Not my show
ಠ_ಠ
Dying sucks.
There's no possible way to avoid it, no, but it still sucks. It was quick when it happened to me.
Well, kind of.
Okay, it wasn't quick, but it still happened a lot faster than it could have. It was late, but I don't know the exact time. I just know it was night. I had woken up to a smoke-filled room and burning walls. I had no idea how long the house had been on fire, but I knew I should get out.
I stood, trying to get to my window but my path was blocked when part of the ceiling fell in. I frowned and moved towards the door, but the same thing happened. "Oh, come ON!" I yelled out. The universe just had to be fucking with me. I could feel the flames around my body, and how my skin blistered along with it. The room glowed, and waves of heat floated around me. I couldn't breathe, my throat scratchy and my eyes stinging. I knew that if I were to get out now that I would be horribly injured, which didn't quite appeal to me. I had no one else living with me, so I had no help. That was okay, I would find a way out.
Hopefully.
You're wondering why I was so calm in the given situation, aren't you? Honestly, I don't know. My theory is shock. Pure shock that was keeping me from assessing the severity of the situation. Which, it did help quite a bit. Up until the rest of the ceiling caved in on me, killing me instantly with its impact. It was painful, but it was quick. I was happy about that.
After that it was just..dark. Dark was everywhere and I wasn't particularly happy about that. "Where the hell am I..?" I pondered out loud, knowing I wasn't going to get a response.
I didn't think I would, at least.
"You are nowhere, and you are everywhere." A booming voice called out to me. I frowned. "Cut the bullshit, buddy. Either you tell me where I am or you find a place for me to be right now." I growled out. At this moment, I didn't care if I was speaking to God or the fucking garbage man. I was just pissed. I heard a sigh and I was engulfed in a painful bright light.
I screamed and screamed, this felt worse than when I died! It felt like..like..a thousand babies were biting me and pulling on every single fucking hair on my body all at once. It felt like tabasco sauce was forcefully poured down my throat and into my eyes while Satan was dancing over my body with his feet of fire, simultaneously singing every bad pop song ever to be sung.
Translation: It felt bad.
Then, just like that, it was over.
When I opened my eyes next, I was looking a ceiling. This wasn't my ceiling , which confused me because it also wasn't a hospital ceiling. So, the question is, where the hell am I?
I sat up, and instantly regretted the decision. The room I was in started to spin and my head throbbed. I let out a groan and lied back down on the comfortable bed, hiding my face from any light. Memories hit me in waves, but they weren't my own. I felt nauseous and unbalanced, but pushed it away as I sat up again. The curiosity was just too strong for me, I had to see where I was no matter how shitty I felt.
When I looked around, I nearly lost my shit. Everything is either pink or yellow or white. Yellow walls, pink bed, pink rug, white furniture. This most certainly was not any place I had ever been, and I was curious as to where I was. When I looked down at myself, I could see that I was wearing a long yellow nightgown-like thing. That wasn't the only thing I could see, either. Walking over to the mirror to ease my suspicions, I stop and my face grows pale.
"wHAT THE FUCK?!?" I screech. I stare at myself and pull at my hair, poke my face, pinch my skin. Anything to show me that this is not real.
My hair. My eyes. My face. Me. I was someone completely different from yesterday, and I had no idea how. My hair was long and pink, my eyes a sparkling emerald green. I stood there, gaping, a sort of strangled gurgling coming from my throat. I was..no! No, that wasn't possible!
...Was it?
"Oh, calm down drama queen. It most certainly is possible, or else you wouldn't be here."
I blinked at the voice and looked around, searching for someone else in the room. I was alone.
"You know you won't find me out there. I'm in here!" The voice quipped, annoyance clear in their tone.
"In where?" I asked dumbly. I heard a sigh before they spoke again. "In your head, dumbass. Where else could I be?" They laughed.
"Welp. I guess I always knew I was crazy." I stated, firmly accepting the fact.
The voice sighed before speaking again, this time a bit more calm. "You're not crazy, you dimwit. I'm your Inner."
"Well, if you're my Inner, care to explain what's happening?" I inquired. I could practically feel them rolling their eyes. "How am I supposed to know? I know about as much as you do. Now, get dressed. You're gonna be late." Inner told me.
'Late? Late for what?' I thought. It was probably better than talking to myself out loud. Saku-er, my parents, might think me to be a crazy person. "The Academy!" Inner practically shouted I'm my mind, making me wince.
I nodded, searching through her closet. It was better to occupy my mind with something else at the moment, lest I go even more insane.
I chuckled when I opened her closet. It was all red or pink, save the one kimono she owned. I never really realized how many dresses Sakura owned in the show, but it was a lot. I'm gonna have to go clothes shopping later, if he-my parents will give me any money. Unless I have some of my own..?
"You do. You get an allowance and have been saving up. Check your wallet hidden under your mattress." Inner admitted, and I thanked them for the tip. After school today I would go and buy some new clothes. Deciding to wear what canon Sakura usually wore, I tied my headband around my right arm. Quickly, I put my hair into a ponytail and brushed my teeth. Ignoring breakfast like I usually did, I ran out the door and straight for the academy yelling bye to..my..parents as I left. As I rushed down the streets of a busy Konoha, a voice called out to me and stopped me in my tracks.
"Why such a hurry, billboard brow?" Ino called from behind me.
So, I guess we were starting at Episode 3 then? Wasn't really much of a surprise, though, as that was the first time she was really mentioned in the show. I turned back to her and raised my eyebrow.
"I'm going to the Academy, and being late is not a priority of mine." I explained to the cocky looking blonde.
I never really liked Ino as a character, but I also hated how they threw away their friendship over a boy (as did many others in the fandom). It was pointless.
She smirked and walked up to me, giving me a look that simply stated 'I'm better than you.' I scoffed.
"Don't think about sitting with Sasuke today, billboard brow. He's mine." She said. I shrugged.
"Okay. I wasn't going to sit with him anyway, Ino." I assured casually.
This shocked her, and I could tell.
"What do you mean?" She growled. I frowned.
Shouldn't she be happy that I'm giving up on Sasuke?
"Exactly what I said. You can have him. I'm not one for romance anymore, anyways." I sighed, becoming rather bored with the redundancy of the conversation.
The girl stood there, probably completely confused by the looks of it, and I continued on my merry way to the Academy.
It was only in the hallway leading to the classroom that she caught up to me. "You mean it?" She asked. She seemed genuinely perplexed about this, and I had no clue why.
It was quite amusing, if I'm being honest.
I nodded and walked in, taking a seat in the desk in front of Sasuke and trying my best to block out the fangirl squeals and fighting. My back stiffened as the guy next to me moved and I heard the silence follow. Turning to stare at the two boys who's lips were locked together, I burst into laughter. "I-I a-a-always knew y-you were g-gay Sasuke-kun!" I wheezed out.
Still laughing, I jumped up as soon as I saw the angry expressions on the girls faces and blocked Naruto from them. I was not gonna let them hurt that little angel of a boy, not one chance. I mean, geez, hasn't he been through enough already?
"Don't you dare lay a finger on his little head!" I hissed. The girls looked shocked, even Ino (although she knew I had given up Sasuke beforehand. I guess she just didn't believe me.)
"Move outta the way, Sakura. He deserves it." A nameless girl growled. I laughed at that statement.
"As if. The only thing he needs is some bleach, cause I'm certain that kissing Broody McBrooderson over there couldn't have been pleasant." I observed, still laughing a bit. This made the group of girls considerably angrier and they started coming towards me and Naruto.
"Naruto, do me a favor and hide behind Mr.Emo while I take care of these girls, okay?" I called back to him.
"B-but Sakura..!" He stammered and I shushed him.
"Go, my little fox." I said sweetly, an underlying hint of venom in my words. He stiffened but did as told. Sasuke gave some protests but Naruto threatened to hand him over to the fangirls if he didn't let him hide and he (finally) obliged.
Smirking, I turned back to the angry hoard of girls. "Bring it on, bitches. I'll go all Chuck Norris on yo' ass!" I hooted before letting out a battle cry and charging.
Punches and kicks were thrown my way, and quite a few times I could feel the sharp sting of hair being pulled, but I powered through and never once did I stop shouting about Chuck Norris. Eventually, the girls dispersed with cuts and bruises (save Ino because she had given up the fight and found her seat) and quite a few confused looks (I heard many murmur about who Chuck Norris was) and, finally, I sat back down, content in my seat. I knew that I probably looked less than attractive at the moment, but that didn't bother me. Sighing, I fixed my hair again while my mind was buzzing with thoughts. The first (and most common) was how the hell did I get here? I was in a world that not only shouldn't exist, but I wasn't even in my own body! I mean, yeah I was happy as hell to be here. No more student loans for me! And it's not like I had to worry about missing my family considering I hadn't seen them since I moved out five years ago.
But still, how was I here? I'll admit I was a huge, emphasis on huge here guys, narutard back home so I knew basically everything there is to know about this place but..
"Quit thinking about it so much. You're annoying me." Inner spoke.
'Oh, well sorrrry that I'm trying to make sense of what ever the fucks happening to me!' I snarled back.
"It's called puberty, my dear child. No need to get testy about it."
I rolled my eyes. 'Good one, Mr.SmartyPants.' I thought back, unable to come up with a good comeback. Inner laughed at me for that one.
"I'm a girl by the way." Inner confirmed, and I sighed. She was really getting on my nerves. Thankfully, I was pulled out of my thoughts by a tap on my shoulder. I turned to look at the person and smiled.
Instantly my mood picked up because I was staring straight at the Uzumaki Naruto. I was hard enough trying not to tackle him, he just looked so nervous and cute! "Um, eheh, c-can I sit here Sakura-kun?" He asked nervously and I just couldn't stop myself from smiling like a complete idiot. He was just so adorable!
"Of course, Naruto-kun! And drop the honorific, it's just Sakura. We're friends, right?" I asked and he blinked for a moment before a happy grin came onto his face.
"Y-yeah, Sakura-ku..Sakura! We're friends!" He chirped and I internally squealed. Gladly, he took his seat and I smiled at him before turning back towards the front of the classroom and watched as Iruka-Sensei started talking. I tuned out his words because I already knew what was happening and instead decided to examine the room a bit more. All of their gazes (save mine and maybe Shikamaru) were attached to Iruka as he talked and talked and talked..
It felt like forever until he started naming teams. "Squad Seven will be..Naruto Uzumaki. Sakura Haruno," both of us high-fived eachother at this development, "And Sasuke Uchiha." I slammed my head on the desk and Naruto groaned.
"Why me.." I muttered, even though I had already known the outcome of today regardless. It was still a depressing moment. I mean, I loved him as a character and all, but his mood was just so damn depressing. I don't know if I can handle that much emo in one place or not.
Turning around, I shot Ino and apologetic smile and mouthed 'help me.' She laughed and shook her head, mouthing back 'No, help me!' I smiled and turned back around, waiting for this to be over so I can get to lunch. Finally, it is, and I quickly make my way out of the Academy so I can do some much-needed clothes shopping.
I stopped, however, when a familiar blonde started calling my name. Smiling, I turned to face him. "What is it, Naruto-kun?" I questioned.
"Aw, drop the 'kun' stuff. We're friends right?" He hummed happily. I nodded. "Alright Naruto, what is it?" I asked.
"Well, um, why did ya call me 'your little fox' earlier?" He implored nervously.
Oh.
Oh.
He was afraid that I knew. I had to play it off like I didn't, because I knew he wouldn't want me to know. "Oh, it's just the whiskers. And plus you're adorable, and foxes are adorable, so therefore you're my little fox. Is that all?"
"O-oh! Okay! I was also wondering if, since we're teammates now, we could eat lunch together?" He proposed. I smiled at him, he really was the sweetest.
"I'm sorry, Naruto, but I have something to do this lunch period. How about we go out for ramen after we meet our Sensei?" I offer, and he instantly becomes a big ball of energy.
"Really? You mean it?" He asks excitedly and I laugh and nod.
"Of course! Now, I'll be off Naruto! See you after lunch!" I say and wave to him as I leave, and he waves back.
I had to turn him down if he was going to do the Sasuke-transformation bit. It was crucial. I also wanted to see him as Sasuke acting all dumb, too.
ಠ_ಠ
Thankfully, it had only taken me about thirty minutes to get some clothes. I had gotten a pair of long army green shinobi pants (you know, the baggy kind that Zabuza wears when they meet on the bridge, except they nearly reach my ankles) a black t-shirt, a black jacket that will probably stay tied around my waist, and some new shoes. Also black. I had gotten quite a few of these items, but it was amazing how many weird looks I got from women because of me shopping in the mens department. I guess they aren't used to girls not buying girl clothes or something? I dunno.
I nearly choked on my food when I heard a familiar voice. "Sakura, your forehead is so wide and charming. It makes me...feel like kissing it." He cooed.
I snorted and looked up at the Uchiha imposter. "Nah, that's something Naruto would say." He claimed, probably trying his best to act indifferent and cool.
"Oh, really?" I said, trying so so hard to repress my giggles. 'Honestly, I think his impression is perfect.' I thought.
Inner snorted. "Poor kid, at least he thinks your laughing at the Uchiha brat and not him."
And, at this point it was hopeless, but I tried! I really did! I couldn't hold it anymore, and I burst out laughing. "L-look, I k-k-know you're w-want t-to ask me s-something, s-so shoot." I wheezed out in between laughs. Imposter Sasuke looked shocked at my outburst but continued anyway.
"What do you think about Naruto?" He queried while sitting down on the bench beside of me.
"W-well," I started, still giggling a bit. "He's sweet, and really determined. Honestly any girl would be lucky to have him, but I'm not one for romance anymore. He's an interesting kid, I'm excited to see what our team will be like with him on it." I said. "R-really?" He asked and I nodded. Then, abruptly, he grabbed his stomach and ran off. I giggled.
ಠ_ಠ
"He's late." Naruto grumbled, probably wanting to get this over-with so he could get some ramen. I sat there, admiring my new shoes, until I heard the familiar sound of Naruto doing his famous eraser gag. "You know, that would be way better with glitter." I commented, not looking up.
Both Naruto and Sasuke turned to stare at me, the little fox-boy already getting down from his chair. "If I had some I'd totally use it." Naruto stated with a goofy grin on his face.
"That'll never work, Naruto. He's a Jōnin, and elite ninja, he's not gonna fall for a cheap trick like that." Sasuke said snootily (how else was I supposed to describe it?).
I snorted. "Wanna bet, broody-boy?" I wagered. He turned his head and let out a trademark 'Hn'. Then, suddenly, the door opened and everyone was silent.
"AHAHA, oh my Jashin you fell for it!" I crowed, clutching my stomach from laughter along with Naruto. Kakashi slowly picked up the eraser and stared at it. "Hmm, how can I put this? My first impression of you, is that you're all idiots." He droned in that tired tone of his.
"Aw, c'mon Sensei, you know we love you." I said with a flirtatious wink. He chose to ignore that, and instead took us to the top of the building.
I couldn't wait for them to hear my introduction.
Ehehehhehehe, this is my first ever humor-based story and it sucks. If someone would like to edit this or add any humor, I'll gladly give credit. Other than that, thanks for reading folks!