Seconds after the two boys finish the final harmony note of 'Baby it's Cold Outside', Blaine knows that this was a huge mistake. He was doing it again, leading Kurt on, making Kurt think that he was interested. But if Blaine is being honest with himself, Blaine knows that his interest in the new boy don't go beyond friendship.
It's not that Blaine doesn't like Kurt, because he does. Kurt is funny, witty, easy to talk to. And he's strong. Stronger than most people. Stronger than Blaine. Stronger than anyone Blaine had ever known. And that makes Blaine admire Kurt. But admiration was as far as the feelings went other than camaraderie.
Blaine knows that Kurt has a crush on him- Kurt isn't that good at masking his feelings. It had gotten to the point that every time Blaine so much as looked at Kurt for too long, the blush would creep up his neck and into his face. And if Blaine is being honest, this reaction wasn't as endearing as it once was. It unnerved him now. Because no matter how hard he tries, he just can't make himself see Kurt in that way.
Blaine knows that he has to take a small share of blame for Kurt's feelings. Blaine was naturally flirtatious, and sometimes too charismatic for his own good. Blaine even flirts with girls sometimes, just for fun. Just to see them get all flustered. He knows the effect he has on people- how just one of his signature smiles can let him get away with just about anything. How else would he, Wes, and David have gotten off without a scratch on their permanent records when one of their pranks got just a tad out of hand? He knows how to manipulate people, and he's very good at it. He doesn't usually use this power to his advantage- just to make people happy and to keep him out of trouble. He didn't mean for Kurt to fall for him. That was never his intention. It just sort of...happened.
Blaine felt bad, he really and truly did. However, it was hard for him to feel bad when he loved spending time with Kurt. Blaine wasn't sure how to hang out with him without crossing that line that should never be crossed between friends. When two guys are gay, sometimes its hard to differentiate between flirting, and just being a good friend. It seemed that Kurt had that problem.
The first time Blaine had laid eyes on Kurt, the first thing that came to his mind was- I've never seen a guy look so...pretty. It wasn't a good or a bad thing, it just was. And as their relationship progressed, Blaine really didn't see himself as anything but a mentor and a friend to Kurt. The guy who showed Kurt that being gay wasn't a crime- that he didn't have to take all this punishment for something that wasn't even wrong in the first place. But eventually he'd noticed the subtle details that let him know that Kurt wanted more than friendship. Blaine wanted that for Kurt, but just not with himself. He really did want to see Kurt happy, but he knew that if Blaine turned him down, that would most likely never happen.
Blaine doesn't know if it's exactly the right thing to do, but despite his knowledge that he does not love Kurt, he asks him out anyway. Blaine wants Kurt to know that "gay" and "happily-ever-after" can go hand in hand. And he fears that the only way to do that is to be Kurt's boyfriend.
So come Valentine's Day, at the dance that Dalton hosted for it and it's sister school, Blaine asked Kurt to dance. And at the end of the night, Blaine kissed him. He ignores the fact that instead of fireworks, all he hears in his mind is "this is wrong. Stop now Blaine. You're only hurting yourself". Blaine decides that at this point, his feelings don't matter. He'd been through what Kurt was going through. And Kurt of all people certainly did not deserve it. So when Kurt asked Blaine what the kiss meant, Blaine responded with "be my boyfriend?"
No one had doubted that Kurt would say yes.
Blaine treated Kurt like a king, just like he deserved. He kissed him on the cheek at his locker, bought him expensive gifts, and even wrote him a song that he played for him on his acoustic guitar that Kurt had bought him for his birthday. Months passed, and things seemed to be going fine. The boys progressed in their relationship as summer came and went.
Blaine knew that it was time for this chapter in his life to end. He was going off to college soon, and he really didn't want to be held back by a boy he didn't even love. Besides, Blaine was attending Stanford, a school thousands of miles away. And Blaine didn't really believe in long distance relationships.
What Blaine didn't expect was for the break up to be so hard. It took him forever to finally spit the words out, and once he did, he couldn't help but regret it. He didn't understand why. Maybe it was the look on Kurt's face. The tears that automatically sprung to his eyes.
"I love you, Kurt. I really do. I just don't think it's going to work out."
"You...you don't want to be with me?"
The words would ring in his head for weeks.
All Blaine can say about college is that it's not Dalton. Not in the least. His room mate is a huge guy that is here on a football scholarship. He doesn't hear the end of the gay jokes. They're not that bad, really. Just kind of annoying. It's nothing like how he was treated in middle school and his early days as a freshman. College is different because Blaine isn't the star anymore. Everyone at this school seems to be exactly like him- with winning smiles, spectacular talents, and even more charisma than him if that's even possible. He's not the lead soloist, which is kind of strange for him at first. He wasn't good at swaying in the background singing ooh's and ah's. It had never been fun for him.
Blaine misses his spotlight. He misses the solos. He missed his family- especially his little sister, Katie. He missed Wes, David, and all the other Warblers. But even more than all of that, he missed Kurt. He hadn't seen him since the day he'd ended things. They'd talked a few times, but it just wasn't the same.
Blaine had dated other people since Kurt, but nothing serious. A few dates, a couple flings, two hookups. Nothing more. He'd made friends fast, as he always did, but he still felt like he was searching for something that Kurt had been able to give him. Security. Safety. And now that he thinks about it...love.
Before he can think, Blaine has dialed Kurt's number and had hit the talk button. He can't honestly bring himself to regret it, either.
"Blaine?" Kurt answers, and he sounds breathless.
"Yeah, hey Kurt. What's going on?"
"Just left a council meeting. Deciding on the songs we're going to sing for sectionals." Kurt had made the council then. Blaine hadn't doubted he would. With that much talent and his natural easy way with people, Blaine didn't expect anything different.
"Decided not to go back to McKinley, huh?"
"Yeah, didn't want to waste Carol and my dad's honeymoon. And I have one more year. And they asked me to be on council. What are you up to?"
"Just studying," Blaine answers, though his books are across the room.
"How's college?" Kurt asks, and he sounds almost bitter.
"Uh...can't say that I'm happy, Kurt," I say, chuckling slightly. I'm dying inside because I miss you.
"Yeah? Why is that?" he asks.
"I'm homesick," I admit. I'm heartsick. I'm Kurtsick. I need you.
"Why did you call, Blaine?" Kurt asks, and his sharp tone takes Blaine off guard.
"I...uh...just wanted to...uh...hear your voice." Yeah, because I love you.
It's silent for a while, and I wonder what's running through his mind.
"I miss you too, Blaine," Kurt whispers, and I smile even though he can't see it.
"I was wrong, you know." I was stupid. Just take me back.
"I know," Kurt sighs, but doesn't say anything else.
"I...I still love you, Kurt" I choke out.
"I love you too, Blaine" he says, but it's so quiet I'm not sure I hear him right. "So what now?"
"I...don't know," I admit, embarrassed because I'm usually the one with the plan.
"Me neither, Blaine. But until you figure it out, I'll be here waiting for you." Then the line goes dead. Blaine drops the phone onto the bed and his head into his hands, his fingers raking through his curly hair.
He'd never expected to fall in love with Kurt. And now that he realized it, it seemed like it was too little too late.
A/N: As we get more and more episodes of Blaine and Kurt, I start to think more and more that it's not going to happen. Honestly, I think on Valentine's Day, Kurt is going to ask Blaine out, and Blaine is going to turn him down. It's not what I want to happen, but it's what I think will happen. Anyhoo, I think we just see too much of Kurt making puppy dog eyes and Blaine, but I wanted to write something that was the other way around!
So review and let me know what you think!