A/N: First off, a lot of credit to Gleam here. This fic started way back in February and flipped hands between us a few times, so some parts are largely his writing. This is only going to be a three-shot; I figure I have enough lengthy fics centered on this pairing at this point.

You? Get yerself a date? Hogwash. Ya ain't got the foggiest how to treat a woman.

The accented words hung in Ragna's ears, even ten minutes after their utterance. Words that had sparked Ragna into challenging that claim, displaying for the nth time that he had no ability whatsoever to think ahead. And so now, here he was, looking for the first pretty chick to ask out. He had no idea what to say, no idea what he would do if whoever it was rejected him, and he definitely had no idea what the hell if she actually said yes. Probably stutter like a dumbass until she thought better of it. "God damn you, Jubei."

"Huh?" A girl seated on a nearby bench glanced up at his curse. A book rested in her lap, which only moments before had been her sole focus. Attention grabbed by the name at the end of Ragna's curse, Tsubaki blinked once at the man crossing in front of her. "What did…?"

Recognition struck her. Red coat. Spiked white hair. …No sword, but there was still little doubt to who this man was. She slumped back, dizzied by the reality that she stood mere feet from the Grim Reaper… that she had just spoken to him, even if it was inadvertent. And she was unarmed at the present, off-duty and trying to enjoy a rare break. Goosebumps rose on her arms. She turned back to her book, and quickly said, "No, never mind."

"Huh?" Ragna turned to her and echoed her blink. He looked her over once; no one he knew. But of course not; he didn't know any civilians here, after all. He opened his mouth to dismiss her… and paused to look over her again. Female? Check. Pretty? Check. Unlikely to haul his ass off to the Librarium? Probably check. Might as well get this shit over with.

In the corner of her eye, Tsubaki noticed Ragna looking her over. With a light blush, she turned to glare at him. "Is there something I can help you with?"

When in doubt, do something stupid. "You're hot. Wanna go out?" And then brace for incoming slap.

Tsubaki stared at him for half a second. Her mouth dropped open and a stuttering breath escaped from the sheer incomprehensibility of the request. "Wha… e-excuse me… come again?"

"Shit…um…" Ragna ran his hand through his hair with a grimace. Goddammit, just reject him already! Should he ask her about her hair, or… No, he got it. "I mean, um… where do you like to eat?"

This was really happening. For whatever reason, the Grim Reaper was asking her for a date. Dazed by her horrible luck, it was all Tsubaki could do to offer him the blankest of stares and stutter. "I…um…"

"I got the tab, if you want." Although with what money he was supposed to pay the tab, he had no idea. He plopped down on the bench beside her, knowing full well he had just placed himself within slapping range as soon as she came to her senses. "Uh, what's your name, anyways?"

…She was dreaming. That had to be it. There was no other explanation for the Grim Reaper to appear out of nowhere and ask her out on a…date… Tsubaki gave a shake of her head. If that was the case, then might as well go along with it. "Tsubaki. And I'm not particularly familiar with this place, so I can't properly answer your question." So maybe she wasn't going to be happy with the arrangement, but…

"Cool. Let's go." And without waiting for Tsubaki's response, Ragna hooked her arm with his and started off in a random direction, the expression of boredom and annoyance in equal measure not altering in the least. Okay, if this didn't prompt rejection, he doubted anything would.

Tsubaki made no effort to fight, but just gaped at him, and tucked her book under her free arm. Oh god, she was being dragged along by Ragna the Bloodedge for a romantic interlude. If this were not a dream—scratch that, a nightmare, her life and her dignity would have both been massacred in one fell swoop. "U-um…I think I saw a decent looking place this way…" And why on earth was her mouth still moving? She pondered the virtues of stapling it shut. But then, if this was the direction this nightmare chose to take, why not see where it leads?

"Awesome." Ragna herded her onwards, still wondering when she'd come to her senses and get the hell away from him at top speed. If she didn't, however, if she actually went through with this…

In your face, furball.

Soon enough, Ragna led Tsubaki inside a restaurant by the name of Marleducci's. The entrance was all dark wood and Italian landscape paintings with some kind of dotty art scheme. It looked important, although he really couldn't give a shit. He stepped forward to an older, distinguished gentlemen that stared at him in mild alarm, and said, "Hey, we're gonna eat here, alright? Gimme a table."

The headwaiter frowned at him, eyes glancing to the bone-pale woman whose arm was still linked with Ragna's, and wondered if he should call the NOL. "Do you even have a reservation, young man?"

"Does it look like I do?" Ragna scowled, fist balling. "Tsubaki, you wanna help here?"

"Um…" Tsubaki dug into a pocket and produced a wallet, with an ID card clearly showing. She handed it to the waiter, thus revealing her identity and, more importantly, her status as a Duodecim heir. "Is there any chance you could let us eat here, anyways? My apologies, I know it's a lot to ask for, and I understand if you can't…"

The waiter looked over the card three times to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. The daughter of the Yayoi family, with the Grim Reaper? He could make nothing of it. Nothing sensible, at least. Still, a noblewoman was requesting the right to eat here. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you." As the waiter scrambled away, Tsubaki pocketed her wallet again and looked down. '…Are you… entirely serious about this being a date? I don't… um…"

Ragna gave her a strange look that wheezed the breath out of her body. "Yeah. You're pretty. You haven't stabbed me yet. And Coeson wrote the only biography of Jubei worth a damn, or so the fleabag says. Three for three."

"…What?" Tsubaki gaped at him in utter confusion. After a moment, she looked down at her book and brought its cover into view. She did a double-take when she saw the author's name. Coeson, just like Ragna had said. "Wait, what…?"

Having followed her gaze the whole way, Ragna chuckled and gave her a smirk. "Yep. Intelligent, nice, and pretty. Why wouldn't I be serious about this?"

The bizarre appraisal put Tsubaki on her back foot, scrambling the best she could for a response. Very few paid much mind to her idolization of the Six Heroes, and having someone besides her friends react to her reading material—without mockery, at that—was alien. "I…uh. You know a lot about him…?"

Before Ragna could respond, the waiter returned and beckoned to them. "We do have a free table. Please come this way."

"Awesome." Ragna hooked Tsubaki's arm again and they followed the elderly man along. "And I only know what's on the author's flap. Coeson didn't do much worth a damn besides that."

Tsubaki resisted the urge to bury her face in a palm. "I meant Jubei."

"The fucking cat." As they reached the table, Ragna slumped as deep as he could in his seat. "Yeah, I know him. Congrats to Coeson for being the only writer ever not to edit out the furball's drinking."

As Tsubaki took her own seat across from Ragna—wondering how many of the unwritten laws of etiquette he planned to shatter by the end of the date—she fought with the implication that Ragna knew Jubei personally. She opened her mouth to speak, but thought better of it as the waiter placed down a basket of warm bread, menus and cups of some herbal tea for both of them, before scurrying back to the kitchens. In an effort to mend her shattered nerves, Tsubaki took her cup and gulped down a deep sip. "So that's… accurate, I see. Somewhat startling."

Ragna shrugged as, with a wrinkled nose, he prodded the hot drink with a finger before licking it. Tsubaki died a little inside at the sight. "The Heroes weren't saints, you know. People take away the little bits to better idolize the powerful. To act like people like Jubei, or Valk, were always magnificent and powerful and all that shit. They weren't, and it's stupid to pretend it. Master drinks a lot. He's kinda an ass at times, and his training would kill most people by the end of the month. He's a great foster-parent, though—to about anyone, if Luna not hating him's any indication. And a damn long time ago, he did a something that saved a lot of people. Jubei in a nutshell for you." With another shrug, Ragna took a full, if cautious sip of the drink. And nearly spat it back out.

Tsubaki realized her lips were parted as she stared at the man across the table from her with her lips just slightly open, and found her composure once more. Red seared on her cheeks, and she fidgeted with her hands in her lap, trying to….encapsulate the baffling duality of Ragna. She couldn't decide if she should punch him in the face and run off screaming, or beg on bended knee for stories about a Hero he knew very well, or just….

She coughed, flushing deeper. "That's…enlightening. Thank you."

"Ain't a problem." Ragna glanced around, then turned and poured the still-steaming tea into a potted vine-stand beside their table. He picked up the menu and scowled at it. "The hell language is this? Why do I have to read gibberish to make an order here?"

"These higher-class restaurants tend to have menus written in the native language of their cuisine. No matter how long-forgotten the language largely is. In this case, it's Italian." Tsubaki frowned and sighed. "And I can't read it, either. I'm from closer to what used to be France and Germany, so the restaurants there favored those particular styles, rather than Italian."

"Wonderful. So how are we supposed to order?"

"We ask the waiter what's what. It's about our only option."

"…Gah. What the hell ever." Ragna leaned forward onto his elbows, grumbling to himself. He scowled down at the teacup, wishing he had something decent to drink. God damned plant juice.

With a light scowl of disapproval, Tsubaki idly stirred her tea, awaiting the waiter's return. Why had she gone along with this? Even if this were a dream, it was bound to open into Hell itself any moment now. What Hadean horrors awaited her she could only imagine; she knew nothing of how the Grim Reaper operated, and thus only phantasms of her own vivid construction could lie in store. Hopefully, she would be able to awaken before the worst of the tempest hit. "Why did you ask me out?" She already knew the answer; in what world would a dreamer not be the subject of her own dream?"

"Because Jubei said I'd never get a date. So I just went asked the first chick I saw. Think it worked out pretty decently."

Tsubaki blinked. "I…uh, see." Wait, wait, wait, what sin had she committed that made the Grim Reaper of all people like her? …Dream. This was all a dream, so she shouldn't take everything so seriously. And upon awakening, she would go see a psychology to try and figure out just what the hell was wrong with her. If her subconscious was coming up with garbage like this… "…And are you actually enjoying this?"

Ragna gave a noncommittal grunt and a shrug. "Not really, but that's because I'm thirsty as hell and tea doesn't sit right with me. You? You're fine. No problems with you. And, uh…" He glanced away, trying to recall the Edicts of Not Being an Asshole. "How about you? Enjoying yourself and shit?"

"I…" Ragna's words brought a light blush to Tsubaki's cheek, no matter how much she wanted to despise them. With a grunt, she forced herself to turn her head away, although it only cast the red on her cheek in sharper relief for him. Was that what this mongrel was aiming for? Death by embarrassment? "…I'm doing fine. Although I have to wonder if I can add kidnapping charges to your list of crimes for this."

"Hey. You didn't have to come, you know. Could've just said no and I'd have left you alone." Despite his words, Ragna chuckled. "Hell, I was trying to get rejected there anyways. Didn't expect this to actually work."

"…Well, I don't really know why I accepted, anyways." Of course she did. By now, Tsubaki had to admit she was at least curious where this dream was going. And this caricature of Ragna the Bloodedge was, at this point, intriguing. Rude and vulgar, but with the sense to at least attempt veil it behind forced politeness. Of a sort. "Did you have anything planned for after dinner?"

"Huh?" Ragna pulled back, utterly baffled. "You'd actually be up for that?"

"Against all semblance of common sense, I'd like to see where this goes. So, yes."

"Well, uh…" Ragna glanced aside and rubbed the back of his head. Well, this was getting to be a bit more than he bargained for. He had no idea what to do next; the entire concept of 'dates' was foreign, something never worth even thinking about. Until now, when he found himself trapped in one. But hey, maybe this Tsubaki chick had a better idea of what to do. "Well, honestly, didn't think you'd even come with me, so…uh, no, don't got anything planned. Uh. Sorry?"

"Oh, no, it's fine." Tsubaki offered him a reassuring smile before she could restrain the instinct. Looking down, she tapped her lip in thought. "Hmm… I can't think of anything myself offhand. Maybe we could see what's on the way when you walk me home?"

Ragna blinked. Walk her home? What, did she need someone to guide her or something? In which case, he'd do her absolutely no good. "Uh…is walking the girl home a normal thing with dates?"

"Yes." Tsubaki couldn't restrain a light giggle. "Social etiquette escapes you, doesn't it?"

"Hey, not like I have to deal with that shit often." Still, he nodded. Her suggestion made a fair amount of sense, he supposed. And nothing else came to mind for him, or at least nothing better than that. "Sure. Works for me. Um…"

He scowled and looked away. "Hope I'm not offending you or nothing."

"You're…tolerable, thus far." And indeed, this whole 'date' thing he had blindsided her with out of the blue was proving less loathsome than anticipated. She had to wonder if her imagination had merely eroded the Grim Reaper's sharpest edges; there was no way the real Ragna would be this… She couldn't even describe him. "That's more than I expected from you, to be frank."

With a light laugh, Ragna smirked at her. "Well. Glad I'm exceeding expectations, at least."

"Mm." Tsubaki drained the remainder of her tea. Might as well make the most of this. "…Maybe we could head to the pinnacle of the city? It's, um…" She blushed slightly, averting her gaze. "I hear it's a very nice view up there. Very, um, romantic."

"Eh… doesn't sound exciting." Ragna held in the urge to slap himself for that remark. "But hell, if it's what you wanna do, sure. I'm probably wrong as hell about it anyways."

"Oh! Um… thank you, then." Tsubaki beamed at him, cheeks colored red. "So, we'll head to the pinnacle, take me back, and do whatever we feel like in the interim?"

Ragna offered a thumbs-up and a wry smirk, while watching a waiter approach. "Works for me."

"Good…day." The waiter arrived, nervousness evident by the bead of sweat dripping down his cheek. "I hope you are…enjoying yourselves so far. Could I interest you in some vintage Merlot…?"

"Nah." Ragna slid the utterly illegible menu toward the waiter. "Read that shit, will you?"

Tsubaki sighed. That idiot had a lot to learn about charm.