[A/N: Okay, maybe two or three people were waiting for this to come out, and I have a reason why it took so long to put together!

I have been playing Kirby Mass Attack. That is the short answer. The long answer is...

...I have been playing Kirby Mass Attack.

...

OH LOOK! BRITISH ENGLISH!]

Introduction

Hello. My name is Kristopher Krusha Rool, Prince of the Kremling Empire. I have a story to write down for when the history books need to know these things, and I'm taking care of these subjects now while they're fresh in my mind. I swear to Kremen that this story is entirely true. The beginning is as good a place to start as any, so let's get started!

Many years ago, my uncle Kevin Reep was in a seat of princely power himself. My mom, his younger sister Karen, didn't exactly appreciate having no chance for the throne whatsoever, and I can't say I blame her. So she was, according to Uncle Kevin, a bit of a delinquent that eventually crossed the line by eloping with a deadbeat psychopath named Kletus Rool. Grandma and Grandpa disowned her, but she was let back into the royal family when they died and Uncle Kevin married and became King K. Reep V. For some reason, he let Kletus move in with them along with the egg Mom had recently laid – that was me. I hatched soon afterward, and Uncle Kevin's wife Karol laid an egg after I hatched.

Unfortunately for me, my parents decided way too late that they didn't actually want to have a kid, so parenting was unofficially my aunt and uncle's job. They weren't bad parents in any sense of the word, but they tried a bit too hard for me. They still do, actually, even after twelve years, although it's negated by the fact that they have my three little cousins to take care of now, too. But I need my freedom and they didn't give me enough of it.

So I got what I considered actual – albeit begrudging – parenting from my parents anyway. Mom tended to angrily stick up for me whenever I was in danger of Kletus, but otherwise, she stayed out of our business. 'Our business,' of course, meaning Kletus' attempts to physically antagonise me and my attempts to either outrun him or outsmart him. I would win some, he would win others, and Mom and Aunt Karol would try to stop it from happening in the first place and almost always fail. When Kletus and I weren't fighting, neither he nor Mom really gave two shits about a damn thing I did as long as I didn't get caught, and that got even more fun when I was introduced to the Raids.

The Raids are a family of noblemen and –women and good friends of Uncle Kevin. When I was about four, their eldest son Kudgel, who is a year older than me, was introduced to me to be my playmate, because I was a child of the royal family and my oldest cousin Karson – who is a few months younger than I am – was still considered too young to be freed from his parents' sight, at least by their standards. Kudgel was always the sarcastic sceptic of the two of us, but he's usually right and somehow has the ability to endure my presence for a seemingly limitless period of time. Not that he doesn't try to keep me in line, of course. He's always had a very dignified air about him that he has always tried to reinforce by insisting that we address him as 'Kamen,' and not by his hippie birth name. Yes, we get on each other's nerves, but Kamen and I are inseparable.

It helps that his family is pretty cool, too. His mom is the one that actually succeeds in getting me to stay in line, but she's a fantastic friend otherwise. His dad is always willing to be a third player when we need one and even taught me some physical techniques to use against Kletus so I wouldn't always have to be on the defensive. Kamen has a little brother, too – Klubba, who doesn't mind his name like Kamen does – who's a year younger than I am and is always fun to tease, maybe even more fun to tease than my oldest cousin! So for a while, between having Kamen and his family for innocent fun, Kletus and Mom for the guilty pleasure of being in conflict, and Uncle Kevin and Aunt Karol for everything else, life seemed pretty good.

Then it turned upside-down after I turned five.

I can't honestly say that I saw it coming, but it happened: Kletus and I were in a fight, as per usual, when he suddenly pulled out a freaking knife on me and slashed my side with it. Mom came to my rescue, much more fiercely than ever, but all Kletus gave as an 'excuse' was that I needed to man up for stuff like that. I agree wholeheartedly, and I said so, but inwardly I realised that there was no damn way I was going to continue sharing a residence with the man that always tries to kill me. Kletus then gave in and demanded I go to bed after I got my side patched up, and when I did, I started formulating a plan. I would wait until I was sure everyone in the castle was asleep to take any action, and when that time came, I escaped out of my bedroom window and bolted.

As I ran, it occurred to me that I had never explored much of the territory at all, and that I had no clue where I was. We Kremlings live on the northeast end of Donkey Kong Island, in Vine Valley and some of the Monkey Mines. Everything south of that is Kong territory.

For as long as anyone on the island can remember, Kongs and Kremlings have been at odds. I know that, years ago, the Kremean War divided the island up for us officially. An uneasy peace treaty was put into effect, and it is regarded as an official agreement of 'You stay out of my way, I stay out of yours.'

Regardless, I was in Kong territory now, not that I realised it at the time, mind. I didn't know my way around the island at all, and didn't expect to find anything out of what I considered the norm, let alone how the Kongs actually lived in Kongo Jungle. It was weird. There were lots of little huts and cabins everywhere, and some of the palm trees had houses built into them. The largest tree house appeared to be in the centre of a ring of houses, and a light was on inside of it. Curious, I climbed up a neighbouring tree that had no house in it and peered into the main tree house's window.

What I saw inside was my first definitive clue to the fact that I was in Kong territory.

Inside was none other than Donkey Kong.

I had heard things about him. I'd heard that he came from a civilisation of hairless primates called 'humans,' frequently abducting one in particular to antagonise another in particular until he got tired of it and travelled to DK Island, taking it over. He then settled down to raise a family clan and claim the island for himself. He was also supposedly a curmudgeon, which earned him the nickname of 'Cranky Kong' in several circles. What most stuck out in my mind at that point, though, was that I had heard he could still tear a little Kremling like I was then to shreds very violently, despite getting on in his years somewhat.

But at the moment, he didn't look in the mood. In fact, he was sitting in bed reading. He looked like the most he would do was throw the book at me if properly antagonised.

I must have been in incredible shock, because the next thing I knew, I almost fell out of my tree: I was leaning forward too much. I yelped, and then froze. Donkey Kong had heard me, looked up, and was staring straight at me.

I really thought I was in for it then, but when Donkey Kong finally turned his expression of blank surprise into one of bewilderment and asked me kid, what're ya doin', I relaxed a little and my brain abandoned all stealth tactics. I honestly couldn't think of anything else to do but tell the truth, so I did. I told him my name is Kris Rool, I'm the king's nephew, and I was running away because my dad was trying to kill me. After a few more seconds, he put the book down and asked me if I could jump through the window, he wanted to talk to me.

For whatever reason, I obeyed. I landed pretty rough, but I was in the tree house at least. I had no idea what to expect, much less what actually happened: He sat me down and talked to me like I was his kid. I don't remember all of what he said to me, but it's probably just as well. I could he tell he talked for a long time by how much brighter the sky was by the time I left the jungle. He kept talking about going back home, how I didn't have the slightest idea of what I was doing, that parents were supposed to love you, and how he was sure mine loved me, deep down inside. I tried to refute him on that point, as you can probably expect, but he didn't want to hear it. His words did have an impact on me, though, and when he saw me off, I privately felt that we had somehow become friends just by conversing casually together.

It turns out that we probably talked for too long, because the next morning came and Kletus was pissed. To this day, I have no clue how he found out about me trying to run away, but it probably doesn't matter anyway, because I don't think I really want to know. He was chewing me out for being cowardly, indecisive, a general disgrace, all that crap. I tried to pick a fight with him about it – either physical or verbal, I didn't care – but Kletus didn't seem to want to hear it. In fact, my attempt at running away seemed to have struck a nerve with him, and by that very evening he had his bags packed and ready to go, he didn't want to see any of us ever again. And Mom, who never let her husband go anywhere without her, followed.

I can tell you, even though it's great to be shot of uncertain death, nothing ever really prepares you for the day your parents abandon you. After all, they were my parents. They weren't very good at being parents, but they were mine. I tried to look at the bright side of things, but not even Kamen could help me out as much as I would have liked. So I constructed a solution for myself.

I felt better the night after my parents left, so I snuck out again and went back to Kongo Jungle, to Donkey Kong's tree house, to tell him that he was right: My parents must have cared enough about me to get me shot of them, at least. I was a little worried that he wouldn't talk to me again, but to my surprise, he accepted me as fully as he did the night I first met him. He was lost for words at my introduction, though, and took me in to demand an explanation out of me. Once I was finished, he started to talk me out of my problems like I hoped he would do. In fact, he actually took back everything he said about parental love in regards to my parents, and our conversation ended like this:

'Wait a minute….Kid, who're ya livin' with now?'

The question struck me as odd, but I answered honestly.

'My aunt and uncle. I lived with them before, too, with my parents.'

For a few seconds he stared at me, then he asked: 'You mean the king and kween?'

'Yeah.'

And the next thing I knew, I was being ushered out of the door and deposited directly outside Vine Valley. I didn't catch all of what he said next, but it was something about getting back to my guardians before I was missed, and this never happened, let us never speak of this again.

For the record, though, it did happen.

I kept coming back anyway because I still felt friendly with DK. In fact, I kept coming back most nights a week until I was about seven, only for his convenience since he had a kid now. Even then, every heat season, (that is to say, in the Kong calendar, every July), at the Festival of Lights, I always seek him out to converse with him about current events and such. And aside from that, I sometimes visit him during the day for random purposes like borrowing from his personal library when he gets a break from his kid. I know him really well now, and he actually doesn't mind being called 'Cranky,' so I started addressing him as such. I also know from firsthand experience that he mostly spends his time grouching at the other Kongs and grumbling about a 'Jumpman' or something. He also frequently assures me that all the rumours I heard about him are true, and I still value my life too much to question him on that subject.

And on the flipside, I was officially adopted by my aunt and uncle on my sixth birthday, thus becoming their eldest child, heir to the throne, and Karson's eternal rival. My relationship with my oldest cousin/step-brother is not as clearly defined as my relationships with Cranky or Kamen, but we always either verbally trash each other or grudgingly tolerate each other. It probably helps that Karson's better about not being next-in-line than my mom apparently was, but we generally just love to dislike each other.

Aside from that, six was a pretty good year for me. It was the year Kamen and I first met a shrimpy kid named Karver Lumsy. We found him in the skoolyard being picked on by people we hate, came to his rescue, and sorta took him under our collective wing. I swear, Kamen is far more protective and brotherly of Karver – who is three years younger than Kamen, by the way – than he is of his actual brother. Never understood why. It was also the year I met my other best friend, Kamron Rayzee. I found her in the skoolyard, trying and failing to catch an enormous beetle in a jar. I had previously known her in my class by sight but had never talked to her before then. Kamen was off with Karver elsewhere in the skoolyard, so I decided that capturing a giant beetle was a worthy endeavour to assist in without him. I helped her catch it, and after the beetle was trapped in its jar, me and Kamron just started talking about bugs and other typical six-year-old stuff. We really hit it off and have been best friends ever since!

Now that I'm twelve, I have gained a bit of a reputation outside of my immediate circle of friends. Other people usually try to avoid me for being impulsive, weird, and – according to some accounts – demented. I can see where they're coming from, but I don't really mind. I think I have a bit of satisfaction in knowing that, one day, I'm going to rule over them all. Regardless of whether other people think I'm insane or lazy, I take some pride in knowing that I can pretty much do whatever I damn well please and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me in the long run. I even have the royal ring to prove it!

Besides, I just know that my adventures will want to be known someday.

This one starts with me sitting in my bedroom, reading some human literature that Cranky lent me when a somewhat hostile voice then greets me out of my fantasy world.

'Are you going to do anything today, lazy-arse?'

In case you couldn't tell, that would be Kamen.

PLEASE READ THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE! PLEASE!

[A/N: Hell. Yes. You have NO idea.

As people who have actually read through my profile know, DKC is my patron franchise. It really needs more representation in the fanfiction department. I have had this idea since I myself was twelve, getting motivation from watching the cartoon. This materialised in my mind and just clung to my brain like a Metroid. I really wanted to explore the idea of a young K. Rool. This was probably even going to be my magnum opus among all of my fan ideas!

Fortunately, I have matured in the four years since first thinking of this idea, as has the story itself. I started the writing process when I was but a lowly freshman. Between then and now - which was just one year - certain elements have undergone several changes.
Kamen's original last name was going to be "Minotaur," but then I realized that that made absolutely no sense and replaced it with an obscure Metroid reference.
I didn't even think of Kamron until I was fourteen and only started seriously considering having Klubba as a major part of the overall story a year ago.
Some characters are no longer even plot-relevant in any way, but remain because I don't feel like getting rid of them, like Karson's two younger biological siblings Kris briefly mentions near the beginning.
These changes were probably due in large part to the fact that I started lurking on TV Tropes around the time the writing process started.

For example, Kris' backstory was originally way more depressing, making him out to be a mentally and emotionally unstable Draco In Leather Pants that suffered massive emotional trauma, not only from his abusive parents, but also from the current Donkey Kong's birth, feeling that DK Jr. "stole" Cranky from him. Boy am I glad that that's changed! Because in my mind, Kris has evolved into a very strong and vivid character who needs no Freudian Excuse to attempt to justify his actions. My little Kremling Prince didn't grow up to be an asshole because he had "daddy issues!" My little Kremling Prince grew up to be an asshole because his father indirectly taught him that it is perfectly acceptable to be an asshole! And he's the one that's going to be in charge, no matter what, so why should he feel like he needs any justification for his actions? He can do whatever he damn well pleases because he's going to be king!

The overall plots have remained the same, though. And a lot of thought went into everyday life on DK Island. I think I put so much thought into the Kremling way of life that it's practically an original setting, to the point where Kremlings have their own religion in my fanon. (i.e., Kremen, mentioned at the very beginning.)

This piece here is just a bit of exposition/background information that is going to be considered a "Blanket Prologue" for all three parts of the main trilogy I have planned. I will be writing in this continuity outside of the main trilogy, but only after the main trilogy is finished. Even then, Chapter One of Book One won't come out for a while, because I would like to have multiple chapters finished before any of it gets published so that I can update in a timely manner. Besides, to paraphrase Cave Johnson, I'm not releasing this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready. This is what I live for, and Kremen knows I want it to be good!

In the meantime, I think I will type at least one of my Phineas and Ferb oneshots up, maybe write another Banjo-Kazooie oneshot...

...and definitely a Kirby oneshot.

But mark my words! I! Will! Write!

-KK out, peace!

P.S. Holy shit, this A/N is half as long as the actual story. Forgive me.]