Hi! If you have read Warriors: The Real Reason, then you might like this. This is a parody of Warrior Cats, and I hope you like it! Enjoy Warriors: A Parody!
Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, Harry Potter, Dark Horse by Katy Perry, Star Wars, court orders, gavels, hammers, cupcakes, and any other outside things.
Rusty crept through the tall grass, crouching to look for signs of cupcakes. Smudge had told him that dangerous cats lived there, who ate bone flavored cupcakes and killed each other for fun. He thought that was all just a myth.
Suddenly, he saw a cupcake. He sprang, pouncing on the cupcake in one go. Opening the wrapper, he gobbled up the cake.
A flash of gray fur went before his eyes, and before he knew it, a cat with gray fur and amber eyes was tackling him to the ground.
"Stop! That's my cupcake!" the cat said, clawing him. Rusty fought back, yowling, "Well, I already ate it!" He unsheathed his claws and pinned the cat to the ground.
"Lol, you like, know that was like, a troll, right?" the cat said. "Like, btw, my name is Graypaw."
Rusty stared at him in confusion. What did he mean, 'that was a troll'? "Uhhh..."
"Oh yeah, like, Bluestar told me to like, stalk you. I was watching you mwahahahahaha," Graypaw said. "Lol, what's your name?"
"I'm Rusty, and I'm very rusty at hunting. I haven't done it in a few years. Also, I'm covered in rust." Rusty said, rust appearing all over him.
"Kewl," Graypaw says. "But you're, like, not even, like, a year old, just like me."
A loud rustling came from the bushes, and a gray-blue shecat emerged from the leaves.
"I'm thereallyawesomeleaderofThunderClan," she says. "In short, I'm Bluestar."
"I'M HARRY POTTER!" Rusty said. "Just kidding, I'm Rusty. Also, SUGAAAAAAAR!"
"Before we start eating food, do you like cupcakes?" Bluestar asked.
"I don't like them. I love them!" Rusty said.
"Phew! For a second, I thought you just liked them," Bluestar sighed in relief. "Welcome to ThunderClan!"
At the camp...
Bluestar leapt on to Highrock. "Order in the court!" she yowled, hitting a gavel on the rock, and everyone gathered around.
"Ok, Rusty, I shall pretend that I got a name from StarClan but actually just choose one. Your new apprentice name, until you become a warrior, shall be Firepaw, because you are on fire right now." Bluestar said, smiling.
"Wait, I'm on fire!? AAAAAAAAAH!" Firepaw screeched. He batted his paws at the fire, trying to put it out. Graypaw calmly dumped a bucket of water on Firepaw's head.
"What the Dark Forest? He can't be a Clan cat! His name is too cool!" Longtail said indignantly, glaring at Firepaw. "I challenge you to a lightsaber duel!"
They both took out lightsabers. "May the force be with you," Bluestar said. Then they started fighting. They swiped at each other for a long time, until Firepaw chopped Longtail's ear off.
"Fine! I surrender!" Longtail yowled, in pain.
"Take him to Spottedleaf," Bluestar said, waving a paw dismissively. Darkstripe, humming "Dark Horse," dragged him into the medicine den.
A black cat with white paws and chest burst into the camp. "OMSC A CAT JUST DIED AND I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE ANY BACKGROUND INFORMATION ABOUT IT!" he screeched, then somehow started bleeding and sank unconscious.
"Okay, just because Hunterstar (aka Erin Hunter) is bored of writing the beginning, the Clan is dismissed. Goodnight!" Bluestar said cheerfully, leaping off Highrock and padding off to her den, ignoring the unconscious cat in the middle of the camp.
Firepaw and Graypaw walked over to the apprentice den and curled up to sleep.
"Goodnight," Graypaw said.
"Goodnight," Firepaw yawned.
The next day...
Firepaw felt himself being shaken vigorously. Opening his eyes, he found Graypaw standing over him, saying "It's, like, totally time for apprentice training!" He got up, shook his pelt, and waited for Graypaw.
They both bounded out of the apprentice den, and Firepaw followed Graypaw up to a white cat who was with two other cats. "I'm Whitestorm," he said. "I couldn't be here yesterday because I got caught in a white storm."
"Interesting," Firepaw said, stroking his nonexistent beard.
"Ok, let's start!" Whitestorm said, not noticing Firepaw's imaginary beard, and left the camp.
As they were walking through the forest, one ot the other cats, who was the color of dust, spoke up. "I'm Dustpaw. What's your name anyway, kittypet?"
"I'm not a kittypet," Firepaw growled angrily. "And besides, I'm HARRY POTTER! No, just kidding, I'm Firepaw. Geez, get a memory. Is your head hollow?" Firepaw takes out a large hammer to test.
"NO! Don't!" Dustpaw yowls, and Firepaw puts the hammer down.
"Yeah, you're a kittypet all right," said the other cat, a pale ginger shecat. "You're from the Twolegplace, so your a kittypet."
"FACT SMOKING TIME!" Graypaw yowled. "First of all, you didn't, like, punctuate the word you're correctly. Secondly, ROGUES EXIST, YOU KNOW!"
"Whatevs," the shecat said.
Whitestorm leaped onto a log and said, "We're here! Now let's start with a long lecture about the hunting crouch, and then you can try it out."
"By the way, that shecat is Sandpaw. She, like, sucks at everything and is a butterfinger," Graypaw whispered.
"Blah blah blah hunting crouch... Blah blah blah tail tuck in and spring... Blah blah be quiet..." Whitestorm droned.
Sandpaw dropped everything she touched and managed to fell a tree.
Finally, after their boring hunting practice, they went back to the camp, then went to a very boring Gathering, then fell into a very, VERY boring sleep.
... After one boring week...
Firepaw stalked a random cupcake, being on an apprentice assessment. He crouched for 3.5 seconds, and then jumped. He caught the cake perfectly with a swift bite on the frosting.
Suddenly, a loud rustle came from behind him, and a grey shecat jumped out of the bushes and pounced on him.
"Stop! What is your problem?" Firepaw yowled. He kicked her strongly, and unsheathed his claws, pinning her to the ground.
"You fight like a kittypet," the shecat said. Her voice was raspy, and her long fur was tangled and severely matted.
"Well, I'm not one, am I?" Firepaw snapped. He was a little hurt by the shecat's words.
"Well, you are one, aren't you?" the shecat said. "After all, you looked clumsy when you caught that bird. Btw, I'm Yellowfang, and I will spill all my secrets to you. I got banned and rejected from the Minecraft server and ShadowClan. Then, I randomly had kits. Also, I really want that food." She eyed the cupcake that had pink and white polka dot frosting.
"Sure," Firepaw said, and pushed the cupcake to Yellowfang. "I don't care about the warrior code, it's going to be broken so many more times lol." he mewed.
Blah blah blah skip boring parts...
At the Gathering...
"200 kits have just gone missing!" Brokenstar yowled. "Let's just all say it's Yellowfang, because I hate her, and I AM LEADER."
"What the Dark Forest?" the other leaders yowled. "Just because reasons, we must attack and kill Yellowfang, and break the warrior code!" Holding pitchforks and torches, the ThunderClan cats stormed (literally no pun intended) out of the Gathering.
Firepaw zoomed at the speed of light to the camp. "YELLOWFANG OMSC YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" he yowled. "Let's go save the kits for no reason!" They rushed out of the camp to ShadowClan.
At ShadowClan...
"Just grab everyone, and act like a hero, and then just get out of there!" Yellowfang called after Firepaw.
Firepaw proceeded to snatch up the kits and run away.
Back at ThunderClan...
"Firepaw and Graypaw, even though you broke the warrior code so many times, you get your warrior names of Fireheart and Graystripe! Yellowfang, even though we thought you were a traitor one hour ago, you get to replace Spottedleaf as medicine cat! Yay!" Bluestar said.
"Hey!" Spottedleaf frowned from StarClan.
"Whatevs," Bluestar said boredly. "Court dismissed." She raps her gavel on Highrock as Fireheart and Graystripe go to their silent, unpurposeful vigil.
THE END :D
This took a painstakingly long time to make! I really, really hoped you liked it! Thanks for reading!
-FrostshineOfIceClan