Don't you just love the title? Haha. Thank my comedic genius. This is my first time writing, um, this kind of fan fiction. I find this gross.
But, hey, it's another thank you to everyone.
So enjoy it. And never expect me to write anything like this ever again.
This is probably going to be my last update for a while, with school and all. My current BatmanxJoker story will not be forgotten though, so don't worry about it. Hopefully I'll even get a new one out before next summer. I have three full stories I want to post... And who the hell said I wrote short one-shots? You take what you get and like it.
When My Stomach Growls, It Sounds Like Batman
Kir Sirin
The Joker hummed and stepped lightly towards the window a few feet away from him. He smiled brightly when his emerald eyes met with the Bat Signal high in the night sky.
"What makes you think he'll come?" Bruce asked to the Joker's back.
"Hmm…" The Joker smiled. "Silly man-slut, the Bat always comes for me." He turned around and suppressed a giggle at the sight before him. "You can't understand it. Batsy and I call to each other. We feed off of each other… We need each other." He added softly.
Bruce was tied tightly to his own chair with his wrists behind his back and his legs attached to the bottom legs of the chair. He was dressed in a white evening shirt and black pants. The Joker had caught him getting dressed for a fundraiser Bruce was hosting that night.
Alfred was on the other side of the room in the same position as his master. You could still smell the bottle of rosemary liquid soap he was carrying to use in the bathtub. The crystal bottle lay in shards across the wood flooring a few feet behind the butler and the purple liquid reached out for him slowly.
Bruce could feel the hairs on the back of his neck prick at the sound of the Joker's voice. He needed to get out of this situation fast, before the Joker realized Batman wasn't going to come.
But how?
If Bruce did anything out of his playboy character it might raise suspicion that he was Gotham's Protector. The Joker, although insane, was the sharpest of Batman's enemies.
And, whether the Joker knew of it himself, he was also quite strong.
No one knows what could happen if someone like the Joker ever found out Bruce was—
"Batman…" The Joker sighed as he turned back to the gigantic window in Wayne Manor. "Why aren't you coming? I sent the video to the police showing I captured Gotham's Prince… You should have been here in a screaming heartbeat." He pressed the tips of his fingers lightly to the glass. "I just want to see you, is that so hard to believe?"
The Joker could hear Bruce shuffling in his chair and so he turned on a heel with a smile, skillfully hiding the sorrow ripping him to ribbons inside, and said, "You know, when my stomach growls, it sounds like Batman!"
Bruce shot the Joker a dull stare and was about to insult his childish remark when a thought formed in his mind. Since I'm here, I might as well try to learn more about him… It might help Batman later on.
So Bruce decided to start with the million-dollar question, or, in the Joker's case, the million-murdered question. "Why are you so obsessed with him?"
Bruce could feel his throat tighten when he saw the Joker's face light up and hear him softly giggle to himself.
He didn't have a good feeling about this.
"Why am I—"The Joker burst into laughter, as if such a question was as obvious as his green hair. He doubled over with laughter and held onto his stomach with both hands. Suddenly, his laughter was cut off and the Joker turned to look at the Bat Signal. "This brat wants to know why I'm so obsessed with you!"
Bruce fought the urge to sigh impatiently.
The Joker, grinning madly, turned back to face Bruce. He quickly ran over to the playboy and leaned into his face. "You know," The Joker put the tip of his index finger on the bridge of Bruce's nose. "The decent into Madness is proceeded by obsession- a consuming obsession."
Bruce felt spiders crawl up his face as the Joker's skin continued to linger on his. "Are you saying its Batman's fault you're insane? That doesn't answer my question."
"Ooh…" The Joker frowned. "I guess it doesn't."
"You're avoiding it."
The Clown Prince of Crime produced a fake gasp and held both sides of his face. Bruce was thankful for it. "My! You sound so much like the Bat!" He grinned when Bruce felt the color drain from his face.
The Joker giggled and pinched Bruce's cheek like an old nephew. "What's the matter, man-whore? You don't like being compared to My Batman?" The Joker shrugged and turned his back to the brunette. "It's an honor, really. One you don't deserve. Batsy is a far better creature than you."
The Joker's steps turned into lead as he reached the window again. He let out a sigh that caused a cloud to form on the glass. "Batsy…"
Was he really not coming?
"You always come when I call you."
But why not now?
"You never disappoint me…"
Except now.
… Was… Something wrong?
The Joker shuddered to picture Batman in a hospital or in a dark alley bleeding to death.
"No one could do such a thing…" He whispered to himself, desperately trying to forget the horrible image. "Only I could and…" He lowered his head to look at his pale hands. "I would never do such a thing to him."
The Joker collapsed onto the wood floor and his shoulders slumped forward heavily. "Batsy…"
"Perhaps Batman is busy with something else?" Alfred offered from afar. He stared at the Joker's depressed profile and tried to think of a way to save Bruce.
"Batsy's never to busy to play with me." The Joker mumbled.
Alfred, not hearing him, continued with his excuse. "I am sure other criminals have escaped. You are not the only one who wants Batman. He could be fighting someone else—"
The image of Batman spending tonight with another person made the Joker's skin itch.
"You are not the only terror in Gotham City. He could be handing someone over to the police as we speak—"
Batman, with his hands on some other lowlife, made the Joker snarl. He tightened his hands into fists.
How dare he!
"So you should let Master Wayne go and try another night—"
The Joker reached into his inside jacket-pocket, pulled out a gun, and screamed, "Batman will come!" He aimed it at Alfred. "So. Shut. Up!"
A shot echoed through Bruce's ears.
He looked at Alfred, whose eyes were wide with shock, and then to the Joker.
His gun had a sign hanging off a stick saying BAM!
Bruce let out a sigh of relief.
The Joker's eyes never left the ground as he said, "I always hated nosy butlers." He pulled his trigger finger backwards and another shot rang out.
Bruce's breath caught in his throat as he saw the sign shoot into Alfred's stomach and caused him to fly backwards.
He landed to the ground with a dull thud.
Bruce felt like he just collapsed onto his knees. The entire world went dark and tears flooded his vision.
Alfred…
Alfred was…
Because of the Joker…
Alfred was…
An inhuman roar tore through his throat and Bruce pulled the ropes cutting through his wrists free easily. Bare nails ripped through the coarse ropes binding his ankles and he suddenly stormed over to the Joker; who hadn't even bothered to look up.
Cold adrenaline rushed through his veins as Bruce grabbed the Joker by his neck and slammed him against the wall. The Joker winced but locked eyes with Bruce when he heard him growl.
His fingers dug deeper into the Joker's neck, almost choking him with one hand. His entire body felt numb. Images of killing the Joker, of his bleeding corpse lying beside his feet, flashed past his mind.
It would be so easy…
All he had to do was tighten his fingers.
But, with every second, Bruce felt more and more out of control. He felt lost, empty, and dreadfully cold.
The Joker's eyes widened as he saw Batman snarl through Bruce's face, "Batsy?" Bruce tightened his hold on the Joker's neck and grinded his teeth harder together. But nothing fought off the cold. "B-Batman is… Bruce Wayne?"
He isn't ignoring me… He's been here the entire time… The Joker blinked and carefully reached out to gently stroke the side of Bruce's face.
Bruce was flooded with warmth and he closed his eyes as he felt tears sting the back of them. He dropped the Joker's neck and fell to his knees.
"I'm not Batman…" He whispered. "I'm… Bruce."
The Joker, still in disbelief, bent down in front of Bruce and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're Batman…"
Bruce hung his head. He desperately wished that this numbing coldness he felt would disappear forever. His entire body felt heavy and stiff. Nothing was right. Everything was spinning and dark. In the pit of his stomach, Bruce cried for Alfred to wake up.
Bruce sighed lightly when he felt the Joker's suddenly warm hands hold the sides of his face and bring their eyes together. He stared into the beautiful jade in front of him.
The Joker was so warm…
And he was so cold.
He tried to lean forward, but Bruce remained still. The Joker's eyes sent jolts of electricity through his being, trying in vain to awaken his heart. Everything started to blur but those eyes. Bruce could feel his body slipping away from him. He felt as if he was swaying on a boat, but the Joker's hands were firm and kept him still.
He had lost everything.
Who loved him now?
"Batman…" The Joker whispered but the name didn't break through the fog in Bruce's blue eyes. "Bat… Bruce."
Bruce flinched at his name. Who was saying it? He couldn't see anything but green. It was such a beautiful color. Why had he never noticed it before?
His world had only been black.
But… Now… It was green; bright and piercing like a shooting star falling down to earth.
"Bruce…"
Falling just for him.
Bruce tried to focus on the voice, but couldn't. He could only feel warm hands holding his face tenderly.
Did this person love him?
"Bruce."
Bruce tried harder but to no avail. His heart ached and desperately cried out to the speaker. He wanted whoever this was to love him.
Bruce had no one else.
The Joker titled his head as his eyes stared right through Bruce. What was the matter with him? If this was his Batman…
Then the Joker couldn't stand the sudden sadness in those blue eyes.
"Batman…" The Joker slowly leaned in, afraid that Batman might just punch him, and gently pressed his lips against Bruce's. He closed his eyes and allowed his heart to jump into his dry throat.
Someone was kissing him…
Someone was kissing Bruce.
You only kiss someone you love, so this person loved Bruce?
Bruce couldn't wait for his broken mind to put together the pieces. There were too many scattered across the floor. Bruce leaned into the soft kiss and felt his eyelashes slowly kiss his cheeks.
He was so dreadfully cold.
The Joker couldn't keep a thought in his head. They raced back and forth, bumping against each other erratically. There was a fire burning in the bottom of his stomach that urgently demanded for more.
The Joker flinched when he felt Bruce softly run a hand through his green curls. His heart skipped and the Joker held Bruce's face tighter.
Bruce felt a flood of warmth with each touch. His fingertips burned when they became lost in the strands of hair. Every inch he touched, Bruce felt more warmth flood into his core. He could feel his heart beat, loud and frantic, in his ears.
Bruce leaned forward into the kiss, and searched for the person's face. He could feel his knees, cold on the hard wood, bent and pressed against someone else's legs.
Bruce finally found their face and held it softly. A shock of fire shot up his arm and suddenly everything came crushing back.
Bruce opened his eyes and only one thing escaped his lips.
"Joker…"
The Joker opened his eyes and broke their kiss. Their lips didn't dare move more than an inch away from each other and the heat from their breaths mixed together.
"Batsy…" The Joker smiled. He slowly pushed Bruce's dark hair out of his face and stared into those blue eyes. "I missed you." He shook his head and Bruce could feel something prick his heart when he saw a string of melancholy laced within those sharp emeralds. "I… I didn't think you would… I mean… I thought you weren't going to…"
The Joker was the source of Bruce's warmth? The brunette tried to pull his fingers away from the Joker's face, but the second he did, he felt a chill run up his spine.
The Joker's smile faded. "What's wrong?"
Everything was wrong! This was wrong! Bruce tried to calm his heart. Everything was horrible… He was kissing his enemy! He was kissing a man!
But something, or someone, broke past Bruce's thoughts and took control. He had, had enough of this. Batman didn't care what Bruce thought.
He only wanted the Joker to smile again.
Batman pressed his palm against the Joker's cheekbone reassuringly. He was finding it hard to speak the words he desperately wanted to say.
Batman was always denying himself. He had settled on Bruce having a life and Batman being Gotham's protector.
But not tonight.
Batman was going to go against everything for this one moment, this one chance.
He knew what had to be said and done, but it was hard for Batman to speak his heart. It was hard to suddenly open up when all his life he had been locked away.
"Batsy…" The Joker searched Batman's eyes for something, anything. He had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that he should run. He felt as if Batman would suddenly scream and attack him, perhaps even take his life.
The Joker's fear made the ends of his fingers tingle and he suddenly become overly conscious of his situation.
He was blocked by a wall with Batman's legs pressing against his. His feet were against the wall and his hands all over Batman.
The one person who hated to be touched.
Not to mention he had just shot Batman's butler.
The Joker swallowed and took in the angry expression the vigilante was adopting. Something was growing…
And the Joker knew he shouldn't stick around to see it.
Batman's heart stopped when he saw the Joker frantically stand up and stare down at him with overwhelming fear in his eyes. He felt like screaming for the Joker to stay, but no words came.
The Joker swallowed and tried to take a step away from Batman, but in a flash his wrist was caught and the Joker was thrown against the wall again.
Batman held the Joker's wrist tightly over his head. He didn't want him to go! Not now…
Not when Batman was finally going to…
"Joker…" Batman was surprised at the sadness in his voice. "Please… Don't go… I…"
The Joker narrowed his eyes. Why did Batman sound so… Weak?
"I want you to stay." He finally whispered.
The Joker gasped when he felt Batman's fingers intertwine with the hand he was holding captive. The feeling of their skin finally touching one another sent cold fire down the Joker's side and he surged forward, crushing his lips against Batman's.
Batman closed his eyes thankfully and leaned into the kiss, pressing the Joker's head against the wall. Hands ran underneath the Joker's shirt and over his chest.
The Joker hissed when Batman's hands found a soft bruise on his side from one of their earlier fights. He shut his eyes tightly when the Crusader's hand lingered on it.
Batman felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He had never meant to hit the Joker that hard. His anger had gotten the better of him once more.
"I'm sorry." Batman whispered against their lips. He softly stroked the vulnerable skin as if he could magically heal it. "I'm so sorry…"
The Joker took a deep breath as he felt his chest constrict and whispered back, "Its okay. I deserved it. And besides…" The Joker smiled against their kiss. "I love it when you hurt me."
Batman couldn't stop the deep chuckle that bubbled in the back of his throat. "Then I'll show you what pain really is."
The Joker smiled wider. "Only if you promise not to let Bruce ruin our fun."
Batman leaned against the Joker and whispered into his ear, "Who's Bruce?"
The Joker tried to laugh but, as he felt cold lips press against the hot skin of his neck, it turned into a half-moan instead. If the Bat's lips weren't so distracting, he would have made a joke about Batman finally loosening up and having a bit of fun.
He closed his eyes and fisted a handful of Batman's dark hair. It was soft underneath his pale fingertips. The Joker arched into him when Batman continued to leave burning kisses lower on his neck.
As he kissed him, Batman freed the Joker of his purple coat and let it fall to the floor. His hands worked underneath the Joker's shirt again, but this time pulled it up as he went along.
The Joker hissed when Batman's lips were replaced by cold air and he lifted his arms up so his shirt could be removed.
Quickly, Batman pressed their bodies together against the wall, kissed the Joker hard, and pressed his fingers into the hipbones jutting awkwardly out of his purple, pinstripe pants.
The Joker wrapped both of his legs around Batman's waist and squeezed them tightly. Batman gave a soft moan and bit down on the Joker's bottom lip in response.
The Joker's mouth filled with the taste of his own blood but suddenly a new taste overwhelmed it. Batman's tongue stroked the top of the Joker's and introduced the taste of dark mint.
Batman's taste.
The Joker tried to commit it to memory, but his mind was too distracted and fuzzy to think of anything at the moment. He licked the bottom of Batman's tongue, earning a moan and a giggle.
Batman could feel the Joker's hands unbuttoning his white evening shirt. They were clumsy and took longer than The Dark Knight was willing to wait.
He growled in the back of his throat, sending vibrations down the Joker's spine, and roughly ripped his shirt apart. Buttons flew against their chests and fell quickly to the floor. Batman allowed the ruined fabric to fall to their feet.
The Joker trailed the tips of his fingers down the Bat's chest, tracing the muscles cut into his flesh. His hands stumbled upon a dent in the lower side of his stomach. The Joker paused, unsure of what this was.
"Mmm…" Batman groaned against their heated kiss. "That was from your knife before I gave you that bruise."
The Joker giggled. "I didn't know I made such an impact on your life, Batsy."
Batman grinned and opened his eyes to find the Joker already looking at him with a smile on his face. "You always leave me with scars, Joker." He grabbed the Joker's hands and placed them on his back. "See?"
The Joker roamed The Dark Knight's back and felt the bumps and rivers of scars snaking up and down his body. He smiled. "Good. Now everyone can know that you're mine."
Batman shuddered when the Joker slowly ran his hands up his spine.
"Batsy belongs to me and no one else." The Joker whispered. "No one else can have this… No one will ever get this close… Never."
Batman realized how right the Joker was for once.
He would never do this with anyone else.
Does that mean that I…?
Batman quickly drowned out that last thought before it could finish and kissed the Joker roughly. He could feel the Joker giggle and kissed him harder.
He gasped when the Joker's hands found the lower half of him.
Batman started to kiss the Joker's neck again and a loud thump was heard as the Joker threw his head against the wall. The Joker tightened his hold around Batman's length and the Dark Knight bit harshly down on the Joker's shoulder.
The Clown Prince of Crime silently cried out and pressed their chests harder against together. Batman raked his teeth down the Joker's shoulder when the clown refused to let go.
The Joker gave a laugh, breathing heavily between each 'ha'. He buried his bare nails into Batman's back and squeezed his length tighter.
In a mix of pain and pleasure, Batman groaned and shot his hands below the Joker's pants. He roughly pulled them off, forcing the Joker's legs to straighten, and delved below his boxers.
If the Joker's hands weren't driving him insane, Batman would have laughed at how ordinary the Joker dressed. He was half-expecting to find something unusual, not boxers.
The Joker gasped as Batman ripped his boxers off and cold air rushed past him. Batman took this opportunity to carry the Joker off of the wall and slam him into the wood flooring.
The Joker arched back and cried out at the pain shooting up his back. He released Batman's hard length and opened his eyes. He was about to complain when Batman leaned into his face and whispered as a hand found his backside, "You drive me crazy."
The Joker grinned, pleased with himself, and then moaned when he felt Batman's hand stroke the back of his thighs slowly. He squirmed under the teasing touch and mewled in the back of his throat.
"Batsy…" He whined. "Don't… Be such a tease."
Batman smiled, and the Joker's heart fluttered at the sight. "Okay." He whispered. "I won't be then." As he took off the rest of his clothes, Batman expected to see Alfred's body lying there covered in horrible blood.
But, when he looked…
No one was there. Not even a puddle of blood.
Had Bruce… Imagined it?
But that would be near impossible.
"Baatman…" The Joker called, bringing the Caped Crusader back into reality. He quickly wrapped a hand tightly around Batman, causing the vigilante to gasp sharply and close his eyes tightly.
The Joker yanked him forward and purred softly before kissing him, "What's wrong, sweetie? Seeing things?"
If Batman's mind hadn't been wiped clean just then, he would have suspected that familiar tone in the Joker's voice.
But, as he returned his attention to the clown underneath him, he simply said. "I only see you."
The Joker blushed deeply and Batman could have laughed at the sight. "Are you ready?" He asked.
The Joker nodded but then sat up on his elbows. "Wait…"
"What?" Batman unconsciously stiffened when he felt the Joker softly cup his face and lean towards him.
"I love you…" He whispered in Batman's ear.
The vigilante's heart swelled and then collapsed back on itself when he whispered back, "I know."
His heart ached when his mouth cut off his real words.
The Joker, heartbroken, began to lean back. Of course Batman didn't love him back. What was he thinking? This was Batman!
But, as the Dark Knight caught a glimpse of the tears in the Joker's eyes, he grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into a tight embrace. In an instant he broke through his own wall and whispered, "I love you too."
His entire body breathed a giant sigh of relief and the Joker quickly hid his tears.
He hoped Batman hadn't seen them…
But, after his wall came crumbling to pieces, Batman realized he couldn't stop his mouth now. "God, Joker I love you." The words flooded out of his mouth in a hurried whisper. "I hate myself for it, but I do. All the people you've killed… I can't overlook it, but… But when you look at me… God, I wish I wasn't Batman." He tightened his hold on the Joker. "I wish I wasn't forced to send you into that hell hole every time you do something wrong. And…" He let out a sigh. "I'm always so happy when you escape. You don't belong there. You belong here… With me."
The Joker blinked.
"Forever."
The Joker could feel himself shake but Batman held him together in his warm embrace. "But… If you weren't Batman… I wouldn't…" He shook his head. "I'm glad you're Batman. I only do those things because you're Batman. I would stop if you promise to… To…"
"To what, Joker?"
"If you promise not to leave me; all I want is you."
Batman took a deep breath and slowly let it out. It was done then. They were done. No longer would the Joker kill anyone…
He leaned backwards and cupped the Clown Prince of Crime's face. "I'll never leave you, I promise Joker. I'm yours."
The Joker smiled from ear-to-ear and whispered as he leaned forward, "That's all I ever wanted, Batsy."
Bruce awoke that morning to the sun shining harshly through his window. He sat up and groaned.
"Have a nice night, sir?"
Bruce stiffened and looked to his side to see Alfred looking quizzically at him.
"Alfred!" He cried.
Bruce stood up to hug his butler, but Alfred backed away. "Ah, the hospital told me I should still be in bed, so I wouldn't if I were you."
"So…" Bruce's eyes trailed down to a bandaged spot on Alfred's lower stomach. "That really did happen then?"
"Yes sir. The Joker had decided that he wouldn't kill me so I was able to hang on with just a small wound. Oh and…" Alfred nodded to Bruce's other pillow.
"Hm?" Bruce looked over his shoulder and saw a Joker Card resting lightly on top of it. He picked it up and looked at it thoughtfully.
Batman and Joker were written in green with a purple heart surrounding the phrase.
Bruce turned the card over and felt his stomach drop.
Forever.
Inside, Batman laughed and still remembered the cinnamon the Joker filled him with.
Sharp and strong.
He wouldn't have it any other way.