AN: So, in order of date published, I guess this could be seen as a sequel to Yukari's Lament, but this can be read separately. They just happen at the same time.
Enjoy!
12/10
Minato wondered, sometimes.
Your fault your fault your fault…
He wondered what it'd be like…
It's all your fault. You had that thing inside of you for years!
To never have existed. To not have been there the day of the explosion.
Yourfaultyourfaultyourfaultyourfault
The day the Dark Hour first appeared.
Flashbacks of his mother smiling as she died. They echoed through his skull. Her whispered words harsh against the deafening silence of his room. Her expression as she pushed him from the wreckage. It all compounded on him as the memory ended on the car exploding. Her life ending right before him in a cloud of smoke and exhaust fumes.
It's all your fault.
It might as well be.
Every school he went to after that; every relative that took him in: someone always died. The first time, it was a kid his age. Minato didn't remember his name, but he always remembered uncharacteristic blue eyes and dark skin. All he could clearly make out was the creature reaching up out of the shadows to snatch the boy and rip him to shreds. It was only after he was moved to a distant relative when family members begun to disappear.
Yourfaultyourfaultyourfaultyourfault
It seemed as though everyone he met, spoke to, looked at all met the same fate. In front of him they'd meet their end, and he didn't have to lift a finger.
No.
He'd be rooted to the spot. Despair would wash over him, and he'd thing 'not again…'
It was what he felt now as he held on to a vial filled with syrupy liquid.
Distilled Baclofen
He read the label. It brought him a sense of relief just holding it, but he knew from experience that drinking it would feel even better. His heart pounded, and he saw his fingers shake as he pried off the lid. His cheek still stung from when Junpei had punched him earlier. The pain only served to remind him of his sins.
YourfaultyourfaultyourfaultYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULT!
The whispers grew to full-blown yelling. The grainy voices created a harsh symphony within the recesses of his head.
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU DID THIS.
Minato's eye rolled up into his head from the pressure building within his chest. It hurt to think. It hurt to even breathe. Battling the voices was a lost cause. The only way to stop them was to drink it.
YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY? EVEN NOW?
Minato doesn't remember where the new voices were coming from. At first they were a quasi-Junpei, but now they held a feminine undertone.
YOU'RE WEAK. PATHETIC. USELESS. ALL YOU EVER DID WAS RUN. YOU COULDN'T FIGHT TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, SO YOU LET THEM DIE FOR YOU.
No… No that wasn't true. It couldn't be—
Oh. Don't bother telling yourself otherwise. You know exactly what killed them. Those shadows? You just stood there and watched them get eaten alive.
Minato reached up with one hand to pull his hair. The pain helped him to ignore some of what the voice was grating into his mind, but it didn't block out everything.
It's funny, you know?
"Wh-what is?" The pain stabbed at his brain now. The shaking in his limbs worsened, and Minato was worried he'd drop the medicine. He was just about to take it when the voice replied.
Everyone's expecting you to save them. But you couldn't even save yourself…
Minato's world stopped.
He felt numb. Everything felt numb without taking even a sip from the vial.
The voices… they were right. They were always right. It was his fault everyone was going to die. There was no denying it. Come spring, and everything on this Earth would be gone. Everything.
And everyone…
The voice then urged him to lift his arm holding the vial. He complied. His face was devoid of emotion, save for a single broken flash across his eyes. He swallowed the contents of the vial in one gulp. He stood there, watching the open window as it let in icy wind and falling snow. His vision began to fade, and by the time he blinked, he realised he was staring at his bed's frame. He could barely feel his fingers, and his head felt stuffy and awkward, as though his consciousness was detached from his body. He couldn't feel the sting from Junpei's punch anymore. That was one relief…
He lay there, relaxed. He couldn't move anymore even if he tried. It was an effect of the drug, coupled with drowsiness, dizziness, weakness, tiredness, and headaches. It was strange though, since Minato's headache seemed to alleviate after taking the muscle relaxant. In his fogged state of mind, he wondered what would've happened if he'd overdosed, since he'd never fallen so fast all the other times he'd drunken the liquid paralysis.
Minato was numbly aware of the chill within the room, and he could almost feel his body shivering, but as he lay there dead to the world, he could honestly say (if he were able) that he couldn't care less.
It was only when his body was forcibly shifted that a sense of panic caught in his gut.
He could barely hold his head up. It lolled, and there was something soft wiping against his chin. All Minato could make out from squinted eyes was a looming figure above him. Fear begun to churn within him.
Awe. What's the matter? Afraid of being eaten too? I'm sure this is how they felt every time you abandoned them.
Minato struggled to suck in air. His lungs quivered within him, burning from lack of oxygen, and he nearly passed out from the fear when the shadow above him placed an appendage against his cheek. It was… soft… familiar… The appendage stroked under his face tenderly in a soothing gesture. The meagre warmth it provided was enough to calm him into a state of absentmindedness. Even though he could feel his body being moved, his mind floated in a dreamlike manner. The warmth from the touch seemed to ground him and lull him to sleep all in one go. Or, at least it did, until it left.
Suddenly, Minato's entire body began to tremble anew. It felt like a thousand needles were being stabbed into him all at once, sending waves above waves of numbed electric shocks through his system. He heard himself groan his discomfort, but it didn't help make the pain stop. It almost seemed to grow worse. Or, at least it did...
"You really want me to stay…"
Minato felt warm fingers comb through his hair. All at once the pain melted away, leaving a numb husk in its wake. Belatedly, he realised the voice was talking again. He recognised the voice.
Yukari…
See? What did I tell you? It's all your fault. You're so selfish. She's only here out of politeness. She'd never really worry about you. Nobody cares, especially about you.
Heat stung the back of Minato's eyes. They were right. They were always right. Who was he to deny the truth? How could he be so selfish? Yukari probably didn't even want to be near him. She was just acting like she cared. She couldn't really care. Nobody cares. Especially about him…
The warmth disappeared from his face, and his face adorned a confused expression out of reflex. Had he said that out loud? Did Yukari realise what she was doing? Who she was comforting?
You're a monster. You didn't even check to see if everyone was in bed yet, did you? It's all your fault. You inconvenience everyone you meet. Even me—
Warm arms pulled him into an even warmer body. The sudden movement jostled him out of his thoughts, and he unconsciously leaned into his friend's body.
Oh look, now she's in bed with you. I wonder how she's going to explain that in the morning. Do you even care about them? Or was that just a lie—
Fingers begun to stroke his hair again in a light caress. Somehow, Yukari's comfort had brought along peace and quiet. The grating voices disappeared, and Minato felt everything in him give out. He felt salty tears leak out from his already moist eyes, and his shaking seemed to worsen tenfold, but Yukari never left. She didn't leave once, despite the voices constantly telling him she would. She whispered soft nothings into his ears, bringing him close to her and rubbing his back. Minato felt himself truly relax. Here he was, in the arms of a friend. Someone he'd forged an unbreakable bond with. Someone who seemed to understand parts of him he himself didn't fully get.
Encased in Yukari's warm embrace, Minato finally let himself drift off to sleep.
Worrying about the future could be left for another day. Just not right now…