Title: And Your Bird Can Sing
Characters/pairings: Rachel/Quinn
Length: One-shot
A/N: Ayyyy. Thought I'd post some swag. Enjoy.
There are moments like these when she looks in the mirror and feels so empty. And it's not just that simple emptiness like when you're hungry or when you're sad. It's this gut-wrenching feeling that tears at the pit of your stomach until you give in. It's a manifestation of sadness. It's a counterbalance to anything she's ever experienced in life.
Her dads, she thinks, are the first to notice. Probably because she's been dragging herself around the house the past three weeks. Ever since Finn broke up with her (in public, mind you) she has been a shell of herself. And for once in her life, she can't bring herself to care. Sure, she tries to make herself look presentable. But it's not so much for others anymore. She just…she doesn't care anymore. She used to feel like she needed to impress these people. That she needed them to accept her.
She can't bring herself to care about what anyone says to her anymore. Sure, she can hear the insults in the halls. She can feel the cold slushie on her skin. But she doesn't flinch anymore. She doesn't cry. She goes through the motions, day after day, and every time she misses those hazel eyes just out of frame, catching her every move.
She hardly sings anymore. Well, she doesn't in glee, anyway. They all hate her. They talk about her when they think she can't hear them. Their words are cruel, and she usually finds herself crossing her arms across her chest, protecting the very thing that keeps her alive. She's pushed to the back, where she opens her mouth and waits for the notes to come, but they never do. And maybe, she thinks, this is how it's supposed to be.
"Hey." She hears it as she washes the last bit of slushie off her brand new sweater. Her daddy bought it for her for her birthday, and it has a giraffe on the front. She really liked it. But now Quinn Fabray is staring at her in the mirror, and she sees her lips move, and she hears the greeting, but she doesn't care. So she walks out before the blonde can catch her arm.
They're fighting over solos again. Not her, of course. Not anymore. It kinda feels good, though, to just sit and watch as Santana and Mercedes duke it out. She likes not having to tell assure everyone how great she is, because she knows no one would ever tell her that anyway.
Mr. Schue tries to talk to her one day after glee. He speaks softly and tries to figure out what's wrong. "I just don't get it Rachel," he begins, shuffling the music sheets as she refuses to say a word.
That's the problem. No one gets it.
Quinn is waiting at her car when she walks out. She's leaning up against it, her ankles crossed and a smirk set on her face. Rachel falters in her step a bit, but regains her stride.
"Hey Berry," Quinn greets, her blonde locks flying around her face.
Rachel narrows her eyes, but doesn't say anything.
"I think this is the longest you've ever kept your mouth shut." She just keeps on digging. "What's got you so quiet anyway? Is it because of Finn? He's with Santana now, you know." Yes, she knows. But she doesn't care. She doesn't even like Finn anymore. Quinn rises off of the car. "Don't let them think they've won."
She doesn't think she heard that right. "What?"
But she's already walking away. "Nothing."
Santana picks a fight with her. She doesn't understand why the girl hates her so much. So doesn't understand what she's ever done to any of these people. They're slinging words back at each other as the club watches in interest, their eyes moving back and forth like at a tennis match. It's kind of foolish and just full of teenage hormones until Santana spits at her the one thing that truly makes her feel like this girl hates her.
"Yeah, well at least my mother wanted me."
Everything is silent after that. Nobody dares to move. She stands there, her fists clenching and unclenching, her eyes blinking rapidly.
"Hey guys! Okay, so today…" Mr. Schue trails off when he feels the tension thick in the air. "What's going on?" He takes in the two girls standing and facing each other, their stances defensive. Before he can utter another word, Rachel is picking up her backpack and running out the door. Even as the door slams shut, they can hear her crying.
She's tucked in the corner of the bathroom, her knees pulled to her chest. The tears are warm on her cheeks, and she wipes them with the sleeve of her sweater. Her papa bought if for her for Hanukkah. It has a bird on the front, and she thinks it's the greatest sweater she's ever had. But after today, she never wants to wear it again. It will just remind her. Remind her that she's unwanted, unloved by the one person that is biologically designed to love her.
She gasps as she hears the door screech open. She quickly wipes the remaining tears and tries to not look like a pathetic crybaby. When she looks up, hazel eyes are boring into hers. They are so deep and intense, and then she feels that emptiness again, and she can't stop the tears. Her breathing is quick and hard, and when she feels two warm arms wrap around her, she relaxes. They are gentle as they run up and down her back, and over her hair.
"Shhh," she whispers. "It's going to be okay."
Quinn drives her home, her hand positioned on hers the entire ride. She doesn't let go, even when she takes the sharp left turn on Baker Street.
"Santana feels bad, you know," she tells her softly. "I don't I've ever seen her look guilty before."
Rachel nods, not really hearing what she's saying.
When they arrive at her house, Quinn walks with her to the front door and waits patiently as she unlocks it. She walks up the stairs and feels comforted in the fact that Quinn is slowly following her.
Once in her room, she drops onto the bed and sighs deeply. Quinn walks in shortly after and nods her head appraisingly. "Nice room."
She nods back, her face buried in a pillow. She raises her head and once again catches the intense hazel eyes. They're just staring at her, and she feels like they're almost going through her somehow. But she can't look away.
She scoots over on the bed a tiny bit, and she hopes the blonde gets the idea. Fortunately, she does, and Rachel smiles to herself as the cheerleader plops herself down, turning on her side to look at Rachel who is still lying on her stomach.
"It's not true, what Santana said," Quinn tells her, and Rachel turns her head slightly in her direction. "Your mom wanted you, just like I wanted Beth. A mother's love doesn't go away, Rachel."
Rachel just stares at her, her eyes looking everywhere but her own. Quinn reaches out, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.
Once the soft fingertips touch her skin, Rachel pushes forward on her elbows, her lips meeting Quinn's. Quinn stiffens at first, her eyes wide. But soon enough she's leaning forward and closing her eyes tightly.
When it ends, they pull apart panting. Rachel's cheeks are flushed and her eyes slightly glazed over. She's never done something so spontaneous in her life. She just kissed the head cheerleader. She just kissed the head cheerleader.
Quinn has other plans though, and as soon as she catches her breath, she grabs the back of Rachel's head and pulls her in once more.
Ten minutes later they're lying side by side, their shoulders touching. Rachel's head in slightly nuzzled in the hollow space beneath Quinn's cheek. They stare at the ceiling, their breaths slow and steady.
"I've wanted to do that for a while," Quinn admits, her fingers twisting on her lap.
"I-I…I didn't even know I wanted to do that," Rachel replies, her voice still a little shaky. "I think…I think I like you." She tells the blonde, leaning up on her elbows.
Quinn rises up to and looks at the small brunette with caring eyes. "I don't know how you'll every forgive for what I've done to you, Rachel. But, I like you too. And I just feel right when I'm around you. After I gave Beth away, I felt empty. Like there was nothing that could fill this empty space in my heart. God, it hurt," she smiles sadly. "But then when we went back to glee after we got the club back, I saw you babbling about something to Mercedes, and I realized that some things never change. Especially you, and I never paid attention to how strong you really are. And lately, you've just been sad and I didn't know what was wrong. I tried to talk to you but it was like you weren't even there. I wanted to tell you so many times. I could barely articulate the feelings to myself," she looked down at the star-covered comforter. "You're amazing Rachel."
The tears are steady now on Rachel's cheeks as she closes her eyes tightly to release more. From the moment Quinn touched her skin, she knew what that feeling was. She could feel her heart slowly coming back together; she was falling back together. The emptiness was still there, but she could feel it disappearing with every touch of gentle lips to hers. This teenaged girl lying across her bed, this blonde cheerleader who tormented years, has saved her. And she couldn't have wished for anyone else.
She feels Quinn take her chin in her hand and pull it gently towards herself. Rachel opens her eyes and the emptiness is gone.
"I'm going to kiss you again," the blonde whispers, leaning forward the tiniest bit. Rachel does the same until their lips are millimeters apart.
"Okay," she smiles.