Hey folks this is nothing more then a preview of a story i want to work on after the one i am currently working on. there will be nothing added to this story for a while. i also want to gauge the reaction i get to this. so if this is something you would like to see me pick up after what i am working on no please let me know. so R&R thanks

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with the Victorious universe i ain't got no money to be sued anyway. i own this plot and story and i'm just doing it for the hell of it.

Looking To The Future

Prologue

My name is Jade West, I am eighteen years old and I attend Hollywood Arts. I want to be an actress or a director. I have to tell myself that everyday, everyday so I don't slip back to where I was before Beck came into my life. Then I lost him, I lost him over our constant fighting. I lost the only thing that was holding me together, keeping me from falling back to that dark place. That dark place of my mind where I hide everything that happened to me. I have a bad past one of pain and hurt, well let's face who doesn't have a bad past. I look down at my hands and a few of the pink scars across both of my wrist. I found that cutting myself seemed to make the pain go away…for only some time.

I look away from my wrist and up to the sky as rain kept pouring down over me. I close my eyes as I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I lower my chin onto my knees and look as a lighting bolt streaks across the sky. I have been dealing with the pain of loosing Beck. Granted some have been trying to help like Andre, and Tori.

Vega, that girl has always been a pain in my ass now more then ever because she is trying to help. If I had wanted that twit's help I'd ask for it. I glance to my right to see my room is still lit up and empty. I crawl back inside and walk into my bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I reach forward and tapped back behind the mirror is a razor blade. I keep it hidden there so no one knows I have it, or that I am cutting. There is one nice thing about my house. My dad is always gone for business I don't see him very much, so he doesn't know about anything.

I look at the razor blade as I take it in my right hand and bring it close to my arm. I bite my lip as I drag it across my forearm. I inhale sharply as I feel the pain that I makes all of the other pain go away. I look as my blood rolls off the side of my arm and drips onto my sink. I put the blade down and watched as my blood leaves a trail down to the drain. I close my eyes and I can feel everything leaving me in this moment.

My mind starts to wonder as I stop my bleeding. I think of Tori, I think of her beautiful eyes, her tender skin. No…I need to stop, I'm not like that, I'm not into women, well at least I think I'm not. It doesn't matter right now I cut a little deep this time. I look down at the cut as a few more drops of blood roll out of the cut. I place a piece of toilet paper over the cut and lift my arm up. I turn to my shower and strip down out of my clothes. I turn on the water and watch as the hot water comes out of the showerhead. I look at my tattoo and gently trace my finger over it and look at it closely.

I had gotten that tattoo as a way to channel my pain, in a way it was my first cut. I have been cutting since I was fourteen, a weak after my parents split. Once they split my life just went from bad to worse. All kinds of things happened to me, and they have a way of sneaking back into my mind. I step under the shower head and let the hot water rush over me. I reach out onto the back of the toilet and grab my CD player remote. I point it at the CD player and listen as the music starts. I listen a Nine Inch Nails starts playing out of the speakers. It's my favorite song The Day The Whole World Went Away and I close my eyes as the beat of the music begins to lace its way through my body. I close my eyes and sway with the music.

I let my mind wonder and when it does it takes my to her face, Tori's. She even manages to invade my thoughts. I open my eyes and look at my arm to see the bleeding has stopped. Slowly my mind continues on its course back to Vega. Damn my mind, it's really pissing me right the fuck off. Why the fuck is this happening to me? I start to think about Tori again, the feel of her skin. Her silky hair and the way I've laced my fingers through it before. "Goddamn it Jade stop" I scold myself as I climb out of the shower.

I stop for a few seconds and grab a cigarette out of a pack and light it. Theses also seem to be helping, including drinking. I've been doing them both since I was fourteen as well. My dad was to busy to notice me doing anything which made it easy for me. I start to dry myself off and walk out of the bathroom drying with the cigarette hanging from my mouth. I look up to see Vega standing there looking at me. We make eye contact and I seemed to be frozen in shock as I look at her. Then I come back to my senses and realize that I'm standing there naked. I quickly turn back to my bathroom and slam the door, I can feel myself blushing.

"Jade" I can hear her calling after me.

"Fuck Vega, haven't you heard of knocking" I snarl back at her through the door.

"I'm sorry…" I hear her start as my bed groans telling me she was sitting on it. "I tried calling you, texting you, and I knocked on your door. I was worried about you."

She is worried about me I mouth to myself, why would se be worried about me. "Why were you worried about me" I ask turning back to the door.

"Well, I wanted to talk" She said in a somewhat timid tone.

"Does it have anything to do with me and Beck splitting?" I ask as I wrap my towel around myself. I sit there listening to nothing as she moves around on my bed. I can tell that she had gotten uneasy. I look at my arm where I had cut myself to see it wasn't bleeding anymore. "Vega?" I call back to my room after not getting an answer.

"It has nothing to do with him" She replies to me.

"Then what does it have to do with? Oh and hand me my shirt and shorts on the bed" I say sticking my hand out the door. I hear the bead groan again as she gets off of it and then I feel the clothes get set in my hand. For a brief moment her hand brushes against mine. I heel my face flush then I realize something around her I feel peaceful and happy. Something that hasn't happened for a while, it almost seems like around her my past just disappears.

"Us" I finally hear her squeak out as she sits back on the bed.

I put my shirt on and then my shorts. I take my final hit of my cigarette and then crush it into my ashtray. I look at my hand as I reach to the doorknob and I feel my pulse rise. Slowly I open the door and look at her as she sits on the bed looking at me. She's wearing her pink t-shirt that shows off her cleavage. She wore a pair of jean shorts that hug her thighs tightly. I look at her and I see her look at me at that moment she flushes. Why is she blushing? "What about us?" I ask her.

"Well, I have been worried about you, you've been on my mind lately" she says looking at me.

"Worried 'bout me, so what I can handle myself" I say putting my hands on my hips.

She lowers her head before getting off of the bed and she comes over to me. She reaches her hands out and places them on my shoulders. I feel my skin tingle as her hands come to a rest on shoulders. Her thumb comes up and brushes my cheek gently and I can feel my face grow warmer. Slowly she leans forward as her right hand comes up and wraps my neck. Slowly I feel it, her lips on mine. My eyes open wide in shock before it hits me, Tori Vega is kissing me. TORI VEGA IS KISSING ME! I pull away from her still in shock about what the fuck just happened. I see her looking at he with a timid look on her face. "You need to leave now" I say looking at her.

"But…" she starts.

"NOW, GET THE FUCK OUT" I scream at her cutting her off before she can say anything else.

She recoils at my sudden outburst and I see in her eyes hurting and pain. She turns and walks to the door but stops just before her hand falls on the doorknob. She breathes out a ragged sigh as she slowly looks back to me. "I'm sorry Jade, but I've fallen in love with you" she says before she opens the door and walks out.

I stand there listening to the sound of her feet descending the steps. I stand there staring at the door letting what she had just said to me sink in. Tori is in love with me? Without thinking I take off through the still open door and down my steps. I'm moving through the darkened house until I open the front door. I run outside into the pouring rain and look around to see Vega is gone. She's gone, although I'll see her at school on Monday but that feels like for ever. I fall to my knees and I let a lone tear slip from my eye. I look up to the sky as a lighting bolt lights up the area and I feel my heart sink again. I feel myself starting to sink back into that hole that I felt myself climbing out of with that kiss. I get up and walk back into my house. As soon as I am through the door I close it and then slide back against it.

My name is Jade West, I am eighteen years old and I attend Hollywood arts. I want to be an actress or a director. And I am in love with Tori Vega.