping, Shego pulled out the piece of metal out of her pocket, slamming the stupid rock down onto the table. Playing dumb is not going to save him this time, "This ring! The one you had in your mission pants!"
Not sure how to answer, Ron cautiously picked up the ring, instantly relaxing when he got a much better look. His grin returns stronger, and there's mischief in his eyes that breaks Shego fortress of solitude.
"Oh... I bought this in one of those twenty-five cent machines. I was aiming for the ball that sticks to stuff." He places the ring back into her hand, "Darn thing is rigged if you ask me. I mean, seriously, that's a quarter I'm never getting back."
Matter settled, Ron returned to his meal, weighing the pros and cons of adding seasonal dressing into his recipe. It might kick the flavor up a few notches, but then it might drown the entire meal altogether and leave a nasty aftertaste. So many choices to make and such little time. Being a chef never really was an easy thing to—?
"Wait! Wait! Hold on for just one moment here, sidekick!" Shego cuts off his thoughts, stress levels rising. "So you don't want to get married?"
Glancing back at her, his smile died once more, fixing her with a mild glare, "Why would I want to get married now? I've just finished high school! The Ron man just wants to relax and marinate. Getting tied down is not on my list of plans anytime soon."
Crushing the toy in her hand, Shego's fist shook, "Do you have any idea what I've been through?! And for what?! This stupid piece of plastic! And just to end up with a no!"
Change of plans! She did not waste her afternoon chasing fake rings and being harassed by the princess to just let it go. Consequences be damned! Crazy? Maybe! Insane? Ask her again in a few minutes when her thoughts aren't all scattered.
Slamming her hands down on the table, she leaned forward, growling, "After the day I've had, I'm not gonna look like the idiot sidekick here. That's your job! So there's only one way to fix this and that's you getting down on one knee!"
Ron paused in his eating, lightly lowering the fork away from his mouth. His eyes retain their innocence. Innocence Shego knows damn well is misplaced and cold as hers, but his so much easier to believe and overlook.
"... And if I don't?" he's whacked with a surprise coconut to the head and he glares lightly at her rare childishness. "Oh? We're throwing food now? We'll two can play that game."
She easily dodges the coconut thrown at her, and her hands go ablaze. "I said, get down on one knee! Now!"
"Make me," there's that pesky backbone she was talking about. "Give me just one good reason why I should."
He's whacked with another treacherous coconut.
Author Notes: Not normally my cup of tea when it comes to writing Kim Possible, but enjoy Invader Johnny. It's been a while since I tackled both the sidekicks, so my Shego and Ron are a bit out of practice.